On the Wings of an Angel
by mygoldeneyedangel
Summary: Sequel to Fearless. AH Bella helped Edward conquer his inner monster. Now that they've graduated from Forks High School, what does the world hold for them? Have they truly conquered all of the monsters?
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.**

**So here is the much asked for sequel to Fearless. I really hope you enjoy it as much as the first one :o) The prologue is super short, but I promise the rest of the chapters will be long. Enjoy!**

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**EPOV

Prologue

I raced down the hall of the dorm, my pounding steps echoing off the linoleum floor with each step I took. This wasn't happening, this couldn't happen. I reached the end of the hall, grabbed the railing by the steps and forced myself to turn. I flew down the stairs, my feet barely making contact with the metal steps. One flight, two flights, three flights and then I hit the ground floor. I pushed open the door and felt the foggy night air hit my face.

They said if I made it there fast enough, I could save her. I pushed my legs harder, faster as I sprinted towards the baseball field. It was difficult to see through the fog that covered the campus like a thick gray blanket, but I knew my way to the baseball field by heart. I forced myself to go faster as I flew through the campus.

My thoughts were only focused on one thing. My rock, my strength, my love. My everything. Not her, my brain screamed.

It reminded me of another flight, through a parking lot. I had made in time then, outrunning the skidding van. I prayed, with everything I had, I would be in time as I tried to outrun the clock.

I flew around a corner and ran through the empty quad. My lungs were starting to burn as I dragged in the cool night air. But I didn't slow down.

Why were they doing this? What right did they have? None, I screamed inside. They had no right. No right to play God with my life.

I rounded another corner and saw the lights of the baseball field come into view. I continued to sprint as I reached the parking lot. No cars filled any of the spaces and I tried to ignore the panic that sight caused. They might not have driven here, they could have parked somewhere else. Anything, a thousand different possibilities.

I reached the front entrance of the field and slammed to a stop. Where? Where was she? I stood still, my chest heaving as my tired lungs tried to draw oxygen down. "Bella," I whispered shakily. I turned in a circle, trying to see through the black, foggy night. Where? They had said the entrance. I thought they meant the front, maybe there was another entrance, somewhere else.

I took off again, racing around the outside of the stadium, knowing it was no use. I had spent hours upon hours on this field. I knew there was no other entrance. I came back to the front and stood staring at the locked gate. "Bella," I panted. "Please, where are you?"

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**A/N Please review and tell me what you think. Thank you!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and the characters.**

**A/N: Wow. I don't even know what to say...except you guys rock. I can't believe my prologue, with all of 500 words got over 25 reviews. That is insane. Thank you so much, you have no idea how much I appreciate it. I really really hope this story meets your expectations.**

**Also, really fast about the prologue because there was some confusion. Yes, I meant it to be confusing on purpose. And you know how SM prologues always refer to a scene from a later chapter? Yeah, just keep that in mind.**

**Enjoy!

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Chapter One

I looked at the framed picture sitting on my dresser as I knotted my tie. I smiled as I looked at the man who looked just like me. Same reddish brown hair, same green eyes. Now, we even had the same happy smile. "I did it," I whispered to the picture. I knew no matter where he was, my biological father was smiling down on me today. Today I took the first step into the rest of my life.

Today, I was going to graduate from high school.

I looked back up at the mirror and examined my reflection. I was wearing a light blue dress shirt with a tie that was striped with black, blue and white. My sister Alice assured me the colors would go with my yellow graduation gown. My fingers went to my unruly hair and I tried, yet again to flatten it down. As usual, the wayward locks continued to do their own thing.

I stepped away from the mirror and letting my stubborn hair have its own way. Then I hurried out of my room. I saw Alice in the hallway, about to descend the stairs.

"Hey big sis," I said to my four foot ten sister. "You are ready?"

She looked up me, her hazel eyes positively glowing. "Oh my gosh," she said, her voice bubbling over with excitement. "So excited." I knew she was, she had talked of nothing else for months now. It had been a difficult year for her, even though she had stared in the school musical, yet again. She had also been voted "Most likely to take the world by storm" by our senior class. But Jasper Hale, her boyfriend of three years had graduated the previous year. He had left Forks, Washington to attend the University of California, Berkeley. It made life around Alice a wee bit difficult until she had gotten her acceptance into the same college. "Jasper's back," she said now. And just like that, all was right in the world. I smiled, happy for her. "He got in this morning and he should be here really soon," she informed me, as if she hadn't already told me about fifty times.

As if on cue, the doorbell rang. Alice's eyes widened as she squealed. Then she flew down the stairs and raced to the door. I followed her at a slower pace, shaking my head. When I got to the bottom of the stairs, I saw her at the door, standing in front of Jasper. She had her hands on his chest and his hands rested on her cheeks. They were just staring at each, taking it in. I hurried in to the kitchen to give them some privacy.

"There he is," Esme, my mother called as I walked into the room. I went to her and dropped a kiss to the top of her head. She leaned over and pulled yet another batch of chocolate chip cookies out of the oven. She had been cooking and baking for three days to get ready for our graduation party. "How's my sweet graduate today?"

"Great. I can't believe it's finally here." I reached down to nab a cookie as she used the spatula to transfer the last batch on to the cooling racks.

"Edward," she swatted at my hand. "That's for later."

"Hi Mom, look who's here!" Alice said as she came into the kitchen. Jasper followed her, a huge, dopey smile plastered on his face. I knew this year had been as hard on him as it had been on Alice.

"Jasper!" Esme said gleefully. She wiped her hands on a rag and went to embrace him. "You're here for the summer now, right?"

He nodded, his eyes sparkling as he looked at Alice.

Just then, I heard the door slam. "Where is everyone!" a loud voice boomed out.

"Emmett!" Both my sister and mother squealed as they raced out of the kitchen. I followed, just as eager to see my brother. My adoptive father had gone to pick up both Emmett and his girlfriend, Rosalie, at the airport. Emmett appeared in the family room and I watched Esme launch herself into his arms. She giggled like a little girl as he swung her in a circle.

This year had been hard for Esme, with her oldest child down in southern California. I knew she missed the big loud oaf more than she ever let on. Emmett placed her on her feet and she looked up at him, her eyes sparkling. Emmett hadn't been home since Christmas break. "You've lost weight," she said with a critical eye. How she could tell the difference on Emmett's massive frame, I don't know. "Didn't they feed you at school?"

"No one cooks like you, Mom," he said. "And coach likes to make us work," he added, his voice taking on a lost little boy tone. I lifted a hand to cover my smile.

"Emmett, don't be so dramatic," Rosalie laughed as she came around behind him. She was also treated to one of Esme's motherly hugs. "Don't worry Esme, he eats plenty at school. And Em, if Coach didn't push you so hard, you wouldn't have led the West Coast Conference in homeruns."

"This is true," Emmett said. He spotted me at that moment and I watched his smile grow even bigger. "There's my little brother." Without warning, I found myself squeezed against his solid chest. "I missed you, bro," he said, gruffly.

"I missed you too Em." I truly did, the place had not been the same without his booming voice. He let me go and then comically sniffed the air. "Do I smell cookies?" He began walking towards the kitchen.

"Emmett!" Esme cried and she raced after him. "Emmett, those are for—well they _were_ for Alice and Edward's graduation party!"

Rosalie, Alice and Jasper laughed and went into the kitchen. I made my way outside to find Carlisle. My father. The man that had enough faith in me to save my life. I found him by his black Mercedes pulling suitcases out of the trunk. "Hi Dad," I said as I went up next to him and grabbed a suitcase.

"Hello Edward," he looked up and grinned at me. "Thanks for coming to rescue me."

"Not a problem. Emmett is busy stealing Mom's cookies." I hefted another suitcase and followed Carlisle into the house. He laughed at my words.

"That sounds about right." But he said the words fondly. "It'll be good to have him home for the summer."

I nodded in agreement. "I missed him too."

Carlisle sighed as we climbed the stairs. "I don't know what your mother and I are going to do next year. What with you at Stanford and Alice at Berkeley and then Emmett back at Pepperdine, we may need to move to California."

We went into Emmett's room and put down our load. I felt a bit guilty, Carlisle was right. We were all leaving them. After all they had given me, I couldn't help but feel a bit bad.

"Stop, Edward right now," Carlisle said. I looked up at him and saw a smile teasing his lips. "I know what you are thinking son and you are so wrong." He came up and put a hand on my shoulder. "I am so proud of you." He shook his head. "That word doesn't even come close to describing it. You have accomplished more in the last year and a half than I would have ever expected. To see you go off and live your dreams, it's all a parent could ask for. So don't you, even for a second feel bad about it. Your mother and I will figure it out."

"Yeah, I know," I said softly, but my lips tipped up. "I'm just going to miss you guys too." That was an understatement. At the beginning of my senior year, Carlisle had brought home hundreds of college applications for me to feel out, for all the best medical schools in the country. When I had gotten the acceptance letter from Harvard, I had been shocked. I never, not in a million years that I would earn that right. Dartmouth and Yale letters quickly followed. When I got my letter from Stanford, I spent a lot of time thinking, weighing my options. Once I had decided, I had gone to Carlisle and explained to him why I was going to turn down some of the most prestigious colleges in the country.

When it came right down to it, I just couldn't imagine being across the country from my family. No fancy name on a piece of paper could force me. Stanford seemed to be the best option. It was still prestigious, ranked within the top ten medical schools. But most importantly, it kept me on the west coast. An hour drive from Alice and Jasper, a five hour drive from Emmett and Rosalie and only a short plane ride from home.

Carlisle squeezed my shoulder one more time. "It'll work out Edward, don't you worry. I'm sure you'll see us so much you'll be begging us to leave."

I laughed as I followed him out of the room. "I highly doubt that."

My foot had just hit the last step when the doorbell rang. I walked forward and pulled the front door open.

And there she stood. My miracle.

Carlisle had saved my life and then Bella had made me whole.

"Hey baby," she said, her chocolate eyes sparkling when she saw me standing in the doorway. "Don't you look handsome?" She reached up and smooth the shoulder of my shirt, played with my collar, straightened my tie. She let her fingers run down my tie and then she tugged on it gently, pulling me down to her level. She brushed my lips with her own, sweet, gentle.

"Happy Graduation Day, my love," I whispered against her damp lips and I felt the shiver that ran through her. I pulled back and she let my tie run through her fingers. I stepped back to I could take her in. She was wearing a black skirt that flowed to just above her knees with a dark blue shirt. The sleeves of the shirt were short and slightly ruffled. On her feet, she wore simple black flats. I knew she worried about tripping as she crossed the stage to get her diploma. Her hair was curled and pulled back from her face with a black headband. "You're beautiful," I said simply and I watched the blush creep up her face. Now she was perfect.

"My dad is getting the stuff out of the car, he'll be here in a second." Now she tells me, great. What if he had walked up while we had been kissing? Not that Chief Swan hadn't seen us kissing throughout the last year and a half, but it was still awkward every time.

I looked over Bella's shoulder and saw her father coming towards us, weighed down by wrapped boxes, a yellow gown and a rectangular plastic container. I hurried to him and freed him of the boxes.

"Thanks Edward," he said as he shifted the remaining items in his arms. "Glad someone could help out." He looked at his daughter and she just laughed.

"No problem, sir," I said. I led the man and his daughter into the house. I put the presents on the dining room table and then we walked into the kitchen. My whole family was in the room, plus Jasper and Rosalie. Emmett was regaling the family with stories from Pepperdine. "Bella!" he broke off in midsentence when he saw us walk through the door.

"Emmett!" she laughed and she ran towards him. He wrapped her in one of his famous bear hugs. "I missed you!" When Emmett released her, she turned to Rosalie and the two girls hugged.

I looked around the room. Carlisle and Esme stood behind the counter, Esme now putting away the cookies she had baked. Apparently some of them had survived Emmett's attack. But I could tell her mind wasn't on the cookies. She looked like a mother hen and all her chicks were back on her roost. Which, I suppose in a way is true. Carlisle stood next to her, his blue eyes lit up as he listened to Emmett speak. He caught me looking at him and he smiled. Alice stood in Jasper's arms, her small frame leaning against his much taller one, looking perfectly content with life. Emmett stood in the center of the group, his arms waving around as he described the last day in the dorms and the chaos that had ensued as everyone tried to pack up their rooms. Rosalie was next to him, ducking every once in awhile to avoid his arms and jumping in to contribute when he missed a detail. Bella stood next to me, her fingers laced through mine, her thumb running gently over my knuckles.

Honestly, I think if my smile got any wider, my lips were going to jump of my face.

If someone had told me two years ago that this would be my life, I would have told them to go jump off a cliff and not bug me with such nonsense. A part of me, probably bigger than anyone in this room would like it to be, completely expected this to be a dream. There were times when my happiness was so intense and complete, that I fully expected to jerk awake and find myself on a twin sized bed in that tiny house in Chicago. Then James would yell out and I would do my best to do whatever it was that he needed, knowing that if I didn't, he'd beat me. And also knowing that if I did, he'd find another reason to beat me.

It felt like so long ago that I was that scared kid, flinching from any hand that came near me. Everything had changed since then. I still couldn't believe that I had gotten so lucky. That someone out there had chosen me to be on the receiving end of this miracle. So much had to happen for me to be standing in the bright kitchen, with a goofy smile on my face. Carlisle, who worked in Forks Washington, had to accept a trade position in Chicago, Illinois, at the hospital closest to my home.

It still blew my mind a little to think about it. If James had killed my mom a few days earlier or a few weeks later, none of this would have happened. A chill ran through me as I thought about where I could be.

Bella must have felt the shiver because she looked up at me, questions in her eyes. I kissed her forehead and squeezed her hand, letting her know that all was good. She nodded and turned back to the conversation.

This room was filled with laughter and conversation. It was comfortable and familiar. It was overflowing with unconditional love. It was where I belonged and I loved it.

"Hey." Slightly startled I looked down at Bella and saw her shaking my hand. When she saw me looking at her, she smiled. "Where'd you go babe? I thought I lost you for a second."

I reached over and tipped her chin up so I could kiss her lips. "I'm right here sweetheart. I was just thinking about how lucky I am."

She smiled and lifted up to her tiptoes so she could return the kiss. "I love you."

Yes, I was definitely the luckiest guy in the world. "I love you too."

"Hey lovebirds over there," Emmett called. "It's nice to see somethings don't change, but we gotta get going! You don't want to be late for your own graduation, do you?"

"Come on, Edward, we have to go get our gowns," Alice said.

I ran up the stairs with her and then went to my own room. I grabbed the yellow graduation cap and gown off my bed and then hurried back downstairs. I saw the group breaking off into various cars. Esme, Carlisle, Jasper and Alice went in one car, Rosalie and Emmett in another and I rode with Bella and her father.

When we arrived at the high school, Esme called me over. Alice already stood in front of her. "Oh," Esme cried when I got to her. I could see the tears sparkling in her eyes. "I can't believe my babies are graduating from high school! How is that possible?"

"Mom," Alice huffed, but I could see tears in her hazel eyes and she pulled Esme in to a hug. "It's okay, we are always going to be your kids. I promise, we won't go away."

"I know," Esme said tearfully. "But still, I remember when we brought you both home." She turned to me and touched my cheek. "I'm so proud of both of you. I couldn't have asked for better children."

Much to my mortification, I felt tears starting to prick my own eyes. I couldn't cry now, not when we were on school grounds. "Mom," I said softly. "I couldn't have asked for a better woman to call my mother."

The tears that had been gathering in her eyes brimmed over and I felt a tear slip from my own eye. I decided I didn't care. Esme reached over and straightened my tie. "I love you sweet boy. Now, put on your gown so I could watch you cross that stage like the proud mama I am."

Smiling, I nodded and began putting on the yellow gown. From the corner of my eye I saw Esme embrace Alice. She must have been whispering in her ear because I saw Alice nod several times and then tears began to build in her eyes again. "Mom," she finally gasped. "You can't make me cry, not now, I'll mess up my make up!"

Esme gave a watery laugh and pulled away. "Well, we wouldn't want that." She reached up to her daughter's face and wiped away the tears that threatened to fall. Alice pulled on her gown and zipped it up. I put on the cap and watched as Alice grimaced and then did the same. "Stand together," Esme said. She pulled out her camera and took a picture of Alice and me in our cap and gowns.

After the picture, I felt Bella's hand slide into mine.

"Perfect," Esme called. "Smile you three!"

After the picture I turned and saw that Bella had donned her cap and gown as well. "Okay Mom," I said turning back to her. I saw Carlisle was now at her side. With the amount of pride that was radiating off him, I was surprised he didn't puff out his chest and start strutting around. "Dad. We need to get to the gym now. We'll see you afterwards!"

"Good luck children," Esme called after us as we starting walking towards the gym.

"Love you Mom!" Alice shouted over her shoulder. "Love you Dad!"

"Ditto!" I called. Alice laughed at me and punched my arm.

"I still can't believe Eric Yorkie is valedictorian and not you," Bella commented as we made our way towards the sea of yellow that was meandering around outside the gym.

"I don't mind, I really wouldn't want to give a speech anyway." Just the thought made my stomach twist into painful knots.

"But your GPA is like .2 points higher than his! And that includes your transfer work from Chicago. I think it is a stupid rule."

I smiled and brought her hand up so I could kiss her knuckles. Bella had gone into protective mode.

"I agree, Bella," Alice added. She was skipping along beside us. "Who cares if he didn't attend Forks High School all four years? He still earned the grades."

I rolled my eyes. "Girls," I said. "I don't want to be valedictorian anyway. It's not like it matters. I still got into a good college. Besides, I know what my GPA is, that's all that matters."

"Fine," Bella sighed. "You always have to be reasonable."

I laughed now. The sea of yellow now created a stream as the graduating seniors began to make their way into the gym. As we passed through the doors, I tried very hard to ignore the tingling between my shoulder blades. Even though it had been over a year since that night, even though I had been in the gym countless times since that night, I still couldn't walk through the doors and not remember.

Unconsciously my hand drifted to my left arm, the twelve inch scar an ugly reminder of that terrifying night. Bella reached out and stilled my fingers. She lifted my hand and pressed her lips to my fingers. A silent reminder that she was there and always would be.

But now, she had to leave my side because we had to go to our assigned seats. It made me wish that my last name was Swenson or Scott, or something like that just so I could sit next to her.

Alice danced off to her place next to Tyler Crowley and Bella went to sit next to Jessica Stanley. I sighed and made my way to my seat. Maybe I should have changed my name to Cullen. I had talked to Carlisle about it, shortly after they had shown me my adoption papers. I had explained to him that I loved being a part of the family and that I was proud to be a Cullen. But I needed to keep my last name. It was the last thing I had of my real dad. And I couldn't lose it.

And because he's Carlisle, he smiled and said he understood completely.

Unfortunately, that meant I now had to sit next to Mike Newton. Joy. After he realized the danger of the notes that he had passed on, Mike had tried to apologize. Emmett had punched him in the nose. Twice. I had told him he needed to go back to kindergarten and watch the Stranger Danger movie again.

So not only did Mike have a broken nose, but he had a broken ego.

It didn't get any better when, that Spring, I was told by both Jasper and Emmett that I would be trying out for the Varsity baseball team. They didn't hear me when I tried to explain that I had never played on a team before, only for fun. How could they possibly take a kid that didn't even play little league?

When I made the team, Mike had been outraged. He had thrown quite a temper tantrum right in the locker room. Coach DeFord had told Mike that I was on the team. Mike could either play as a team or not play at all. Mike had chosen to play as a team. But it certainly didn't help out our rivalry. To this day, I don't know how it started.

I turned in my seat and saw Bella sitting two rows behind me. I smiled and waved at her. As I turned to face front, I saw Mike glaring at me. Well, maybe I do know why it started.

Mr. Greene, the principal of Forks High School, walked up to the podium and tapped the microphone. When he was convinced it was working, he welcomed everyone to the graduation. He talked for a few minutes, talking about various activities my class had taken part in. I had spent the best two years of my life within the walls of Forks High and it made me a little sad to say good bye.

Eric got up next and delivered his speech. He spoke of the journey we were all on and how this was not the end, but just the beginning. It was a very generic graduation speech, one that would be heard today across the country. But as the applause broke out at the end, I could tell the sentiment was appreciated.

Then Mr. Greene and Mrs. Cope stepped forward to hand out our diplomas. I smiled and cheered loudly as Alice crossed the stage. Above the sound of clapping, I heard Emmett's voice boom out. "That's my little sister!" Alice smiled and waved in the direction of our family. I turned in my seat and saw Emmett, Jasper and Rosalie standing up as they cheered for our tiny pixie. When my row stood, I adjusted my cap and went to get my diploma.

As my name was called, I walked up the steps towards Mr. Greene. I tried to keep my smile at bay, but once again it threatened to leap off my face. "That's my little brother!" Emmett's voice boomed yet again. A smattering of laughter broke through the applause. I looked up at my family and waved. I could feel my face redden slightly as I went to shake Mr. Greene's hand. "Congratulations, Mr. Masen," he mumbled to me as he passed me the diploma.

When Bella walked up to the stage, I saw her eyeing Emmett. But she turned her attention towards the stage as she mounted the stairs. I could almost see the concentration on her face and it made me smile. She had confessed to me early that week that she kept having recurring nightmares where she tripped and fell flat on her face while getting her diploma.

When her name was called she made her way across the stage to shake Mr. Greene's hand. "That's one of my best friends!" Emmett called out. More laughter echoed through the gym and I saw my poor Bella's face turn bright red. But she kept walking, shook the principal's hand and made it down the stairs, all without a single mishap. When she reached solid ground, she looked up and the smile on her face was breathtaking.

After all the names had been called, Mr. Greene congratulated us. With his words, the entire senior class stood up and threw their yellow hats in the air. Seniors left their chairs to seek out their loved ones. I found Bella first and I lifted her in the air.

"Congratulations love," I said in her ear, so I could be heard over the noise. "You didn't fall once."

"No," she laughed. "But I'm going to kill Emmett."

I joined her laughter and kissed her cheek. Alice found us and linked her arms through mine and Bella's elbows. Then we set off to find our family.

We found them easily and somehow they had managed to sneak in flowers for the girls and a balloon for me. I know I should have felt a little bit silly carrying my balloon, but I knew the love behind the gesture and for that reason I held it with pride.

Esme took more pictures, making sure she got every combination of people she could. I stood with Bella and Alice. Then with just Bella. Then with Bella and her father. And then Esme wanted one with just her. And then one with her and Carlisle, me and Alice. And then just Alice, and then just me. Then she needed one with Emmett, Alice, Rosalie, Jasper, Bella and me. And then Alice and Jasper. It seemed to go on and on. Finally, she found someone to take a picture of our whole group.

It made me smile. Esme was in her element. After all the pictures were taken and Esme was satisfied that no other combination existed, we left the gym and headed home. Being who she is, Alice had convinced Esme to invite the entire senior class to our house for a graduation party. I still had no idea who was going to show up, but the party had been the talk of the school for the past few weeks.

When we walked into the house, I couldn't control the gasp that escaped me. I heard the same gasp from Bella and Alice.

Esme must have hired a decorator. It's the only way the entire house could be filled with balloons and streamers. A huge banner that hung across the entry to the family room said "Congratulations Alice, Bella and Edward!"

"Thank you Mom and Dad!" Alice squealed as she took in the decorations. I could tell she was absolutely delighted.

The party was due to start two hours after graduation, giving our classmates time for a family celebration before they made their way to our house. So for right now, I was able to just enjoy my family.

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**A/N I hope you enjoyed this chapter. It's an introduction, just wanted to let everyone know what the characters had been up to for the last year and a half. Plus we get to see Edward happy and nothing beats Edward happy.**

**Don't forget to review! Love you guys!  
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	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and the characters.**

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Chapter Two

The party was in full swing. From what I could tell, the entire senior class was spread out within my home. Alice had made Emmett move all of the couches out of the family room to make room for dancing. Teenagers crowded into the room, their bodies moving as they listened to the latest music that Alice had programmed into the music system. The dining room table was overflowing with food and a good number of people stood around it, shoveling Esme's cookies and brownies into their mouths. The couches from the family room had been moved into the living room and that created a slightly quieter space for people to go in order to sit and talk.

I stood off to the side in the family room, watching the others dance. From the corner of my eye, I saw Esme making her way to the dining room, two plates filled with cookies in her hands. The smile on her face stretched from ear and ear. I saw Carlisle discreetly pour himself a cup of punch, then nod to himself as he sipped it. I snorted softly and then rested my chin on Bella's head. She stood in front of me, leaning against my chest as she swayed gently to the music.

"Hey," I heard Bella say over the music. I lifted my head and she turned in my arms. "Can we go outside for a minute?"

I nodded and frowned a bit. I took her hand and led her through the family room and out of the French doors. The cool night air felt good after the stuffy heat of the inside.

"Are you okay?" I asked her as we walked towards a bench that sat on the wooden deck. I peered through the darkness and saw Mike and Jessica making out near the trees that lined the property.

"Yeah, I'm fine," she smiled at me as we sat down. Her hand came to my cheek and she stroked it gently. "There's something I wanted to talk to you about though."

She sounded so serious, I couldn't help the concern that began to build within me. "What is it?" I asked quietly.

Her hand continued to move along my face, now brushing my hair off my forehead. "You know how my plan was to go with you to Palo Alto and attend Middlefield College?"

I nodded slowly. Bella's decision to attend a community college in California had not gone over well with her parents. Her father had been down right angry that she had allowed her education to take a backseat to her desire to stay near me. I had been torn. A part of me could not imagine four years away from her. But the other part knew what she was sacrificing and I didn't like it at all.

"_I made my decision," Bella told me as she put an envelope in front of me. I read the words and looked up, a frown on my face._

"_Bella, you are so much smarter than this," I informed her. "You can't go to a community college, not just for me."_

_She rolled those beautiful eyes at me. "Silly boy, my life is you. I have to be near you."_

_I put my hands on her shoulders and looked straight into her eyes. "Bella, honey I love you more than anything else in the world, but I can't let you do this. You were accepted at the University of Washington and University of Oregon. You can't throw that away."_

"_Edward, I've already had this argument with my dad. I'll learn no matter where I go. It isn't the name of the school that matters."_

"_Okay, fine," I said, releasing her shoulders. I paced away from her, frustrated that she didn't understand the importance of this decision. I turned back to her. "Then we will both go to UW." I crossed my arms and looked at her._

"_No! Edward you can't do that." The humor finally left her eyes. "You were accepted at Harvard for crying out loud! You can't give up Stanford too."_

"_So it's okay for you to give up on your education, but not me."_

_She stamped her foot in frustration and I raised an eyebrow. "I'm not giving up on anything. You are so incredibly smart, you have so much potential and I know you want to be a doctor. You have to go to the best school you can. I don't have a clue what I want to do, beyond majoring in English. It doesn't matter where I go."_

_I uncrossed my arms and ran a hand through my hair. "Letting you do this is one of the most selfish things I've ever done," I said quietly. _

_She smiled because she knew she had won. I just couldn't fight her. "It's me that's being selfish. I can't bear to be away from you." She placed her hands on my cheeks and pressed her lips gently to mine. "It'll be fine, I promise you that."_

_I sighed and leaned my forehead on hers. "Your dad is going to kill me, you know that right?"_

"_I made him unload his rifle before I left the house. You should be fine."_

Things with Charlie had been touch and go for a while after Bella had mailed off her acceptance. He knew Bella's potential and felt like she was wasting it.

I looked at her now, wondering if she had changed her mind. She smiled and reached down, under the bench. "This came in the mail this morning." She handed a large white envelope to me.

I recognized the red S in the return address immediately. My eyes flew to hers as I slid the top sheet out. I looked down at it, my eyes growing wider as I read.

"Dear Miss Swan, We would like to congratulate you on your acceptance to Stanford University…"

I looked back at her. "How?" I whispered. I knew she had applied, I had helped her write the essay. But she had told me she had gotten the rejection letter months ago.

She was smiling, her face glowing in the moonlight. "I didn't actually get a rejection letter, I got a 'thank you for applying, as of right now we don't have any openings, but we will keep your application on file' letter."

"Really? They do that?"

"I guess so. But I didn't want to get your hopes, besides I figured it was just another form of rejection. So I just let it go. But then a few weeks ago, the dean of the School of Humanities and Sciences called me for an interview. I guess it went well."

I stared at her for a few seconds, two very strong emotions pulling at me. Betrayal and intense joy. "Why didn't you tell me?" I asked, deciding to act on the first emotion.

"Sweetheart," she said her voice aching with raw emotion. I could tell immediately that she knew I felt let down. "If I had told you there was a chance, it would have gotten your hopes up. And you would have beaten yourself up even more, knowing that I was going to a community college."

Her words were true. Knowing that she had gotten so close would have hard to swallow, especially if they hadn't accepted her. To know that she had gotten so close and then settled for a community college would have torn me up inside.

The sense of betrayal fled and was replaced by the overwhelming happiness. "You're going to Stanford," I repeat, my voice an awed whisper. Everything those words meant came crashing over me. "We can try to be in the same dorm. We might get to take some of the same classes. We can see each other every day, meet up on campus for lunch," I said in a rush.

Bella was nodding at each of my words, her eyes sparkling as the happiness glowed on her face.

I stood up, the adrenaline within me not allowing me to sit any longer. I pulled my love up and into my arms. "You aren't going to a community college," I continued. "You are not wasting your potential on me," I nearly sang the words. I lifted her and turned in a circle. I heard her giggles against my ear.

I placed her on her feet and then cradled her face within my hands. "I told you that you are smart, baby."

"Who knew?" she said smiling. "They must have ignored my math grades."

I laughed. "B's aren't bad. Besides, you got A's in Calculus."

"Only because I had an amazing tutor," she said joining my laughter.

I thought back to the near painful study sessions and winced slightly. She had worked very hard for those A's. "Have you told your dad?" I asked her now.

She nodded. "He is pleased."

I am very sure that is an understatement. "This has been a perfect day." I leaned down and touched my lips to hers. I felt her raise up to her toes and the kiss deepened. I slid my hands down her arms to her waist. I pulled her flush against me, moving my lips against hers. I ran my tongue over her lips and her mouth opened, welcoming me. Our tongues tangled together and I felt her hands fisting in my hair as she tried to pull herself even closer to me.

Finally, the need to breathe became too much and I had to tear my lips from hers. I could feel her small pants against my neck as she too caught her breath. "We should get back to the party," she said as she continued to suck in air. She pulled away from my chest and I looked down at her. I tipped my lips up into a smile and then found myself captured by her hot mouth again. I groaned and pulled her closer.

This time, it was Bella that need to break away to breathe. I continued kissing her, dragging my mouth down her jaw until I found the place on her neck. "Edward," she moaned as I gently sucked on her neck. Her hands squeezed my shoulders. I pressed several more kisses to her soft skin and then lifted my head to look into her burning eyes.

Her hands ran down my arms and then she laced her fingers through mine. I lifted her left hand and kissed her finger, where my promise ring still sat proudly. Then we turned and walked back into the party.

The next morning I woke with a smile on my face. My mind instantly went to Bella's news from the previous night and I still couldn't believe it. Not that I doubted she was smart enough to gain acceptance, I just couldn't wrap my mind around the fact that we were attending the same college. If I was honest with myself, I knew her prior plan would have eaten me alive. As selfish as it was, her acceptance helped erase the guilt I felt.

I got out of bed, humming softly to myself as I showered, brushed my teeth and went to my closet. I grabbed a pair of jeans and then debated. I knew it was going to be a nice day, but I glanced at my left forearm. I hesitated and then pulled out a short sleeve t-shirt. I would be with my family all day. My scar didn't matter. I laced up my black converse and then practically skipped down the stairs. I found Carlisle drinking his coffee in the kitchen.

"Good morning," I nearly sang. I almost rolled my eyes at myself. Pretty soon, I was going to burst out in some song about the glory of the day, or something like that.

"Morning," Carlisle said, smiling at me. He lifted his cup. "I'm a bit surprised to see you up so early. You didn't go to bed until late last night."

I shrugged my shoulders and grabbed a box of cereal. "Did Bella tell you her news?"

Carlisle shook his head and looked at me curiously. "She got in to Stanford!" I said gleefully. Again, I half expected a musical interlude to drift through the room.

"Really?"

I narrowed my eyes at him. He didn't sound nearly surprised enough. "Dad," I said, suspicion ringing in the word. "Did you have something to do with it?"

At least he had the grace to look guilty as he bent his head to examine his coffee cup. "I might have mentioned that they should take another look at her application. But that's all, I promise you. She got in on her own merit."

"Okay," I said, my early joy returning. "Thank you." I bounced over to the refrigerator and decided someone must have spiked the punch last night, despite Carlisle's careful tastings. Obviously I was on whatever it was that Alice usually took.

I heard a snorted laughter and looked over my shoulder at Carlisle. He held his coffee mug over his mouth, hiding his smile. I poured milk into my bowl and then went to sit on the stool next to Carlisle. I looked out the window over the sink and saw the sun shining. "Good weather for our day," I said, the ridiculous smile still on my face.

Carlisle nodded. Last year, I had learned it was a Cullen Family Tradition to go to First Beach of the first day of summer. Once at the beach we had made hotdogs and smores, celebrating the first official day of summer vacation.

"Good morning." Alice came into the kitchen, still wearing her pink and black striped pajama pants and black camisole. Her hair stuck out everywhere as she rubbed the sleep out of her eyes.

"Hey Alice," I said, slightly surprised to see her looking so sleepy. She usually came down for breakfast dressed and rearing to go.

She looked at me and yawned as she pulled her cereal out of the cupboard.

"What time did Jasper leave last night?"

She shot a look at Carlisle, and he busied himself with the paper. He and Esme enforced a strict no sleepover rule, unless it was the whole group and we slept in the family room where they could check on us at any moment. "Four thirty," she finally said, her voice cracking slightly. "But we were just talking," she said, looking at our father again.

I heard the slight grunt from Carlisle and I tried to hide my smile. Talking, sure. "So why are you up so early then?" I asked, curious. It was only seven forty-five. "We aren't leaving for the beach until eleven."

"I know, but I couldn't sleep anymore. Jazz said he'd come over a little earlier." Her eyes sparked with their usual excitement. "I missed him so much," she said with a sigh as she sat down next to me.

I couldn't imagine. Every time I thought about being away from Bella for a year, my heart rejected the idea. I don't think I would have lasted the year without going crazy. I knew my sister had struggled and I didn't blame her for wanting to see him every second she could now.

Carlisle must have felt the same way because he didn't say anything about Jasper's late departure or early arrival.

For a few minutes, the only sounds were the crunching of cereal and the turning of pages as Carlisle continued to read the paper. Emmett appeared in the kitchen next. He was dressed in shorts and a t-shirt, even though it was still only in the high sixties out. "Morning," he said in his loud voice. "It's nice to see things stay the same."

I looked up at him, his voice betraying the feelings of homesickness he must have felt while away. I met his eyes and for a brief second, I saw it in his eyes as well. Then he laughed and the emotion was gone. "Have to bring a ball and mitts today," he said with his normal exuberance. "And a Frisbee."

"Of course," Carlisle said, folding the paper. He laid it on the counter and went to refill his coffee mug. Emmett joined Alice and me at the counter with his own bowl of cereal.

"Well this is a nice scene." All three of us turned towards the kitchen entry and saw Esme standing, tears sparkling in her eyes. "All of my children." She went to Emmett and kissed the top of his head. "I'm so happy you are home." She went to Alice next, wrapping her arms around her daughter's shoulders and pressing a kiss to her hair. "I'm so glad to see the sparkle back in your eyes again." She came to me last, kissing the top of my head as she had for her other children. "I'm just happy you're here," she said quietly.

Then she went to the coffee pot and poured the steamy liquid into her mug. She turned and I saw the smile on her face as she observed us. Some people were just meant to be a mom. Esme was definitely one of those people.

"Okay troops," Carlisle said when he came back to the counter. He stood next Esme. "Today is the Annual Cullen Day at the Beach. Departure time is eleven o'clock."

We looked at each other. "Yes sir!" we all said together and then burst out in giggles. Man, I love my family.

At ten thirty the door bell rang out and I hurried to the door. I pulled it opened and smiled when I saw my girl standing there. I barely noticed Jasper and Rosalie as they moved past me into the house. Bella wore jeans and a red short sleeve shirt. Under the shirt, I could see a white tank top peaking out at the hem and at the point of the v neck collar. On her feet she wore flip flops and her hair was pulled back in a ponytail. "Hi," she said as she threw her arms around me, as if it had been days since she saw me.

"Hi baby," I said when we finally came up for air. We walked into the kitchen where Esme and Carlisle were adding last minute items to the picnic baskets. Esme looked up when we entered the room.

"Hi Bella dear," Esme said. "Congratulations."

Bella blushed. "Thanks Esme. I'm really excited."

"As you should be," Carlisle said. He didn't mention his part in getting the school to further review her application. "You earned it."

"Would you guys mind taking these out to the car?" Esme pointed to the two coolers that were already filled. "We are taking the Mercedes and Rosalie's BMW."

I nodded and hefted one of the coolers. Bella picked up the lighter one and then we walked out to the cars. I saw Emmett standing next to Rosalie's red car. The trunk was open and I could see the sports equipment inside. Bella and I went to the Mercedes. I opened the trunk and put the coolers inside. Alice and Jasper appeared, carrying more bags with food. We added those to the trunk.

"I love the first day of summer," Alice said. "Just knowing that we have the entire summer in front of us, it's such a nice feeling."

Carlisle and Esme joined us outside. We separated into the cars then, Jasper, Alice, Rosalie and Emmett in the BMW and Bella and I joined my parents in the Mercedes. The ride took a half hour, but it passed quickly. Carlisle and Esme talked to Bella and me about college and our plans for the summer. I saw them exchange smiles at one point and I wondered briefly what that was about.

When we arrived at the beach, we each grabbed a cooler, a bag or a box and made our way down to the beach. We set up camp using the drift wood as benches so we didn't have to sit in the sand. Carlisle stared up the fire and Emmett grabbed a ball and some mitts. "Edward!" he called, tossing me a mitt. Then he gave one to Jasper. "Hey Dad," he said, waving the extra mitt.

"Just a second Emmett, I have to get the fire going." We watched as Carlisle used a match to ignite a small branch. Then he laid it along side bigger pieces of driftwood. The flames licked at the wood and caught. The blue flames spread out and began to cackle. "There." Carlisle stepped back and brushed off his hands. He came over to us and took the mitt from Emmett.

We ran out to the sand and spread out. As I took my place, I saw the girls around the fire, pulling food out of coolers and bags. Then Emmett tossed the ball to me and we began our game of catch. After warming up our arms, we moved on to a game of three flies up. Carlisle stood a ways down the beach and heaved the ball into the air. Jasper, Emmett and I watched the white orb against the sky. I measured the distance and moved myself into position. Just before it landed in my mitt, Emmett's appeared in front of my face and the ball landed with a satisfying crack in the pocket of his mitt. "That's one!" Emmett called as he fired the ball back to our father.

"Jerk," I said under my breath.

"Hey!" he shoved me slightly and I laughed. Carlisle let the ball fly again and this time I kept my eye of Emmett as well as the ball. I blocked him in the last minute and felt the ball land in my mitt.

"One for me!" I called as I threw the ball back. I turned to Emmett and saw his tongue sticking out at me. I laughed harder. The third ball soared through the sky. But this time, Emmett and I crashed into each other, falling to the ground. Jasper stood over us, the ball in his hand. My laughter took over now, ringing out over the beach. Emmett's loud guffaws joined me. I rolled in the sand, holding my stomach as I laughed. "I've missed you, bro," I said when I gained enough control to talk.

I sat up and looked at Emmett. He did the same. "I did too, Edward." He held his fist out and I smiled at him. I reached over my knees and tapped my fist against his. His smile grew wider.

"Boys!" I heard Esme calling. "Lunch is ready!"

I watched Emmett's eyes grow. "Food!" he called. He jumped to his feet, then held out his hand for me. I grasped his large hand and let him pull me to my feet. Then we raced back to camp.

The girls had set out all the food buffet style on one of the flat logs. I grabbed a plate and began piling food on it. Potato salad, chips, macaroni salad, some fruit and a hot dog. I went to sit down next to Bella. She looked at my plate and shook her head. "I don't know how you eat that much and stay so skinny," she said.

"Do you want to go for a walk?" I asked her after we had finished eating and cleaned up the food.

"Yeah." She slipped off her shoes and then rolled her jeans up. I did the same and then grabbed her hand, leading her down to the water.

"You are nervous about leaving for college?" she asked me as we walked. The waves broke over our ankles.

"A little," I admitted. "I'm going to miss Forks and the way things used to be. It's going to be strange not seeing Carlisle and Esme every day."

She nodded. "I feel that way about Charlie. But I'm glad I'll have you."

I squeezed her hand and nodded. "Me too." I stared out over the ocean, watching the seagulls soar through the sky.

"You are going to be really busy," she commented. "Majoring in Biology and playing on the baseball team would be enough for anyone. But you are also going to double major in music. Edward," she said.

"Yeah?"

"I think you are insane."

I smiled slightly. "No, insane would be if I joined the symphony."

She gasped. "You aren't, right? Babe, there aren't enough hours in the day."

I shook my head. I had considered it, but there were too many conflicts with their practice schedule and the baseball schedule. I felt bad because I knew Esme would have loved for me to be in the symphony. At least with the music major I would perform in recitals.

"Good," she said quietly. "I don't think I'm going to see you at all once school starts."

I stopped walking at her words. She looked up at me and for the first time I saw the insecurity in her eyes. I hadn't realized she was so worried. "Not possible. I will always have time for you, I promise. Not matter how busy I am." I grabbed her other hand, running my fingers along her palm. "Bella, I've told you before. You are the most important thing to me. Nothing will take your place, I promise you that."

She nodded, but the uncertainty remained. I leaned down and kissed her cheeks gently. "I love you so much," I whispered. "Don't forget that. Ever."

"I won't," she whispered back. "I love you too." I felt the waves knocking against my ankles as we kissed.

When we arrived back at the camp site, we found the others carrying loads back up to the cars. Overhead, the clouds had gathered and I knew the rain was coming. I sat down on the log and put my shoes on quickly. Then I grabbed a cooler and jogged up to the cars. "Thanks," Carlisle said as I put the cooler down next to the trunk.

"Sure thing," I said.

The first drops fell on the windshield as we climbed into the cars. We all laughed, relieved we had made it before the downpour started. "It still amazes me how fast the weather can change here," I commented. There had been hardly any clouds in the sky when our day had started.

"No kidding," Bella said. "But at least we had nice weather for our picnic."

"Very true."

"Bella, would you like us to drop you off on our way home?" Esme asked from the front seat.

"Sure," she said. Then she looked at me and must have seen the disappointment in my eyes. "I promised Charlie I would make him dinner."

I nodded and squeezed her hand to let her know it was okay and that I understood. "I will see you tomorrow, love," I said to her when we pulled up in front of her house.

"I love you sweetheart," she whispered in my ear as she hugged me.

I watched her walk up to her door. When it opened, she turned and waved at me then she disappeared behind the door. I turned back to Esme and Carlisle, knowing the ridiculous smile had returned to my face. I met Carlisle's eyes in the rearview mirror and he winked at me.

He pulled away from her house and we made our way back to the mansion. "Edward," Carlisle began.

"Yeah?" I looked at the rearview mirror and caught his eye.

But before he could say anything, there was a deafening, terrifying sound. One that I had heard only once before. I jerked forward in my seat, and I felt the pain as my seatbelt cut into me, holding me in place. The car spun out of control for what felt like an eternity and the slammed to a stop. I reached for my seat belt release, my shaking hands making it very difficult. "Mom, Dad," I cried, yanking on the seat belt, trying to get it to release me.

"Edward," I heard Esme whispered. "Honey, are you okay?"

Relief filled me at her words. I yanked on the belt again and it finally released. "Yeah, I'm okay, are you?"

"I think so," she said, her voice still very quiet.

"Dad?" I said now, trying to see through the wreckage me. No words came from him and I felt panic building within me. "Mom, can you get to Dad?" I reached for my door handle, ignoring the glass that cut into my hands as I pulled on it. I threw myself against the door and almost fell out of the car when the door opened. I landed on my knees and then pulled myself up. The back end of the car was smashed in from where the other car had hit. The front end was crushed into the tree that had stopped our out of control spinning.

I went to Esme's door first and forced it open. "Mom," I said kneeling down next to her. "Can you move your arms and legs?" A bloody gash marked her forehead. I watched as she lifted her arms and then her feet. "Okay, good," I said.

"Honey, do you smell that?" she asked.

As soon as she said it, I smelled it. Gasoline. I glanced at the destroyed hood and saw smoke rising from it. "Oh God," I whispered. "Mom, you have to get out of the car, now."

"Your father," she whispered, terror leaking through her voice. I reached over and wrenched her seatbelt out of the socket. "I know, I'll get him. Can you get out?"

She nodded and I watched her move to get out of the car. Satisfied that Esme had enough strength and control to get out, I ran around to the other side. The door stuck and I saw Carlisle on the other side, his eyes closed. The panic that had been building exploded through me. "Dad," I cried. Not again. Please, not again. I pulled the door harder but it didn't budge. The smell of gas and smoke was growing. I looked over and saw Esme making her way to this side of the car.

"No Mom, get away," I nearly growled. I pulled on the door one more time and it opened. I ducked into the car. "Dad, Dad," I said repeated as I undid his seat belt. "Dad, please." I watched his eyes flutter open. The relief nearly took me to my knees. "We have to get out of the car," I said urgently. "Please tell me if it's okay to move you." My heart was pounding in my ears as I watched him. I didn't know if I should move him, but I knew I had to get him away from the car. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear sirens, but they were too far away.

"Edward," he whispered so softly that I could barely hear him. "You can move me, it's okay son." I looked down and saw both his feet and hands moving. I knew I had to risk it. I put my arms under his shoulders as gently as I could and started to extract him from the vehicle.

"Mom is out," I said to him now as I pulled him out farther. "She's okay." I knew that would be his first worry. I saw the relief in his eyes and knew I was right. The smell was growing more intense and I saw flames beginning to pop out of the hood. I managed to get Carlisle all the way out and then I put my hands under his arms and began dragging him away. I hurried as fast as I could, praying I wasn't doing more damage than good.

"Mom!" I called now. "Where are you?" Then I saw her limping towards me, towards her husband. "No, Mom, go back!" I cried. The fire on the hood was spreading and I wanted her as far away as possible. I moved faster, knowing that Esme would do anything to get to her husband.

"Edward," she sobbed when she reached my side. "Is he okay?"

I pulled him farther away. "He was talking and moving his hands and feet," I tried to reassure her, but my own fear was clouding any assurances I could give.

Suddenly there was a thunderous popping sound and I push Esme to the ground, throwing myself in front of both her and Carlisle. I could feel the heat of the flames against my back, but thankfully, incredibly, I had gotten us far enough away that they didn't reach us. The fire backed off, consuming the car, but no longer threatening us. "Dad," I whispered as I fell to my knees next to him. His eyes looked up at me and I clutched his hand.

"Edward," he whispered in a rough voice. "I love you." Without warning I was thrown backwards twelve years and it was my real father lying in front of me.

"No," I cried. "Talk to Mom." I pointed at her and pushed Carlisle's head, forcing him to look at his wife. He turned back towards me. His mouth moved and all I could hear was "Protect your mother, promise me you'll protect her." The words didn't match the movement of his lips, but I tried to force him to talk to Esme again. I saw her looking down on him, love shining in her eyes. "Don't ignore her," I cried, now desperate.

And then there were paramedics swarming us, lifting Carlisle on the stretcher, bringing one out for Esme. I watched in a daze, unable to understand what was happening. My perfect world had just imploded and it was all happening again.

Carlisle would die. Esme would hate me. I wouldn't be able to protect her. The vicious cycle would begin again.

Somehow, I found myself in the waiting room at the hospital. I sat on the hard plastic chair with my elbows on my knees, my head in my hands. I felt something moving on my back, but I didn't lift my head to see what it was. Then something was pulling on my hands, trying to lift my head. I gave in and lifted my eyes to see what it was. Bella's face, filled with concern met my gaze. Her lips moved but I couldn't hear past the buzzing in my ears.

She cradled me against her, rocking back and forth, her hand running soothingly through my hair. I felt her shaking against me and realized she was crying. Something inside of me shifted. That wasn't right. My miracle wasn't supposed to cry. I felt the vibrations of her chest and I tried to focus on it, tried to hear what she was saying. "…please…please…please," she was repeating over and over again as she rocked me back and forth. I felt something press to the top of my head. Then I heard the sound of shoes slapping on linoleum. "I think he's in shock," I heard Bella say.

She let go of me then and a man's face appeared in front of me. I looked at him warily, wanting Bella's arms back. "What's your name," the man asked me.

I looked at him, wanting to tell him that I wasn't an idiot. "Edward," I said dully.

"How old are you, Edward?"

"Eighteen," I recited, wondering what this had to do with anything.

The doctor nodded and I felt his hand go to my wrist and he seemed to be listening intently. I realized he was taking my pulse. "Do you know where you are?" he asked when he let go of my wrist.

"The hospital."

He nodded again and then looked up at Bella. "I think he will be okay, just stay with him and let a doctor know if he gets worse."

He left then and Bella returned, kneeling in front of me. "Sweetheart, you are scaring me."

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

She reached up and touched my face. I could see relief as I answered her question. "I kept talking to you, but you didn't hear. Your face was so blank."

"Bella, do you know—Carlisle, is he--,"

"He's fine," she said soothingly, running her hand along my jaw line. "He has a broken arm and a concussion, but he's fine. Esme is as well. She has a sprained ankle and needed five stitches in her forehead, but she's fine."

I realized then that I had been out of it for a long time. No wonder she had been worried. "He's fine?" I asked.

She nodded. "He wants to see you, actually."

I sat up and that's when I noticed Alice, Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett looking at me, somber expressions on their faces. "He's going to be okay," Emmett said, his loud voice subdued.

"Truly," Alice said from her place by Jasper. "Honestly, you saved his life."

I swallowed hard, nodded and then followed Bella down the hall. She held on to my arm tightly, her fingers running up and down my arm. "I'm sorry, Bella," I repeated. "I don't know what happened to me."

She stopped and looked up at me. I saw the tears glistening in her eyes and her chest jerked. She was about to lose control again. I pulled her to me. "I'm okay," I tried to soothe her.

"I know what happened," she said, her words muffled by my chest. I released her slightly and she tilted her head up. "You just relived your worst nightmare."

"I thought he was going to die," I admitted quietly.

"I know."

"And he kept talking to me, not Esme and I was afraid she was going to hate me."

"I know." I tried to look away from her, but she put her hand on my chin and forced my eyes back to me. "Honey, I know. I get it, everyone understands. Come on, you need to talk to Carlisle."

I felt ashamed. After all they had given me, I had fallen into my old habit. It was humiliating. We turned into Carlisle's room and I saw him lying on the bed, his arm wrapped in a cast. I left Bella's side and hurried to the bed.

"Edward," Carlisle said. He waited until I was standing next to him to continue. "You saved my life, son." I held his hand and felt tears building in my eyes.

"I'm sorry I reacted the way I did," I told him now.

A small smile touched his lips. "I kept telling you I was fine, but you kept pushing my face to look at Esme."

"I thought you were going to die."

"I know," he said, sounding exactly like Bella.

"I thought Esme was going to hate me if you didn't focus on her."

"Oh my sweet boy," I heard from behind me and I turned to see her leaning on her crutches, flanked by the rest of my family. "I could never, not in a million years, hate you." She hobbled forward. "But I understand why you reacted that way. I think anyone would."

"Yes," Carlisle agreed. "And it shows how strong you are that you are standing here right now. I asked to see you right away because I was afraid that you would retreat within yourself so far that we wouldn't be able to reach you."

I bit my lip as I thought about how long it took for Bella's words to find me. I had come very close to doing just what Carlisle feared. "It was just like what happened when my real father died," I said softly. "Almost exactly, except we were already out of the car when I realized what was going on. When I knelt next to you, I felt like I was six years old again and I didn't want to make the same mistake."

Carlisle nodded. "I know. And I knew it then when you looked at me with glazed eyes and I couldn't get through to you."

"How come they didn't put me in a hospital room?" I asked as if occurred to me exactly what had happened.

"You were functioning enough to seem normal," Emmett said now. "When I arrived on the scene, you were walking around and seemed in control. I drove you to the hospital and you didn't talk, but I figured that was normal enough since we didn't know what had happened to Dad. But then you sat on the chair and buried your head and no one could get through to you, not even Bella."

"You snapped yourself out of it though," she said now. "By the time we got a doctor to check you out, you were back. I could see it in your eyes."

"How are you feeling now?" Carlisle asked.

"I feel okay," I replied honestly. "More ashamed than anything else."

"Don't," Esme said immediately. "Not at all. You have been through more than any of us can imagine. Don't for a second think you reacted the wrong way."

I sighed and nodded. "I love you guys."

"We love you too," she said and I watched her smile at Carlisle. "How are you darling?"

"Fine. Feeling a bit strange, I'm not used to being on this side of the bed." Everyone laughed at his quip, and I smiled. I felt Bella's arms wrap around my waist and her lips press between my shoulders. I laced my fingers through hers and squeezed. Everything was okay. Esme would never hate me, never do what my mother did. Carlisle was alive. My perfect world had returned. I closed my eyes, and thanked anyone that would listen for giving it back to me.

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**A/N: I am completely humbled by your support of my writing. I simply cannot believe the number of you that are reading and enjoying this story. I really really hope that you enjoyed it. I'm sorry that this update seemed to take a while. Spring break just ended and this last week was a bit crazy. And just a heads up, report cards are due at the end of this coming week, so if I don't update until next weekend, that is why. Fingers crossed you don't have to wait that long.**

**Thank you again for the all the reviews, you guys are absolutely amazing. I love you all!  
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	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and characters.**

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Chapter Three

I ran the palm of my hand along Bella's arm. She sighed softly and snuggled deeper into my shoulder. We lay outside, on the grass outside my house. The sun shone brilliantly in the azure sky and we took advantage of it, trying to soak in as much vitamin D as we could. I lay on my back, my one arm holding Bella to me, the other behind my head. She lay on her side, her head on my shoulder and her hand rubbing circles on my stomach.

I jumped slightly when her hand slipped beneath my shirt. The circles resumed, but this time against my bare skin. I looked down at her and saw her looking up at me, a small smile playing around her lips. Her finger went to my belly button, tracing circles around it slowly. I kept running my palm along her upper arm, just enjoying the feel of her.

My eyes drifted skyward again. The sky was clear, not a single cloud marred the blue brilliance. It was such a rare occurrence for Forks. It made the rain of yesterday seem so far. As my mind went back to yesterday, I felt myself stiffen.

"It's okay," Bella said softly, her hand running in larger circles.

I closed my eyes and wanted to block out the sounds, the smell, the helpless feeling. Carlisle was okay, I reminded myself. At this very moment, he was in the house with Esme, both of them making quite a pair with their matching casts. We had all taken turns signing the casts, adding our unique stamps to the plaster. They were fine. My world was fine. I could continue on, happy and free, just like I had been yesterday morning.

But the wreck had shown me how close the past was, how it lurked just beneath my happiness. It was there creeping around, threatening to steal me away and pull me under, suffocating me in sorrow. The pain of the past that had seemed so far away only twenty-four hours ago had nearly trapped me again.

I thought I was stronger than that.

"What are you thinking about, sweetheart?" Bella asked from beside me. I looked down and saw that she had shifted, lying on her stomach, her hand and chin resting on my chest. I ran my hand down her hair.

"Yesterday," I said, during my gaze back to the sky. "I thought I was over it, I thought I have moved past it. But in that instant, it was like I was six years old and it was all happening again. Even now, if I close my eyes, I can hear the crash, the car, smell the fire, see my dad lying on the side of the road, dying. See the despair burning in my mom's eyes."

"Edward," she sighed. "You're too hard on yourself. You lived a nightmare for ten years. It's not something you are going to get over quickly. It's only been a year and half since you escaped it."

I let out a frustrated huff. "I don't want my past to control my life."

She shook her head. "If the past was controlling your life, you could be a high school dropout, drunk and high all the time to try to escape the memories. You'd blame everyone for every problem you've ever had, wallowing in self pity. You'd be hard and cynical, wasting your future behind a wall built to keep everyone out." She lifted her hand and touched my face, tilting my chin until I was looking at her. "You wouldn't be headed to Stanford on a full scholarship, majoring in Biology and hoping to get into medical school. You wouldn't be a star athlete, a genius on the piano. You wouldn't be the sweet, caring compassionate man that I love." She brought her fingers to my mouth, gently tracing my lips.

I kissed her fingertips and stared into her mesmerizing eyes, captivated by all that I saw within the brown depths. "I just don't want to be weak," I whispered.

"You are so far away from weak," Bella said as she snuggled in my shoulder again. "That is the very last word I would use to describe you." Her hand returned to my stomach. "I don't think the memories will ever disappear," she continued quietly. "I think they will fade as more time passes, but your past is a part of you. As horrifying as it was, it's made you who you are today."

I let out a small breath, the truth of her words sinking in to me. "That makes so much sense," I said. I turned so that I was on my side, lifting my head and support it with my hand, my elbow in the grass. I reach over to Bella and traced her face, running finger along her nose, her jaw. Her eyes slid closed beneath my fingertips as I brushed along her lashes. "I know it's hard on you," I said quietly, continuing to run my fingers across her eyes. "When I fall apart and you have to put me back together. But knowing that you will be there, with the perfect words to say to help me find myself again, it matters Bella. You matter." I leaned down and replaced my fingers with my lips, very gently caressing her face.

"Edward," she sighed, her breath warm on my skin as I continued to kiss her soft cheeks. I felt her hands slide under my shirt again and then skim along my bare back. I moved my kisses to her neck, tenderly devouring the supple skin. I heard her moan as I bit down gently. I pulled her closer to me, until her body was flush against mine. I felt her leg land softly on mine as she tried to pull me even closer. I trailed kisses up her neck and along her jaw until I found her sweet lips again. Her mouth was open and waiting for me, her hands kneading my back in time to our kiss.

One of my hands skated down her side and found the hem of her shirt. I pulled it up and then placed my hand on her hot skin. The heat of the kiss grew as my hand moved up and down the length of her spine.

"Aw, aren't they cute?" Emmett's laughing voice boomed through the yard.

Startled, I jerked away from Bella. She ducked her head into my chest, hiding her reddened face. I held her to me as I glared up at Emmett. He stood looking mighty pleased with himself, his arm wrapped around Rosalie. "Emmett," I said, leaning my head back against the grass and closing my eyes. "Go away."

He laughed again, probably startling birds out of their nests in the process. "Lil bro, if you want privacy, doing it in the yard is not the best idea."

I felt my face begin to burn, and Bella burrowed deeper into me.

"Besides, Carlisle and Esme want to see you both."

My face burned hotter at the possibility that Esme could have been the one to come looking for us. Obviously making out in the lawn wasn't the brightest idea. I sat up and brought Bella with me. Then I kissed the top of her head and detangled myself from her. Once I was on my feet, I reached down and pulled her up. "Do you know what they want?" I asked Emmett when both Bella and I were standing.

"Not a clue," Emmett said, but his smile didn't go away.

I looked at Bella and she shrugged. We went into the house and found Carlisle and Esme sitting on the couch in the family room. Carlisle rested his cast laden arm on a pillow and Esme sat next to him, her sprained ankle up on the ottoman. A white bandage covered the stitches that marked her forehead. They made quite the pair.

I noticed Alice and Jasper walk into the room and they looked at Carlisle and Esme with curiosity in their eyes. Apparently Bella and I weren't the only ones to be summoned.

Esme smiled warmly at us as we sat down around the room. "So, we were going to do this yesterday," she said, laying a hand on Carlisle's thigh. "But we had to postpone."

I remembered the look Carlisle had given me in the rearview mirror, just before the crash. He had wanted to tell me something. Carlisle gestured to the thin packages that lay in his lap. "Your mother and I are incredibly proud of all you." His blue eyes scanned the room touching on all of us. "We wanted to give you a," he paused as if trying to find the right word. "Reward, if you will. Alice, will pass these out?"

Alice stood and walked to our father. Her brow creased as she looked at him, but I could also see the excitement dancing in her eyes. She passed out a thin package to all of us. I glanced at Bella and her eyes held the same perplexed look as she held her package.

"Go ahead," Esme said her eyes glinting with pleasure.

I reached for the corner of the package and ripped away the paper. Then I opened the thin box and took out the piece of paper. "Two night stay at the Fairmont in Seattle," I read. I looked around at the others.

Emmett held his paper up. "Reservations for dinner at the Space Needle," he read.

Jasper held up six small cards. "Six tickets to the Mariners game."

Alice read hers next. "Tickets for six on the ferry."

All five of us looked at Bella. She held up a map of downtown Seattle. From where I sat I could see various locations had been highlighted. Then all six pairs of eyes went to Carlisle and Esme. They sat on the couch, looking very pleased with themselves. "We made the hotel reservations for this Thursday and Friday night. The Mariner's game in on Thursday. We made three reservations for two at the Space Needle, figuring that you would like to have your own time there."

I gaped at my parents, unable to believe that they were giving the six of us a vacation to Seattle. Alice, being the hyper pixie that she is, flew off her seat and launched herself at Carlisle and Esme. Just in time, she remembered their casts and she eased up a bit. "Thank you!" she cried happily. "This is the most wonderful present ever."

We all laughed and then agreed with Alice. My parents never ceased to amaze me.

Thursday came quickly and I found myself in my room packing. I glanced at the clock and saw that I had ten minutes until Bella, Jasper and Rosalie would arrive. We wanted to be on the rode by ten. I picked up my bag, threw it over my shoulder and headed out. I went down the stairs and dropped my bag by the front door.

"Hey Edward!" I heard my sister shout from the top of the stairs. I looked up and saw her standing at the top, her hands on her hips. "Can you help me out?"

"Sure," I hopped up the stairs, taking them two at a time. "What's up?"

"Follow me." She turned and I followed her into her room.

"Geez Alice," I said shaking my head as I walked through the door. Three suitcases sat on the floor, a fourth on her bed. "Why do you need four suitcases for two nights?"

Alice stuck out her lower lip. "They aren't all for me," she said, walking over to her bed. "One if for Bella. I know she won't bring anything appropriate for dinner at the Space Needle."

I eyed the suitcases. They all looked pretty full to me. How could one stuffed suitcase hold clothes for one evening? I sighed. Only my sister. "So what do you need help with?"

"I can't get this one closed," she said patting the opened lid of the suitcase on her bed. "I thought if I sit on it, you could close it for me."

I shook my head and laughed as I walked over to her. She climbed up on the suitcase, her slight weight almost closing it. I pushed down on it and grabbed the zipper. I pulled it around and succeeded in closing the case. Alice beamed up at me.

"Thanks!" She jumped off and swiped her hands together. "Now you can help me carry them down to the door."

"Of course," I said, still laughing. "I'm not sure I want to know what you have in all of these bags." I picked up two and was only slightly surprised at how heavy they felt.

"Oh, I know you don't," Alice said with a smirk. She grabbed one of the bags with both hands and heaved it up.

"Be careful," I said, concerned as we made our way out the door and down the steps.

"I fine," she huffed. I hurried down the stairs, placed her bags next to mine and then ran back up the steps, meeting her halfway and relieving her of the heavy bag. She stuck her tongue out at me. I went to put that bag with the rest.

When I turned, I saw Alice coming down the stairs with the last bag. I rolled my eyes and went to take it away from her. "You are such a guy," Alice said. "I am capable of carrying a bag."

"But how do you think I would feel if you fell down the stairs because I didn't help you?" I asked her.

She raised her eyebrow and let me take the bag. I went to place it by the others. When I walked back to the steps, she came to stand next to me. "Still protective," she murmured softly, her hand locking around the inside of my elbow.

We walked into the kitchen and found Emmett, Esme and Carlisle. "You ready?" Emmett asked. "Finally," he added when we nodded.

"Whatever, Emmett," Alice said. "Jasper isn't even here yet." Just as the words left her mouth, the doorbell rang.

All three of us took off for the door. I reached it first and was just about to pull the handle when I was shoved out of the way by Emmett. "Hey!" I said, laughing as he pulled open the door. Alice pushed her way in front of him and then rocketed herself at Jasper. Luckily for her, Jasper was used to her antics and opened his arms in time to catch her. Emmett moved to Rosalie, embracing her tightly. I pushed around him, finding Bella standing, her shoulders shaking with mirth as she watched the other two couples. "Hey," I said. Her head turned and she looked at me.

"Hi babe," she said, her brown eyes glowing. "Are you ready for this?"

I pulled her close to me and kissed the top of her head. "Oh yeah."

After everyone had been properly greeted, Emmett, Jasper and I grabbed the bags and went to load them into the van that Carlisle had rented for us, so we could all travel together. The luggage filled the trunk with no room to spare.

Carlisle and Esme came out to see us off. I wrapped each of them in a hug, thanking them again for everything they had done.

At 10:05am, we were off. Emmett drove and Rosalie was his co-captain and our musical coordinator. As we drove down our long, windy drive, she plugged her IPOD into the van's stereo system. With a sly smile, she spun the wheel of her small player and seconds later, the Spice Girls blasted through the speakers. Alice squealed and within seconds we were all singing along at the top of our lungs.

I snuck a glance at Bella and smiled as I watched her head bobbing back and forth as she sang. She turned at the moment and saw my eyes on her. Her smile grew and she grabbed my hand and began waving it around to the beat.

I'm sure to any poor bystander, the sound vibrating through the van would be painful. Unlike the rest of them, I didn't know all the words, but I had heard the song around school, on all those crazy "remember the time" days, that I knew the chorus. Alice was the only one of us that could carry a tune. But we didn't care as we continued to sing. By the end of the song, we were all laughing hysterically. Bella kept a hold of my hand, bringing to her lap. She smiled at me and blew me a kiss.

Rosalie put a more recent song on and turned down the volume as Emmett turned on to 101.

The three hour drive passed quickly as we rotated through singing, talking and playing silly traveling games. We were all on an adrenaline high, excited for the coming days. As we pulled into the hotel driveway, all talking ceased.

"Whoa," Emmett said. I stared out the window and tried to control my own gasp of amazement.

"It's beautiful," I heard Bella whisper next to me, her voice filled with awe.

"This is incredible," Alice added.

"Insane," Jasper agreed.

I could only stare as Emmett maneuvered the car to park in front of the entrance. A man wearing a black uniform came over and opened Emmett's door. Another man, wearing the same distinguished suit opened the large side door. Bella unbuckled her seatbelt and stepped out of the car. I followed her and then Alice and Jasper exited the car. I saw Emmett hand one of the men the van keys as the man who opened our door went to the trunk and began loading our suitcases onto a rolling cart.

The six of us looked at each other, the same awed expression on all of our faces. I tried to compose myself and make it at least seem like I belonged in this majestic place. I took Bella's hand and then we all walked towards the glass doors. Yet another man in black opened the door for us to pass through.

The lobby was even more stunning and overwhelming than the exterior. I saw Emmett lift his chin, holding his head high as he led us to the front desk. "We have reservations under Cullen," he said, authoritatively.

The girl, whose name tag said Samantha, looked at the six of us. I hoped we didn't look as young and out of place as I felt. She turned back to her computer and began typing. "Okay, Mr. Cullen. We have you down for a two night stay in the Cascade Suite, is that correct?"

Emmett nodded and pulled out his black credit card. Samantha's eyes widened a bit when she saw it, but she collected herself quickly and ran the card. As it was processing, she pulled out our keys and the welcome package. "Here are your keys," she said, handing them to Emmett. "Your luggage will be brought up momentarily. I hope you enjoy your stay at the Fairmont."

"Thank you," Emmett said as he took the keys. Then we stepped away from the desk. I could see the smile teasing at Emmett's lips and knew he was holding back his loud, excited laughter. I could almost feel the excitement coming from the whole group as we made our way through the lobby. A huge staircase sat in the back of the room and we walked up it, our feet sinking into the plush carpet on the steps. A beautiful black grand piano sat on the landing and I saw Bella glance at me as we passed it.

On the second level, we found the elevators and we rode them up to the top floor. Emmett slid the card key through the slot and opened the door. We all walked in and for a second, we could do nothing but stare in complete silence.

The suite was gigantic. Huge. Enormous. Along the far wall, an oversized marble fireplace offered the focal point of the room. Large couches were arranged in front of it. A mahogany desk was situated to one side of the room and in the opposite corner, another grand piano stood proudly.

"I love our parents," Emmett whispered.

Those words broke the silence and suddenly we were all running around the suite, taking everything in. "There are two king sized beds in both rooms!" Jasper called as he raced through the two bedrooms.

"Oh my God, you have to see this bathroom!" Alice called out. "There's a TV in here!"

While we were running around like the crazy kids that we are, our luggage was dropped off by the bell hop.

"So I say adults in the bedrooms, kids on the couch," Emmett declared.

Bella and I looked at each other, knowing we were the "kids" Emmett was referring to. "We're eighteen, just like Alice," I said, even though I knew the argument was pointless.

Emmett shrugged. "Combined ages little bro. It puts Rosalie and me at 39, Jazz and Alice at 38 and you and Bella at 36. See what I mean? You two are the babies."

"Hey!" Bella reared back and punched Emmett in the shoulder. "Ouch!" She shook her hand out, then opened and flexed it. "I'm not a child," she said, sticking her lower lip out as she continued to shake her hand.

"Could have fooled me," Emmett laughed. He went and grabbed a couple suitcases and lugged them into one of the bedrooms. I saw Jasper doing the same so I put my arm around Bella and led her to the couch.

"I'm sure the sleeper sofa is very comfortable." Bella started to roll her eyes, but then stopped. "What?" I asked.

"I just realized that this will be the first time we sleep in a bed together."

I blanched a little at that. The thought hadn't occurred to me. Yes, Bella and I had been dating for a year and a half. Yes, we loved each other more than either of us thought possible.

But we were both completely innocent when it came to activities couples usually do in bed.

It wasn't that we had a timeline we wanted to follow, or a set date that we wanted to do it on, or even that we didn't want to do it. It was more any time the opportunity arose, something happened to put a stop to the building intimacy.

There was the time when we were making out on my bed. I had just lifted off Bella's shirt, when Esme opened the door and wanted to know what we wanted for dinner. Needless to say, that put a damper on the activities.

Or the time we were in Bella's room and Charlie was supposedly working late. At the sound of heavy footsteps on the stairs, we had leapt apart and Bella, her poor face turning a brilliant shade of red had hunted around for her shirt and bra, desperately trying to pull them on when Charlie knocked on the door. Nothing had been happening at the station, he informed us, so he decided to come home early and take us out to dinner.

At that point, we had pretty much decided that we needed to wait until we got out of our parents' houses. I'm not really sure how Rosalie and Emmett managed without getting caught.

Now, we stood staring at the couch. For a second, I let my mind wander to the possibility. There were no parents here to walk in on us. I snuck a glance at Bella and saw her eyes focused on the couch, her face was slowly turning pink and I knew her mind had gone to the same place as mine.

I wonder if Emmett would share some of his supply. I needed to ask him. Still thinking about the possibilities, I went and got our bags. I put them against the far wall. Bella went to one of the windows and looked out. I went to join her. From our window, we had a breathtaking view of downtown. We could even see the Space Needle. I leaned down and kissed the bare skin of her neck.

"How are you doing?" she asked quietly.

I rested my lips against her neck for a second. Then lifted my head just enough to answer. "Okay. I think getting away like this will be good."

"Yeah," she murmured as she turned and brought her arms around my neck. I ran my hand along her back and sighed. I knew she was worried about me and I hated it. But since the accident almost a week ago, nightmares had interrupted my sleep four times.

Bella didn't say anything, just used her fingertips to relax the muscles in my neck.

"Are you guys ready?" Emmett asked as he and Rosalie came out of the bedroom.

"I want to go down to the waterfront," Alice said, coming into the room, holding Jasper's hand. "The game doesn't start until seven, so we have plenty of time."

"As long as we can grab lunch," Emmett said.

"Don't worry Em," Rosalie said, patting his bicep. "We will feed you."

With that, we headed out. At the waterfront, we found a small café that served a wide variety of sea food. We order some shrimp cocktail and bread bowls filled with freshly made clam chowder. Needless to say, it was delicious.

After lunch, we strolled along the waterfront. Alice darted into stored every once in a while, dragging the rest of us in with her. Soon Jasper's arms were laden with shopping bags. Bella and I walked slightly behind the rest of the group, our hands linked and swinging slightly between us. We reached Pier 55 and walked along the wooden dock. When we reached the end, we stood and watched the cruise ships load and set sail. I rested my chin on Bella's head and stared out at to where the blue water met the blue sky.

"Know what this reminds me of?" Bella asked quietly.

A smiled stretched over my face. "The day I asked you to be my girlfriend," I answered. That had been another perfect day.

I felt Bella lift my hand and I looked down to watch her kiss my fingers. "I love you so much Edward. Everyday I am thankful you came into my life," she said.

"Same goes, love," I said.

We watched another ship leave the harbor, the travelers all stood out on the deck, waving. We waved back, smiling at the excited people.

"We should get back," Rosalie said as the ship faded into the distance. "The game starts in a couple of hours."

By the time we made it back to the hotel and changed, it was six and Emmett was jumping up and down, trying to get us to hurry. "Come on guys!" he yelled from the door. "We have to go if we are going to see warm ups!"

"Chill, Emmett," Jasper said as he walked out of his room. "We are ready."

The Mariners game was a blast. We arrived early enough to see Mariners take in field, much to Emmett's relief. We ate hot dogs and pretzels, cheered as the M's scored, booed when the opposing team made a great play. In the middle of the seventh inning, we stood up and sang "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" as loud as we could. We got several looks from bystanders because of our crazy dance moves. In fact, the video camera found us and our dancing selves where blown up for the whole stadium to see on the jumbotron. When we saw our faces on the gigantic TV, we began waving, yelling and laughing hysterically. The game continued and the Mariners scored again during the eighth inning. When they took the lead, we celebrated by flagging down the malt man.

After the game, we walked through the parking lot, the sound of "Celebration" still drifting from the sound system. I looked at Bella and smiled at her as she clutched the Mariner's stuffed bear that I had gotten her. We were in high spirits as we drove back to the hotel.

Once there, we said good night to others as they went into their separate rooms.

"We should get ready for bed," Bella said, her voice sounding a little raspy.

"Yeah," I agreed. We stood awkwardly for a few seconds. I knew it was ridiculous to be nervous, but for some reason I couldn't fully identify, I was. I needed to make the first move, so I went to my bag and grabbed my bathroom necessities and pajamas. I glanced at Bella and smiled as I went into the bathroom. She smiled back at me.

When I emerged, she had already changed. She sat crosslegged on the couch, her toiletry bag in her lap. "I'm done," I said, stating the obvious.

She jumped up and hurried to the bathroom. I went to the couch and pulled off the pillows. I yanked up on the strap and pulled out the sleeper sofa. Sheets were already in place and I found some extra blankets in the closet. By the time I was done making up our bed, Bella came out. "Hi," she said softly. She came to stand next to me and we both stared at the made bed. "This is a bit silly," she said and I could hear the humor in her voice.

I tilted my head to look at her. I saw the blush creep over her face.

"I mean, it's not like we haven't slept together before. What's the difference between sleeping on the floor in sleeping bags and sleeping in a bed?"

I smiled crookedly at her, then fell on to the bed, pulling her with me. She landed on top of me and instantly her mouth was on mine. The electricity that had always existed between us crackled and sparked. Her mouth sent shivers of desire racing through me and I gave myself to the passion of the kiss. I slipped my hands under her shirt and ran my palms along her bare skin, skimming over her spine and ribs. The warmth of her skin and the fire of her mouth were intoxicating.

I moved my hands higher and felt her gasp in my mouth. I used my thumbs to make tiny circles over her and she began to vibrate against me, her mouth still devouring mine. I rolled over and took off her shirt in one fluid motion. I felt her hands tugging at my shirt and I sat up helping her yank the fabric from my chest. Her hands glided down my bare skin, and I felt myself shiver in response. I leaned down to recapture her lips. The feel of her bare chest against mine ignited the flames to an almost unbearable intensity.

"Edward," she panted as my mouth left hers to kiss her neck. Her nails raked down my back. "I want…I want…"

I felt her hands pulling on my sweats. I pulled back, gazing down into her blazing brown eyes. We had never gone this far before. "Are you sure?" I whispered, moving a stray hair off her damp forehead.

She nodded. "I love you. I want you." Her voice was quiet, but sure.

At that moment, one of the bedroom doors opened. "Thanks hon!" I heard my sister call out just as Jasper walked through the door. I jerked Bella against me to hide her bare chest and she buried her face into me. Despite the heat that was still coursing through me, I could feel the blaze of her face. I scowled at Jasper as he walked into the room.

He took one look at us and burst out laughing. Great. My scowl deepened.

"Jazz?" I heard Alice call. "What's funny?"

Now I groaned as I yanked up one of the blankets and pulled it over Bella. My sister appeared in the doorway. She took one look at us and a knowing smile crossed her face. Her tingling laughter joined Jasper's louder guffaws. I felt Bella try to burrow in to my chest farther. Her shoulders were shaking and I couldn't tell if she was laughing or crying.

"Honestly," I said. "A little respect?"

"What's going on out here?" Emmett's voice boomed out.

Oh for crying out loud. Really?

Emmett came into the room, followed closely by Rosalie. He saw us and rolled his eyes. "I told you bro, you need to a _private _place."

"Well if we had a room," I began. Bella's shoulders shook harder and I desperately wanted to find out if she was crying. I lifted a hand and touched her cheek. It was dry and I could feel her smile under my fingers. I relaxed and smiled at our friends. "And if you would stay in your room, then we would have privacy."

"Aw, little brother," Emmett said, his eyes sparkling. He turned to look at Alice. "Don't you know that's the joy of being the older sibling?"

"It's our job," Alice added. "To make your life miserable."

I laughed. "Well, consider it a job well done."

With that, the other two couples disappeared back into their own, private rooms. I sighed and looked down at Bella. She gazed up at me, laughter still in her eyes. "Do you think we will ever be left alone long enough?"

I kissed her forehead. "College sweetheart. We will find a way."

She shook her head, laughing and pressed her lips to my still bare chest.

Just then, the door opened again. "Sorry," Jasper said as he hurried to the kitchenette. "I forgot to get Alice her water."

I flopped back on the bed, keeping Bella against me. I felt around the floor for our shirts. Jasper returned to the bedroom and I handed Bella her shirt. She slipped it on and I pulled on my own shirt. Bella lay down next to me, her head on my shoulder and I pulled the blankets up over us. My hand went to her hair and I twirled it around my fingers. We lay in silence for a while.

"Edward?" she whispered into the darkness, just as I had started to doze off.

"Yeah?" I murmured.

She lifted her head slightly and her hand went to my face. "I will protect you tonight."

Tears pricked the back of my eyes at her quiet words but I forced them a way. "I always sleep better when you are in my arms."

She nodded. "Sleep my angel. Nightmares won't touch you tonight." Her lips pressed to my cheek and then she snuggled into my shoulder.

My eyes slid closed. "I love you," I whispered just before falling into sleep.

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**A/N You are all amazing. Thank you so much for all the story alert adds and reviews. The number of people reading this story blows my mind. It means so much to me that you take the time to read and review. It's an amazing feeling. I apologize for the long wait for this chapter. This was a fun chapter to write and I really hope you enjoy it. Let me know what you think and review! **

**Love, mygoldeneyedangel**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and the characters.**

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Chapter Four

I opened my eyes and saw the early morning gray light outside our window. I smiled slightly, knowing that I had slept through the night without a single nightmare. The reason why was pressed against my back. Her arm was wrapped tightly around my waist, her leg hooked over mine. I shifted, with the idea of turning around so I could see her, but at the movement, her hold tightened. "Uh uh," she murmured. "Stay."

I held back my laughter and stopped moving. I stayed where I was, letting her cuddle me like an oversized teddy bear. After a few minutes, though, I became aware of sounds coming from the other rooms. "Bella?" I whispered. "Baby if you don't want to get caught in another embarrassing moment, we might want to get up."

"Sleeping," she groaned and she nestled into my back.

I ran my finger up and down her lower arm. "I know love. But we have a lot to do today." I linked my fingers with hers and lifted up her arm, attempting to free myself.

"No," she moaned again as I slid out from her grasp. I knelt down beside the bed and looked at her. She still had her eyes closed, but I could tell she was awake. I brushed her hair off her face.

"I'm going to take a shower. You can get up when you are ready. But remember, everybody else is here."

"Unh," she sighed. "I'll get up. You shower."

I pushed forward and dropped a kiss on her cheek. "You are so cheery in the morning."

"Go away."

Laughing to myself, I went to my bag and got what I needed for the shower and my clothes. I glanced at Bella and saw her still lying on the bed, her eyes closed.

When I emerged from the bathroom, clean and dressed, Bella was sitting up in bed, her hair looking like a haystack around her head. "Feeling more awake?" I asked as I went to put my sweats in my bag.

"Yeah," Bella said, smiling at me. She lifted her hands over her head and stretched. "You look mighty good this morning." She swung her legs around to the edge of the bed.

"Thanks," I said as I went to the bed and took a hold of her hands. I pulled her off the mattress, then gently kissed her nose. "You look adorable."

A horrified look came across her face as she raised her hand to touch her hair. A small squeak came from her mouth as she ran to her bag and then into the bathroom.

I laughed softly to myself and pulled the blankets off the bed. I folded them neatly and the proceeded to fold the bed back into a couch.

"What are you doing, bro?" Emmett asked as he came into the room. He was wearing a pair of cargo shorts and a Mariners T-shirt.

"Making the bed," I said slowly, as if Emmett were five.

He rolled his eyes. "Duh. But why?"

"So it's not a mess," I answered, again slowly.

"But the maid is going to come in here and change the sheets and such."

I had forgotten about that. "Oh," I said lamely.

"No worries." He stepped over one of the oversized chairs and sat down. "Rosie is showering."

"So is Bella."

"And Alice too," Jasper said as he came into the room. He made his way to another chair and flopped down. "What do you guys want to do for breakfast?"

I saw Bella's map of downtown spread out on the coffee table and I picked it up. "Carlisle and Esme highlighted the very first Starbucks," I commented. "We could go check that out and get some coffee."

Emmett nodded. "I think that sounds perfect. What else is highlighted?"

"The ferry and we have tickets for that. Also Pike's Place Market and that is where the Starbucks is also."

"Oh! The flying fish!" Jasper commented enthusiastically. "We have to go there."

"So if we do breakfast, this market place and then the ferry, that should take us pretty much all day, don't you think?" Emmett asked. Jasper and I nodded. "Then we can come back here and get ready for dinner." His foot tapped, in an almost nervous way at the mention of dinner.

When the girls were finally ready, we piled into the van and set off for the Starbucks. When we arrived, we parked the van and then entered the old café. The smell of coffee hit me and I heard Rosalie make a noise that sounded very much like a purr. We ordered our coffee and pastries and found a place to sit to enjoy our breakfast treat. After breakfast, we explored Pike's Place Market. It was a fascinating place. We spent a good half hour watching the famous fish toss. One of the fish throwers threw a giant silver fish at Rosalie. Instead of squealing and running from it, Rosalie caught it and then threw it back. Emmett burst out laughing and threw his arms around her. "See Rosie!" he exclaimed. "This is exactly why--," he stopped mid sentence. "Exactly why I love you!" he finished.

After Rosalie's show with the fish, I felt Bella pressing into my side. I put my arm around her shoulders and kissed her forehead. "Don't worry babe," I said against her skin. "I'll save you from the fish."

She smiled up at me in relief.

After the fish market, we wandered through the rest of the market. We found an old antique store where we bought a few mementoes for Esme. At a souvenir shop, we bought Carlisle a tacky T-shirt to wear while he was working in the yard and a pair of Mariner's sweats.

After we finished shopping, Emmett declared it time to eat again, so we headed towards Market Diner and ate some of the most delicious hamburgers I have ever tasted.

With our bellies full, we made our way to the ferry. We pulled the car right onto the boat. Once we were parked, we exited the car and went to walk around. It took us an hour to get to Bremerton and we spent the time exploring the ship, taking pictures and watching downtown Seattle drift by. Once we arrived at Bremerton, we went to Bataan Park. Jasper was fascinated by the WWII memorials at the park, while the rest of us took in the beautiful view of the Cascade Mountains. We spent quite a bit of time at the park, just walking and goofing around.

On the ferry ride back to Seattle, I watched Emmett nervously tapping his fingers along the rail. The girls had gone to the bathroom. "Hey Em," I said, moving to his side. "You okay?"

"Yeah, why?" he asked. His fingers stopped tapping, but he clutched the railing.

"You just seem nervous."

"No not at all." But he continued to stare off in the direction of the city.

I frowned a bit and looked at my older brother. He was never this quiet. "You can talk to me, you know. About anything."

He turned to me and smiled hugely, looking a bit more like my big bro. "Nah, I'm good Edward." He reached out and punched me in the arm. "All is good in Emmett world."

I snickered at him and punched him back. The girls made it back to us and I watched as Emmett's eyes lit up when Rosalie came to stand next to him. I caught Bella's waist and pulled her to stand in front of me. I kept my arms tightly around her waist. "How are you doing sweetheart," I asked next to her ear.

"Great," she said. "This trip has been amazing."

"Beyond amazing," I agreed. "I can't believe Carlisle and Esme set this whole thing up for us."

"I can," Bella said. "They love you all more than anything else in the world."

I kissed her temple. "I'm pretty sure they love you and Rosalie and Jasper as well."

"Yeah," she agreed. She leaned back into me as we watched the city come closer.

Once we arrived back in downtown, we hurried back to the hotel. According to Alice, we _only_ had two and a half hours until our dinner reservations at the Space Needle.

"Okay boys," Alice said as she grabbed Bella's arm. "No peaking. You are not allowed to come in this room until it's time to leave. Jasper, are you sure you have everything you need?"

"Yes ma'am," he said, tilting his head at her.

"Edward," Bella groaned, looking to me to save her. "Help."

"Come on, Bella. You have to look your best for tonight. It'll be fun." Alice pulled her into the room and Bella gave me one last pleading look. I blew her a kiss as the door closed.

I turned back to the guys and went to the couch to sit down. Emmett turned on the TV and flipped through the channels before finding the Mariner game. "Yes," he muttered. "I really don't understand how they can possibly take two _hours_ to get dressed," he said louder.

"For real," Jasper said. "What do they do?"

I shrugged, laughing softly. "All I know is that Bella always looks gorgeous afterwards."

The other two nodded in agreement. I noticed Emmett's knee bouncing up and down as he watched the game. What was with him today?

An hour and a half later, we got up and began to get dressed. I took another shower and shaved. Then I pulled on my black dress pants and a blue and black striped dress shirt. I ran my fingers through my hair, but didn't even try to calm it down. I stepped out of the bathroom to get my shoes and socks. Emmett and Jasper were already in the room, dressed in similar outfits. I grabbed the black socks and black dress shoes and shoved my feet inside. We were fully dressed and still not a sound from the girls. We all stood, staring at the silent door.

"Do you think we should knock?" I asked tentatively. We were supposed to leave in five minutes.

"It's your life," Jasper said, looking at me with wide eyes. "Personally, I wouldn't risk it."

"They'll be in time," Emmett said. I noticed his voice was a little rougher than normal. He cleared his throat, then reached down to pat his pocket, as if making sure that something was there.

Just then the door opened and three beautiful creatures emerged. My eyes only saw Bella as she walked closer to me. "Wow," I breathed as I took in her beauty. As always, after time spent with Alice and Rosalie, she looked heart-stoppingly beautiful.

Tonight, she wore a black dress. The thick straps went around her graceful neck, leaving her shoulders bare. The skirt skimmed to just above her knees. On her dainty feet, she wore black high heel sandals. Her hair was pulled up in a high ponytail, the curls cascading down her back. Wispy curls framed her face. I went to her and framed her face with my hands. "Beautiful," I said simply. I gently kissed her lips and breathed in her intoxicating scent.

"Worth the torture?" she asked.

"Definitely." I flashed my crooked smile at her.

Her brown eyes flared with passion. "Anything is worth seeing that smile."

I kissed her again, deeper this time. "We have to go," I said against her lips.

"Mmhmm," she murmured, kissing my jaw.

I reached down and took her hand. We followed the others out the door and down the elevators. When we arrived at the Space Needle, we rode the up the long elevator. When we stepped out, it was as if we were standing on top of the world. We walked to the edge for just a minute, taking in the view. Then we turned and made our way to the restaurant. We were led to three different tables and I reveled in the fact that I had Bella to myself, for the first time since we had arrived.

"Hey beautiful," I said as we sat down.

"Hey handsome," she said, her blush creeping up her cheeks.

I grinned at her as I opened my menu. I scanned over the list of entrees, several of them making my mouth water. After changing my mind several times, I closed my menu.

"Well?" Bella asked.

I laughed softly. "I'm going to get the prime rib, you?"

"The filet mignon."

"I was debating about that one," I said.

Our waiter came and took our order. Once he was gone, I turned again to my love. She was looking at me, her head tilted.

"What?" I asked quietly.

"You looked better, sweetheart." She reached out and wrapped her hand around mine. "The shadows are gone from you eyes."

"I slept all night, thanks to you." I turned my hand so I could tangle my fingers with hers. "And I don't feel as raw." It was true. The scab had been ripped off my past, leaving me vulnerable and in pain. But it was healing.

"I can tell. This trip has been good for many things."

I nodded. "It's hard to believe that in just two months, we will be in a whole new place."

"I know. I'm really glad I will be with you. I can't imagine leaving behind everything."

"Me too. It's going to be hard enough leaving Carlisle and Esme."

Our dinner arrived then. Our waiter silently placed our plates in front of us and left us to enjoy. I picked up my fork and it slid effortless through the meat. I lifted it to my lips and then nearly groaned as the tastes erupted in my mouth. I went to cut another bite and as I was lifting it, I happened to look at Bella. She sat, her fork suspended in mid air.

"Bella? Are you okay?" Concerned laced through my voice.

She nodded. "Dinner good?" she asked hoarsely.

I almost groaned again. "Yes," I managed. I took another bit and this time I couldn't help the moan of pleasure. I opened my eyes and saw her still looking at me. Suddenly I felt self conscious. I put my fork down and lifted my napkin, hastily wiping it over my chin, afraid I had dribbled sauce down it.

"No," Bella whispered. "You're fine. It's just….," her voice trailed off and her eyes went to her plate. When she looked back up, her chocolate eyes were blazing hot. "I really want to jump on you right now."

I almost choked on the meat still in my mouth. Those were the last words I expected from my sweet Bella.

"You look so hot right now," she continued in her soft, sweet voice. "The candle light catching all the red in your hair, your green eyes soft with desire, the way you licked the fork."

"Bella," I whispered. I shifted in my chair, trying to ease the sudden pressure there. "Honey are you trying to kill me?"

Her eyes widened for a second, then she smiled knowingly. She lifted her fork and slid it into her mouth, her eyes on mine the whole time. I watched, spellbound as the fork skimmed along her soft lips. I shifted on my chair again. I looked back down at my meal and tried to focus on the food. I picked up my glass and drank down the water. I tried very hard not to look at Bella.

I managed to take a few more bites before our eyes met again. Hers were sparkling as she bit her lip gently. My sweet, innocent girl was back. "Do you want to try some?" she lifted her loaded fork up.

I nodded and she brought the fork to my lips. I opened and she fed me. Her eyes watched my lips as I licked off some stray sauce.

"God," she sighed as she sat back in her seat. "Edward."

"I know, love." I reached out and put my hand on hers. "I know."

"How long until we go to college?"

"Two months."

"Too long," she whined. "Oh. My. God." Bella sat straight up in her chair, her eyes focused on something behind me.

"What?"

"Oh Edward!" she nearly squealed. Bella never squeals. "Look!"

I turned to look over my shoulder and the sight that met my eyes brought back my ridiculous smile.

Emmett was in front of Rosalie. On one knee. Holding a ring out to her. Rosalie's hands covered her mouth, but her head was nodding faster and faster. Across the short distance, I could see the tears sparkling in her blue eyes. She held out a trembling hand and Emmett slid the diamond ring on to her finger. Then she leapt forward, throwing her arms around his neck and raining kisses along his face.

Bella came around to me and sat in my lap as we watched our friends' monumental moment. "So sweet," Bella whispered as she leaned her head against mine.

"I know," I whispered back. "I knew something was up. Emmett was acting weird all day."

Emmett stood up, his arms still around Rosalie's waist. He lifted her up and swung her in a circle. A few of the onlookers clapped for the happy couple. Emmett pumped his fist in the air.

From across the restaurant, I caught Alice's eye from where she sat with Jasper. Like us, their attention was focused on our friends. She nodded and I lifted Bella off my lap and stood. Alice came to stand next to me and we walked over to our big brother. Jasper went to his sister and pulled her into a hug. "Congratulations!" Alice cried. "I didn't know you were going to propose tonight, you big oaf!"

"Didn't tell anyone," Emmett said, the relief evident in his voice. He ran his fingers through his curly hair. I could see his hand still shaking.

"Let me see," Alice said when Rosalie let go of Jasper and came to stand with us. She held out her hand. Bella and Alice immediately crowded around it. "Oh wow," Alice sighed. "It's beautiful."

"I know," Rosalie answered and she looked up at Emmett, her eyes glowing. "He did good."

"Seriously, Emmett," Bella said, scrutinizing the ring. "This is perfect for Rosalie."

Once the girls finished ohing and awing over the ring, I took a look and had to admit it was perfect for Rosalie. The main diamond was large, but still looked graceful on Rosalie's long fingers. The platinum band was encased with smaller diamonds and had an intricate pattern running through the metal.

"Congrats, big bro," I said turning to Emmett. I hugged him and patted his back. "I'm happy for you."

"Yeah," he said. "Whew! I'm glad that over!"

"Emmett!" Rosalie punched him in the arm.

"Ow!" He rubbed his shoulder. "I'm sorry babe, but I was nervous!"

"Why?" I asked, curious. "You didn't actually think she'd say no, did you?"

I saw Rosalie narrow her eyes as she waited for his answer. "No, not really. But I was worried that maybe it was too fast."

Rosalie rolled her eyes at that and pulled Emmett to her. "Never."

We paid our bills and then headed up to the look out terrace. From there, we had a view of the entire city. "How long have you planned it?" Bella asked Emmett.

He blew out a breath. "I've known I was going to ask her for a long time." He glanced at Jasper and I saw a knowing smile on his face.

"You knew?" I asked Jasper.

He nodded. "Emmett called Dad about a month ago to ask permission. My dad told me about it, figured as her brother, I should have a say. I thought real hard and decided the big buffoon could marry my sister."

"Hey!" Emmett said, laughing.

"Seriously though, it's been the hardest secret ever. I'm glad you finally did it," Jasper said. "I was going crazy not telling."

"When Dad told us he made reservations at the Space Needle, I knew that would be perfect. Especially since you all would be there. Seemed to add to it." He looked down at Rosalie, who was tucked under his arm, smiling happily. "I figured she'd want friends around."

Rosalie nodded, then looked down to inspect her ring again. "It's so pretty," she said with a sigh. "I love you." She tilted her head up and they kissed.

"You realize what this means," my sister said.

A huge smile grew over Rosalie's face. "Uh huh." She looked at Alice.

"We get to plan a wedding!" they both cried together.

"Oh God," Jasper groaned.

"Help us," I added.

"Does this mean I have to wear a dress?" Bella asked.

Alice and Rosalie rolled their eyes and we all laughed.

We spent the rest of the night celebrating. After we left the top of the Space Needle, we wandered the downtown area and ended up at the waterfront. Our mood was boisterous as we all fed off Rosalie and Emmett's excitement. I have never seen my brother so happy, never seen his smile so wide. The nerves he had felt during the day were replaced by a super charged adrenaline rush. He bounced along in front of us, lifting Rosalie in the air every once in awhile. She would giggle and cling to his neck, her own excitement nearly matching her fiancé.

My own heart was bursting with happiness and pride for my brother. My hand held Bella's and I used my thumb to trace over the promise ring on her left hand. Some day, I thought to myself. Someday soon it will be me on one knee in front of my love. I looked over at Bella and saw her smiling up at me. I leaned over and kissed her gently as we walked.

"How are you doing?" I asked.

"Great," her eyes sparkled in the moonlight. "My feet are killing me though, so much walking on very high heels."

I looked down at her small feet encased in the high heeled shoes. I thought about the many blocks that we had walked. I stopped and pulled on her hand until she stood behind me. "Get on," I said.

"Edward," she said hesitantly. "I'll hurt your back."

I laughed at that. "Babe, you weigh next to nothing, trust me. Jump on."

I felt her little hands on my shoulders and then she vaulted herself onto my back. I caught her under the knees and then hurried to catch up to the rest of the group. I heard her small sigh as the pressure was taken off her feet. "Better?" I asked.

"You have no idea," she said quietly against my ear.

"Hey," Rosalie said when she saw us. "How come Bella gets a ride?"

"Her feet hurt," I explained.

Rosalie stopped and put her hands on her hips, eyeing her new fiancé. Emmett groaned and looked at me. "Thanks Edward." He rolled his eyes, but turned his back to Rosalie, allowing her to jump on.

"Yeah, thanks." I laughed when I looked over and saw Alice on Jasper's back.

We started back towards the Space Needle. Bella wrapped her arms around my shoulders and rested her chin on my shoulder. "Let me know when you want me to walk," she said next to my ear.

"K," I answered, rolling my eyes. I hardly felt Bella's slight weight. We made it back to the van without incident. I put Bella on her feet and watched her hobble over to the van door. We climbed inside and as Emmett pulled out of the parking lot, I pulled Bella's feet in to my lap and gently unbuckled her shoes. I slipped them off and pressed my fingers into the balls of her feet.

She whimpered slightly at my touch and pushed her feet into my hand. I smiled to myself as I continued to rub my palm over her feet.

"You are completely spoiling her," Jasper said behind me. "It's really not fair, man."

"I like spoiling her," I answered, winking at Bella.

We arrived at the hotel and dropped the van off at with the valet. I felt a twinge of sadness when I realized that our vacation was nearly over. Tomorrow morning, we would pack up and return home to Forks. When we got back to our room, Jasper and Alice and Emmett and Rosalie disappeared into their private bedrooms. I grabbed my stuff and quickly brushed my teeth and changed into my sweats. After I finished, Bella went into the bathroom to complete her own nightly routine. Once again, I pulled out the bed and spread out the blankets.

Tonight, I crawled onto the bed and lay on my back with my hands folded behind my head. Bella came out of the bathroom and saw me lying on the bed. She put her things away and came to lie next to me. "Hey," she said quietly.

"Hi sweetheart."

She curled up beside me, placing her head on my shoulder. I pulled one hand out from under my head and wrapped it around her. "I'm tired," she whispered. "Today was a fun, but busy day."

"Yeah." I kissed her hair. "I agree. Fun, but now I'm exhausted." After all it was just after two in the morning.

Bella lifted herself up and placed a kiss on my lips. "I love you," she said.

"Love you too."

The next morning, we headed back to Forks, eager to tell our parents about our time in Seattle. Once back at the mansion, we gave Esme and Carlisle their gifts. Alice plugged her digital camera into her computer and showed off the pictures that we had taken throughout the two days. Both Carlisle and Esme agreed that it looked like we had a blast in the city.

After the trip to Seattle, the summer continued on. Shortly after returning, Bella and I sent off our dorm request form. We numbered the dorms exactly the same and crossed our fingers that we would be placed in the same building. Our summer days were spent together and I tried to spend as much time with her and my family as I possibly could. As the days past and September got closer, the reality that I was leaving hit me more and more. Esme took me and Alice shopping for dorm room essentials, and now my room was overflowing with college necessities.

In August, Bella and I got our welcome freshman packets, including our dorm assignments. We were ecstatic when we compared dorms and found out we had both been placed in Branner Hall. Our rooms were on different floors, but we were just thrilled to be in the same building.

We called and registered for classes. Because we were freshmen, a lot of the core classes that we would take for our majors weren't available to us yet. This enabled us to sign up for the same two classes. One of the university requirements was that we take an Introduction to Humanities sequence. Bella and I registered for a class about humans versus machines. We also signed up for the freshmen writing requirement class. In addition to those freshman requirements, I signed up for chemistry and a music theory class. Bella signed up for contemporary women writers' class.

She thought I was insane for registering for four classes. I told her that starting in February I would have baseball games to deal with and could take less classes then.

She still thinks I'm insane.

Today is the day before we leave. Bella and I spent the morning at our meadow and in the late afternoon, Charlie and the Hales came over for dinner. I wandered into the kitchen and found Esme taking the lasagna out of the oven.

"Hey Mom," I said quietly, sitting on one of the bar stools.

"Hi sweetie, where is Bella?" She put the hot pan on the stove to cool and popped the garlic bread into the oven.

"She's in the family room with everyone else, but I wanted to come keep you company."

"Everything okay?" She took off her oven mitts and began pulling vegetables out of the refrigerator for a salad.

I nodded even as a lump started to form in the base of my throat. "Do you need any help?"

"Sure, why don't you cut the tomato?" She tossed the red vegetable my way and I went to get a cutting board. I stood next to her as I chopped. "So you are excited about tomorrow?"

"Yeah," I managed to say around the lump that was growing.

"I'm so proud of you," she continued. I looked up and saw her bright smile. "You are going to blow everyone away at that college."

I nodded and tried to swallow. I finished cutting the tomato and dumped it over the lettuce Esme had put in the large wooden bowl. I grabbed a cucumber and started chopping again.

"I admit I'm happy that Bella is going to be there," Esme added.

"Me too." I cleared my throat, trying to get rid to the lump. I continued chopping.

"I know she'll take good care of you."

I nodded and added the chopped cucumber to the salad bowl. "I'm not sure what I would do if she wasn't there," I tried to elaborate. "I don't know how Alice did it."

Esme laughed softly. "I'm glad those two will be together this year. I couldn't have taken another one like last year."

"No kidding," I laughed with her.

"Will you take the salad and the bread out to the table?" she asked me as she pulled the foil wrapped garlic bread out of the oven.

"Of course." I grabbed the salad bowl and then kissed Esme on the cheek. "I love you, Mom."

"Oh my sweet boy," she said and for a second I saw the sadness creep into her eyes, despite her brave front. "I love you too." She handed me the bread and I went into the dining room. The table was ready for dinner and I added the two items to it. Then I went back into the kitchen to grab the salad dressing. Esme was cutting into the lasagna, placing thick, cheesy slabs on plates. My mouth watered just looking at it.

"Let everyone know dinner is ready," she said as I walked by.

I went to add the bottle of dressing to the table and then called everyone in. Emmett was first in line as he grabbed a plate from the kitchen. The rest of my family and friends followed and soon we were seated around the table.

"I would like to make a toast," Carlisle said, raising his wine glass. Around the table, glasses were lifted. I raised my glass of Coke and joined the toast. "To our children," Carlisle continued. "May the coming years bring you all success and happiness. I am so proud of all of you."

The other adults at the table echoed the sentiment and I took a sip of my Coke. I reached under the table and found Bella's hand. I held it on my thigh as we began eating. As the cheese and sauce filled my mouth I sighed in pleasure. I was going to miss Esme's cooking.

Emmett vocalized my thoughts a little while later as he sat back and patted his stomach. "That was amazing, Mom," he said. "I'm so full right now, but that had to last me until Thanksgiving."

Laughter filled the room. I stood up and began clearing the table. Soon Alice, Bella and Jasper were helping me. Once the table was cleared, we went into the kitchen and began loading the dishwasher.

"You guys are coming tomorrow morning at seven, right?" I asked Jasper and Bella.

"Yep, we will be here bright and early." Our families were caravanning down to California tomorrow. We were going to stop in Grants Pass, Oregon tomorrow night and then continue the rest of the way to Palo Alto the following day. From there, Emmett and Rosalie would take off to Southern California. The Hales were going to take Jasper and Alice to Berkeley while Esme, Carlisle and Charlie stayed with me and Bella. Once we were settled in, they would go to Berkeley and make sure Alice was okay. Then they were going to fly out of San Francisco back to Seattle.

Bella turned to me, clapping her hands. "I'm so excited! I can't believe we leave tomorrow!"

"Yeah," I said, the lump returning. "It'll be great." I smiled as best I could and pulled Bella to me. I breathed in her scent of freesia and strawberries. The smell swirled around me and helped me calm down.

"You okay, sweetheart?" Bella asked.

"Yeah, just a little nervous, that's all."

"Don't be nervous," she said giving me a little squeeze. "You will be great, I know it."

"Yeah."

"Hey Bells," Charlie said as he ducked into the room. "I thought we'd take off, since we are getting such an early start tomorrow morning."

"Sure Dad," Bella answered, unwinding her arms from my waist. She lifted her hand and laid it on my cheek. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yeah." I smiled and kissed her lips gently. "Love you."

"Love you more."

I walked her to the door and then waved goodbye as she followed Charlie to the red truck. Right after Bella left, the Hales took off, vowing to be back bright and early the next morning.

I helped Carlisle and Esme clean up the rest of the dinner mess, then headed up to my room. I changed into my sweats and then went to sit on my bed. I leaned against my headboard and pulled my knees up to my chest. I turned my head, rested my cheek on my knees as I stared out the window. Rain was beginning to drizzle along the glass and I smiled at the comforting sight.

My door opened then. "I thought I'd come kiss you good night," Esme said softly as she walked over to my bed.

I watched her quietly, the lump increasing rapidly in size.

"How are you doing honey?" she asked as she sat down. "You were very quiet tonight."

I nodded and felt tears beginning to pool in my eyes. I bit my lower lip and looked down. "I'm scared," I finally whispered, finally admitted. The feeling had been building inside me, growing larger and larger as this day came closer.

"Oh my sweet boy," she put her hand under my chin and lifted my face. I let my knees drop so that I was sitting cross legged in front of her. "There is nothing to be afraid of."

"I know," I said hoarsely. I bit my lip again as I tried to find the words for what I was feeling. "Forks is safe," I said, looking straight at her. "It's like my safe bubble, where no one hurts me. It where you and Dad are, where you protect me." The tears in my eyes threatened to overflow and I didn't dare blink, knowing they would go cascading down my cheeks if I did.

Esme brought her other hand to my cheek and gently cradled my face. For several seconds the room was silent as she looked at me. "I've worried," she said at last. "That your father and I are letting you go too soon, that perhaps you need more time here. You have endured more in your short nineteen years than most do in their entire life. But Edward, you have that strength within you, it radiates from deep inside you. It helped you survive ten years of pain and suffering." I blinked and the tears fell from my eyes, landing on Esme's hands.

"I don't want to disappoint you," I whispered.

"You never could," she said gently. "Just be yourself." She leaned over and kissed my forehead. Then she pushed down on my shoulders and I lay back against the pillows as she pulled my covers up over me, smoothing them over my chest and shoulders. Then she sat beside me, her hand running through my hair. "I thank God everyday for bringing you into my life and for giving me the opportunity to be your mother. I wish it had happened sooner, that I could have saved you from the terror you lived."

"You did," I interjected.

"Shh," she rested her finger on my lips for a brief moment, then returned her hand to my hair. "I will miss you."

"I'll miss you too," I answered, the tears building in my eyes again.

Esme leaned forward and kissed my forehead again. "You are ready my sweet son. You are ready to spread your wings and fly. Your father and I will always be behind you, watching you soar."

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**A/N: YAY! They are leaving for college! I am so excited to see what happens when they get there.  
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**So I was thinking...you guys have been absolutely amazing with the reviews. To my loyal reviewers, I love you guys! I've been getting around 30 every chapter. So I thought maybe we could try for 35 this chapter. I don't want to sound selfish, I would just love to hear from some of you that have read Fearless and are reading this too that I've never heard from. If that makes sense. **

**Thanks for reading!  
**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and characters**

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Chapter Five

I awoke the next morning feeling apprehensive and excited. I tried to focus on the excitement, but as I stood in my shower and let the hot water stream over my skin, I couldn't help the anxiety that rippled through me.

Today I was leaving Forks.

The logical part of my brain knew that was a good thing. I was leaving to go to college, pursuing my future. I was entering one of the top schools in the country. I would be a member of the baseball team. The girl I loved more than anything else in the world was coming with me. I should have been on top of the world, bouncing with adrenaline as I prepared to go off to college.

I stepped out of the shower and dried myself off. Then I wrapped the towel around my waist and went to get my clothes from the closet. Other than the clothes for today, my closet was empty. I took a deep breath and pulled out the t-shirt and jeans.

My emotional side refused to listen to that logical side. Forks was my safe haven. Even though a part of my past had found me here, I had defeated him. I was protected here. I knew that my past wasn't sitting outside of Forks, waiting to pounce on me the second I left its safe boundaries. But my heart didn't listen.

I went down the stairs and smiled a little when I saw Carlisle standing next to the counter, coffee cup in hand. "Good morning," he said as I walked into the room.

"Morning," I said quietly.

When it all boiled down to it, I knew where the apprehension came from. I was going to miss my parents like crazy.

"Edward," Carlisle said lowering his cup and placing it on the counter. "What's wrong?"

I huffed slightly as I walked over to him. "I feel like such a baby," I said, my voice rough with emotion. "I'm nineteen years old. I'm supposed to be jumping up and down because the today is the day." I moved my shoulders. "Freedom and all that."

Carlisle nodded. "Your mother told me what you said last night."

"I know I shouldn't be scared," I said, my hands fisting on the counter. "But I feel like everything is changing and I just don't know what to expect."

"It's understandable." I sighed at his words. They were so Carlisle. He always understood, even when it made no sense to me.

"I'm nineteen," I repeated, I felt like I was acting like such a child.

"Son," Carlisle said quietly. He put his hand on my shoulder, turning me until I was looking at him. "You had your childhood ripped away from you when you were just six years old. I knew, that first moment that I saw you in the hospital two years ago that there was something special about you. I didn't know then how right I was. You have far surpassed any expectations I had. I've seen abused children before, Edward." He raised his other hand up so he was holding both my shoulders and looking at my face. "They came into the hospital terrified shells of the person they should be."

"I was terrified," I said softly.

"But not a shell. Somehow, you maintained yourself. I don't know how you did it," Carlisle whispered. "I don't know how the constant abuse didn't destroy you." He searched my face as if trying to find the answer. "Now that you have found a safe place, of course you don't want to let it go."

"Bella will be with me," I bit my lip.

"Yes she will be, so you won't be alone. Most kids are unsure when it comes time to leave for college. You remember Emmett last year?"

I nodded and felt my lips tip up in a smile. He had clung to Mom, not letting go until the very last minute. He had followed us all the way back to the car and stood in the middle of the street waving to us. Then he had called five minutes later to see where we were at. "Yeah," I said.

"You are just feeling it a little bit more because of where you've been. But don't let it stop you, son. Don't let anything stop you. You deserve this more than anyone I've ever met."

I took a huge breath and blew it out slowly. "I will miss your wise words, Dad." I smiled at him.

He pulled me into his arms, hugging me tight. "I'm just a phone call away. Just call and I will give you all the wise words that you need." He laughed softly and held me just a little bit longer.

I squeezed his waist and then we both let go. I went to the cereal cupboard and grabbed a box of Apple Jacks. I poured myself a bowl and went back to stand next to Carlisle. "You know how you and Mom always tell me that I'm a have an inner goodness?" I asked him quietly.

"Yep."

"You have it too, Dad. I might have become a shell if you hadn't saved me."

"I doubt that," Carlisle said, but his voice was raw. "But I thank God that I chose to stay late that day. I thank God that I was in Chicago that week."

"Me too," I said softly. I looked at him and smiled. "This is going to be a good thing," I said, a little more confidence in my voice.

"No son," he shook his head. "This is going to be the best thing, you just wait."

Forty-eight hours later, Carlisle maneuvered my Volvo through the entrance to Stanford University. Bella and I pressed our noses to the windows as we drove down the palm tree lined entrance. The school appeared before us and I gaped as the large buildings came into view. They were all built with the same tan colored bricks and had red tiled roofs.

Carlisle drove my car through campus and I couldn't help but feel overwhelmed at the sheer size of it. I felt Bella's hand grip mine and I looked at her. In her eyes I saw the same overwhelming feeling. I squeezed her fingers and smiled. We were together. We would be fine. Carlisle pulled into a parking spot near Branner Hall.

For just a second, we all sat still. I stared out the window and saw all the people milling around the dorm. I squeezed Bella's hand again and then opened my door. Emmett's jeep was parked next to the Volvo. Rosalie and Esme exited the Jeep and stretched their arms over their head. Alice's yellow Porsche pulled in next to the Jeep. Alice, Jasper and the Hale's emerged from the car. I walked around the Volvo and took Bella's hand in mine. "This is it," she said softly.

"I have to say, kid," Charlie said as he closed the passenger door of the Volvo. "I'm impressed."

"It's huge Dad," Bella said, her voice filled with awe and trepidation.

"Yep," he said, eloquent as always.

"Come on, kids," Carlisle said, laughter shaking his shoulders. "We should sign in, find out your dorm numbers and then we will come back for your luggage."

Our entourage made their way to the line of tables that were set up in the grass. I led Bella to one of the tables. "Hi," I said, trying to keep my voice steady. "My name is Edward Masen." I held out my paper work that stated my dorm assignment to the girl behind the table. She was wearing a red shirt with a white S on the front. Her name tag stated that her name was Shelly.

"Hi," she said with a smile. She took my papers and ran her finger along the assignment. "Perfect, you are in the right place Edward. My name's Shelly, I'm the RA on the second floor."

"Nice to meet you," I said with a smile. I tugged on Bella's hand.

"I'm Bella Swan," she said softly from next to me. She held out her own papers for Shelly to look at.

"Awesome," she said as she scanned Bella's assignment. "You are on my floor. Room 203." Shelly dug through a box and then pulled out a slip of paper and a key. "This is your room key and other information that you will need."

"Thanks," Bella said, taking her key and paper with her free hand.

"Edward," Shelly said, digging through another box. "You will be on the third floor. Room 314. Your RA's name is Zack Johnson. He's around," she waved her hand in the air. "Somewhere."

I smiled. "Okay, thanks."

"No problem. Bella, just so you know, we are going to have a floor meeting with all the girls tonight at 5:00pm."

I glanced at my watched and saw that it was just after eleven in the morning.

"Sounds good," Bella said.

"Okay you two, we'll see you around! And welcome to Branner Hall!" Shelly smiled at us one more time, then turned to greet another newcomer. Bella and I turned and walked back to our parents.

"Do you guys want to check out our rooms?" I asked when we reached the small circle of people.

"We'll go," Carlisle said, "Emmett, why don't you, Jasper and Craig go start unloading and bring bags up."

"We are in rooms 203 and 314," I told my older brother.

He nodded and then walked back towards the car with Jasper and Jasper's father.

"I can't wait to see your room," Alice said, bouncing along beside us as we walked through the front door. "Wow," she said as we stepped into the foyer. There was gleaming woodwork, polished red tiled floor. Velvet green drapes hung from the windows and the walls were painted a warm buttery color. "This is great."

"It was renovated in 2003," I said. Alice turned to look at me, one black eye brow raised. "I researched," I said with a shrug.

Alice laughed, "Only you Edward."

We walked up the stairs to the second floor. Room 203 was right next to the stairwell. The door stood open, as if welcoming its newest inhabitants. We stepped inside the small room. Both sides were empty, Bella's roommate had yet to arrive.

"Well," she said quietly. "It's clean at least."

I laughed at her assessment of the room. From what I knew, it was a pretty standard dorm room. A large rectangle with two beds, two desks, two dressers and two closets. A large bulletin board hung over each bed.

"Edward," Esme said turning to me. "Why don't we leave Bella here with her dad to get settled and we'll go up to your room."

I looked at Bella and she nodded, answering the silent question in my eyes. I didn't want to leave her if she needed me. "Okay," I said, smiling at Esme.

"I'll stay here and help Bella," Jennifer Hale said. Just then, Emmett appeared in the doorway, two of Bella's bags loaded down in his arms. Behind him stood Craig with the rest of Bella's things.

I leaned over and kissed Bella gently. "I'll be back." She smiled and nodded.

"See you soon."

I gave her hand one last squeeze and then headed up to find my room. Carlisle and Esme went up to the third floor with me and I found room 314 easily. Again, the door stood wide open. My room was set up the exact same as Bella's and like her, my roommate had not arrived yet. I looked around the bare room that would be my home for the next nine months.

"So this is it," I said.

"Yep," Carlisle said laughing. Jasper came in behind us and put down two of my bags. "I'll go help unload the rest of your stuff," Carlisle said as he moved towards the door. "You and your mother stay here."

"Are you sure?" I asked uncertainly. I felt bad making him make so many trips up and down the three flights of stairs.

Carlisle grinned. "Yeah. Your mother wants to help you unpack."

I glanced at Esme at that moment and saw tears sparkling in her eyes. I realized then that she needed this, needed to help me settle in. I nodded at Carlisle. He left the room and I looked at Esme. "Hey Mom," I said. I put my arm around her shoulder. "So, where should we start?"

She looked up at me and gave me a smile. A watery smile, but a smile nonetheless. "Let's open up a bag and start unloading."

Happy to oblige, I lifted one of the bags onto a bed and opened it up. "Clothes," I said, stating the obvious.

"Thank you sweet boy, I couldn't tell."

I laughed at Esme's sarcasm. It sounded so funny coming from her motherly mouth.

"Which side of the room do you want? You are here first, so you get to pick."

"Oh, um," I looked at the room. "The far side, I guess?" It didn't really matter. But I kind of liked the idea of being farther away from the door.

"The far side it is," Esme said. She went to my bag, grabbed a hanger and shirt. Then she went to the far closet and hung it up. By the time she turned around, I had another shirt on a hanger waiting for her. She smiled at me and took the shirt. By the time the bag was empty, Carlisle had returned with another load of stuff.

"One more trip should do it," he said before turning and leaving again.

I grabbed another bag and hefted it up on the bed. This bag held more clothes and we made quick work of it. The next bag produced various essentials that I brought with me. My IPOD connector for music, my alarm clock, a few knickknacks and picture frames, including the picture of my biological father and me taken so many years ago. Esme fussed over the proper placement on my dresser. I stood back and let her arrange and rearrange my things.

"Okay," she said, stepping back, a satisfied expression on her face. "Where are the things you brought for the walls?"

"I think in here," I picked up another bag and looked inside. "Yeah." I reached in the bag and pulled out the frame that Alice had given me. It was a large frame, with about ten openings. Alice had filled it with pictures of my family. I pulled out another frame, similar to the other one. Bella had made this one and it was filled with pictures of me and her.

The last frame held a black and white picture of Wrigley Field. Esme went to work, every once in a while asking me if the frames were straight or centered. I answered the best I could. After the pictures were in place, Esme pulled out my bedding and went about making the extra long twin bed. I thought longingly of my king sized bed at home.

"I feel bad," I said as I watched Esme smooth the blue sheets over the mattress. "You are doing all the work."

"Makes me feel good," Esme said quietly. "Knowing that you'll sleep in the bed I made. I know that sounds ridiculous." She picked up the top sheet and snapped it as she spread it over the bed.

"It's not ridiculous," I answered. I went to her and put my hands on her shoulders. "Mom, are you okay?"

She turned to me and I saw the tears that were caught in her lashes. She shook her head and lifted her hand to my cheek. "Honey, you are my baby. And not just because you are the youngest of my children. It's going to be so hard to leave you here alone."

I let her pull me down and I rested my head on her shoulder. Her hand went to my hair smoothed it back from my forehead. "I'll be okay," I said softly.

"I know you will, sweet boy. It's just hard to say goodbye."

"Yeah," I agreed. I definitely was not looking forward to watching the yellow Porsche drive away tomorrow.

"Okay," she said, putting her hands on my chest. "We still have lots to do." She ran her fingers under her eyes and patted my cheek. "I love you."

"I love you too, Mom."

She smiled and then turned back to my bed. She pulled the goose down comforter out of it's bag. I helped her stuff the white fluff into the black and blue duvet. Then we spread it out on top of the sheets. I found the matching pillows and added those to the top of the bed. "There," she said. She stepped back and critiqued my side of the room. Personally, I thought it looked great. The black and blue duvet contrasted with the white walls and matched the black frames on the wall. "Hmm," she said. "I wish I could paint the walls. The white is so glaring. I think a nice soft beige would do wonders."

I rolled my eyes. "Mom, it's a dorm room."

"So? Doesn't mean it shouldn't look nice. Especially since my boy will be living here." She tapped her finger to her chin as she continued to assess the room. "We will have to get some more artwork for your walls."

"Yes Mom," I said, a smile teasing around my lips.

"Wow, look at this," Carlisle said coming into the room. He wrapped his arms around Esme's waist and admired her work. "I'm impressed you guys got this done so fast. Didn't expect him to be all unpacked already."

Esme swatted at his hands that rested on her stomach. "Where have you been Carlisle?"

"When we went down to get the last bags, we discovered we had all parked in the loading only zone. The school police were about to put a ticket on all of our cars, but we agreed to move them." Carlisle rolled his eyes and I laughed at his exasperated expression. "There is no parking right now, so we are basically parked in Timbuktu."

"Well," Esme said turning around to look at her husband. "Sounds like an elaborate story because someone wanted to get out of unpacking," she teased.

Carlisle's eyes widened. "I won't do that darling."

I lifted my hand to cover my mouth and snickered softly. Carlisle kissed Esme's forehead, put down the bag in his hand and then walked over to me, his arm still around Esme's waist. He laid his arm over my shoulders and squeezed gently. "How about we grab Bella and the others and head over to the bookstore."

I nodded and felt the excitement beginning to creep through me. I went to my bag and pulled out my list of classes. Then I joined Esme and Carlisle in the hallway. We went down the flight of stairs and met up with Bella and the rest of our group. "Hey Bella," I said when I saw her. "We are going to go to the bookstore, can you take a break?"

I looked around her room and saw that, like me, most of her stuff was already unpacked and put away. I looked at her dresser and smiled when I saw a picture of the two of us sitting proudly atop the surface.

"Yeah," Bella said, looking a little bit frazzled. "I think that sounds good."

I took her hand and followed the adults down the rest of the stairs.

Jennifer and Craig Hale headed back to their car, they were going to go to the hotel and check in. They would join us again for dinner.

"Was your roommate in your room?" Bella asked as we began walking in the direction of the bookstore. Carlisle had informed us that with the bookstore was closer than the car at this point.

"No," I said. "I'm looking forward to meeting him though."

"Yeah," Bella looked down and bit her lip.

"Hey, what's wrong sweetheart?" I shook her hand a little and tried to get her to look at me.

"I'm nervous about meeting my roommate. What if we don't get along? I mean, we have to live together for the whole year."

"You'll get along, I wouldn't worry," I said gently. "She'd be crazy not to like you."

She nodded and then smiled at me. "I can't believe we are actually here."

"I know." I looked around the huge campus. The red tiles hit the blue sky, the California sun shining in the sky. "It's beautiful."

"But huge," Bella said with a small laugh.

"But gigantic," I agreed. "I bet though, that by the time we are seniors, this place will seem tiny."

Bella looked around again. "I doubt that," she said looking at me.

I laughed and swung our joined hands. "I'm so incredibly glad you are here," I said happily. "I don't know if I could do this without you."

She lifted our hands and pressed her lips to my knuckles. "I told you I'd be here. I'll here for you always."

By this time, we made it bookstore and Carlisle was holding the door open for us. "Come on," he said, his blue eyes watching us. "Let's go see what the damage is."

I heard Bella groan softly next to me and I squeezed her hand to try to give her reassurance. We headed downstairs first and I found myself in a room filled with bookshelves and people. Bella and I both stood still, as if frozen in place.

I heard a booming laugh from behind me and then felt a huge hand on my shoulder. "Come on little bro," Emmett said, coming to the rescue. "I'll show you how it's done. This isn't so different from the bookstore at Pepperdine."

He took the class lists out of both Bella's and my hand and studied it closely, his eyes squinting in concentration. I fought down a laugh and tilted my head to look at Bella. I saw my laughter mirrored in her eyes.

"Okay," he said after a few moments. He scanned the room, his eyes landing on what he was looking for. "There we go, come on," he said again. He pulled on my arm and nearly dragged through aisles of shelves. "See Edward, this is the Intro to Humanities section. Now we just need to find the course number." His voice trailed off as he ran his fingers over all the numbers. I saw the course almost immediately, but I held off saying anything. I glanced over my shoulder and saw Carlisle watching us, amusement on his face. "Here we go!" Emmett called out triumphantly. He held up two Human vs. Machine books and handed them to Bella and me.

"Thanks Em," Bella said honestly. She patted his shoulder.

He beamed at us, then went back to the class lists in his hands. "We will find the writing books next." Again he looked up and scanned the room. I waited for his eyes to land on the appropriate shelves. "Aha." Again he yanked on my arm and I was pulled through the store. "Here you guys go," he said, handing us the thick paper back text books. "Freshman writing requirement. Have fun with that."

"Thanks," I said dryly, smiling at my older brother.

"Edward, you still need your chemistry and music theory book. Do you think you can find it? Bella and I can go get her literature book."

I tried really hard to fight my smile, but I knew I was losing the battle. "I think I can handle it," I said to Emmett. "But thanks for all the help big brother."

"Of course, I'm always here to help." Then he buried his nose in the Bella's list again, hunting for her last book.

I went to the chemistry section and easily found the large tome. I almost groaned at its weight. "How are you doing son," I heard Carlisle come up behind me.

"Good," I said, adjusting the three books in my arms. "Em's a great teacher."

Carlisle laughed and shook his head. "He just wants to help."

"I know," I said smiling. "I love him for it. Where's Alice and Jasper?" I asked, realizing that I hadn't seen either of them since we had arrived.

Carlisle chuckled again. "She's shopping."

"Oh," I said knowingly. "Of course."

"So what else do you need?"

"Just music theory," I said. I headed towards the music section and found the book easily.

"I'm so glad that you are majoring in music," Esme said coming up next to me. She took the music theory book out of my hands and flipped through the pages.

"I know," I said smiling at her. I loved music, especially the piano, so it made sense for me to add that major. I knew I was creating a challenge for myself, but seeing the light in Esme's eyes when I had discussed my options with her made it all worth it.

I wanted my parents to be proud of me so badly.

Carlisle steered us towards the cash register. "We'll pay for these down here," he explained as Bella and Charlie joined us in line. "Then we can go upstairs and shop some more."

We nodded our agreement. When it was my turn, I carried my four books up to the counter and laid them down to be scanned. "Hi," the girl behind the countered said with a smile.

I smiled back. "Hey."

"Freshman?" she asked, holding up the writing requirement book.

"Yeah," I said with a short laugh.

"Well, welcome to Stanford. I'm Kelly," she held out her hand and I shook it.

"I'm Edward," I said. "And thanks."

"You know," she said, leaning against the counter. "If you need a tour guide or anything, I get off work at 5:30."

I heard Bella's snort behind me and my smile grew. "I think I can find my way," I said, smiling to ease the rejection.

"You sure?"

I nodded and watched her finish ringing up the books. The total caused my jaw to drop. That much? For books? I could only stare as Carlisle handed Kelly his black credit card. "Dad," I whispered, still staring at the total. "Don't I sign up for new classes in twelve weeks?"

"Yes," he said as he signed the receipt.

"Won't I need new books at that time?"

"Yes son," he said, handing Kelly the signed slip of paper. She put a copy in the bag and handed it to him.

"That's insane." I followed him away from the cash register.

"Welcome to college, Edward," he said laughter in his voice. "Don't worry, at the end of each quarter, you can sell back your books."

"Okay," I sighed in relief. "Good."

Bella came up to me at that moment and I could see the same look of disbelief on her face.

"Don't worry," I whispered next to her ear. "We can sell them back at the end of the quarter."

She nodded and blinked but didn't stay anything.

"Let's go honey," Esme said, catching my attention. She started back up the stairs. "I need to get some Stanford gear."

We spent the next little while scouring the bookstore. Esme and Carlisle each got Stanford sweatshirts. Esme even found a t-shirt that said Stanford Mom on it and it elicited an Alice worthy squeal from her. I was glad to see her so happy. "We are going to have to be careful," Carlisle commented as we stood in line yet again, our arms laden with sweatshirts, t-shirts and a pennant that Esme thought would look nice on my wall. Bella stood next to me with sweatshirts for herself and Charlie.

"I know," Esme agreed. "Only our kids would go to rival schools. We will have to hide this Stanford gear when we go drop Alice and Jasper off at CAL."

As if Alice had heard her name, she appeared at that moment. "Mom," she whined. "I can't find anything here. It's all red and says Stanford on it!"

I snorted as I tried to withhold my laughter. "I think that's the point dear," Esme said, patting Alice's shoulder. "But don't worry, you will find lots of stuff in the UCBerkeley bookstore."

Alice sighed and nodded. "I found this, thought it would be good so I could support my brother in some way." She held up a small stuffed bear that was wearing a baseball hat and a Stanford jersey.

"Mary Alice Cullen," my mother exclaimed when she saw the bear. "Where did you find that?"

Alice looked a little shocked by the firmness of Esme's voice. "Um, in the back," she pointed in the direction.

Esme turned to see where we were in line. There will still several people in front of us. "You will go get me one," she said to her daughter. But she was smiling now.

Alice let out a small breath of relief. "Yes Ma'am!" She turned and hurried to the back of the store.

Jasper laughed as he watched her go. "Sorry man," he said, spreading his hands as if to show me they were empty. "I just can't do it."

"It's all good," I said laughing again. "I'm not going to get any CAL stuff, so don't worry about it."

Alice came back with a slightly larger bear. "Here Mom," she said, handing Esme the stuffed animal. "I thought perhaps you would like the next size up."

"Thank you sweetie," she said, taking the bear and looking at it lovingly.

I glanced down and saw Bella's eyes on the bear, a look of longing in the brown depths. I smiled to myself as I added the bear to the list of anniversary presents I was going to get her. We were celebrating two years together in one week.

We finally made our way through the line, to the cash register and out the door.

Emmett and Rosalie were sitting outside waiting for us when we walked out. "It's about time," Emmett said walking over to us.

"Be nice," Rosalie said from her place at his side.

"It's almost four," he added and Rosalie swatted his arm. "What?" he asked her innocently.

Rosalie rolled her eyes.

"Bella has to be back at the dorms by five," I said.

"Yeah," Bella agreed. "My RA said that we are having a brief meeting," she explained further.

"No problem," Charlie said, smiling at his daughter.

"How about we drop you two off at the dorms and then we will come back at seven and we can all go out to dinner," Carlisle suggested.

"Sounds good," I said, my stomach jumping at the thought of my parents leaving. I took a small breath to steady myself. This is a good thing, I repeated to myself. Before I knew what was happening, we had arrived back at the dorm. Carlisle handed me the bag with my sweatshirt and pennant and then they were saying goodbye.

I knew it was only for two hours, but it was still hard to watch them leave. I looked down at Bella and saw her watching her father fade from view. At that moment, Bella needed me and I put away my own anxiety. "Hey," I whispered to her. "I'm here, you aren't alone."

She nodded and looked up at me. Her hand touched my cheek. "I love you," she whispered.

"I love you too. Remember, this is a good thing. Just think of all the experiences we will have."

Almost instantly, her face turned bright red. I chuckled softly. "More than just that babe. But that is definitely a plus."

I kissed her neck gently and brought my lips up to her mouth. Our lips met and for a few seconds I lost myself in her taste. As I pulled away, she sighed and leaned against my chest. "We should go up to your room," I said softly as I massaged circles over her back. "I can help you put the rest of the stuff away."

"Okay," she said, pulling away from me. She took my hand firmly in hers and I rubbed my thumb over her knuckles. We went through the door and headed for the staircase. "I have a feeling these stairs are going to get old," Bella commented as we climbed up.

I laughed. "Sweetheart, at least you only have one flight of stairs."

"True," she said, amusement in her voice. We turned the corner and I saw that her door was open. Bella hesitated for a second and looked up at me, the worry back on her face. I kissed her gently and led her towards the opened door.

I stood in the doorway of her room and saw a small girl, maybe only a few inches taller than Alice folding clothes. Her light brown hair was pulled into a short ponytail and messy tendrils flew around her face. The girl wore a pair of jeans and a gray T-shirt with the letters SRVHS on it. I breathed a small sigh of relief.

She glanced up at that moment and saw me and Bella hovering by the door way. "Hi!" she said, her voice bubbling with excitement. She put down the shirt she had been folding and bounced over to us. Once again, she reminded me of my sister. "I'm Samantha Carter." She held out her hand towards me.

"I'm Edward Masen," I said, shaking her hand.

"I'm Bella Swan," Bella said softly, also shaking Samantha's hand. Samantha looked at her expectantly. I squeezed her fingers. "We are roommates," Bella blurted out.

I snickered softly as Bella turned red. I squeezed her fingers again and pushed her to enter the room.

"It's nice to meet you," Samantha said, smiling. "I'm so excited about this year, aren't you?"

Bella nodded. "Where are you from?"

Her roommate tugged on her shirt. "Danville, California." At our confused look, she smiled. "Tiny little town about forty-five minutes south east of San Francisco. What about you?"

"We are from Forks, Washington," Bella said. I quietly made my way to Bella's bed and sat down. I wanted to let her talk to her roommate without me interrupting. Bella laughed as it was Samantha's turn to look confused. "Microscopic town about three hours west of Seattle," Bella said to the unasked question.

"Wow, you came from far. So is that your boyfriend?" she turned her head towards me.

"Yes," Bella said, gazing at me for a minute.

"Lucky," Samantha said with sigh. "How long have you been going out?"

"Almost two years," Bella answered. I watched her walk to the bed and she started helping Samantha fold her shirts.

"That's awesome," Samantha said. But she let out another little sigh. "You're lucky. My boyfriend is headed down to UCLA. We said goodbye last night and I already miss him like crazy."

"That's no good," Bella said sympathetically. "How long have you guys been dating?"

Samantha smiled. "Since our freshman year, we met at the first football game of the year and have been pretty much inseparable since." She fingered the locket that hung around her neck. "I keep telling myself I'm lucky because at least we have text messaging and phone calls and all that technology in our favor. Imagine if we had to wait for snail mail?"

Bella laughed. "I can't wait to meet him, what's his name?"

"Ryan," Samantha said. The room was quiet for a few seconds. "But anyway," she said, bouncing back to her happy mode. "What's your major?"

"English literature," Bella answered. She picked up the pile of shirts and handed them to Samantha who began loading them into the drawers of the dresser. "You?"

"I'm majoring in Education," Samantha said. "What about you, Edward?"

"Biology," I said from my place on the opposite side of the room.

"Really?" Samantha said.

"And music," Bella answered.

"Really?" Samantha repeated.

"He's pre-med," she added proudly.

"Really?" Samantha repeated for the third time. She looked at me. "Wow."

"And he's on the baseball team," Bella continued.

I shifted on the bed. "Bella," I said awkwardly.

"What sweetheart? I'm just proud of you." Bella smiled at me and I tried to smile back.

"Hey, it's almost five. We are supposed to meet in the common room," Samantha said, breaking our gaze.

I stood up and went to Bella. "Come up to my room when you are done," I said to her.

"Yeah, I'll be there."

I watched then as Samantha and Bella walked down the hallway. Before they were out of ear shot, I saw Samantha lean over to Bella and whisper, "He's freaking hot!"

Bella laughed. "I know."

I turned to go up the stairs, a smile on my face. Bella's roommate seemed normal enough and it seemed as if the girls would get along just fine. I was grateful for that. When I got to my room, I found that my roommate had also arrived. Bags were littered across the floor and a boy sat at the desk, staring at a computer screen, his fingers flying over the keys. He had messy brown hair that skimmed the collar of his shirt and a small frame. I couldn't tell anything else about him because he was facing the computer.

"Hi," I said as I walked in. I tried to sound confident.

The boy typed a few more words then turned to face me. "Hey," he said. His face was pale, in an almost unhealthy way.

"I'm Edward Masen," I extended my hand to him.

"Matt Stevens," he said taking my hand.

"So I guess we're roommates," I stated the obvious.

"Yep."

An awkward silence filled the room. "So," I said, clearing my throat. "Where are you from?"

"San Jose," he said. "You?"

"I'm from a little town outside of Seattle," I said.

"Hm." He turned back to his computer and typed in a few more lines. "I looked at your pictures," he said.

I swallowed. "Okay."

"You don't look like your parents."

I tried to clear my throat. "Yeah, I know," I said, not sure what he wanted me to say. "I'm adopted."

He turned in his chair again and looked at me, his murky brown eyes staring at me. I shifted uneasily. "That makes sense," he finally said. "Who's the girl? Is she your girlfriend?"

"Yeah," I said thickly. "She goes here, actually."

"Really?" Matt lifted a shaggy eyebrow. "What's your major?"

"Biology and Music." His eyebrow lifted higher. "You?"

He shrugged a thin shoulder. "I'm undeclared at the moment. I'll decide later."

"Oh," I said. I tapped my finger on my jeans, searching for something to say. When I couldn't think of anything, I decided to unpack my last bag. I reached for it.

"Holy shit, what is that?" Matt exclaimed, pointing at my arm.

I glanced down and saw that as I had reached for my bag, the sleeve of my sweatshirt had risen up my arm. "Nothing," I muttered, pulling down on my sleeve to hide the hideous scar.

"Didn't look like nothing. Did you try to commit suicide?"

"No," I said, turning my back to him as I lifted my bag onto my bed. I felt my heart begin to pound as I thought of the night I tried so hard to forget.

"What happened then?" he persisted.

In my mind, I scrambled for a response. At home, in Forks, no one talked about my scar. I avoided wearing short sleeve shirts if I was going to be around a lot of people, but even when I did, no one said anything. In a town as small as Forks, everyone knew where my scar came from, so no one ever asked.

"Are you a cutter?" Matt asked now.

"No," I said again, a bit harsher than I meant to. But how was I supposed to explain that the man that beat me for seven years had killed my mother and then when I found a new home, he had found me and tried to kill me by having me slit my own wrist? Not really something I wanted to get into on the first day. I turned back to face him. "I fell through a window," I finally said.

"Oh," he almost sounded disappointed. "It looks painful."

I remembered the pain of the knife slicing through my skin and I repressed a shudder. "Yeah. So what classes are you taking?" I asked him, trying to get him to talk about something else.

"I bet it bled a lot," he continued, ignoring my attempt to change the subject.

Again I turned and my hands squeezed the handles of my bag. Unwillingly, I flashed back to that night, and I was standing in the center of the gym. My arm was open and blood flowed freely from it. I had come very close to dying that night. "What classes are you taking?" I asked again, hating how my voice trembled over the words.

He grunted. "The writing requirement, Intro to humanities and some math class," he said, sounding disappointed.

"Oh," I said. I didn't move, didn't turn back to him. Then the noise of the clacking keyboard filled the air and I began to unpack the last bag. As I reached for a pair of socks, I saw my hand was shaking. I squeezed it into a fist and tried to force the shaking away.

I couldn't wait for Bella to get back.

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**A/N So last chapter I had hoped to get 35 reviews. I didn't get 35, I got 41!!!!! You guys are amazing! I hope you enjoyed the arrival at college. I based it a LOT off of my own experience.**

**So I have a surprise for you all. Anne Cullen made me a banner for Fearless. It's absolutely beautiful, if I do say so myself. If you are interesting in seeing it, just review and I'll send you the link. Can we try for 45 reviews on this chapter?**

**Thank you so much for reading!  
**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or the characters. Stephenie Meyer does.**

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Chapter Six

True to his word, Carlisle returned at seven to pick us up. Bella and I were waiting by the curb when he pulled up in Alice's banana yellow car. It was odd to see Carlisle driving Alice's, but he had left his Mercedes at home since the adults would be flying back to Seattle. The car pulled up to the curb in front of us and Esme hopped out. "Hi honey," she said, embracing me quickly.

I squeezed her waist and breathed in a sigh of relief. After the tension in my dorm room, it felt so good to be back in her comforting presence. I let go and then followed Bella into the small backseat of the car. I folded my long legs in, my knees bumping against my chest. I looked up and saw Carlisle smiling warmly at me. "Everyone else headed to the restaurant to get a table," he explained.

"Where are we going?" Bella asked as Esme got back in the car and Carlisle pulled away from the curb.

"We found a local Mexican food restaurant," he answered. "According to Emmett and Rosalie you can't be in California and not try the Mexican cuisine."

I had never really had Mexican food before, Forks Washington wasn't really known for its food variety. But I had heard Emmett talk about it on several occasions so I was excited to try.

"Did you meet your roommates?" Esme asked. She turned in her seat so that she was looking at us.

"Yeah," Bella said excitedly. "My roommate's name is Samantha. She seems really cool. I found out that she's majoring in Education, but she loves the classics, like me. So she's thinking of possibly minoring in English lit. She wants to get a feel for it, so she's taking an English class. When we compared notes, we found out we are in the same class!"

I smiled at the happiness in Bella's tone. I knew she had been worried about the roommate situation so it made me incredibly glad to hear that they were getting along.

"What about you, Edward?" Esme asked. She turned her head to look at me.

"His name is Matt Stevens," I said, trying to keep the tension from creeping into my voice. Something was off about my roommate, but I did not want my parents to worry. "He's from San Jose and as of right now he's undeclared." I looked up and saw Carlisle's intelligent blue eyes watching me carefully in the rearview mirror.

"Do you think you will get along with him?" Esme pressed.

"Um, yeah," I said. I cleared my throat. "We didn't have a whole lot of time to talk, so it's hard to tell," I tried to explain. I didn't want to lie to them, but I also didn't want them to be concerned. It was a very fine line.

We reached the restaurant and when we walked in I could immediately smell the spices in the air. I followed Carlisle through the colorful place, holding Bella's hand. We found our party sitting near the back of the restaurant and we took our places. I was handed a menu. I scanned it, reading each description carefully.

When our waiter came to take our drink order, Carlisle, Charlie and Craig ordered margaritas on the rocks. Esme and Jennifer ordered strawberry margaritas. When Emmett and Rosalie ordered virgin versions of the alcoholic beverage I decided it sounded interesting, so I ordered one for myself. Bella followed my lead.

When my drink was placed in front of me, I couldn't help but gape at it. I glanced at Bella and saw her expression matched mine. I lifted up the huge, heavy glass and took a sip of the red slush. It tasted interesting, but good. I took another sip and smiled at Bella, encouraging her to try her own drink. She lifted the straw and sipped. A smile broke over her face and she drank more.

My hand found hers under the table and I held it on my thigh. The waitress took our food orders and I decided to try the chicken burrito. Bella chose the cheese enchiladas.

"How did your meeting go?" I asked her when the menus had been cleared. For the moment, several different conversations were flowing across the table.

"It was okay," Bella shrugged. "Shelly just wanted to introduce herself so we would feel comfortable on the first night. The whole dorm is having a meeting tomorrow at eleven to discuss the rules and everything."

"Yeah, I heard about that."

"We played a name game, to get to know the other people on our floor. That kind of stuff. What did you do while I was gone?"

"Just put the rest of my stuff away. Then I explored the rest of the dorm. I found the dining hall. They have tables set up in a courtyard so we can eat outside when the weather is nice." I smiled at the idea. It was going to be nice to see the sun more often than rain.

"You haven't told me much about your roommate," Bella said softly. "Why do I have a feeling you are avoiding telling me?" She squeezed my hand gently.

"I guess because there isn't much to tell. He stared at his computer most of the time I was there. He seems pretty introverted, not very social." I paused for a second. "His social skills are a little rusty."

"Was he mean to you?" she asked, her voice filled with protective concern and her hand tightened even more around mine.

"No. He just asked questions I wasn't ready to answer."

Her free hand went to my left forearm and she gently touched my scar.

"Yeah," I whispered.

Our food arrived at that moment and a huge, stuffed burrito was placed in front of me. Beside the burrito was a pile of rice and beans. I heard a sizzling, popping sound and looked over at Emmett as a huge black skillet was placed in front of him. "What's that?" I asked him. Another plate filled with cheese, sour cream, guacamole and lettuce was put in front of him, followed by a round, blue container.

"Fajitas!" Emmett said enthusiastically. He took the lid off the blue container and pulled out a white tortilla. I looked closer and recognized the food that lay on the skillet. I had made fajitas before, but they never looked like that.

"Impressive," I said, smiling at my brother.

He only nodded as he began loading the tortilla. I picked up my fork and cut through the tortilla on my plate. Immediately, beans, cheese, chicken and sauce flooded out the opening. It looked delicious. I looked over at Bella and saw her chewing, a satisfied smile on her lips. I lifted my fork and took a bite. "I think we need to incorporate Mexican food into our normal diet," I said to Bella after I had swallowed.

She nodded emphatically and lifted another cheesy bite to her mouth.

"I told you bro," Emmett said, lifting another filled tortilla to his mouth. "Once you've had this stuff, you can never go back."

"So what's on your agenda for tomorrow?" Carlisle asked. I tried to hide my smile as I watched my normally reserved father plow his way through the burrito in front of him. Obviously, he liked this food as well.

"Well," I began, trying to remember what the flyer had said. "We have a dorm meeting at eleven. Then Freshmen Orientation is at one. Then there is a kick off barbeque and bon fire at seven."

"Busy day," Esme commented.

"Yeah, but it should be fun," I said smiling at her.

"How about we come pick you and Bella up tomorrow morning, we'll grab some breakfast before we take off for Berkeley," Carlisle said.

I nodded, but couldn't push any words past the lump in my throat. I felt like I was on a teetor-totter, the way my emotions kept seesawing back and forth. Not five minutes ago I had been filled with excitement about the coming day. Now I felt panic at the thought of watching my family drive away. "Dad," I said softly. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

Sometime between my burrito arriving and this minute, I had decided I needed to talk to my father about the thoughts swirling in my brain. I needed his wisdom and understanding. I stood and he did the same. He stayed silent as we walked out of the restaurant and then stood on the street, the sunlight waning behind us. "What's on your mind son?" Carlisle asked.

I pushed my sleeve up, revealing the long scar. "My roommate saw it," I whispered. "He asked me if I tried to commit suicide, then if I was a cutter."

"What did you say?" His words were gentle and I saw the concern in his blue eyes.

"That I fell through a window."

Carlisle nodded. "I can understand why the truth is hard."

"I don't know what I'm supposed to say when people ask. No one ever has. But how am I supposed to tell someone I don't know what really happened? It's not a pleasant story."

"No," he agreed. "I think you did the right thing, Edward. The truth will come out with trust."

I shifted my weight from foot to foot. "There's something else, too." I stared at my hands as I twisted them nervously. I jumped slightly when Carlisle's hand came to rest on top of them, stilling the nervous movement.

"Don't ever be afraid to tell me something," he said seriously.

My eyes flew to his. "I'm not," I shook my head. "I promise. It's just…embarrassing." I couldn't think of another word to describe my hesitation.

"Don't be," he murmured quietly.

"How do I get the nightmares to stop?" I asked him. I could feel the desperation power through me and knew it was apparent in my eyes. "I don't want to have one when my roommate is in the room."

"I thought they had stopped," Carlisle said, his eyes widening as he looked at me.

"They did, for a really long time," I told him. "But they, they came back after the accident in June," I admitted, meeting his eyes. "Not every night, but they are there."

Carlisle pulled me to him and I rested my head on his shoulder, breathing in his musky scent. "I hate it Dad," I whispered. "I just wish I was normal so I didn't have to worry about all this stuff. I just want to enjoy being in college and not be freaked out to go to bed tonight."

His arms around me tightened. "I know, son. You don't deserve any of this. But you are strong, just remember that." I nodded against his shoulder. I felt Carlisle's chest expand as he took a deep breath. "If you would like, I can get you a prescription for sleeping pills and we can see if they keep the nightmares at bay."

I swallowed hard at the thought of relying on drugs for sleep. I lifted my head and stepped back. "Aren't sleeping pills addicting?"

"Only if you let them be." But I could see the wary look in Carlisle's eyes and I knew he didn't like this option.

I bit my lip and considered for a few seconds. Then I shook my head. "Let me try it on my own. If it doesn't get better," I broke off and sighed. "Then maybe." I really didn't want to depend on drugs to live my life.

"I think that is a wise decision," Carlisle said. "Son, I want you to call me whenever you need to talk. I think bottling things up helps trigger the nightmares as well. Talk to me, talk to Bella, talk to your mother. Promise me you won't let things build inside of you."

"I promise."

I saw Carlisle glanced over my shoulder and by the look in his eyes, I knew the rest of our group had walked out of the restaurant. We loaded back into the cars, the rest of the cars headed back to the hotel as Carlisle directed the yellow Porsche back to the dorms. He pulled up to the curb and then we all got out.

"I'll see you tomorrow, my sweet boy," Esme said as she hugged me.

"I love you, Mom," I answered back.

She pulled back and held my face in her hands. "Have a good night, sweet dreams, and don't let the bed bugs bite."

I bit back a smile. "I won't."

"Good night, Edward," Carlisle said, taking Esme's place in front of me. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Esme saying goodnight to Bella. "Like your mom said, only pleasant dreams for you tonight."

I nodded. "Thanks Dad. I will see you tomorrow."

Bella and I stood together and watched my parents climb into the car. They gave us one more wave and the car was gone. "Do you want to go for a walk before we head up to our rooms?" I asked Bella.

"Yeah, that sounds great."

I held her hand as we walked through the courtyard in front of our dorm.

"It's so beautiful here," Bella commented. "Still so warm, even though it's September and the sun has gone down."

"It really is," I agreed. "So different from Forks."

Bella laughed. "So much blue sky and sun."

"Well, we are in California, afterall."

Bella skipped along beside me, her hand swinging mine. "I'm really excited about tomorrow. I can't wait to start experiencing college."

"What are you most excited about?" I asked. A smile tugged at my lips as I watched her enthusiasm.

"Hm, that's a tough question." She brought her hand up and tapped a finger to her lips as she thought. "I think the bon fire. It will be fun to see the school spirit. What about you?"

"I think the bon fire will be a blast. But I'm also really excited about orientation. It will be nice to learn where things are and how things are done."

"When's your first baseball practice?" Bella asked me.

"Not until Monday."

"You have your first practice on the first day of classes?"

"Yep," I said. I squeezed her hand. "Now that is something I am looking forward to."

"Me too," she agreed. "You are going to look so sexy in your uniform."

"Bella!" I exclaimed.

She laughed at my reaction. "Come on Edward, you know I think you look hot when you play. I can't wait to come watch. Do you think I will be able to watch practices?"

"I don't see why not, I mean, they will be at the field."

"Cool," Bella said and I could hear the glee in her voice. "I am so relieved, happy, glad, excited, thrilled and any other word you can think of that I got into Stanford."

"Oh me too," I said without hesitation. "Things would not have been the same at all. Someone was definitely smiling down on us when you got that letter."

"I bet it was your dad," Bella said softly.

I stopped walking and looked at her. She jerked to a stop since her hand was still connected to mine.

She took a step back so she was next to me again. "I didn't mean to upset you sweetheart."

"You didn't," I said, honesty ringing in my voice. "I just, I guess I never thought of that. I like it. I really really like the thought."

"I'm pretty sure your dad is up in heaven, watching his baby boy and is so proud of you," she said, touching my cheek. "And I'm sure he is trying to help you out, the best he can."

"I've always figured he was watching," I said quietly. Her thumb moved along my cheek bone. "But I never considered that he might try to help."

Bella rose up to her tiptoes and pulled me closer to her. "There isn't a doubt in my mind," she said. "I love you so much." Her lips pressed gently to mine, a whisper of a kiss, slow and thoughtful. Her arms twined around my neck as she continued to gently brush my lips. She lowered from her tip toes, her hands sliding down my arms and she pressed a kiss to my chin on her way down. I wrapped my arms around her shoulders and hugged her to my chest. I felt her arms tightened around my waist. I kissed the top of her head, then rested my chin on her hair.

"We should probably head back to the dorms," Bella said after awhile.

"Probably," I sighed.

"But just think," she said as she took my hand and we headed back to Branner Hall. "I'll get to see you first thing in the morning and then _all_ day until it's time to go to bed again."

I felt my heart warm at the very idea. "That is very true."

"This college thing is going to be awesome," she said.

I burst out laughing. "Yeah, love, I really think it will be."

We walked through the doors of the hall and made our way up the stairs to the second floor. I paused outside her door and kissed her gently. "I'll see you in the morning."

"Yep. Love you Edward."

"I love you too. Sleep well."

"You too sweetheart." She wrapped her arms around me neck and pulled me down until her lips were against my ear. "No nightmares tonight." I squeezed her hands and watched as she walked into her room. "Hey Sammy," I heard her say.

"Hey Bella! How was your night?"

I smiled and turned back to the stairs. I climbed them slowly. When I reached the third floor and I took a huge breath and entered my room. Matt sat at his computer and I wondered if he had moved the whole time I had been gone. I saw a fast food wrapper in the garbage and decided that he must have at least moved to get food. "How was your night?" I asked.

"Fine."

"That's good," I said. "I went out to dinner with my parents," I volunteered, trying to make conversation.

"You mean your adopted parents."

I frowned. "Same thing."

"Not really."

Whatever that meant. I was too tired to try to figure him out right now. I didn't understand what his problem was. Maybe he was adopted and his adopted parents weren't nice. I picked up the green basket Esme had gotten me for my toiletries, grabbed my pajamas and made my way to the bathroom. The bathroom was huge. It was divided into two separate rooms. One room was lined with individual shower stalls. I felt relief that it was not a communal shower. The second room held the sinks and toilet stalls. Blue and white tiles made up the walls and the floor was white. I went to one of the porcelain sinks and proceeded to wash my face and brush my teeth. Once I finished that, I went into one of the stalls to change. I couldn't imagine changing in my room, not with Matt's staring eyes. I lifted off my shirt and looked down at the pink lines that marked my chest. It had been rare for James to hit me in the chest with anything besides his fists and feet.

But on that day he had lost control. I'm not sure what happened at work, but he had come home worked up in a frenzy. As normal, he had demanded beer the second he had come through the door. But he finished that beer in seconds, chugging it down as if his life depended on it. He immediately wanted another. He drank five before he even made it to the couch.

I had stood next to him, beer in hand watching him inhale the beer. I knew it was only a matter of time before the rage boiling within him exploded on to me. After the tenth beer, he had left the room and returned with his bull whip. It was a weapon he rarely used and I had nearly thrown up when I had seen it in his hands.

His wrath came down on me that night like I had never known before. He chewed me up and spit me out, ravaging my body until I finally found solace in unconsciousness. I had awoken in my bedroom, lying on the floor with my limbs twisted awkwardly around me. He must have thrown me in my room when he was finished. The lines crossing my chest and back had stung for days, each new beating causing them to bleed again for weeks after.

Most of his weapons did not leave scars, although my back was marked with more than just the lines. But I would live with the reminders of that night for the rest of my life.

I pulled my t-shirt and sweats on, hiding the marks. I could only imagine Matt's reaction to them.

I gathered my jeans and shirt in my arms, making sure that the clothing covered the scar on my arm, grabbed my basket and made my way back to the room. Matt still sat at his computer. Nice life.

I put my shirt in the laundry hamper Esme had placed on the floor of my closet and hung up my jeans. I took off my shoes and set them on my shoe rack. My socks joined my shirt in the hamper. I kept my arm pressed to my side as I grabbed a book and went to sit on my bed. I wondered how long Matt would stay up.

"Are you a night owl?" he asked after a while.

I put the book down. "Not really," I said. "I guess I'm more of a morning person."

"Oh," he said. "Great."

"I take it you are a night owl?"

"Yeah, but I guess it is getting pretty late. Besides, we have that stupid meeting at eleven."

He was worried about being up by eleven? I couldn't remember the last time I had slept past seven thirty. I watched as he shut down the computer and climbed into his bed. He took off his shirt and threw it on the floor. "Night," he said as he pulled the covers over his face.

"Night," I muttered. I closed my book and set it on my desk. Then I pulled down the covers and went to turn off the light. I climbed on the twin bed and lay down on my back. I put my hands behind my head and stared at the ceiling. On the other side of the room, I could hear Matt's soft snores. It reminded me of James when he was passed out drunk. My lungs hitched and I closed my eyes, focusing solely on the rise and fall of my chest. I turned over and immediately hit my leg against the wall next to the bed. I kept my eyes closed and tried to will myself to calm down.

But the small bed and the soft snores were sending me to another time and place. I opened my eyes and let out a frustrated sigh. "You are not in Chicago," I whispered into the dark room. "Not that child trapped in that house."

I ran my hand along the bottom sheet. "See," I continued to whisper. "Soft sheets." I trailed my fingers along the 600 thread count sheets that were nothing like the scratchy blankets I had slept on before. I focused my mind on Bella. On Carlisle and Esme and my brother and sister. Slowly, I drifted to sleep.

Sometime later, I jerked awake. I opened my eyes to the black room and swallowed hard. The nightmare had been coming, but I had forced myself awake before it could trap me in its terror. I rolled over and looked at my alarm clock. The green numbers told me I had been asleep for three hours. I turned onto my side again and resumed running my hand along the sheets, once again grounding myself in the present. I thought of the day, only a week ago, that we had celebrated Bella's nineteenth birthday.

We had a barbeque at the mansion. The weather agreed with us that Bella's birthday was a special day and the rain had held off. Alice had invited Bella's friends from school, including Angela and Ben. Charlie had come, of course, along with Craig and Jennifer Hale. Carlisle had barbequed hamburgers and hot dogs, while Esme made sure the buffet table was filled with macaroni salad, chips, beans, potato salad.

Emmett, Jasper and I had set up a game of ultimate Frisbee. Carlisle, Charlie and Craig ended up joining us and before too long the game had turned pretty competitive. For such a quiet man, Charlie sure has a competitive streak. The game had been intense, but exhilarating.

While we played, the girls pulled out an old croquet set. At one point I had turned around and saw Bella holding a croquet mallet and my heart had leapt to my throat. But she had hit her ball through the wicket. When she did this, she had turned to me with the most brilliant smile that I had temporarily left my game to plant a smoldering kiss on her lips.

I smiled against my pillow as I remembered and my eyes slid closed as I tumbled into sleep yet again.

Once again, I forced myself into awareness, James' leering face still echoing through my memory. It was still dark in my room. I glanced again at the clock and saw another two hours had gone by. Since it was just after five in the morning, I figured I would just get up. As quietly as I could, I left my bed, gathered my things and headed for the bathroom.

I showered and dressed before returning to my room. Matt still snored away as I quietly made up my bed and put away my pajamas. Then I left the room. I stood for a second, wondering what the world I should do now. A sharp pang hit me as I realized I couldn't go down to the kitchen and keep Carlisle company while he drank his morning coffee. Feeling a bit off kilter, I walked down the silent hall. I went down the stairs and briefly contemplated knocking on Bella's door to see if she was awake. But then I realized that would, in all likelihood wake both her and her roommate up.

I continued down the stairs and headed towards the large recreation room. Huge blue plush chairs were set around small table throughout the room. I noticed that someone had placed a stack of newspapers on of the tables, so I grabbed one and headed towards a chair. I chose a chair near to the window so that I could watch the California sun rise. I read through the paper, keeping my eye on the lightening sky. At last, I watched as the sun made its appearance, welcoming a new day. Without the gray clouds blocking it, the sun appeared with all its glory, lighting the sky with pinks and blues. I watched silently, marveling in the beauty.

At seven thirty, I climbed up the stairs again and this time I did knock on Bella's door. Carlisle and Esme were picking us up in a half hour. The door opened and I was greeted by Bella. I tried not to smile, I really did when I saw her. But she looked so incredibly adorable, standing in the doorway in her pajamas, her hair tumbling messily around her shoulders, rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

"Hi baby," she said sleepily when she saw me. She stepped forward and wrapped her arms around me. I chuckled softly as I held her sleepy form to me.

"Good morning my love," I whispered against her hair.

"Mmm," she murmured, snuggling her cheek against my sweatshirt. "You're dressed."

"I am," I agreed. "As you should be soon." I kissed her hair again. "We are leaving a half hour."

"Mm k," she murmured again. She gave me one last squeeze and then stepped away from me. "I gotta shower," she said as she stumbled back into the room. I caught her elbow before she tripped over an unpacked bag. I glanced at Samantha's sleeping form and stayed quiet.

"Do you want to meet me downstairs when you are dressed?" I asked when we stepped into the hall again.

"Or you could just come shower with me," she said, her voice still sleepy. But as she heard the words that came out of her mouth, her eyes widened and she slapped a hand over her mouth.

Again, I tried very very hard not to laugh.

"My brain filter isn't working this morning," she said as her face flamed.

"No worries sweetheart." I leaned over and whispered into her ear. "Besides, I would love to shower with you. We will, I promise."

If possible, her face turned an even darker shade of red. But her eyes looked hopeful. I couldn't help the laugh now. "Go shower babe," I said.

She turned and almost ran down the hallway. I watched to make sure she didn't stumble. Then I went back down the stairs. Bella appeared twenty-five minutes later looking much more awake. Her hair was pulled back in a long ponytail and she wore an outfit similar to mine, jeans and a Stanford sweatshirt. Hers however, was red instead of blue like mine.

We went outside and once again waited for Esme and Carlisle.

"How'd you sleep last night?" Bella asked while we stood at the curb.

"Okay," I said. "Not great, but I didn't have any nightmares." I actually felt a sense of accomplishment that I had held off the nightmares last night. They had wanted to come, but I battled them back.

"That's good," she said smiling up at me.

In the distance I could hear the roar of the engine and two seconds later I saw the familiar yellow car come around the corner. "I think Carlisle is having a little bit too much fun driving Alice's car," I commented to Bella.

"I think so too," she said with a laugh. "I'm surprised Alice is allowing it."

"She didn't have much choice in the matter," I said, remembering briefly the foot stamping that had gone on when Carlisle had informed her that he would use her car to get around once we arrived in California. "I mean, I gave up my car the whole ride down here."

"Very true," Bella said, still laughing.

The car pulled up in front of us and again Esme got out. She looked beautiful and as put together as always, but I saw immediately the sadness in her eyes. "Hi Mom," I said, reaching out to hug her.

"Good morning sweet boy." I let her hold me little bit longer than normal before sliding in beside Bella.

"How was your night?" Carlisle asked us both when we were all in the car.

"Great," Bella said. "But Sammy and I stayed up too late talking. I had a hard time waking up this morning."

I put a hand up to try to block my laughter.

"Hey!" Bella cried indignantly. "I answered on the first knock and I was ready to go on time."

"Very true," I answered, trying to tap down on my amusement.

"What about you, Edward?" Carlisle asked.

"I slept okay," I answered. "No nightmares."

He smiled at me. "Good."

We arrived at the small café and I saw Alice, Jasper, Emmett, Rosalie, and Charlie already seated. We went to the table and sat down.

Breakfast went by way too fast. It seemed like we were just ordering our coffee when suddenly the bill was being laid down in front of Carlisle. I stared down at my empty plate and tried to remember eating the pancakes and hashbrowns. My belly was full so I knew I had.

Then without warning we were standing up and walking out of the café. I felt Bella gripping my hand.

"I want to go with Charlie," she whispered to me. I looked over to where Charlie stood, waiting to get into Emmett's white jeep. I nodded, kissed her gently and then released her hand. She hurried to her father, throwing her arms around him. I turned back to the yellow car and climbed into the backseat. Once there, I fisted my hands in my lap and willed myself not to cry.

"We are so proud of you, Edward," Carlisle said as he drove back to the dorm. "Never ever doubt that. No matter what you do, we are behind you."

I nodded and tried to swallow around the panic.

"We are just a phone call away, honey. You can call anytime, day or night. Whenever you need us," Esme continued. I could hear the tears in her voice and it caused the tears I was fighting so hard to pool into my eyes. "And you better call," she added. "I want to hear all about your days."

"I will," I managed to croak. "You guys don't know how much it means to me," I said in my raspy voice. "To know you are always there."

We pulled up to the dorm and again I wondered how we had gotten there so fast. The doors opened and we climbed out. As I exited the car, I was immediately swallowed in a rock solid embrace. "I'm going to miss you lil bro," I heard Emmett boom out. "But you will be fine."

I tried to breath through the embrace so I could talk. "You too," I got out.

Emmett let go and I took a deep breath. "We'll be home for Thanksgiving and Christmas. I promise bro, it'll pass so fast your head will spin."

"Okay," I nodded, hoping he was right.

"Then there's baseball season." He rubbed his hands together. "I can't wait to face you on the field."

Now I laughed. That was something I was looking forward to as well. "It'll be on," I said.

"You know it."

I held out my fist and Emmett bumped it. "Love you, Em."

"Love you too, lil bro."

It was Alice's turn next. Before she hugged me, I saw Bella saying goodbye to everyone as well, her father hovering near her as he waited his turn.

My big pixie sister stood in front of me. It wasn't quite as hard to say goodbye to her. We would only be an hour away from each other. And we had plans already. But it would still be strange, not to see her hyper being every day. "See you at the football game?" she asked quietly.

"Yeah. And Bella and I will come over in a few weekends to see your dorm and everything."

"Perfect," she smiled. "I'm still going to miss you."

"I know, me too Alice."

She hugged me and kissed my cheek gently. "See you soon."

I watched then as Alice, Jasper and the Hales climbed into the yellow car and took off for Berkeley. Then Emmett and Rosalie piled into the white jeep and waited patiently, giving Carlisle, Esme and Charlie a bit of privacy.

I turned to Esme and Carlisle. "I don't know how to do this," I said softly, at a complete loss as to how I was going to say goodbye to them. I felt like I should be saying prophetic words, but none came.

Carlisle smiled. "Like Emmett said, you will be home for Thanksgiving, remember that's only two months away."

"I know."

"And then Christmas, which is only a month after that."

I nodded, absorbing his words as he comforted me, Esme, and himself.

"Then during baseball season, we will see you more because I will try to make as many games as I can."

Esme stepped in front of me, holding my shoulders. "Be safe," she said. "Be strong, most of all, be happy." She hugged me tight. "I love you my sweet son. And I am so proud of you."

"I love you too."

She stepped away and then Carlisle was hugging. "Your mom pretty much just took my words from me," he said. Then his voice lowered. "Please let me know if you need or want what we talked about last night."

"I will," I said. But after sleeping last night, I didn't think I would need them.

"I love you, Edward."

"I love you too, Dad."

Then he pulled away and I fought the urge to yank him back. I felt Bella's hand slide into mine and held on tightly. We walked together to the white jeep, watching as our parents began to get in. I don't know how I stayed rooted in my spot when such a large part of me wanted to jump into that car with them. "This will be a good thing," I whispered for both of our benefits. "We will have fun and learn." I recalled Carlisle's words from three days ago. "This will be the best thing ever."

The jeep started and Bella's grip tightened even more, cutting off blood flow to my fingers. "He'll be there when we go back for Thanksgiving," I kept talking, hoping it was helping her as much as it was helping me. "We will all be together then." The car pulled away and I raised me hand to wave even as tears blinded me. "This isn't forever." I stood still, watching the taillights disappear around the corner.

I was about to say something else, when Bella threw her slight frame at me, hugging me for all she was worth. The sobs shook her shoulders and I gripped her to me, holding on with everything I had. I felt my own tears overflow. I leaned down, my lips pressed to her hair. "I'm here my love," I whispered, leaning forward until my lips brushed her ear. "We're together, always."

I felt her huge, shuddering intake of air, then the release. "I'm so glad," she finally whispered. "I'm going to miss him."

I ran my fingers through her hair. "I know, me too."

I felt her arms squeeze my waist tighter. Then she stepped back, dragging her fingers under her eyes. "Seems silly, doesn't it? To be so upset when we made the choice to leave?" She gave me a wavering smile.

"We made the choice to go to college," I said. "Leaving our parents is part of the deal. I don't think it's meant to be easy." I took her hand and steered her out of the middle of the street. I went to a bench and sat down, pulling her into my lap. She leaned her head against my shoulder and her fingers began tracing my hand. "It'll be okay though," I said. "They are only a phone call away and I'm pretty sure that if we ever need them, they'll be here as soon as they can."

"I know they would be. I told Charlie that he should call your parents if he gets lonely. I worry about him being all alone."

"He'll be okay," I tried to assure her. But it was natural for her to be worried about her father.

"Imagine what we are going to experience though," I said, trying to get her mind on the positives. "I mean, we are at one of the top rated schools in the country. There will be so much to do."

"Yeah," she smiled at me. "I love you, Edward. I know watching Carlisle and Esme leave was hard on you."

It had been. I could still feel the trembling inside. But I had to be strong for Bella. We couldn't both break down. Besides, I would always be there for her, no matter what.

I kissed her forehead. "I have you. That's all that matters right now."

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**A/N So I asked for 45 reviews and once again you guys gave me more than I asked for. You all literally rock my world and I can't tell you how excited I get every single time I check my email and see the review alert. I'm pretty insecure about my writing, so to see the responses is absolutely amazing. I don't want to continue to sound selfish, especially since you guys are so amazing. So I'm not going to set a goal...perhaps we can just keep aiming to get over 45.**

**This chapter is based again a lot off of my experience with my parents leaving me at college. I remember after they left, I walked back up to my room and sat on my bed and cried. Even though I wanted to go to college and was excited, watching them leave was one of the most difficult things ever.**

**A couple of people noticed that Bella's roommate shares the name of a Stargate character. That was completely random, I honestly did not know that.**

**Thank you again for all the reviews and please keep them coming!  
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	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and characters.**

**I am so so so sorry about the long lapse in updates. I went out of town to visit my mom and dad last weekend and have been so busy with work that I haven't had any time to write. But I'm back now and hopefully the updates will continue as they had before. I hope you enjoy this chapter! **

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Chapter Seven

I sat in the plush royal blue chair with Bella in my lap. Around me, many anxious freshmen filled the chairs and couches. Most looked nervous, but excitement hummed in the air. Only one person stood out. I frowned as I glanced at my roommate, who sat hunched in his chair, a dismal look on his face as if someone had forced him into this room.

Didn't he want to be at college? I just didn't understand him. I looked away and focused my attention on the five seniors that stood in front of the group. I recognized Shelly from the previous day.

"I wonder if there are a lot of rules," Samantha whispered nervously from the next chair over.

"I hope not," Bella replied. I looked at her face and saw her eying the older students. "I mean, we aren't at boarding school or anything."

My hand went to the tip of her ponytail and I began twisting the silky strands around my fingers. "That's true, but they also want us to build good habits for the rest of our college days."

Samantha and Bella both rolled their eyes at me and I fought a smile. As different as they were, they were sure alike in many ways.

"So says the scholar," Bella giggled, patting my cheek. "You know, babe, college is about having fun too."

"I know," I said, sticking my lip out a bit. Bella's giggle turned into a laugh as she kissed my pouting lips. "We will have lots of fun," I said when my lips were free. I put a huge emphasis on lots and Bella's smile grew.

"Man," Samantha said, resting her chin on her hand. "You two make me miss my man."

"Aw, I'm sorry," Bella said. "That must be so hard."

"It's all good," her roommate said with a sigh. "I'll manage, I'm sure."

"Excuse me?" A microphoned voice echoed through the room and we turned out attention towards the front. Bella leaned over and picked her notebook up off the table and held her pen ready. "My name is Brady Howard and I'm the head RA here at Branner Hall. On behalf of the other RA's, I would like to welcome you all to the Hall."

A few people applauded at his words.

"First, I'd like to give the RA's a chance to introduce themselves." Brady handed the microphone to Shelly, who began the introductions.

I continued to twist Bella's hair around my fingers as I listened and watched.

"Now," Brady continued when the microphone returned to him. "Just remember, there are one hundred and twenty-eight of you and only five of us. We aren't going to have you all introduce yourselves, but be sure to come up to us in the next couple of days and tell us something about you. Also, because there are so many of you, there are a few ground rules that we maintain."

I heard Samantha groan next to me. "I hope there's no curfew," Bella whispered.

"Expecting to be out late?" I asked next to her ear. I watched her face grow red and immediately wanted to know what thoughts were going through her head. "What are you thinking?"

She bit her lip, then turned her mouth until it was against my ear. "You. Me. Alone. Bed," she breathed against my ear.

I couldn't help the grin that spread over my face. I turned her head until I could answer back in her ear. "I'm sure Samantha would leave us alone, if we asked."

Bella's face burned even hotter. I gently kissed her flaming cheek.

"Okay, so rule number one. We have designated men and women floors for a reason. After ten, only the assigned gender may be on that floor."

Bella and I groaned in unison, our heads leaning against each other. I heard Samantha's snicker.

"Rule number two," Brady continued as my dream of sleeping with Bella in her room faded into the black abyss. "We don't have a curfew, or a bedtime. But between the hours of ten pm and six am, we have quiet time. Please refrain from loud noise during the times. Rule three, no alcohol in the building."

Around me, I heard moans and groans at that rule.

"There is also no smoking in the building," Brady added.

Those last two rules, I completely understood.

After going through the last of the rules, Shelly stood up to discuss various functions that were going on throughout the campus. The first football game would be on Friday and she encouraged all of us to attend. Before the game, there would be a pep rally in the quad. I looked at Bella and she nodded.

Homecoming week would be the second week in October. The infamous rival football game against CAL was also in October. Shelly went on to tell us when the last day of the quarter would be in December, the first day to register for class, the annual Fall Festival at Branner Hall. She told us about the study group sessions on Saturday, the Sunday brunches, the monthly activities.

Eventually my head began to spin and I had to stop listening. I glanced down and saw Bella dutifully taking notes, her hand flying across the page as it filled with her messy printing. I saw her place stars by the activities she wanted to attend and I saw the excitement growing in her eyes. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I thought of baseball practices and classes and the ensemble I was required to participate in as a music major. How many hours were in a day? I was going to have to have a discussion with the power to be and explain that I needed much more than twenty-hours in one day.

Finally, the buzzing voice in my head stopped and I managed to open my eyes. I saw Shelly sit down and hand the microphone back to Brady.

"You were right baby, this year is going to be amazing," Bella said, practically bouncing in my lap.

I smiled at her, not wanting her to see the uncertainty brewing within me. Bella deserved only the best from me, especially since she put up with so much. "That it is," I said, keeping my voice light. "I'm really looking forward to the football games."

"Okay, if I could have your attention for just another minute," Brady said, cutting through the murmur of conversation that had begun to fill the room. "I just want to add one more thing. College is about many things. Yes, you are here to learn and yes there are a lot of things outside of the learning to do. It's all about finding a balance. Don't let yourself get swept away with either one. Learn, better yourself as a person, but don't forget to have fun along the way. On the flip side, have fun, indulge, but don't forget to learn!"

Laughter echoed through the room.

"So that's all from us, I really hope you all have a successful and funfilled year! Oh, and the dining hall is opened for lunch and don't forget that orientation starts at one!"

A cheer went up and then the room filled with excited conversation as the freshmen stood up and began making their way out of the room. I noticed some headed straight for the dining hall, while others made their way upstairs to their room.

"So what do you guys want to do?" I asked Samantha and Bella as we stood. "Do you want to check out the food?"

"Yeah," Bella said, tangling her fingers in mine.

"I could eat," Samantha said with a laugh. "Do you want to ask your roommate if he wants to come?"

I glanced over to the chair he had occupied earlier and saw it empty. "I could run upstairs and see if he's there," I said. I didn't want to be rude.

"We'll wait for you outside," Bella said, going up on her tiptoes to kiss me quickly.

I left the girls and hurried up the three flights of stairs. I went to my room and found Matt already sitting at his computer. "Hey man," I said, poking my head into the room. "We are going to go to the dining hall and grab some lunch. Then we will head over to the football field for orientation. Would you like to join us?"

He let out a huge sigh. "I suppose. I have to eat anyway."

I watched as he tapped a few keys and then shoved away from the desk. What was with him? "Not too excited about college?" I commented as we walked into the hallway.

Matt moved his shoulders. "Dad wants me to get 'the best education I can.' I wanted to go to a tech school and get a degree in electrical engineering, but that wasn't good enough for him. It would be 'wasting my potential.'" Matt rolled his eyes. "So here I am."

I didn't really understand his attitude. But I also knew that most people didn't share my history and wouldn't understand the intense need I felt to make Carlisle, Esme and my father proud. I wasn't sure how to respond to him. "Oh." I finally said.

Matt shrugged his shoulders again. "Whatever, I'll take the classes, get the grades and eventually get out of here."

"That's true," I muttered, moving down the steps a bit faster than normal, eager to get back to Bella.

"I saw your girlfriend during that meeting," he said, a bit more enthusiasm in his voice. I tried not to be bothered by it. But my effort to not worry was destroyed by his next words. "She is hot."

"She is beautiful," I agreed through my teeth. "We've been dating for almost two years," I said firmly, trying to let him know that Bella and I were in a serious, committed relationship and not just a casual fling.

"Hm," was his only response.

We reached the ground floor and exited the building. Samantha and Bella were standing in the grass, talking animatedly. I stood for a just a second, watching Bella as she laughed, her chocolate eyes sparkling with her happiness. The sunlight hit her hair, bringing out the red streaks that hid within the brown.

Love for her and pride that she was mine filled me. When I reached her side, her hand immediately found mine, her fingers lacing through my own. "Hey baby," she said.

"Hey, this is my roommate, Matt," I said using my other hand to point at the slightly shorter boy standing next to me. "Matt, this is my girlfriend Bella and her roommate Samantha."

Samantha smiled and stuck out her hand. "Nice to meet you," she said in her normal, bubbly way.

"Likewise," he said in a slightly distracted way. He turned to Bella next and stuck hand his hand. My eyes narrowed a bit as I watched her delicate hand slide into his. "Bella," he said.

"Nice to meet you," she said, echoing Samantha's words. She pulled her hand away and her eyes flickered to mine. I gently squeezed her hand and led her towards the dining hall. The four of us entered the crowded room and for a second, we could only stand and stare.

The room was huge. Large tables surrounded by eight chairs filled one half of the room. The other half was dominated by the food buffet that lined the walls. I saw signs above each station announcing the type of food each served. In the center of the half circle of food counters, stood the drink station.

"So many choices," Bella said hesitantly, obviously feeling overwhelmed.

Samantha laughed and began skipping towards the other side of the room. "First one to get food should grab a table," she said. "See you guys in a bit."

Bella and I walked a bit slower to the buffet. Matt disappeared from my side, heading towards his own pick. I felt a pull on my hand and I stopped. Bella was looking at me, concern written all over her face. "What's wrong, sweetheart?" I asked her.

"I don't like him," she whispered. "He's creepy and there's just something completely off about him."

"I won't let him be alone with you," I said softly. "I won't let him touch you again," I tried to reassure her.

"I'm not worried about me," she answered. "I know you will protect me from anything. I'm worried about you. You have to live with him."

"I'll be fine, don't worry." I kissed her forehead and smiled down at her. "He's just a little strange, that's all."

Her arms wrapped around my waist. "I will not let another person hurt you," she said intensely.

I placed my arms around her shoulders and kissed her hair. Then I smiled against the top of her head. My Bella was definitely a fierce protector. A lioness protecting what she considered hers. "He's nothing," I said softly, trying to keep my laughter out of my voice. "Honey, I promise you that. Like I said, he's a bit strange and yes a bit creepy. But I think he's just unhappy."

I felt her chest expand as she sighed against me. Then she looked up and smiled. "I'm sorry to overreact. You are just so precious to me and have been through so much pain, I don't want you to ever hurt again."

"I know," I kissed her forehead again. "I love that you feel protective of me. But love."

"Yeah?" she asked, biting her lip.

"I can take care of myself, I promise."

A laugh sputtered from her as she kissed me flush on the lips. "I know babe." She linked hands with me again and we once again entered the world of the crowded dining hall. It never ceased to amaze me how the world could just stop when I am in Bella's arms. "So what do you want?"

"Um," I scanned over the signs, shocked at the variety. "Perhaps just a sandwich?"

Bella nodded and I pulled her over to the counter under the "Deli" sign. The steel counter was filled with platters holding every type of deli meat a person could want, cheese, bread and a huge variety of condiments. I pulled two trays and two plates out, putting one set in front of Bella. Then I grabbed four slices of wheat bread, knowing it was her favorite and placed two on her plate. "Thanks," she said as she reached for some turkey.

We took our time, building sandwiches that would we wouldn't be able to fit our mouths around. We added chips to our plates, then headed over to the drink station. I got a glass full of Coke, while Bella filled hers with lemonade. After we got our drinks, I started to lead her over to the tables. Just as we were walking away, her eyes lit up and I followed her, laughing the whole way, to the dessert table. She studied it and then chose a huge chocolate chip cookie. She glanced at me as she placed it on her plate. "Today's special because it's our first day."

I tried to hold back my smile as I chose a brownie for myself. "Sure Bella," I managed to say.

"I want to avoid the freshman fifteen," she added as we walked away. "But once in a while won't hurt."

"Not at all," I agreed. I didn't think that would be a problem for Bella. We found Samantha and Matt already sitting a table. "Hey guys," I said as I sat down.

"Hey Edward," Samantha said. "You guys hit the sandwiches, nice," she observed as we placed our trays on the table.

Bella and I sat down and I saw the Chinese noodles on Samantha's plate. It looked surprisingly good. Matt's plate was loaded with macaroni and cheese. "I thought college food was supposed to be bad," I couldn't help but say.

Matt swallowed his mouthful of cheesy noodles. "Apparently there are some things about college that aren't bad." His lips tilted up.

"So what did you guys think of the meeting this morning?" Samantha asked. "I know Edward and Bella don't like rule number one."

Bella hid her face behind her huge sandwich. "Its fine," she said as she took a bite.

"I guess the rules make sense," Matt commented. "But I wish they would have the noise block end a little later in the morning. Six seems so early."

"True," Samantha said. "It is super early. But I think a lot of people have early classes."

"Not me," Matt said, scooping up more pasta. "My first class isn't until eleven."

"That's awesome," Samantha said with a sigh. "Mine is at eight."

"Me too," Bella and I added together. We smiled at each other.

"Ugh," Matt groaned. "Figures."

"Sorry," I said, a bit sarcastically. I turned my attention to eating my sandwich. I felt Bella's hand land lightly on my thigh, squeezing gently. I winked at her and she smiled.

After we finished eating, we headed for the football field. It wasn't too far away so we decided to walk. It was another beautiful California day, the sky completely cloudless. "I could get used to this," Bella commented as we walked.

"Get used to what?" Matt asked.

"The blue sky, the sun," Bella said, tilting her head up as if trying to take in all the sun she could.

"Not much sun in Forks," I added. "It's one of the rainiest places in the United States."

"Oh ugh," Matt said. "I could never live there, that sounds horrible."

"It's not bad," I said, defending my home.

We arrived at the football field with about five minutes until it started. Freshmen wandered around showing off their Stanford attire. In fact, I think Matt was the only person I could see that wasn't wearing something that said Stanford on it. I shook my head.

"What?" Bella whispered.

"Nothing, just noticing my roommate's lack of school spirit."

"He seems to lack just about everything," Bella said. We went up into the bleachers and found a place to sit.

Orientation began much like a pep rally. The marching band was there and they led us through the school song. A huge screen had been set up and we were instructed to follow the bouncing ball. After singing the school song a few times, the student body president came onto the stage that was set up at the fifty yard line. She talked for a few minutes, guiding us through a power point presentation. She talked about the importance of class and gave helpful hints for being successful.

After her presentation, we were divided up into small groups to begin the tour of the school. Bella, Samantha, Matt and I managed to get into the same group. I found the tour to be the most helpful part of the day, it was so nice to finally see where everything was. As we walked, I saw several of the buildings where I would have classes.

"I know the campus seems huge right now," our tour guide said. "But in a few years it will seem small," Bella snuck a look at me and I saw the smile teasing her lips as my words from yesterday were repeated. "In fact," the guide continued. "Eventually it'll seem as small as your high school."

Bella did laugh at that. I thought of tiny Forks High and my soft laughter joined hers. No way this huge campus would ever seem as small as that.

The last stop on the tour was the baseball field. We passed through the entrance of Sunken Diamond and climbed the steps. When we reached the top, the field spread out in all its glory in front of me. The grass was a brilliant green color, newly mown, the lines in the outfield fresh. The white chalk of the baselines stood out against the brown dirt. The field looked clean and fresh and for a second I wished I had a bat in my hand.

The stadium held four thousand seats and I imagined the exhilaration of playing in front of so many people. I imagined the roar of the crowd, the frenzied excitement that followed a dramatic play.

I couldn't wait.

"I can't wait to see you play here," Bella said, echoing my thoughts.

"I can't wait to play here," I answered

Our group started to move back down the stairs to exit the stadium. I looked over my shoulder at the field one more time. I felt Bella tug at my hand. When I turned to her, she smiled and led me down the stairs. "You'll be back Monday," she said as we hit the bottom. I saw the smile teasing her lips and I bent to kiss her.

"I know," I said as I lifted my head again. "It's a beautiful field though."

"Truly is," Bella remarked. "Just like everything here, it seems."

"Agreed." We followed our group back to the football field and once again took our places in the bleachers.

"I'm going to love it here," Samantha sighed when we were seated. "Everything is so open. I really want to check out Lake Lagunita, it sounds like fun."

"We should definitely plan a Saturday afternoon there," Bella added. She looked at me. "We can invite Alice and Jasper."

I thought of my sister and smiled. "Yeah, she would love that. My sister, Alice--,"

"And my best friend," Bella interrupted.

"And her boyfriend Jasper," I explained to Samantha, seeing the confusion on her face. "They go to Berkeley, so we plan to see them pretty often."

Samantha nodded in understanding. "So they are our rivals, huh?"

Bella and I laughed. "Pretty much," I said.

"You'd like Alice," Bella said to Samantha.

I nodded agreement. The two girls were so similar.

"She's not really your sister," I heard Matt mumble from beside me.

I am not a violent person. In fact, I hate violence with a passion, I don't even like to watch violent movies. My life has had enough violence in it to last me a lifetime. I have known enough pain to never want to inflict it on another person.

But right now, I wanted nothing more than to punch Matt in the nose. Lucky for him, I have been on the receiving end of enough punches to refrain myself. Before I could comment, the student body president was calling for attention again. As she began to speak, I felt Bella rubbing her hand along my arm and used her gentle touch to calm me down.

I didn't get Matt, I don't understand why he seems so adamant to constantly remind me that my family isn't really my family. Obviously, I know Alice isn't really my sister, Emmett isn't really my brother and Carlisle and Esme aren't really my mom and dad. But they opened up their hearts and home to me. They made me apart of their family, it didn't matter how long it had taken me to find them.

I know it sounds childish, but I didn't want to be reminded that they weren't really my family.

The pressure from the hand on my arm increased. "It's okay, baby," I heard Bella say softly.

I realized then just how stiff I was sitting and I forced myself to relax. Bella leaned against me, her cheek resting on my shoulder. I relaxed further, enjoying her slight weight against me. I tuned back into the speaker in front of me and let my darker thoughts go. I realized that she was finished talking and now everyone was standing and getting ready to leave.

"Well," Samantha said as we walked out of the stadium. "It's just about five, so we have still have two hours until the barbeque and bon fire tonight. What do you guys want to do?"

"Hey Matt!" The yell for my roommate interrupted our conversation.

Matt groaned as he turned towards the yell.

"There you are Matty, I've been looking for you all day!"

The owner of the voice came to a stop in front of our group. He was a decent looking guy, tall and athletic looking. His light brown hair touched the collar of his Stanford shirt and he looked at Matt through pale blue eyes. "Hi!" he said cheerfully to our group.

He definitely wasn't the type of person I would expect Matt to hang out with.

"I'm RJ," he said.

"It's nice to meet you," Samantha said, always friendly. "Are you a freshman too?"

"Yep!" he said enthusiastically. "I'm in Roble Hall."

"Oh okay, cool!" Samantha said. "I'm Samantha."

"I'm Bella and this is Edward," she said pointing at me. "We are all staying in Branner Hall."

"Cool," RJ said smiling. He looked at me, his eyes narrowing just a little bit.

"I'm Matt's roommate," I said, figuring that was what he was trying to figure out.

It worked. His eyes widened and he smiled at me. "So you're the one that is going to have to put up with my brother for the year."

"Brother?" I said. These two didn't seem anything like brothers, much less twins.

Matt rolled his eyes. "For the last time, you aren't my brother." He glared at RJ.

I saw the hurt flash in RJ's eyes and he looked down at his feet. An awkward silence fell on our group. Bella's hand slipped into mine and I looked down to see her looking at RJ with sympathy in her brown eyes. I squeezed her hand gently.

"Um, we were just deciding what to do until the barbeque," Samantha said hesitantly. "Maybe we should just walk over to the main quad and hang out there. RJ, you are more than welcome to join us."

"That sounds good," Bella added. "And you should join us," she directed at RJ. He looked up and smiled at Bella. I found myself moving closer to my girl, at the same time knowing I was being ridiculous. As if she sensed my thoughts, she tightened her grip on my hand, sending a silent I love you through me. I smiled and moved back to my original position.

We started walking silently towards the main quad. I was very curious about RJ and why Matt had reacted the way he had. From what I could figure out, RJ had to be adopted. It explained Matt's reaction to me.

We found an empty picnic bench in the quad and sat down. I straddled the bench and Bella sat in front of me, her back resting against my chest.

"So," Samantha said when we were all seated. The tension around us hadn't dissipated on the walk.

"I'm sorry about that," RJ said quietly. He glanced at Matt who was glaring at his hands. "Obviously Matt and I aren't really brothers. But my mom has had a lot of problems and she's been in and out of rehab or jail for pretty much my whole life." He shifted in his seat and I could feel the unease radiating from him.

"You don't have to tell us," Bella said softly. I gently ran my finger up and down her arm, tenderly caressing the exposed skin from her pushed up sleeve, enjoying the feel of her soft skin beneath my finger tip.

RJ smiled at her. "It's okay. Matt's parents are my foster parents. I go live with them whenever my mom falls off the wagon." He looked at Matt again. "They are more like parents to me, than my own parents." Matt raised his head, looking RJ in the eye. "But they aren't," he finished quietly.

Pieces fell into place as RJ explained his relationship to Matt. I understood why he resented the fact that I was adopted. He felt RJ was an intruder in his family and he looked at me the same way. It definitely didn't make it right, but at least I could in someway understand where he was coming from now.

"Edward," Bella said quietly, gaining my attention.

"Yeah?" I looked down at her and gently ran my lips along her hair.

"I need to go to the bathroom, will you come with me?"

I smiled, still resting my lips on her hair. "Of course."

She sat up and excused herself from the table. I followed her lead and walked with her to one of the buildings in hopes of finding a restroom. When we rounded a corner, Bella turned to me and stopped. Her eyes roved over my face, as if she was looking for something. When the brown orbs met my own, I found myself drowning. "Bella," I whispered, suddenly realizing that she didn't really need a bathroom.

She needed me.

Her hands slid up my arms until they were around my neck, her fingers tangled in my hair. I wrapped my own arms around her waist, pulling her flush against me. Our lips touched, gently at first, but then more intensly. I moved my lips against her, trying to stay gentle, but driven by the desire to devour her. To make her mine. I pulled her closer to me.

Without warning, she broke away and buried her face in my neck. Her hold, if possible, tightened around me. I felt her hot tears hit my neck. "Hey," I whispered. "Honey, what's wrong?"

"It's so different," she whispered against my skin. "I miss Alice and Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett."

"I know baby, I do too."

"Samantha seems nice enough," she continued softly, her face still nestled in my neck. "But the boys, I don't know, there's just something off."

"I understand what you are saying," I said. I pulled her back, cradling her face with my hands. I used my thumbs to wipe at the moisture clinging to her lashes. "Listen to me, my love. The bond we share with Alice, Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett, it's not something we are going to share with everyone. Our friendship, our connection with them is rare. I remember thinking during one of the first times that we all hung out, just how close you all were. The way you share everything and keep no secrets. I knew then just how special the friendship was." I kissed her lips gently. Hers moved tenderly against mine and I broke away before I could get carried away again.

"I'm so thankful you are here," she said sincerely. "I couldn't do this without you. I don't know how Emmett and Jasper did it last year."

"Me neither. But you are stronger than you think you are. I can see you and Samantha becoming friends."

Bella nodded within my hands.

"And I highly doubt that after today, Matt will hang out with us much. He seems most content in front of his computer."

"You're probably right," she sighed. "Don't get why with all the people assigned to Branner Hall, you end up with the creepy one."

I laughed softly. "I'm sure there are a lot of bad roommates. I don't know if RJ will hang out with us if Matt doesn't, but even if he does, he doesn't seem too bad."

"I guess." Bella smiled up at me. "I think I just got an attack of homesickness. It felt so awkward sitting at that table, made me really, really miss our friends."

"I understand completely."

She smiled again, a little sheepishly this time. "I didn't really need to go to the bathroom. I just needed you."

"I already figured that out." I smiled at her, then rested my forehead on hers. "I'm here Bella love. I'm always here."

We kissed again, then linked our hands together and made our way back to our awkward new group of friends.

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**a/n Once again I just wanted to thank you for all the amazing reviews. We didn't quite reach 45 on the last chapter...we got to 42, which is still awesome. **

**I hope this chapter was all right, I will admit I had a small case of writer's block, but I really wanted to get it out, since it had been so long. Please let me know what you think!!!!!  
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	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and characters.**

**A/N: Okay, so this chapter is much shorter than I usually write. But this past week has been insane. I got laid off from my job last week. But now the school district is saying they might have more money than they thought. But they haven't said how that will effect all the layoffs or even IF it'll effect the layoffs. I think I'd like to get off the emotional roller coaster now...**

**But anyway. My mom and dad are visiting for Memorial Day this weekend, and they arrive tonight. So I knew if I didn't get something posted, there would be nothing until next Tuesday or Wednesday. I couldn't do that, so I am posting this, even though I'm not too happy with it. But I do hope you enjoy. I love Carlisle...(and of course Edward...)  
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Chapter Eight

The phone rang in my ear as I sat down on the cement curb. On the third ring, I sighed figuring the voice mail would pick up and I'd have to leave a message. But then the fourth ring was cut off. "Hello?"

I smiled as the familiar, slightly out of breath voice came through the line. "Hi Dad," I said.

"Edward!" My smile spread even more at Carlisle's joyful greeting. "How are you doing son?"

"I'm good. Is this a good time to talk?"

I heard some papers shuffling. "Of course. I'm at work, but due for a break."

I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding. "I just finished up class and have about a half hour before baseball practice so I thought I'd give you a call."

"I'm glad you did, Edward. How were all the activities yesterday?"

I launched into a replay of the previous day, telling Carlisle all about the morning dorm meeting, the orientation and the bon fire. "It was cool. The marching band was there and so were the cheerleaders and the football team. We burned a Berkeley flag, which I thought was crazy. I didn't realize just how intense the rivalry between the two schools is."

Carlisle laughed. "I remember when I went to Harvard, the rivalry between us and Yale was pretty intense. But from what I hear, the animosity between Stanford and Cal is legendary."

"It's like the Yankees and the Red Sox," I added, enjoying the sound of Carlisle's laughter in my ear. "It was a lot of fun though. I'm very excited about the football game. It'll be really fun, especially with Alice and Jasper rooting for the opposing side."

"Yes, I think Alice and your competitive natures will come out." Carlisle paused for a second. "How did you sleep last night?" His voice was more serious now and I could hear the worry just creeping in.

I sighed and moved my foot in the gravel, tracing a circle with my toe. "Okay," I finally said quietly. "I didn't have any nightmares, but that's only because I managed to jerk myself awake before they built up, just like the first night."

"You need your sleep, bud," Carlisle said quietly. "I'm glad you aren't having nightmares, but only getting a few hours of sleep each night isn't good either."

"I know. I just think it's all the change that is going on right now, you know? And--," I stopped.

"And what?"

I let out a deep breath. "My roommate creeps me out. Yesterday, we met his brother, although Matt doesn't acknowledge him as his sibling."

"Why not?"

"RJ is his foster brother. He only stays with Matt's family when his mom is in rehab or jail." I stopped moving my foot and leaned forward to rest my forearms on my thighs. "I think Matt views me as an intruder in your family and he likes to remind me of that fact."

"We are your family too," Carlisle said, his voice still quiet. "He doesn't know the facts around your adoption. Do not allow him to let you doubt your place in our hearts."

"I'm not," I said sounding a bit like a sullen teenager. I took a deep breath to steady myself. "Dad, I know that. I know where I belong, I promise."

"Okay, good." I could hear in his voice his trust in my words and I found myself smiling to myself again. I really could not have picked a better man to be my adopted father. "I can see how it's all adding up to overwhelm you," Carlisle continued. "Forcing the nightmares to come back. May I ask what the dreams are about now?"

I bit my lower lip and ran a hand through my hair. "James," I finally said softly. "He comes back. Sometimes we are in the gym again, sometimes on a baseball field. He appears in front of me, with some kind of a weapon in his hand." Last night it had been his leather strap. "Since coming to college I've been able to wake myself up before anything else happens."

"And before you left for school? What would happen then?"

"He'd tell me that I'll never escape him and that no matter where I am, he'll find me."

"Son, James is dead."

I rested my head on my knees, keeping the phone at my ear. "I know."

"I've been doing some research on nightmares. On what causes them and how to fight them off."

A short laugh spurt out of my lips. Of course Carlisle would research. If answers were in a book, I knew without a doubt Carlisle could find it.

"Tonight, before you go to bed, imagine the dream all the way through. Picture James in front of you, picture the weapon in his hand."

My forehead creased as I listened to his words.

"But then, I want you to picture taking the weapon out of his hands and putting something else there. Maybe a flower or feather. Something that could not hurt you. When you get to the words that he speaks, change them. Imagine him telling you that he's leaving and will never hurt you again, or something along those lines." I heard more papers shuffling. "Repeat the sequence several times. Supposedly, it's should help change the ending of the nightmare."

"Okay, Dad," I said still smiling. It sounded good, in theory. Whether or not it worked was an entirely different story. But God, I loved that he loved me enough to spend his time looking for answers.

"How were your classes today?" He moved on, changing the subject.

"Great," I said, lifting my head. I focused on the blue sky. "I had the Intro to humanities class with Bella this morning. I think it's going to be very interesting. We are going to explore the difference between human and machine, whether machines can do the work of humans. There are a lot of different theories about it."

"Sounds like an engaging topic," Carlisle said. "What do you think, can machines do the work of humans?"

"In some cases. But I think it's scary to rely on machines for everything. I mean, you're a doctor, Dad--,"

"Very observant, Edward," he chuckled into the phone.

"I wasn't finished." I moved my legs out, crossing my ankles in front of me. "You are a doctor. Would you trust a machine to do your work?"

"I do have a lot of trust in machines, use them a lot in my job. X-rays, plugging formulas into a computer screen," he listed a couple of examples.

"No, I mean would you trust a machine do to your job? As in, operate on a patient?" I loved debating with my father.

"No," he said without hesitation. "Too much could go wrong."

"But what about human error? Things go wrong all the time."

I heard him tapping his fingers on his desk. "True, but at least we can try to fix it. Or if we notice something different than expected, we have the brain power to change our original plan."

"You just gave the argument that I said this morning," I said, beaming. "Humans have brains. A machine does not. How can we trust something that can't think for itself?"

"Fascinating," Carlisle muttered. "Keep me updated with that class. I'm interested in your opinions."

"Of course I will."

"I have a few more minutes before I'm due to report for surgery. But I want to hear the rest of your day. What other classes did you have?"

"Chemistry and music. Then I have writing, my chemistry lab and music ensemble tomorrow."

"And baseball practice?"

"Yeah," I said.

"You're a bit busy." He paused. "Son, take care of your self, okay? You need sleep and to make sure you are eating."

"I will Dad. Don't worry about me."

"What have I told you? It's my job to worry about you."

I smiled again. Carlisle had repeated those words a hundred times since I had come to live with him. He took his job very seriously.

"Listen bud, I have to go, but it was great talking to you. You sound good."

"Same goes. I miss you."

"I miss you too," his voice got softer. "I will talk to you soon. I love you, Edward."

"Love you too, Dad." I clicked the off button and then put my cell phone in my backpack. Then I stood, shaking out my legs and reached down to grab my backpack and my bat bag. I turned around and looked at the sign for Sunken Diamond.

I climbed the stairs and then just stood, taking in the field. I know Bella laughed at me the other day when I had stood admiring the field. I'm sure she saw grass and dirt, a place overgrown boys go to play.

But to me, it was so much more. I closed my eyes for second and saw my father standing in ten feet in front of me. He explained how to use the pocket of my mitt to catch the ball he was about to toss me. After the catching lesson, he had taught me how to throw and how to hit. I can still remember sitting next to him on the couch, drinking root beer from the bottle, watching the Cubs play on television. During those games, my father had explained the game to me and I had soaked it all in. He had already promised to take me to Wrigley Field for my seventh birthday.

After he died, it took a long time for the game to call to me again. At first, I avoided anything related the sport. Mom threw away all of my mitts, balls and bats and when we moved to the small house, she hadn't let me put the posters back up.

When I was nine, just before Mom met James, I had been home alone, flipping through the channels on the television. A Cubs game was on and instead of racing to change it, I watched, allowing the sights and sounds fill me. During that game, I felt closer to my father than I had since the day he died. I stopped avoiding baseball at that moment. I watched Cubs games as often as I could, hiding it from my mom.

On my way home from school, I would stop and watch the other kids practice and it filled me with a sense of longing. In fact, the day I had decided to take the risk and ask Mom if I could sign up to play on the little league team was the day she told me that she and James were getting married. After that, my life changed so dramatically I never again considered playing for a team.

But now everything had changed. To play in high school had been like a dream, but to play in college, in a stadium like this went beyond my wildest imaginings. I opened my eyes and began trotting down the steps, heading for the locker room beneath the stands. Once there, I saw a few other players standing in front of their lockers. I said a quick hello to them, found my locker and emptied my things into it. I grabbed my practice attire and stood in front of my locker. I hesitated as I glanced around again as I slowly unbuttoned my shirt. The other guys were busy changing and I hurriedly whipped off my white undershirt and threw the red practice jersey on, covering my chest and back. Then I took off my jeans and put on the white baseball pants that were required for practice. I laced up my cleats, shoved my hat over my hair, grabbed my mitt and headed out to the field.

I stepped onto the field when I heard a voice behind me call out my name in surprise. I turned around and felt my eyes go wide as I looked at the familiar blonde hair boy.

"Kevin?" My friend from Chicago stood in front of me, wearing the same baseball pants and red practice jersey as I did. Looking at his familiar face, I felt as if I was transported through time. Before moving to Forks, Kevin had been the closest friend I had ever had. He didn't know about my home life, but there had been a quiet understanding between us that we could only hang out at school. He had always let me know what was going on over the weekends, but never pushed me to go.

"Edward Masen. No way." He stepped closer and held out his hand. I took it and he clapped his other hand on my shoulder. "It's good to see you," he said seriously. "After you disappeared, I wondered what had happened to you." He tilted his head. "You look good bro."

I nodded as I thought of the way I had been two years ago. I had gained weight, although it was mostly muscle, I was no longer so painfully skinny. "I moved to Forks, Washington," I said, answering his unasked question. "The doctor who took care of me in the hospital took me in."

"That's great," he said quietly, still looking at me. Around us, players began breaking off in pairs and heading to the outfield to warm up their arms. Kevin noticed and bent to pick up a ball. "You want to play catch?"

I smiled and nodded. Kevin tossed me the ball and I caught it easily. We walked across the infield. "So you still an all star pitcher?" I asked, remembering his wicked curveball.

"You know it," he said smiling at me. We backed away from each other and began lightly tossing the ball back and forth. I felt the familiar stretching of my muscles as we increased the intensity of our throws. He back up even more and soon he was standing in centerfield while I still stood on the foul line. I reared back and the ball shot out of my hand, landing in Kevin's mitt with a satisfying smack.

After a couple more throws, the coach called us in. I ran back to the infield and joined the rest of my team, on my knee in front of Coach Cutler. I recognized the tall, athletic looking man from the recruitment trips that I went on last year.

"Good afternoon, men," he said. He took his hat off, ran his hand through his graying brown hair. He replaced the hat on his head. "Welcome to Sunken Diamond, your home away from home for the next nine months. We have some new faces this year so I want to begin by having them introduce themselves and then we are going to play a scrimmage so you can all get used to the other players and so I can see how you mesh together. First, can I have the new freshman stand up? Please tell your name, what high school you came from and what position you play."

Coach Cutler pointed at me and I stood up. "My name is Edward Masen," I said confidently. "I went to Forks High which is in Washington and I play centerfield."

"One of the fastest kids I have ever seen," Coach added as I sat down.

Next to me, Kevin stood up. "I'm Kevin Adams," he said. "From Foreman High School in Chicago. I'm a pitcher, and--," he added looking at me. "I've seen first hand just how incredibly fast Masen is."

"You two know each other?"

"Yes sir," I answered.

"He went to Foreman before moving to Washington," Kevin added. "I always knew he would be great."

I could feel all eyes on me now and I felt my cheeks burn with a fire worthy of Bella. Coach Cutler cleared his throat and moved on to the next newbie. After all the introductions were made, he split us up into teams. My team was in the outfield first, Kevin our pitcher.

I fell into the rhythm of the game easily. As always when I played, my mind emptied itself of all other problems or thoughts and I focused only on the task at hand. Catch the ball, throw the ball, hit the ball.

Baseball was my escape from the real world.

"Hey man," Kevin said as we ran into the dugout for our turn hitting. "Did you see the girl in the stands?"

I looked up immediately. I saw the familiar face and felt a smile spread over my lips. Bella looked up and saw me looking at me. She waved and blew a kiss. Next to her, I saw Samantha and RJ.

"You know her?" Kevin asked.

"Yeah," I said laughing softly. "Bella's my girlfriend." I walked into the dugout and put my mitt down. I sat down on the bench and Kevin sat next to me. "She's beautiful, isn't she?"

"I'll say. Edward, I'm so happy for you." I looked over at him. "I mean, back in Chicago, I always knew something was…" he trailed off as if looking for the right word. "I knew something was wrong in your life."

I hadn't realized. Kevin had always seemed so oblivious, believing my stories about why I couldn't hang out after school, why I never went out on the weekends. He never questioned the random bruises that appeared on my face or why I wore long sleeves on hot days. I just figured he didn't notice.

"But I'm really glad that you've found happiness, you deserve it," he finished.

"Thanks Kev," I said quietly.

"Hey Masen, you're on deck!" one of my teammates called.

I jumped up, grabbed a helmet and a bat and then went to stand in the on deck circle. When it was my turn, I walked up to the bat and heard Bella cheering me on. I smiled and took a few practice swings before stepping in the box. I let everything go and focused on the white orb in the pitcher's hand. As the ball hurled towards me, I released my hands and swung. The ball flew through the air, headed towards the gap between center and left field. I took off, racing around the bases. I slid into third just as the ball finally made it back to the in field. I looked up at Bella and saw her cheering. She turned towards Samantha and slapped her five, doing the same to RJ. I dusted off my pants as I shook my head. Only Bella would get so excited about a hit during a practice scrimmage.

The rest of the practice passed quickly and before I knew it, we were heading towards the locker room. "Hey Kevin," I said as I pulled my shirt back on. "I think we are going to go grab some pizza for dinner, do you want to come?"

"Yeah," he said smiling. "I'd love to. I can't wait to hear what you've been up to."

"Same goes," I said as I grabbed my backpack and flung it on my back. He did the same and together we walked out of the locker room.

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**A/N Random place to stop, yes I know. But like I said....I wanted to get this up. You all should just be happy Edward didn't go on a rampage or something with the way my emotions have been this past week LOL.**

**Thank you again for all the reviews. Especially right now, they definitely help booster my confidence. See you next time! (and the next chapter will be better, I promise.)  
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	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and characters**

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Chapter Nine

I walked out of the locker room with Kevin and immediately spotted Bella standing with RJ and Samantha next to the chain link fence. It amazed me how after just five hours apart, I could miss her so much. But honestly, it took all I had to not break into a run to reach her as fast as possible. When I arrived by her side, I threw my arm over her shoulder and pulled her close to me. "Hello Bella love," I whispered against her hair, kissing it gently.

I felt her arms wrap around my waist and squeeze. And I knew that she had missed me just as much. I turned my head just in time to see Samantha rolling her eyes playfully at us. I stepped back and Bella's hands slid off my waist, only to find my hand. All three eyes turned at that moment to look at Kevin, who stood slightly awkwardly next to me.

"This is Kevin," I said hastily, hoping to put my old friend at ease. "We knew each other when I lived in Chicago."

For an instant, I saw Bella's eyes narrow as I introduced Kevin to RJ and Samantha. As I said my girlfriend's name, her eyes returned to normal and a smile once again graced her face.

"I thought Kevin could join us for pizza," I added after everyone had been introduced.

"Of course!" Samantha chirped. "The more the merrier, right?"

With those words, we headed down the street, towards the local pizza place. Once there, we ordered and then went to find a table.

"So Kevin," Samantha said when we were all seated. I reached over to the edge of the table and placed our number there. "You said you knew Edward in Chicago." She put her elbows on the table, resting her chin on her hands, her full attention on Kevin.

"Yeah," Kevin confirmed. "We met in third grade. Even at eight he was one fast cat." He bumped my shoulder and I laughed with him. It seemed like a different life time ago that I had met Kevin. Mom and I had moved into the small house during the summer between second and third grade. It was then I had changed elementary schools, leaving behind everything familiar. Mom had sunken deeper into her depression, spending her days sitting on the couch, staring at the television as daytime television flashed in front of her.

But then, something had changed. One day I had come home from school and found her standing in the family room. I should have rejoiced that she was up and dressed. That she had showered and done her hair. But even at eight I had known her jean skirt was too short, her red shirt too tight and low. And her hair and make up were just a little too desperate.

A week later I had met Kevin.

Two weeks later she had met James.

"I was always trying to get him to play baseball with us," I heard Kevin say as I tuned back into the conversation. Beside me, I felt the ice coming off of Bella in waves. Before I could turn to her, Samantha caught my attention.

"Why didn't you?" Samantha asked me.

"Yeah man," RJ added. "From what I saw you have real talent."

"I was busy," I said, trying to sort through the truths that I wanted to say and leave out what I didn't. "My dad died when I was six and I had to take care of my mom."

If possible, the tension coming from Bella turned colder.

The pizza arrived and we all dug in. I glanced at Bella and saw her eating her pizza almost robotically, her eyes never leaving the slice in front of her. "Bella," I whispered, completely at a loss. "What's wrong?"

She shook her head and continued to chew, her jaw moving up and down. I put my own pizza down and felt my stomach begin to twist in familiar knots. Old feelings I hadn't felt in over a year began to surface and I wondered if she had finally found the hidden "thing" within me that made me unworthy of love.

"So Edward," Kevin said, thankfully unaware of anything wrong. "How did you end up living with the doctor and moving to Washington?"

"What happened?" Samantha asked.

I tried to swallow around the lump that was forming in my throat. I wasn't ready for these kinds of questions, although I knew they would come. But right now, I just wanted to figure out what was wrong with Bella, why she sat so still and silent.

"His mom died," Kevin said before I could respond. "Then his stepfather went to jail and killed himself."

Just then I heard a crash. "Oh crap," RJ said. I glanced at him and saw his soda spreading out from his knocked over glass.

Samantha squealed and grabbed a pile of napkins before the brown liquid could fall into her lap. I grabbed more napkins and helped mop up the mess.

"Sorry about that," RJ said ducking his head.

"No worries," Samantha said, pushing the dirty napkins away from her. "Nothing got on me, so no stains." She smiled at him, then turned her attention back to me and Kevin. "I'm sorry Edward, that must have been tough," she said sympathetically.

I tried clearing my throat this time. "It's okay," I finally managed to say. I bit my lip and debated my next words. I glanced at Bella's still form. "It was actually the best thing to ever happen to me." My words were quiet and Bella's gaze flickered to mine. The brown warmth returned to them and she reached out to lay a hand on my thigh under the table. The knots in my stomach loosened minutely.

Samantha nodded and I looked at Kevin, who encouraged me to continue. I took a small breath. "Dr. Carlisle Cullen was working a trade shift at Mercy Hospital in Chicago. I was brought in one night and he was my doctor."

"What happened?" Samantha gasped.

I shifted slightly and unconsciously, my hand slid into Bella's, her fingers filling the spaces within my own. "My mother's husband got a little out of control one night." I left it at that and hoped it was enough. "Like I said, Dr. Cullen was there and he knew that my mom had died and so he agreed to take me in. I moved with him back to Washington when it was time for him and his wife to go home," I said the words quickly, hoping no one would ask any more questions.

Awkward silence fell and I instantly regretted that I had ruined what should have been a carefree night of pizza.

"I think you are right," Kevin finally said, finally breaking the awful silence. "You look happier than I've ever seen you. Not in all the nine years I knew you."

The ice returned to Bella and the knots tightened in my stomach.

"Yeah," I managed to agree. "Forks definitely agreed with me."

"So Kevin," Samantha said, as if sensing my intense desire for the conversation to end. "You are an amazing pitcher, what's the fastest you've been clocked at?"

Kevin beamed at her. "One hundred three," he said. "And you should see my curve ball break."

Later that night, when we returned to the dorms I asked Bella if she wanted to take a walk. We walked in silence for the first few yards, waiting to get away from the crowd of people. "Bella," I whispered when we were alone. "What happened?"

She looked up at me and chewed on her bottom lip. "He was your friend for nine years."

It was statement, not a question, but I nodded anyway.

"Your best friend."

Again, not a question, but I continued to nod.

"How did he not know? How could he not help you?" Her voice grew louder as the words started to pour from her. "He knew you before James even started to hurt you! How could he not tell someone? Anyone? I remember when I was a freshman and we had to watch that damn child abuse video in health class. It explained to us everything, about how we should tell if we suspected a friend was being hurt! How could he let you live like that!"

"Bella," I said quietly, putting my hands on her shoulders. "Honey, he didn't know."

"That's bull shit," she said and her eyes widened, as shocked by her own words as I was. "I knew the second I saw you that something had hurt you. Your eyes alone betrayed your pain. And you weren't even living it anymore! I've seen your scars and I can't imagine the pain they must have caused when they were fresh. You couldn't have kept all that pain a secret!"

"I hid them," I answered back. "Every mark, every bruise he gave me, I hid it. Bella, I didn't want Kevin to know. School was the only normalcy in my life. I didn't want anyone to know so I got very good at hiding it. After I moved to Forks, everything changed and I was so confused I didn't know how to hide it anymore."

"He knew you for nine years."

"I was an excellent liar."

Bella stared at me, her hands fisted in front of her. I reached up and ran a hand through my hair. For several moments, the silence roared between us. "Bella," I finally whispered. "I saw that video too. I remember watching it and almost laughing out loud. There was no way anyone could have helped me at that point. If Kevin had told, I would have denied it with my last breath."

"Edward," Bella said just as softly. "Why?"

"If someone had tried to remove me from my home, what do you think would have happened to my mom?"

Her eyes slid closed as she reached out and closed the space between us. "When you first introduced Kevin to us," she explained as she rested her forehead on my chest. "I thought maybe he was just an old acquaintance from Chicago that you ran into again. Someone you didn't know very long. Then when we got to the restaurant and he said that you guys had been good friends since you were eight, I just lost it. I wanted to yell at him then, but I knew I couldn't."

"Bella, listen to me, okay?" I pulled her back and leaned forward until I was eye level with her. "You heard me tell Kevin that Carlisle finding me was the best thing that has ever happened to me, right?"

She nodded.

"That wasn't an exaggeration. Sweetheart, when I said yes to the Cullen's, it opened up a whole new world to me. If anything had happened before that night, if by some chance Child Protective Services had found out about what was happening at home, I would have been placed in the foster care system. I would have missed out on the best things in my life. I would have missed you. And Bella love, there is _nothing_ I regret about anything because it all led me to you."

"Edward," she whispered and she brought her hands up to her cheeks. "I'm so sorry."

"Please don't apologize," I said gently.

She shook her head. "I could tell at dinner that were you confused and hurt, but I was too caught up in my own anger to do anything about it. I guess I just wish that something could have happened to have saved you from all the pain. But you're right. Anything else would not have brought you to Forks."

"Exactly." I smiled at her.

"I can't imagine that."

"Neither can I." I kissed her gently, reveling in her taste. "Neither can I," I repeated against her lips.

"I love you," she breathed.

"As do I, my love."

Later that night I lay in bed, Bella's delicious taste still fresh on my lips. In the bed on the other side of the room, Matt snored away. I licked my lips one more time, then forced the image of James to appear on the ceiling above me. When his pale eyes were looking at me, I focused my attention on his hands. He held the chain whip in his hands and I shuddered for a minute as the remembered pain swept over me. I narrowed my eyes and imagined grabbing the chain and heaving it to the other side of the room. I could almost hear the clatter as the chain hit the wall. I handed James a feather and he looked at it, confusion filling his blank eyes. "You can't hurt me with that," I whispered inside my head.

He waved it around and it fluttered in the wind. I smiled to myself as I watched. "You can't hurt me anymore," I whispered, this time out loud.

He glared at me, but didn't speak. I snuggled deeper into my pillow, watching as he tried to throw the feather away, but it remained stuck to his hand. I laughed at him and he glared harder at me. Then without warning, he smirked and the feather turned into a knife. "I told you," he leered at me. "You won't escape that easily." He grabbed my left arm and traced the long scar with the knife. He lifted the steel blade again and placed it back at my elbow. I watched, unable to move as the scar was ripped open again.

My eyes flew open and I felt my chest jerking as I rolled over, burying my face in my pillow. I could feel the sweat drenching my body and I shivered against my damp sheets. When I could breathe again, I lifted my head and risked a glance at the other bed. I closed my eyes and dropped my head again, letting the relief flood through me as Matt slept peacefully.

I yanked my covers back and got out of bed. Despite the shivers wracking my frame, the room felt too hot and stuffy. I went to the door and stepped out into the dark hallway. The hallway offered no relief, so I made my way down the stairs and through the outside doors. The cement felt cool beneath my bare feet and I padded over to one of the benches. I sat down and tilted my head up, breathing in the cool night air.

I knew what I had done wrong. I hadn't finished visualizing the nightmare before falling asleep. I had let James in and before I had kicked him out again, I had fallen head first into the dream.

"Edward?" I heard the familiar whisper and opened my eyes to see Bella approaching me. "Baby, are you okay?" She crawled into my lap and ran her fingers through my damp hair.

"Yeah," I whispered. "How did you know I was out here?"

"I was going to the bathroom when I saw your shadow walk past, heading down stairs."

"Oh," I said quietly.

"Do you remember Senior prom?" she asked.

I closed my eyes and saw her wearing a deep blue gown. Her pale shoulders had been bare, her long hair swept up into a waterfall of curls. I remembered placing the red roses on her wrist and her pinning the white rose to the jacket of my tuxedo. "Of course," I answered.

"I didn't want to dance."

I felt my lips turn up into a smile and a pressed a kiss to her temple. "Honey, you never want to dance."

She laughed. "I know. But you made me."

"Like I always do."

"You made me stand on your toes and the swept my around the dance floor in a perfect waltz."

"You were so beautiful that night," I murmured.

"So were you. That was a magical night."

"You know, I think most men prefer the adjective handsome."

I felt Bella's shoulders shake as she giggled. "Handsome is so boring though," she explained. "It just doesn't capture you. You are so much more. Honestly, it's the only word I could ever think to describe you. Even that first day in biology, all I could think was 'Oh dear Lord, he is _beautiful._'"

"But then, what word does that leave for you?" I asked her. "If I'm beautiful?"

"Plain," she said with a sigh. "Boring."

"Isabella Marie Swan!" I pushed her back and gave her shoulders a shake. "You are so far off the mark, it's not even funny." I tilted my head as I thought. I looked at her now, her creamy skin reflecting the moonlight, her deep eyes sparkling as she waited. Her long hair tumbled in wild disarray, touching the middle of her back. But this didn't even begin to describe what was captured on the inside.

"See," Bella said as I remained silent. "You can't think of anything either."

I shook my head. "How can I possibly describe you in one word? All the words running through my head don't even begin to do you justice."

I watched her blush turn her cheeks red. "Edward," she sighed. She rested her head on my shoulder and I moved my hand in large circles over her back. Several minutes later I heard her breathing even out as she fell asleep.

I knew I should take her back up to her room and let her sleep in the comfort of her own bed. But I wasn't ready to let her yet. I shifted slightly, arranging her into a more comfortable position. I ran my hand through her hair and enjoyed the feeling of her heart beating against my chest.

I stayed outside, watching the stars until the sky began to lighten and goosebumps began to dot Bella's arms. Then I carefully lifted her and carried her back inside.

The rest of the week passed quickly, in a whirl of classes, practices, homework and Bella. We fell into a routine quickly and I treasured the classes I had with her because the offered me another hour with her. After our morning class together, we headed off in our own directions. I went to class and took my notes. I went to ensemble practice and then to baseball practice. Bella always showed up at the baseball field and would watch intently, no matter what we were doing. After practice, I hurried to the locker room, eager to change and be with her again.

Then, after the long day, we would head to the cafeteria, grab some dinner and then work on our homework. Because Bella was taking two English classes, her homework was filled with writing, so we usually studied in her room, where I would lie on her bed working on chemistry while she typed away at her computer. Other nights, when she had only reading, we would head outside and complete our work in the waning California sunshine.

Before I knew it, it was Friday and I was downstairs with Matt, RJ and Kevin, waiting for the girls. We were going to the pep rally and then the first home football game of the season. The Stanford Cardinal were hosting the Washington Huskies.

Bella and Samantha came bouncing out of the dorm and headed for our group. "Hey!" they both yelled as they approached us. Bella came to a stop next to me and as always, our hands migrated to the other, our fingers lacing together. I noticed Samantha stopped next to Kevin and I felt my eyebrow raise a bit as I watched her greet him enthusiastically. I snuck a peek at Bella and saw her shaking her head a little.

We took off then, heading towards the main quad where the rally would be held. "Hi sweetie," Bella said as we began walking. "Happy two years."

I turned and smiled at her. We had taken turns all day wishing each other a happy anniversary. A part of me couldn't believe that Bella and I had been dating for two whole years. It seemed like just yesterday she had entered my life. "I'm looking forward to after the game," I said, my smile growing as I thought of what I had in store with her.

"No fair," Bella said, pouting a bit. "I want to know what we are doing."

"It's a surprise," I leaned over and kissed her quickly. "But trust me, you will love it."

Bella rolled her eyes. "Of course I will. I would love anything you do." She skipped along next to me, our hands swinging between us. "I am so incredibly glad that it is Friday," she said. "I'm toast."

I laughed. "Me too. Tomorrow, I say we do nothing but sleep and relax."

"Sounds good," Bella answered. "Then on Sunday, we get to go see Alice and Jasper! I can't wait!"

We had talked to Alice on Wednesday and confirmed our plans for the weekend. We were going to head over to Berkeley on Sunday to see our friends and hang out. We had been warned by Alice to not wear anything red or Stanford related. Like Bella, I couldn't wait to see my sister.

As we neared the main quad, the number of people walking increased and we followed the crowd to center of the school. The pep rally was a lot like the bon fire that had been held before school started. The only real difference was that the football players weren't there and there was no fire. But the band and cheerleaders were there and we sang the school song, listened to the student body president explain to us that we were going to kick butt on the field today.

After the rally, we followed the marching band to the football stadium. The game passed quickly, we spent it cheering loudly, rooting for our new team. The Cardinal beat the Huskies 27 to 26, making for a very good game.

At the end of the game, Bella and I walked out with our group of friends, but then it was time to say good bye.

"Are you guys sure you don't want to come?" Samantha asked. Her cheeks were flushed with adrenaline from the game. She skipped in front of us. "We were going to head out to get milk shakes, soothe our raspy throats."

"Um," Bella said, looking at me through her eyelashes. "I'm pretty sure that we'll pass this time, but next time, promise."

"Come on Sam," Kevin said. "Would you want to spend your two year anniversary with at a crowded restaurant?"

"I suppose not," she sighed.

"Don't worry, we'll keep you company. I know a chocolate shake with my name on it," RJ added. Samantha smiled and linked her arms with Kevin and RJ. Matt looked on, an almost bored expression on his face.

"Like Bella said," I added. "We will for sure join you guys next time. I just have something planned."

"No problem," Samantha said, smiling now. "I understand. You two love birds have fun."

I grinned. That was the plan.

"You guys have a good night," I said waving as I led Bella away. She waved over her shoulder and then turned her full attention to me.

"Edward?" she asked as we got in the Volvo.

I slid into my seat and smiled crookedly at her. "Don't worry, you'll see where we are going soon enough."

She huffed and sat back in her seat. Her expression grew more and more perplexed the further I drove. I guided my car towards the surrounding hills, then turned onto obscure roads that appeared to take us no where.

Which was exactly my destination. The middle of nowhere, with no one around except me and the girl I loved. I maneuvered down the small road, the trees practically hitting my car. Despite her confusion, Bella never once asked me where we were going, nor did the smile leave her lips.

The trust she had in me was awe inspiring.

I pulled up to the edge of the woods and Bella looked at me, curiosity shining in her brown eyes. I smiled at her slightly, suddenly struck by nerves. Maybe this was a bad idea. What if she hated it? What if this wasn't what she wanted?

I took a deep steadying breath and pulled out a black blindfold. I bit my lip and looked at Bella. "I have to get some things ready," I said, my voice held a hint of my nerves and I took another deep breath. "Would you mind wearing this until I'm ready?"

Bella shook her head and I carefully slipped the blindfold over eyes, blocking her vision. "Only for a few minutes," I said softly right before I kissed her lips. "I'll be right back."

I left her sitting in the car as I ran around to the trunk. I pulled out the large pad I had brought and spread it out several feet front of the car. For a second I stood still, looking out. From this spot, I could see the entire Palo Alto valley. Soon, dusk would set in, but for now, the sun hovered just above hills. I hurried back to the trunk and pulled out the rest of the supplies I had brought. I set the food next to the large pad, spread the blankets out, placed the presents atop the blankets. For a second I stared at the scene I had created and I wrung my hands. Doubt pounded at my brain and I was tempted to grab everything, shove it in back in the car and hurry away, taking my sweet girl to the fanciest restaurant I could find.

I looked back at the car and saw her still sitting in the front seat, the blindfold still in place. A smile played along her lips as she waited patiently for me. Love for her almost brought me to my knees and gave me the courage to walk to her door and open it slowly. I reached in took Bella's hand. Gently I kissed her fingers and then helped her out of the car. I led her to the spot I had chosen, positioning her to lookout over the valley. Ridiculously, my hands shook as I lifted the blindfold from her eyes. I watched her face as she took in the scene in front of her. Her eyes lowered and she looked at the pad and blankets spread out in front of her.

"I thought we could watch the sunset," I said hoarsely, the nerves still tearing at my throat.

She nodded, still silent as she lifted her gaze. Her brown eyes met mine and she lifted her hand. Gently, more like a breath than a touch, her fingers skimmed my face. "I love it," she whispered as her fingers fluttered over my lips.

"Are you sure?" I breathed, my uncertainty clinging to me.

She smiled again and her fingers lifted my face, trailing down my arm to my hand. "Yes, baby relax." She laced her fingers with mine and lowered herself to the pad, pulling me with her.

We sat crossed legged in front of each other, our knees touching. "I brought food," I said inanely as I reached for the plastic containers.

"So this is why you wouldn't let me eat at the game," Bella said laughing softly.

"Yeah," I said, smiling at her. "I didn't want you to ruin your appetite." I removed the lids and spread our feast around us. Bella looked at me with her brown eyes sparkling and I knew she remembered. I lifted a piece of bread, spread some mustard on it and placed a piece of salami and cheese on it. Then I handed it to her.

"It's just like our very first picnic," she said softly.

"Yes, when I kissed you for the very first time."

"Seems appropriate," she replied, popping the bread in her mouth. "Tonight will be another first," she added when she was done chewing.

I swallowed hard and nodded. "I didn't want to assume--,"

"Hush," Bella said. "You aren't making any wrong assumptions."

I looked over her shoulder and saw the sky beginning to turn a light pink. "The sun is setting," I whispered.

Bella moved the food aside and crawled towards me. I unfolded my legs and she sat between them, leaning against my chest, her head on my shoulder.

In silence, we watched the sun begin to slip behind the hills, the sky an ever changing palette of colors. As I watched, I began running my hand along her arm, slowly dragging my fingers from the tips of hers, to the hollow between her shoulder blades and then down again. She relaxed even more against me, molding to my body as I continued the caresses on her arms.

Then she sat up and turned to face me. She stared at me for a few seconds. "Are you sure?" I asked softly.

Without answering my question, she reached down to the hem of her shirt and swiftly lifted it up and away. Beneath the sweatshirt, she wore a lacy, deep blue bra. "There is nothing I want more in this life," she said softly, but firmly. "Then you."

"Bella," I managed as I lifted my hands again, once again feeling her smooth skin beneath my hands. "I love you." I spread my hands over her rib cage, my thumbs reaching out to smooth over the blue lace.

She looked down and watched my thumbs continued to circle the blue lace. When she looked up, her eyes were smoldering. She leaned forward and captured my lips with her own. I kissed her hungrily and desire began to ignite deep within me. I could practically hear the electricity snapping around us, feel the sparks as they burst out. I shifted, pulling her closer to me, my hands now moving along the soft skin of her back.

Without thinking, I turned us until she lay on her back beneath my, our lips still locked together. I pulled away from her lips then, moving along her chin, gently nibbling her neck.

"Edward," she gasped.

My hand splayed out on her flat stomach as my lips ran along the edges of the lace. My hand ran over the button of her jeans, moving lower. She bucked against me and I pulled away, scared I had hurt her. "Bella, are you sure?"

"Yes my sweet, sweet Edward. I want you. I love you." She bit her lip and her face began to turn the lightest shade of pink. "Baby, I want your hands on me." She reached up and put took my hand. She guided it back to the heat within her jeans. "Here, now."

I flexed my fingers and she jerked again, but I saw now that her eyes were on fire. I smiled and my insecurity fled. "Here?" I asked softly, moving my fingers again.

"Yes," she sighed.

I bent and resumed the trail I had started against the edges of the lace. I felt my own heart rate accelerate, matching the rhythm of her breaths. Tonight was the night. The night we would truly become one.

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**A/N: Hey guys. Once again I have to apologize for the huge wait. Summer is coming, so in two weeks it will be a lot easier to find the time to write. **

**With the last few chapters, I've noticed that the number of reviews has gone down. I keep telling myself that it doesn't matter, that I'm writing because I love it, not because I want to win any "review" contests. But it's amazing what reviews, or decrease in reviews can do to your confidence. I was hesitant to write a sequel because I did not want to ruin Fearless. I'm starting to get scared that I'm doing just that.**

**That said, I do hope you enjoyed this chapter. I'm trying to build the plot, and the added characters are needed so it's taking a bit of time to set everything up. But some conflict and confusion is rapidly approaching.**

**Please don't forget to review!**

**Thanks so much!**

**Mygoldeneyedangel  
**


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or the familiar characters. Stephenie Meyer does.**

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Chapter Ten

The world exploded around me and for a second all I could see was the bright fireworks going off behind my eyes. I lowered my head until my face was buried in Bella's shoulder. Beneath me, I felt her chest move as she panted and I could hear the pounding of her heart as it echoed mine. I knew my shaking arms wouldn't support me much longer, so I rolled to my back, keeping Bella tightly against me.

For several minutes only the sounds of our breathing and hearts disturbed the quiet night.

"Wow," Bella whispered, eventually.

"That was--," I started.

"I never thought--," Bella began.

We both stopped and she lifted her head high enough to see me. Despite the dark which had fallen while we had been oblivious to the world, I could see her eyes shining. Her cheeks were flushed, her hair a wild array of curls cascading down her shoulders. She swallowed, then lifted a hand to my face. "I love you so much, Edward," she whispered.

"Bella," I said softly. I wished I could find the words to describe what I felt at this moment. To define the powerful waves of emotion that were flooding my entire being. I love you just didn't seem to be enough.

"I know," she said, her hand running through my hair. "I feel it too."

"Are you sure you can't read my mind?" I asked.

Bella smiled and shook her head, her curls tickling my arm. "Honey, it's all there in your eyes. It all shines in your green eyes." She paused for a minute, and then pushed herself up higher, so she was looking down on my face. "I can't tell you the number of times I've gotten lost in your eyes. When you look at me, I feel like the most treasured, most special person in the entire universe."

"You are."

She smiled. "You don't even have to say the words for me to know what you feel."

I tugged on a lock of hair that had fallen over her shoulder. I kept pulling until she was on top of me again and our lips were connected. I kissed her hungrily, slowly ravaging her sweet lips. "Again?" she moaned against me.

I moved my lips down her throat and shifted until she lay on her back. "Again," I managed as I slid my hand over her silky skin.

I didn't think I'd ever get tired of touching her or the feel of her wrapped so tightly around me. But my plan had not been to camp out in the woods. So it was with great reluctance that I detangled my self from her warm body and began hunting around me for clothes. I found my shirt and pulled it over my head. My hands hit her bra and I held it out for her.

"Do we really have to go back?" Bella sighed.

I found her shirt and laid it next to her. "I know, I don't want to go back either. But I don't think it's a good idea to sleep out here."

"I guess you're right." She picked up the bra and slid it back into place. I found my jeans and tugged them on. "It's so beautiful out here," Bella said.

I looked back at her and saw that she had found her jeans and was now completely dressed. I crawled across the pad and sat behind her, pulling her against my chest. In front of us, the lights from the city illuminated the dark night. "I hope you don't mind," I whispered against her ear.

"Don't mind what?" she asked as she laid her head against my shoulder.

"That I didn't get a hotel room. I just," I paused, trying to think of how to explain my thoughts to her. "I know Carlisle says I'm a Cullen and that I can use the card he gave me but--,"

My words were cut off by a delicate hand pressing against my lips. "This was perfect," she said simply.

I nodded and kissed her temple. I felt her body ease into mine as she relaxed. I glanced down and saw her eyes just barely open. "We should head back," I said again.

This time she nodded sleepily and didn't argue as I picked her up and carried her back to the car. I placed her gently in the passenger seat and then hurried to gather all of my things. I looked out over the city one more time and then smiled. It was a night neither of us would ever forget.

And like Bella said, it had been absolutely perfect.

The next day passed peacefully. Bella and I spent most of the day in the common room watching TV and cuddling on the couch. Samantha, RJ and Kevin joined us for a little while. They had wanted details of our previous evening. Bella had turned bright red as I tried to give them information without giving any details.

RJ had brought some school work to complete and it was then that I noticed we had the same chemistry class, although on different days. I had run up to get my own book and we had worked on the assignment together. It was nice to have another person to bounce ideas and theories off.

That night, I tried Carlisle's theory again, this time forcing myself to stay awake until I had kicked James out of the room. It hadn't been easy, James had put up quite a fight. But somehow, and I think it's because of the cloud Bella had me floating on, when I opened my eyes, the sun was just beginning to stream in through the blinds.

I breathed a sigh of relief as I looked at the pool of light hitting the surface of my desk. This was the first full night of sleep I'd had since coming to college. I smiled into my pillow, hopeful that this would now be a nightly occurrence. I also couldn't wait to tell Carlisle that his advice worked. I knew, despite my protests, that he still worried. My eyes wandered to the digital clock sitting next to my bed. Six forty-five. Perfect time to wake up, get ready and then go find Bella.

I sat up and pulled away my covers. I stretched my arms up over my head and gave myself a moment to revel in the feeling of being completely refreshed. I swung my legs over the side of my bed and stood. Matt still lay on his bed, completely dead to the world. It was Sunday after all and I imagined that he would not join the land of the living again until early afternoon.

Shaking my head at the waste, I grabbed my toiletries and headed to the bathroom. In no time at all I was clean, dressed and ready to go. I quickly went back to my room, dropped off my things and headed out again. As I made my way down the stairs, I shook my head slightly. It was always such an adventure waking my Bella up. I think, if given a choice, she would waste away the morning in a manner similar to my roommate.

So you can imagine my surprise when I lifted my fist to knock and the door opened. I stood still for a few seconds, my fist still in position to tap the wooden door. Bella, fully awake and dressed, smiled at me. "Good morning, sweetheart."

When I didn't say anything, because my brain was still trying to register the fact that my late sleeper was up and ready to go, she took my fist, kissed it gently and then lowered it to my side.

"You're up," I said a bit inanely.

"Of course," she said, stepping out of the room, her purse already in place over her shoulder. "Today I get to see Alice."

With those words, my brain finally kicked into gear and the pieces fell into place. My lips kicked up in a smile. "Good morning, Bella love," I said, kissing her gently.

"There you are," she murmured. She caressed my cheek and kissed me back. "You are so cute when caught off guard," she said as we made our way towards the staircase.

I looked at her sideways. "Honey, in all the time we've known each other, I've never seen you up and dressed before me. At least, not on a day that you didn't have to be."

She laughed quietly. "What can I say? I can't wait to see Alice and Jasper. I've missed them so much."

"Me too." We exited the building and walked to my car. "I think we should have worn red, just to see the fuss Alice would have made."

Bella glanced down at her black and white shirt and laughed. "I thought about it, actually." I opened the door for her and she climbed into the passenger side.

"Me too," I said as I opened my own door and slid into my own seat.

The drive to Berkeley took us an hour and a half. We passed the time talking. It never ceased to amaze me that no matter how long we knew each other, or how long we talked, we never seemed to run out of things to say.

I heard the squeal before I had even turned off the car. Through the closed windows and the music that still drifted as background music through the interior, I might add. I watched, amused as Bella fumbled with the seatbelt, fighting with the restraint in order to be free. When at last the belt released her, she flung open the door and raced into my tiny sister's arms.

I climbed out of the car at a slightly slower speed and went to greet Jasper. "Hey man," I said to him. "Good to see you."

Jasper smiled and we briefly hugged. "Good to see you as well. Everything going okay on enemy grounds?"

I laughed. "Yep, it's great actually--,"

I was interrupted from adding to my comment by another Alice squeal. "No way!" she squeaked. "Bella! It's about time!"

I spun to face the girls and saw Bella standing in front of Alice, her face already a shocking shade of red. Alice stood on her toes, staring at Bella, her tiny hands on Bella's arms.

"Edward!" Alice said again, her voice not yet losing its high pitched frequency. "Congratulations!"

"Alice," I said, exasperated. "What are you talking about?"

She tilted her head at me, a black eyebrow raised. Her entire expression told me that I should know exactly what she was talking about. Slowly the realization dawned and I felt heat spread up my neck. There was only one thing that had changed since the last time I had seen my sister. Only one thing that could have possibly elicited this reaction.

"You told her?" I said a bit incredulously, looking at my girlfriend. I had known, of course that Bella would tell Alice, but I had more expected to be in a bit more private moment.

Bella's head shook rapidly, her long hair swinging.

Alice and Jasper burst out laughing. "You guys!" Alice managed. "It's so obvious! One look at both of you and it's clear you finally did the horizontal tango."

"Alice," Bella hissed, her face absolutely on fire. Although, at this moment I was pretty sure my cheeks matched hers in color.

"Didn't take you guys long," Jasper said between guffaws. "You've only been away from home for a week."

"We finally got some privacy," I said, trying to keep my dignity. Honestly, there were times when being the youngest brother was a real drag.

"Well I'm happy for you guys," Alice stated. "So did it live up to your expectations?"

"Alice!" Bella and I both cried in unison.

She chuckled and then linked her arms with mine and Bella's. "Come on," she said, skipping along between us. "We'll show you are dorm rooms."

"So what's your roommate like?" Bella asked.

Alice made a face.

"That bad?" I asked.

"No, I mean, she's perfectly nice. But she likes to shop at thrift stores. I just can't convince her to go shopping with me."

Bella made a sympathetic sound.

"But, other than that, she's a good person, pretty easy to live with."

The day passed at a whirlwind speed. Alice, with her usual flair had the entire day mapped out for us. We started at the dorms, with a tour of their rooms. Like me and Bella, Alice and Jasper were in the same hall. Their rooms looked nearly identical to ours as well.

We continued with the tour, Alice and Jasper showing off the campus they called home. We saw the football field, we were informed the Bears were going to kill the Cardinal. Bella and I had just smiled and agreed, although we knew the truth. We walked along College Avenue and took in some of the unique Berkeley atmosphere. We grabbed sandwiches at a local deli and went to Tilden Park for a picnic. After lunch we headed walked around the park and watched the kids riding ponies. Then we went to Telegraph Avenue to people watch.

Throughout the entire day we talked. An endless stream of chatter as we tried frantically to fill each other in on everything that was happening. We discussed our roommates, our classes, friends we had met. Both Alice and Jasper were surprised to hear of the reappearance of Kevin in my life. Alice wanted to rush for a sorority and was in the process of trying to convince Jasper to do the same for a fraternity. When she mentioned that Bella and I should as well, I only shook my head. I couldn't imagine adding anything more to my already overloaded schedule.

By the time we were standing once again at my Volvo, I realized just how desperately I missed Alice and even Jasper. The ease of our friendship did not exist in our current group of friends. We held nothing back from each other, there were no awkward moments, none of the stunted silences that tended to occur when my new group of friends gathered.

I hugged Alice one last time and then stepped back so that Bella could do the same. As I took Bella's hand and led her back to the car, I saw the tears sparkling within the brown depths of her eyes. I squeezed her hand gently and saw her nod. I opened the car door and she turned to wave at Alice and Jasper one last time. I saw Alice tucked under Jasper's arm, her arms wrapped tightly around his waist. For the first time all day she was subdued as she watched us silently.

I ran around the car and entered on my side. Immediately Bella's hand found mine and I used my opposite hand to start the car and put it in reverse. "We'll come back soon," I said quietly as we pulled away. "And they are going to come visit us."

"I know," Bella said. She turned and smiled at me. "Today was fun, the most relaxed I've felt in a long time."

"Agreed."

"You're right, as always. They are close and we will see them a lot."

"Yep." I squeezed her hand again.

"Plus, I think we are starting to bond with our friends at school, don't you think?"

I nodded, albeit a bit hesitantly. "I think you spend more time with them than I do."

"That's because you, my dear Edward, are so insanely busy." I laughed with her. "But yeah, I mean, Samantha is a doll, I really couldn't have dreamed up a better roommate. And RJ is very sweet."

"Really?" I said dryly. I couldn't decide how I felt about my girlfriend calling another guy sweet.

"Yeah," Bella said, eyeing me. "I told you we met at the library a couple of times this week. He's a fantastic writer and he helped me edit one of my papers. He told me a little about his past, it's quite sad."

I focused on my hand and keeping a light grip on the steering wheel. Bella had told me about meeting RJ at the library, they had gone while I was at baseball practice. She had told me because she was honest. She was also loyal and loved me more than anything. I took a breath and relaxed. She loved me, it was all I needed to know. I felt Bella's thumb running along my knuckles of the hand she still held. I lifted our joined hands and carefully kissed the top of her hand.

She smiled and resumed talking. "His mom is seriously messed up. She's been in and out of jail his whole life. Even when she's not in jail, she has a hard time taking care of him."

"What does she do?"

"She gets drunk," Bella said quietly. "And then does stupid things while in a drunken stupor. Steals cars, starts fights, basically just causes a public disturbance. RJ said she has a lot of anger, that it started after his father left them."

I cleared my throat. "It sounds like we have a lot more in common than just the chemistry class."

Bella nodded. "But his story doesn't have a happy ending like yours. Every time his mom gets caught, which is pretty often, he gets shipped off to live with Matt's family. His mom goes to jail, then through whatever rehab program the courts send her to. Once she proves herself fit again, he goes back to her. I think he's really relieved that he's finally eighteen and can have a say in his own life."

"Yeah," I agreed. I glanced at Bella and saw her looking out her window, watching the green, rolling hills fly by. I could hear in her voice the sympathy she had for RJ.

"And Matt doesn't do anything to make his life easier, that's for sure."

I forced myself to look back at the road. Bella's protective hackles were up and I tried to remind myself that I wasn't the only one that should benefit from her. She had every right to be protective of a friend. She was such a good soul, it only made sense that RJ's story would pull at her heartstrings.

Deep within me, I felt something twist painfully and I fought to squash it down.

That first week set the routine for our college life. Lectures, labs, practices, studying, and reading filled my days. As with that first week, I saw Bella each moment I possibly could. But as my professors began to dive deeper into the material, my workload steadily increased. I fought to find a balance between school, baseball, music and Bella.

As days turned into weeks, I thought I was succeeding.

"Edward? Sweetheart?" I turned my head from the chemistry book opened in front of me and looked at Bella. I lay on my stomach on her bed.

"Hi honey," I said, my voice faintly hoarse.

Bella sat next to me on her bed and ran a hand through my hair. I almost purred, it felt so good. "Are you almost done?" she asked quietly.

I nodded and glanced at the page number. "Just a few more pages left to read."

"Good," she whispered. Her hands went to my shoulders and began massaging, her fingers digging deeply into my tired muscles. I turned my attention back to the book and tried to focus on the words. They blurred in front of my tired eyes and I blinked, trying to bring them back into focus. Bella continued to rub my back as quiet once again descended on the room.

Ten minutes later I read the last word, shut my book, then leaned forward, my forehead resting on the hard surface of the book. Bella's hands did not stop, but I felt her lips press into my hair.

"I am so worried about you," she whispered next to my ear. "Baby, you are pushing yourself way too hard. You're going to make yourself sick."

I didn't move. "I'm okay."

"Edward," she cried softly. "What time did you go to bed last night?" she asked suddenly.

I lifted head. "Um, three, I think." We had gone out to dinner with our friends last night after practice. Then I had spent some time with Bella in the common room, just talking and kissing before taking her upstairs. I had returned to my dorm room with a load of homework still to complete. "Why?"

Before Bella could answer, the door to her room flung open and a hysterical Samantha entered.

"Sammy?" Bella said hesitantly, getting up off the bed. "What happened?"

Her only answer was a loud sob as she sat down on her bed. Bella sat next to her, wrapping her arms around Samantha. I sat up too, feeling slightly out of place.

"Sam," Bella tried again. "Tell me what's wrong."

"Ryan called," Samantha said between sobs. "He—he broke up with me! Said he just couldn't handle the long distance relationship anymore."

"Aw, Sam," Bella whispered. "I'm so sorry."

"We dated for two years," Samantha cried. "I thought we were going to be together forever."

"I know," Bella murmured, brushing Samantha's hair off her face.

"I love him!"

"I know," Bella said again. She looked at me, her eyes sad. I love you, she mouthed.

I love you too, I said silently back to her.

"I hate him!" Samantha cried, leaping up off the bed. The tears streaming down her cheeks couldn't hide the anger that now lit her eyes. "I knew something was wrong because he has been avoiding my calls. He said he was busy!" Her fingers moved, creating quotation marks around the word "busy." "Busy my ass," she muttered under her breath. "Tonight's Friday," she announced.

"Yes," Bella said a bit warily. She stood and came to me, our hands immediately linking.

"I want to be 'busy' tonight." Her hands once again creating quotation marks in the air.

"Okay," Bella said, drawing out the word anxiously.

I cleared my throat. "What do you have in mind?"

Samantha tapped her foot. "It's Friday," she stated again. "We are in college. There must be something going on. Something to keep us very 'busy.'"

"Maybe the boys know of something?" Bella bit her lip and looked at me.

"I'll call Kevin and see if he knows anything," I said, still a bit confused. I stepped out of the room, feeling slightly guilty for leaving Bella alone. I took out my phone and found Kevin's number.

"Yo," his voice came through the line.

"Hey Kev, it's Edward."

"Hey bro, what's going on?"

"Listen, Samantha's having a hard night and wants to do something fun, do you know of anything?" I asked him. I leaned against the wall while I waited for his reply.

"Do you mean like a party?"

"Yeah, I think I do."

"Nice!" Kevin exclaimed. "Barry's having a house party tonight, we should totally hit that up."

Barry was one of the ace pitcher's on the baseball team.

"Okay, I think that sounds perfect. Thanks Kevin."

"No problem man. Hey, if you don't mind my asking, is Sam okay?"

"I'm not sure," I said honestly, thinking of the still slightly hysterical girl I had left to make this phone call. "Her boyfriend called her this afternoon and broke up with her."

Silence met me at the other end. "Kevin?" I asked, wondering if we had been disconnected.

"Yeah, I'm here. I'm sorry to hear that."

But thing is, he really didn't sound that sorry. I frowned. "Yeah, I think she just wants to have some fun tonight."

"I'm sure," Kevin answered. "We'll show her a good time. I'll call RJ and we will meet you guys at your dorm at ten."

"Okay. Thanks Kevin."

I hung up the phone and went back into Bella's room. The girls were sitting on the bed again, silent tears still making their way down Samantha's cheeks. "Kevin knows of a house party tonight. It's at Barry's house."

"That's perfect," Samantha said, although her voice lacked enthusiasm.

"Are you sure you want to go?"

She nodded and stood up. "I refuse to waste time crying over that idiot. This will be fun, it's about time we went to a college party."

"Okay," I said. "Kevin and RJ are meeting us here at ten."

"Ten!" Samantha squealed. "But that only gives us an hour to get dressed!"

Bella suddenly looked scared. "What do you mean 'get dressed'? I am dressed!" She tugged on the sweatshirt she was wearing, as if checking to make sure it was real.

"Bella, my dear dear roommate. You cannot wear jeans and a sweatshirt to a house party."

"Why not?" she asked, crossing her arms in front of her.

Samantha rolled her eyes. "Trust me. It'll be fun. We can play dress up."

"Oh God," Bella moaned. She looked at me. "Help me, Edward. It's like Alice reincarnated."

I laughed and went to kiss her forehead. "Sorry babe, but I have to go get dressed as well. I imagine jeans and sweatshirt don't work well for guys either." I looked at Samantha for confirmation and she nodded.

I left my girlfriend in the hands of her roommate and headed up to my room. Matt was sitting at his computer, as always. I hurried over to my closet and grabbed some clothes and my shower gear.

"Where are you going?" Matt asked just before I made it to the door again.

"We're going to a party," I said. I sighed internally. "Would you like to come?"

His fingers tapped on his keyboard as he thought. "Like a house party?"

"Yeah. Kevin and RJ are meeting us at ten to go."

Matt made a face when I said RJ's name and I figured he would say no. I turned back to the door.

"I'd like to go," Matt said quietly. "I'll be ready at ten."

I nodded in his direction, then continued out of the room. I took a quick shower to try and wake myself up a bit. As I let the hot stream of water rush over me I contemplated the upcoming adventure.

A house party.

By any college student definition this meant chaotic ruckus with lots of drinking involved. I know this is going to make me sound like stick in the mud, but I can't stand the thought of alcohol. I'm nineteen, a nineteen year old guy, for that matter. The thought of throwing back a beer should entice me and make me eager to get to this party tonight.

I stepped out of the shower and wrapped a large terry cloth towel around my waist. I walked to the sink to brush my teeth and my fingers absently traced the pink lines on my chest.

I had seen the negative side of drinking too often. My dad had been killed by a drunk driver. And then I had watched beer turn my normally unpleasant stepfather into a monster.

I grabbed a white undershirt and pulled it over my head, hiding the scars from view. I tugged on my jeans, put on my long sleeved black shirt and did up the buttons. As I finger combed my hair, I made up my mind.

I wouldn't drink tonight. It might make me the ultimate loser, but so be it.

Satisfied with both my appearance and my decision I left the bathroom. In our room, I found Matt already changed and ready.

Silently I put away my things and then Matt and I left the room, without saying a word to each other. We stopped off at Bella's room to pick up the girls. When Bella opened the door, she stood awkwardly in front of me. She pulled on the short dress until I grabbed her hand and kissed her fingertips. "Stunning. You look stunning," I said softly. I touched one of her curls and twisted it around my finger.

"Are you sure this dress isn't too short?" she asked.

I pulled her back and examined her outfit. I tapped one finger on my chin as my eyes skimmed over her. She wore a dark blue dress with a white stripe going around the vee neck collar and the hem of the short skirt. There was also a stripe of white going around her waist. On her feet she wore white sandals.

My eyes moved back to her face where I saw she waited anxiously for my answer. "Nope," I finally said. "Not too short at all. Like I said, you look stunning, Bella love."

She nodded, unable to argue with my words. "Sam already went down to greet Kevin and RJ, but I wanted to wait up here for you." She gave me a hug and saw Matt standing behind me. I felt, more than heard her sigh.

"I'm sorry," I breathed next to her ear.

She shook her head and put a smile on her face. "Hey Matt," she said as we walked out of the room. She locked the door and then we made our way to the stairs.

"Hi Bella," he said, his eyes focusing in on the long expanse of leg shown by the short dress.

I almost changed my mind about my previous assessment. But lucky for him, his eyes moved away and we arrived in the commons.

"Hey guys!" Samantha said as she bounced over to us. Any trance of the devastated girl from earlier was gone. She looked like a girl ready to have a good time.

I noticed that RJ gave Bella a hug and I tried very hard not to let that bother me.

"The house isn't that far off campus," Kevin said. "So I thought we could just walk, that way no one has to worry about driving home."

"Sounds perfect!" Samantha said. "Let's go!"

As we walked, I noticed that Kevin stayed very close to Samantha, even putting his hand on the small of her back to guide her at certain times. Every time he did this Samantha would look at him, a tender smile on her lips. Maybe Ryan breaking up with her wasn't such a tragedy after all.

The house was literally right off campus and we arrived quickly. A few houses away I could hear the pounding bass from the music. The front door was opened and Kevin led the way. Inside, my first thought was about how incredibly hot it was. People were pressed in close as they pulsated to the music. Plastic red cups and beer bottles graced each hand and in most cases, moved to the beat of the music. We pushed in further, coming to the kitchen where alcohol lined the counters.

"What do you guys want?" Kevin asked. He waved his hand to encompass the wide array of bottles on display.

I felt Bella pressing closer to my side and looked down at her. She was gazing at the kitchen with apprehension written all over her face.

"I'll have a beer," Samantha said. "Coors light, please." Then she turned to Bella. "Never drink from open containers at a party, you just never know what can be put in it."

Bella's look of apprehension turned to one of fear and I tightened my grip on her shoulders. "You don't have to drink," I whispered next to her ear.

Kevin was passing out bottles of beer to everyone in our group. I took one and watched silently as a beer was placed in Bella's hand. She looked up at me, obviously looking for guidance. I struggled internally as I imagined what her police chief father would think if he knew what I was exposing his underage daughter to.

"Edward," she said, standing up on her tiptoes so that her words hit my ear only. "I want to drink it."

I nodded. "Just take it slow, since you don't know how the alcohol will hit you." I kissed her cheek. "And have fun, I will take care of you no matter what happens."

She lowered off her tiptoes and beamed at me, trust flooding her eyes.

I laughed softly and pretended to take a small sip of the beer in my hand. Bella followed my example and took a gulp of her own. She coughed as the bitter taste hit her throat. "Yuck," she said, but she tipped the bottle back again.

"I want to dance!" Samantha announced. She grabbed Kevin and led him into the other room.

"Come on," Bella said. But she led me not to the dance floor, but out to the backyard. Here more people stood around, talking and drinking. I followed her to a quiet corner. She took another sip of her beer, then wrapped her arms around my shoulders. I felt the cold bottle rest on my neck. She pulled me down and slowly, sweetly began devouring my lips. "I've missed you," she whispered against my lips.

"I'm right here," I said just as softly, running my hand along her back. "Always right here."

"You're so busy, I hardly ever get you to myself." She kissed me again.

"I'm sorry."

"It's all right," she murmured, kissing my neck. "I've got others who keep my company."

I felt like someone had dumped a bucket of ice water over me and I stepped away from her, holding her forearms gently in my hands. "You mean Samantha, right?"

She looked at me curiously. "Yeah, of course. And I spend a lot of time with RJ too, I mean we have classes together now and he helps me with my writing and --,"

"You have classes together? Since when?" I wracked my brain trying to remember when she had told me that.

"The past couple of weeks, he told me that one of his classes was too full so the administration moved him to my section. But that class overlapped with another so he moved that one as well and ended up sharing another one with me."

That sounded like quite a coincidence. I closed my eyes and tried desperately to fight the jealousy that was suddenly rising like bile in my throat. This was Bella, for heaven sakes. We had been through so much together, there was no way another could take my place in her heart.

"Edward." I realized she was repeating my name. I opened my eyes and tried to swallow back the bile. Her eyes searched mine, roving frantically over my face. She shook her head. "Honey, no." Then she was gripping my neck as if her life depended on it. I pressed her to me, holding her so tight her feet lifted off the ground. "I love you," she said fiercely against my ear. "You, no one else, not ever."

"I can't lose you," I said hoarsely, pain again twisted deep within me at the thought of ever saying goodbye to her.

She yanked on my hair, pulling my head up so she could look at me face. "You won't," she said slowly, quietly. "Sweetheart, how can you even think that? No matter what happens, no matter how busy you are, you have my heart and you always will. This thing between us, it's too powerful, no one can ever pull us apart."

"I know," I sighed. I set her gently on her feet and rested my forehead on hers. "I know that Bella. I don't think I could exist without you. But I know I've been busy and you spend a lot of time with RJ and--,"

I felt Bella's shoulders move in silent laughter. "RJ and I are friends, yes. But RJ take your place?" She laughed again. "Not possible. Yeah, I feel bad for him, but that doesn't mean anything. I would take time with you over him every time."

"I'm sorry," I said, feeling heat flood my face in embarrassment.

"I don't want you apology." She caressed my reddened cheeks. "I just want your trust."

"Bella," I gasped. "I trust you, of course I trust you. I just don't trust RJ." I frowned as I realized how true my words were.

She smiled at that. "You don't have too. Trust me and it's all taken care of."

I brought her to me again, tasting the sweetness of her mouth. We stayed that way for awhile, locked in our own world. Eventually though, the sounds of the party seeped back in and we were forced to join in the festivities.

"I wonder where Sam and Kevin are," Bella said. She took another sip of her beer and then an adorable frown touched her face. "It's all gone," she said to me. The surprise in her voice made me smile.

"Do you want another one?"

"Yes please," she said without hesitation.

"Hey guys! There you are!" I looked over my shoulder and saw RJ walking towards us. "I've been looking for you! Great party, don't you think?"

Bella nodded. "But my beer is empty," she said.

"That's too bad," RJ said, his voice sympathetic.

"Edward," Bella turned to me. "Babe can you get me another one?"

I hesitated for a moment. Then I smiled and kissed her again. "Of course. I'll be right back." I left them standing there and hurried back to the kitchen. I trusted Bella and I felt horrible that I made her doubt that for even a second. I hate that I doubted it for even a second. In the kitchen I tossed my full bottle into the garbage can and grabbed a fresh cold one for Bella out of the cooler.

I twisted off the cap and added it to the growing pile on the counter.

"Edward!" I turned and saw Samantha coming towards me. Her arms were wrapped around Kevin's waist. "Hi!"

"Hey Sam, are you enjoying yourself?"

"Oh yeah, this is a great party. I'm so glad that we came." She looked up at Kevin, who was smiling down at her. ""We should party more often."

That, I wasn't so sure about. But I was glad that everyone seemed to be having a good time. "I'm glad," I said. "But I promised Bella her beer," I waved the bottle around.

"Gotcha," Samantha said and she steered Kevin back into the crowded room to dance.

Smiling, I walked outside and over to where I had left Bella. I couldn't wait to kiss her again.

As I neared the spot where she should be standing, I stopped in midstep. Time seemed to standstill, the noise from the party became a buzzing static in my ears. I didn't notice the beer spilling out of the bottle in my hand, creating a waterfall around my feet.

RJ and Bella, my sweet precious, _my_ Bella stood locked in an embrace, kissing for all the world to see.

I stood trying to force myself to look away, but it was like a car wreck, I couldn't pry my eyes away. No! The word thundered through my brain. This wasn't right, this couldn't be real. I wanted to turn and leave and pretend I'd never seen this, but I stood rooted in my spot.

Then, as I watched, I noticed something. Bella's hands were fisted against RJ's shoulders. But not in passion. I watched as her fists hit against his shoulders and then I realized she was fighting, trying to break his embrace.

As strong as the pain had been only nanoseconds earlier, the rage came twice as powerful. It exploded through me and I nearly roared out in anger. I strode up behind him and tore him away from my Bella. I flung him to the side and Bella was in my arms immediately.

"Edward," she panted as she clung to me.

"It's okay," I said hoarsely. "It's okay." She was my whole world right now, RJ ceased to matter as I had to make sure that she not hurt. "Shh, sweetheart," I whispered against her ear as I held her tight.

"I didn't want…I couldn't get him to stop…I wanted him to stop," she cried into my chest.

"I know. It's okay," I repeated. I looked up and saw RJ standing behind Bella, his hands raised in apology. I tightened my hold on Bella. Then I glared at the other man.

"What. The. Hell," I growled.

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**A/N YAY! I updated. I know it's been awhile, but I have lots of good news. First of all, I got recalled last week, so I have a job next school year. So that has definitely eased my mind. Second, it is officially summer break, so updates will come much MUCH faster. No more 2.5 weeks between, I promise.**

**Okay, so the reviews for last chapter were INSANE! Over SIXTY! You guys rock. Thank you so SO much. I know I didn't reply to you and I'm very sorry. I really appreciate each and every review and I usually make a point to always reply. But once I had time to reply, I also had time to write, so I kind of figured you would all rather I write the next chapter rather than reply. But you all have set the bar high for yourselves. I know we can hit sixty, so you better get reviewing! LOL**

**A couple more things. Twilighted4ever started a thread for this story over at the twilighted forums. Just go to the alternate human forum and type "on the wings of an angel" into the search box. I LOVE talking to people, especially now that I have the time.**

**Also, Fearless has been nominated for awards!!!!!! I'm very excited and still a little in shock. Fearless has been nominated for an Immortal Cookie Award. **

**It has also been nominated for a Twilight Indie Award. They have extended the nominating deadline through today (Thursday), so head on over there and nominate your favorite story! **theindietwificawards(dot)com

**Fearless was also nominated for for a Golden Chocolate Award for best angst. Voting for that award begins on July 25.**

**Thanks so much for reading. And please don't forget to review!  
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	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all the characters.**

**A/N: This chapter ran away from me a little bit. It didn't follow the outline I had made at all, but I think I like how it turned out. Enjoy! :o)  
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Chapter Eleven

I glared at RJ and felt a rage like I had never felt before crash over me. Never had I had this intense desire to drive my fists into another human being. Not even Mike Newton, who pushed me over and over again brought me this close to the edge of violence.

But Mike Newton had targeted me. This was completely different. No one hurt my girl.

I felt my hands clenching into fists as red began to blur the edges of my vision. I felt Bella's hands on my shoulders, but I couldn't tell if she was trying to hold me back or push me forward.

"What the hell did you think were you doing?" I asked again, through my teeth. I took a step forward. RJ's hands remained raised, his eyes wide.

"I don't know, man," he said. "I would never hurt Bella, never force her."

"But you did." I barely recognized my own voice as I took another step towards him.

"She's the best friend I've ever had," RJ said, his voice ringing with desperation, as if he realized that friendship had just crashed down around him.

I lifted my fist, anger still pumping through me and I pictured ramming it into his face, over and over again. RJ didn't move, didn't do anything to defend himself. And in my mind, my face turned into James and I saw myself cowering, my small hands raised to protect my face.

"Shit," I whispered as I lowered my fist.

"Edward, RJ!" I looked over my shoulder and saw Matt, looking harried, running towards us. "What's going on?"

"I kissed Bella," RJ said, defiance in his tone. I looked up at him sharply.

Bella's arms wrapped around my waist and I felt her cheek pressing against my back. I rested my hands on her forearms. "Against her wishes," I added.

Matt shook his head and looked at RJ. "How much?"

RJ looked at the sky. "Are you my mother?"

"No," Matt said. "Your mom is a drunk and in jail. How much?" he repeated. When RJ stayed quiet, Matt flung his arms out. "Damn it RJ. You know you aren't supposed to drink! I thought after the last time you would have learned your lesson. I'm telling Mom and Dad this time, just so you know. We'll see if they are so loving and supportive when they learn that their precious foster child is following in the path of his mother."

RJ rolled his eyes. "I'm eighteen now, it doesn't matter. Besides, why would they believe you?'

"I'm their son," Matt said forcefully.

A laugh sputtered out of RJ. "Like that really matters. You know Dad considers me more of a son than you. He's been prepping me for years to take over his business."

Matt was silent, his lips moving as if he wanted to say something back, but no words came. Finally his shoulders slumped in defeat. "You know you can't handle alcohol," he finally said quietly. "I only came to this party to make sure you stayed out of trouble."

I stared at Matt as if I'd never seen him before. There was so much more to my roommate than I had realized. I thought back to earlier that evening, when I had first mentioned the party to him. I remembered his reaction, the face that he had made when I mentioned that RJ was going. It wasn't necessarily disgust for RJ, but more for that fact that he needed to go to the party to be the watch dog. I felt a sudden rush of sympathy for Matt.

I felt Bella move around me, sliding until she was standing in front of me, her arms still around my waist. "Are you okay?" I whispered into her ear. Though I had no intention of ever letting RJ near Bella again, my anger had dissipated as I listened to the two men argue.

"Bella?" RJ said, his voice now quiet and repentant. She turned, but when I started to lower my arms, she held fast, keeping my arms locked around her. "I didn't mean anything. Like Matt said, I can't hold alcohol--,"

"Then you shouldn't drink," I said, my voice harsh.

"—but I guess I just care about you," he continued as if he hadn't heard me. "And it was so quiet and nice out here. I thought maybe, just maybe you wouldn't mind."

"RJ, I have a boyfriend," Bella said softly, but her tone was firm. "A boyfriend I love with everything I am. I don't want anyone else. I don't want to kiss anyone else. Ever."

RJ nodded. "I know. Of course I know, but he hasn't been around so I thought…" He shrugged his shoulders as his head went down in defeat.

"He has my heart no matter where he is," Bella answered. I smiled at her words and wished we were alone so I could kiss her.

"Can we still be friends?" RJ asked. He looked up and I saw his eyes sparkling with unshed tears.

I stiffened, but before I could say anything, Bella answered. "I don't think that's such a good idea. I mean, I guess you would still want to hang out as a group, but I don't think we can be good friends, at least not right now."

I saw something flash in RJ's eyes, but before I could figure out what it was, it was gone. He nodded. "That makes sense."

"Bella," I said now. "I think we should go."

"I think so too," she said. "We should find Sam and Kevin first."

"We should leave too," Matt said. He turned, obviously expecting RJ to follow. He did and as he trailed behind Matt my eyes narrowed. Not once did he stumble or even waver.

For someone who wasn't supposed to hold his alcohol, he sure was steady on his feet.

"Edward?" Bella said from beside me. "Come on."

We went inside and found Samantha and Kevin making out while they moved to the beat of the music. "At least they are having a good night," Bella said as she watched.

"Yeah. Honey, I'm so sorry."

"Not yet. Let's get out of here first," Bella said, looking up at me.

I nodded and she stepped forward, bravely interrupting Kevin and Sam. I watched as she said a few words. They both nodded and looked over at me. I waved and then Bella was back in my arms. We walked out the front porch and headed back to the dorms.

We walked in silence for the first block and then I could take no more.

"I'm sorry," I repeated

"Edward," she said at the exact same time. She shook her head. "You have nothing to be sorry for. I told you to trust me and you did. You didn't know what he was going to do."

"I shouldn't have left you alone with him."

She shook her head sadly. "You did exactly what I wanted."

"When I first--," I stopped and coughed roughly. "When I first walked back outside and saw him kissing you, I thought," I stopped and looked over her shoulder. "I thought you were kissing him back."

"Edward," Bella whispered. "I would never do that to you."

"When I saw you were fighting against him, I almost lost it. I wanted to punch him over and over again."

"I would have helped you," Bella said, a small smile touching her lips.

"But I couldn't." I looked back at her. "Does that make me less of a man?"

Soft laughter shook her shoulders. "No sweetheart, not at all. I know why. Besides, you shoved him away and held me. But there is something else you can do for me."

"Anything," I whispered.

"Kiss me," she said so softly I almost couldn't hear her. "Kiss me and make me forget the feel of him, the taste, the awful--,"

I cut her words off as my lips touched hers. I kissed her deeply, trying to erase even the memory of that unwanted kiss.

Her hands burrowed into my hair, holding tightly as she pressed into me. Her mouth moved against mine, hot and caressing.

Eventually, she dragged her lips away and buried her face in my neck. Her hands did not release their hold in my hair. I held her gently, the soft breeze whispering through her hair. After a while, she loosened her hold, her hands slipping until they held my waist loosely, her cheek leaned against my chest. She sighed and I felt the heat of her breath through the cotton of my shirt. "Are you okay?" I asked her quietly.

"Hmm hmm," she breathed again. "I would never give this up. Your arms, they just feel so right. The safest place in the world is right here."

I smiled and kissed her hair. "You're my safe place too," I murmured.

"I suppose we should keep walking, if we want to make it to the dorms anytime in the near future," Bella sighed again and moved away. I let my hands trail down her arms and then laced my fingers through hers. We walked silently through night, reaching the campus quickly. When we arrived at the dorms, I dropped Bella back at her room. Not surprising, Samantha had yet to return. "I'm glad she's having a good night," Bella said.

"Yeah, she and Kevin seemed to be getting along well," I commented.

Bella nodded, then tilted her head at me. "It's kind of crazy, and I know it doesn't go along with her reaction earlier, but I almost think that Samantha was hoping Ryan would break up with her. I think she's been fighting her attraction to Kevin for a long time."

"I agree," I said. "You could just tell, the way the two of them migrated towards each other all the time. Plus long distance relationships are tough."

Bella smiled at me and touched my cheek. "We could do it, I'd do anything to be yours." A frown touched her face. "Honey, do you feel okay?"

"Yeah," I smiled at her. "Just tired, why?"

"You feel kind of warm." She turned her hand and touched my forehead with the outside of her hand. "Really warm, actually."

"It's probably just from walking and then sun and stuff. I'm fine."

Bella didn't look assured and she kissed me quickly. "I want you to do something for me, Edward," she said softly.

I rolled my eyes. "Babe, you know I'd do anything for you."

She nodded. "I want you to go upstairs, change and go to bed. Don't do anything else. No reading, no studying, no practicing on your keyboard. Nothing. And then, I'm going to come get your tomorrow morning and you will still be in bed, do you understand?"

I laughed softly. "Yes Mom."

"I'm serious. Tomorrow is Saturday, we are going to take a day completely off."

"I have baseball practice tomorrow," I said, biting my lip at her frown.

"Can't you miss it?"

"Bella…"

"I know, I know you can't." She touched my forehead once again and I saw the worry flooding into her eyes. "Okay, we'll deal with that tomorrow. Right now, you need to go to bed." She held my shoulders, turned me to face the stair case and gave me a slight push in that direction. "Bed Edward, I'm serious."

"Bella, I'm fine," I said, turning back to her.

"Bed!" she said firmly, pointing her finger in the direction of the stairs.

"Okay, okay," I said holding my hands up. I walked towards the stairs and put my hand on the rail.

"And Edward?"

I turned to face her.

"I love you."

I smiled. "Love you too sweetheart." She kissed her fingers and blew to send the kiss in my direction. "Good night, love." I continued up the stairs and made my way to my room. I was a bit relieved to find it empty. I didn't feel like dealing with Matt right now. I grabbed my toiletries and pajamas and went to the bathroom.

Honestly, I didn't have any problem following Bella's orders. I was dead tired and wanted nothing more than to lay on my bed and sleep. As I brushed my teeth, I was hit by a wave of dizziness. I held on to the sink with both hands and squeezed my eyes shut as I waited for it to pass. When it finally did, I opened my eyes and looked at myself in the mirror. A faint sheen of sweat shone on my forehead. I finished brushing my teeth and then threw some cool water on my face.

I changed quickly and went back to my room. I was asleep before my head hit the pillow.

The night was filled with strange images marching through my unconscious. RJ stood off to the side watching Bella as she cowered in front of him. I was held captive by James, who wielded knives and whips and kept me locked in a corner, unable to save my love from harm. I could only watch helplessly as RJ approached her, his hands tangling in her hair as he forced his lips against hers. And through it all, I could hear a strange, high pitched laughter.

My eyes flew open and I blinked several times against the bright sunlight that was pouring into the room. Squinting through my eye lashes, I saw Bella sitting at my desk, her feet propped up on the hard surface. In her hands, she held a book. She turned to me as I reached up to rub my eye. "Good morning honey," she said smiling as she put the book down on my desk. The book flopped down, its much loved spine offering no support.

Wuthering Heights, of course. I knew it was the copy I had bought her on our first date.

"Good morning," I said as I sat up. A wave of dizziness hit and again I closed my eyes to fight it off.

"How are you feeling this morning?" she asked, worry evident in her voice. "I really hadn't expected you to still be sleeping when I came in this morning. It's not like you."

I looked at the clock and saw it was just past nine in the morning. I don't think I have ever slept that late. I stretched my hands over my head, trying to loosen the aches I felt in my back and shoulders. "I guess my body needed sleep." I pulled back the covers and slid out of bed. "Have you eaten breakfast?" I asked.

Bella shook her head and watched me silently.

I went to my closet to get clothes for the day. I grabbed jeans and a long sleeve t-shirt. Then I turned to Bella. "I'll be right back, okay?"

She nodded, again staying silent. But I felt her eyes on me as I quietly made my way out of the room. I meant to shower as quickly as I could, but the heat of the water felt so good as it streamed over my sore muscles that I stood in the hot spray longer than I intended. When I finally pulled myself out of the shower, I finished getting dressed quickly, trying to ignore the slight pounding I felt behind my eyes.

I finger-combed my hair and then hurried out of the bathroom, knowing that Bella was probably hungry. When I made it back to my room, I found her reading again, this time on my neatly made bed. She put the book down as I walked in. I put away my things and then went to envelope her in a hug. She gasped. "Honey, you are so hot."

"Why thank you," I said laughing softly. I kissed her forehead gently. "Come on." I tugged on her hand and led her out of the room.

Matt slept on, dead to the world.

"That's not what I meant," Bella said when we were out in the hallway. "You feel hot."

I shrugged. "I took a hot shower. Don't worry, Bella love, I'm fine. I was just tired and now that I've slept and taken a shower, I feel refreshed. Just get me some caffeine and I'll be good as new."

Bella frowned but allowed me to lead her down the stairs. I wasn't lying to her, precisely. I just didn't have time to be sick and I didn't want her to worry. A headache wasn't going to kill me, anyway.

"What time did Samantha come back?" I asked her.

"I'm not sure," Bella answered. "I fell asleep pretty fast. But she was there when I woke up this morning. She left before I did, saying she was going to go have breakfast with Kevin. She said she'd meet me at the field."

I nodded. "I hope they aren't moving too fast," I commented. For a girl who had just broken up from a two year relationship, it seemed a bit quick to already be dating.

But Bella shook her head. "Like you said last night, this has been building for a while."

"True." We walked into the cafeteria and I headed to the omelet station. While I waited for my eggs, Bella went off to make a waffle. After we had our food, we found a table away from the crowd. I took a sip of my coffee and sighed as the hot liquid made its way down my throat. I hoped the caffeine would hit my brain and turn down the intensity of the headache that was building.

"I was thinking," Bella said, covering my hand with hers. She pierced a piece of waffle with her free hand. "That we could spend the day together, just the two of us. I don't really feel like being around anyone, not after what happened last night."

"I like that idea." I ate a bite of omelet and tried to think of my next words. "I, um, have a chemistry project that I need to work on."

"Edward," Bella sighed, rubbing my hand with her thumb.

I swallowed. "It's just we also have the presentation for our humanities class and we are going to work on that tomorrow. And I'm meeting with my group from music to go over our parts for ensemble tomorrow evening. This project is due on Monday--,"

"Edward," Bella said again, cutting off my words. "Honey, have you ever noticed that you ramble when you get nervous?"

I nodded, poking my eggs with my fork. I watched the cheese ooze out of the omelet. "I want to spend time with you Bella, I swear to you. It's just there is so much that needs to be done. All the time," I finished softly.

Her hand never stopped moving along mine but she didn't say anything until I looked up at her. When I met her brown eyes, she finally spoke. "I know." She closed her eyes. "I know. Just…," she paused and opened her eyes. "Just let me help you, let me take care of you."

"Okay."

"Then I think you should skip practice today."

I smiled slightly. "Sweetie, you know I can't. We aren't allowed to just miss practice."

"Even if you are sick?"

"Sure," I shrugged my shoulders. "But I'm not sick enough to miss."

"So you admit you are sick."

"Just a headache."

Bella rolled her eyes as she stood up, her empty plate in her hands. "You are impossible."

I joined her and grabbed my own plate. "But you still love me."

She laughed and pushed on my shoulder. "You know I do."

We dumped our plates and then I put my arm around her shoulders. "How about we go find a place in the sun to sit and soak in some vitamin D while we wait for practice to start."

"Sounds perfect," Bella answered.

We spend a perfect hour lying in the grass, walking the clouds march along in the sky. Bella decided one of the clouds looked like a rabbit, so we spent our time trying to find the shapes in the clouds. Laughter ensued and it felt so good to just lie with Bella in my arms and laugh. We had been at school for almost two months, but it felt like years since I had felt so free.

Unfortunately, time doesn't stop, no matter how badly you wish it would and the hour past quickly, as time tends to when you aren't paying attention. I stood up and pulled Bella up next to me.

"How long is practice today?" Bella asked as we headed off in the direction of the field.

"Two hours," I said. "You don't have to stay if you don't want to."

She rolled her eyes playfully. "Don't be ridiculous, I love watching you play. You are one sexy ball player."

I had to say goodbye to Bella when we reached the locker room. I stood watching her for a few seconds as she ran up the bleachers and went to take her a seat next to Samantha. From where I stood, I could almost hear Samantha's cry of delight when she saw Bella. The girls embraced and then I watched Sam's hands fly as she launched into a story that I'm sure involved Kevin.

Smiling, I walked into the locker room and went to my locker. For a brief minute I sat and gave into the pain. I pressed a hand to my forehead, trying to press down on the pounding. My skin felt clammy and I tried to tell myself it was only because of the heat from the sun. I took a deep breath and stood up to get dressed.

"Hey man," Kevin said from behind me. I yanked my shirt down quickly and turned towards him.

"Hi Kev," I answered. I tucked my red practice jersey into the white baseball pants, then sat down to pull on my red socks and cleats. "Have fun last night?"

"Hell yes," he answered as he pulled off his own shirt. "Sammy is an amazing girl."

I eyed him as took out his clean practice jersey.

"Don't look at me like that!" he laughed. "We just talked and danced."

"And kissed."

"Well yes, but nothing else, I promise you that. This morning she told me about Ryan. I think, more than anything she just needs a friend right now. She has to sort out some stuff."

"Makes sense." I grabbed my mitt and Kevin and I headed out to the field.

"I heard that there was a bit of a ruckus last night," Kevin said as we walked onto the field. "I ran into RJ this morning."

I bristled at his name. "Yeah," I said. "There was. I'd prefer for him not to hang around."

"He said he tried to kiss Bella." He threw the ball at me and I caught it.

"He did," I snapped the ball back to him and it landed in his hand with a loud pop.

Kevin smiled and shook his hand slightly. He hurled the ball back. "He's an idiot. Anyone with half a brain can see how devoted you and Bella are to each other. She adores you."

"Obviously RJ is lacking in the brain department." I shot the ball back.

"I told Sam about it and she is pissed off too. I think it'll be awhile before he is welcomed back into our group."

"If ever."

"If ever," Kevin agreed.

"Okay men," Coach called out. "Bring it in."

Kevin and I tossed our mitts and the ball to the side and ran to centerfield. There, our team made a circle and we worked our way through the normal stretching routine. I crossed my ankles and bent over to touch my toes. As I did, the pounding in my head seemed to intensify. I closed my eyes and tried to focus on our team captain calling out the numbers. When he hit ten, I stood up and fought off yet another wave of dizziness.

After the stretching, coach announced that this would be a conditioning practice. First up was a two mile run. "Follow me," Coach said and he turned to make his way out of the stadium. The team followed and he set a solid pace. Slower than I usually ran, but it did seem to push my teammates around me. My breathing stayed relaxed as those around me began to pant.

When we returned to the field, we lined up to run sprints from the infield to the fence. For these I let myself go and flew across the grass. As I reached the end of my last sprint, I felt my stomach begin to churn. I hit the end line and knew more of my teammates had taken off. The dizziness returned and I pressed a hand to forehead, trying to suppress the now almost blinding pain.

"Are you okay, man?" I heard Kevin ask from beside me.

"Yeah," I managed. "Just need some water, I think." I turned to head towards the dugout when my legs turned to jelly. I slid down to one knee.

"Hey," Kevin said and then I felt his arms around my shoulders. "What's going on Edward?"

I heard the clanging as racing feet sped across the aluminum bleachers. Only seconds later, I felt Bella's cool hands on my face. "Sit down, honey," she said.

"I'm fine," I tried to say.

"You are very far away from fine. Now sit." With that, I let her guide me until I was sitting in the grass. I put my face between my knees, embarrassment flooding through me as I realized the rest of my team had to be gathering around me. "God, baby you are burning," Bella whispered as she felt my cheeks and forehead. "We need to get you back to your room, you need to rest."

I knew she was right, I knew that pushing myself to finish practice was a bad idea. I was sick and I couldn't deny it any longer. "Okay," I said, defeated.

With Bella's help I stood. Once I was on my feet, I saw my coach in front of me, a grave look on his face. "I'm sorry," I said immediately and I tried to push away from Bella, prepared to stay.

"Edward," Coach said, shaking his head at me. "Don't worry about missing practice. Just focus on getting better."

As Bella led me back to the locker room and then back to the dorm, I felt as if I was walking through a very dense fog. My head pounded, my brain feeling as if it wanted to explode from my brain. One second I felt as if I was burning alive and then the next I was shivering with cold.

I know Bella talked to me as we walked. I know her grip around my waist never loosened. And I know I leaned on her more than I should have. I tried several times to straighten and walk under my own power, but each time I became aware of myself, I was leaning on her harder.

Finally, after what felt like hours upon hours of walking, we made it back to the dorm.

"Just up the stairs sweetheart," I heard Bella say soothingly into my ear.

I nodded and tried to focus on putting on foot in front of the other. I reached out for the rail, taking some of my weight off of her. At last, we stood on the third floor and only a few more steps took us to my room.

My room, thankfully, was empty. Bella led me to my bed and I collapsed on to it. I felt her hands on my feet as she took off my shoes and socks. I tried to sit up to help her, but as soon as I was sitting, the room began to spin in rapid circles around me. I felt Bella's hands on my shoulders, pressing me back down to the pillow.

My head hit the pillow and I couldn't fight off the exhaustion any longer. I plunged into the blessed darkness and let it take me.

"_Hello Edward." I turned towards the voice that haunted my dreams and saw James standing next to me. "I've been waiting for my revenge for a very long time." He sneered and I frowned._

"_What are you doing here?" I asked him. "You are dead."_

"_Not really," James said. "I'm alive in you. You've kept my memory alive."_

_I closed my eyes and tried to picture him running out of the room, leaving forever._

"_Not going to work, boy. I'm already here, you can't force me out with your mind games." He began to walk in a circle around me and I turned with him, keeping him in front of me. "You haven't really changed, have you Edward? You've got everyone fooled that you have made this amazing recovery, that you survived me without any lasting damage."_

"_I know there is damage," I said softly. "Just like I know that you have no power over me anymore. I'm not a child anymore, you can't hurt me."_

_He laughed menacingly. "There are ways, things aren't always what they seem."_

"_What are you talking about?"_

_Suddenly, a brilliant flame burst out from behind him. The heat from the fire caused drops of sweat to gather on my forehead and I squinted to see him through the smoke. For the first time, I felt fear begin to build within me. I turned, staring through the smoke, trying to find him. A blurry figure appeared in front of me. "Mom?" I whispered._

"_Hello, Edward." My mom took a step forward, her features becoming more distinct as she moved out of the smoke. Her gaze was intense as she looked at me. "You look good. Much better than you did when I was alive. You were such a skinny, ragged looking thing."_

"_The Cullens have taken good care of me." My words were soft, but strong._

_She took another step forward and I wanted to step back, but the fire still burned behind me. Her hand lifted and struck me across the cheek, her hand ice cold compared the fire. "You don't deserve what they have given you. You failed at the one job that was given to you. I heard your father. He told you to protect me. And you failed," she hissed._

"_I was a child," I said, louder this time. "Your child, Mom. You were supposed to protect me. Why didn't you leave James when he started hitting me? Why didn't you stop him from hurting me? How could you let it go on for so long?" All the questions I had asked myself throughout the past two years came pouring out of me._

_Hysterical laughter filled the smoky air. "Edward," she sighed when the laughter faded. "I always thought you were smarter than this. Did you know," she tilted her head as she looked at me. "That your father was my entire world? I loved him more than anyone or anything on this planet."_

_I nodded. "He loved you too."_

_More laughter poured from her and I watched silently as she bent at the waist, the laughter almost knocking her over. "You have no idea," she finally got out. "I was his whole world, too. He adored me, treated me like a princess. I never expected someone like Edward Masen to love me, and then there he was." She sighed and I watched as she twisted her wedding ring around her finger. In some part of my mind I wondered how she had gotten it back. Alive, she hadn't worn it since James entered our world._

"_I was happy," she continued. "And didn't need anything else in my life. I had my man and I didn't need anything else."_

_Slowly, I realized where this was going and the realization felt like a knife piercing through my stomach. "You didn't want me," I managed._

_She shook her head. "Not really. But my Edward did, oh he was so excited when I told him that I was pregnant. He went on and on about it, telling everyone that his Lizzie was pregnant and how we were going to be the perfect family." She sighed loudly. "What was I supposed to do? When you were born, my Edward fell in love with you instantly. Suddenly, everything became about you and I was no longer his entire world."_

_I stared at my mother. I had never realized that her animosity for me went so deep. I had always thought her feelings changed after my dad died. But they hadn't changed, she had only allowed them to show. It was no wonder she never stopped James. "You thought I deserved it," I said finally. "Every time James hit me, you thought I deserved it."_

_My mom nodded. A smile that could only be described as evil spread over her face. "You don't honestly think I was that clumsy, do you?"_

_My breath got stuck in my throat as I thought of all the times she had fallen or knocked something over. All the countless beatings I had taken because of it. _

"_You are nothing but a waste of space," she said. "You wasted my last years with my Edward. And if you hadn't been there, we probably wouldn't have even been going to that damn barbeque anyway."_

_The lump in throat expanded, choking me as the smoke curled around her. I put my hands on my thighs. Her words continued to fall, crashing against me like a whip._

"_You don't deserve what you have now. The parents, the siblings, the girl, the love. None of it. It doesn't matter how hard you push yourself to be perfect. Nothing you do can change what you are. No matter how hard you try to be perfect."_

"_You're wrong," I said, trying desperately to speak with confidence. I tried to focus my thoughts on Carlisle and Esme. On Bella, but their faces wouldn't come. "You're wrong," I shouted again._

"_Things aren't always the way they seem." Her voice echoed throughout the smoke filled space and without warning, the flames burst even higher. I fell to my knees and tried to protect myself from the fierce heat. _

_I wanted out of this place, but I couldn't seem to make it disappear. I knew, in the back of my mind that I was dreaming and I started screaming at myself to wake up. "Please," I yelled. "Edward, wake up!"_

"_You won't, not just yet."_

_I looked up and saw RJ in front of me. "What are you doing here?"_

_The flames surrounding me seemed to die down a bit and I breathed a sigh of relief. _

_RJ shrugged. "Things aren't always what they seem."_

"_What does that mean?" I yelled, frustrated beyond anything I had felt before. "Everyone keeps saying that! Why?"_

_He shrugged again. "I guess because it's true."_

"_Who are you?" I asked, looking at him carefully._

"_You'll have to ask me."_

"_I am asking you."_

_RJ crossed his arms in front of him. "No, I mean you'll have to ask the real me. I can't tell you anything."_

"_Well that's helpful."_

_He smiled. "Not really, I know. But you'll find out, all in due time." The flames around us died off even more and I felt a cool breeze move around me. "But for now, it's time for you to wake up."_

_He disappeared and I blinked._

When I opened my eyes, it was dark in my room. I turned my head and saw the faint outline of a large bowl sitting on my desk. The digital clock told me it was just after three in the morning. I sighed and shifted on my bed. When I did, I became aware of another person on the bed with me. My eyes searched the darkness and then I smiled when I saw Bella curled up in a ball at the foot of my bed.

Her eyes popped open and she shot up. "Edward?" she whispered. She crawled up the bed until she could put her hands on my face. "Oh honey," she cried softly.

"Bella?" I croaked and I winced at how dry my throat felt. Immediately she reached for a glass of water and I drank greedily.

"How do you feel?" she asked tenderly, her hand stroking through my hair.

"Okay," I managed to say softly.

"I was so worried," her words choked up her throat and she coughed to clear it. I saw tears sparkling in her eyes. It was then that I noticed just how tired and run down she looked. Her hair fell around her shoulders, the normal curls limp and dull. Bruiselike shadows marked her eyes and were so obvious I could see then in the dark. "The doctor just said it was exhaustion and you needed to sleep your way through it, but I was so scared."

"A doctor came here?"

Bella nodded, her hand never stopping its caressing motion. "When you fever spiked, I called the school doctor and he came to look at you. He also talked to your coach and music professor, so don't worry about that."

I frowned. "Why would I? It's Saturday. Well, almost Sunday, but still."

Bella shook her head. "It's actually almost Tuesday."

"Tuesday?" I had been asleep for nearly three days?

"Yeah, the doctor said it was exhaustion. Edward," she waited until I was looking at her and I saw the tears once again shining in her eyes. "You ran yourself down. Baby, you can't do that. You have to sleep, to take care of yourself."

I pulled Bella down until I could hold her against me. I buried my face in her shoulder. I could her chest jerking as she cried. "Don't cry, Bella love, please don't cry."

Her hands dug into her shoulders. "I love you so much," she whispered. "I couldn't bear to see you so sick."

"I love you too." A lump grew in my throat as I realized what I had just put her through. I ran my hand slowly up and down her back. "I'll take better care of myself, I promise."

"Listen to me," she backed away and put her hands on my cheeks, staring into my eyes. "You are an incredible person. You are talented, caring and loyal. And," her tears overflowed again. "You are driven to make other people happy. Why are you on the baseball team?" she asked out of nowhere.

"Because Carlisle and Emmett--,"

"Why are you double majoring in music and biology?"

"Because Esme and Carlisle--,"

"Why," she asked, interrupting me yet again. "Do you start your homework so late on some nights?"

"Because you--,"

"Don't you see sweetheart?"

I frowned again. "I know what you are saying, but you don't understand why. Carlisle and Esme gave me a second chance at life, I can't throw it away. I have to do everything I can to make them proud."

"Oh honey," Bella whispered. "Carlisle and Esme would be proud of you no matter what you do. They don't expect you to run yourself ragged like this. Baby, you don't have to be perfect."

With that one word, the nightmare came crashing back. I pulled Bella back to me and held on for all I was worth.

"What's wrong?" her frantic voice was muffled against my neck. "You're shaking, Edward, what's wrong?" Her arms came around my shoulders, holding me tight. "Please tell me," she cried softly.

* * *

**A/N: Once again I have to thank you SO SO SO much for all the reviews. I know I have been TERRIBLE at getting back to you guys and I promise I will do better. I appreciate each and every review and do in fact squeal when a new one pops up. Your positive words mean so much to me.  
**

**Both Fearless AND The Other Side of Fearless (which I have NOT forgotten about) are nominated for the Twilight Indie Awards. I never expected that and am super excited! Voting starts July 8 and goes through July 12.**

**Thank you again for reading and don't forget to review!  
**


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or the characters.**

Chapter Twelve

I sat silently, staring at my hands. My fingers still trembled. Bella's hand came into view and her fingers tangled with my shaking ones. I felt the wind kick up and it blew Bella's long locks against my arm. Now I watched her thumb run circles over my knuckles. Her hair continued to tickle my arm. Out of the corner of my eye I saw her bury her bare toes under my thigh. I realized she must be cold. I'd lost track of how long we had been out here.

"Edward," she whispered.

I turned my head and blinked to bring Bella into focus. She sat sideways on the bench, her knees drawn tightly to her chest, her toes tucked under my leg. I saw the tear tracks on her cheek.

"You're cold," I said, the words grating against my dry throat.

"Doesn't matter," she said. "I'm not that cold." Her thumb stopped circling as she brought my hand to her lips. "I don't know what happened," she whispered now. "I don't know why you had that dream or what it's supposed to mean."

My gaze slid back to my lap.

"But I do know this. I know that your father, your biological father, loved you. I know the Cullens love you. You are their son, and they love you as if you had been born to them."

I didn't move, could hardly breathe. I felt Bella shift next to me and then she was straddling my lap, her hands cupped over my cheeks, her eyes level with mine. "But most of all, I know that I love you. I know that I would protect you from anything that tried to hurt you. I know you are my whole reason for being and that without you there is nothing."

"You don't think you aren't all those things to me?" I answered softly. "You are everything to me, Bella." I brought my hands up to her cheeks now and wiped at the tears with my thumbs. "I hate this," I whispered, even softer now. "I hate falling apart and I hate that you always have to put me together again."

"You're easy to put back together," Bella said with a watery laugh. "If you weren't so precious to me, it wouldn't be so easy."

I returned her smile, then kissed her gently. "Do you think it was really her? My mom, I mean, in my dream."

Bella's eyes closed and she let out a small breath of air. I felt it flutter against my chin. "Honey, I don't know. But a huge part of me hopes not, that it was just your exhausted mind playing around. If she let you get hurt on purpose," her voice trailed off and she gently traced a finger along my cheekbone to my jaw and down my chin. "That I could not handle." Bella wrapped her arms around my neck and rested her head on my shoulder.

I thought about the mother I had seen in my dream, the words she had spoken. _Do you really think I'm that clumsy?_ How many times had she knocked something over, dropped something, spilled something, forgotten something? How many of the scars on my back were because of it?

"Edward?" Bella asked, her head still on my shoulder.

I realized I was squeezing her and I loosened my grip. "Yeah?"

"I know it hurts to think about, to wonder what if that is really what was going through her mind. But I think," she sat up. "I think if you focus on it you'll drive yourself crazy." Her hand went back to my face.

I nodded. As always, she was right. I could ponder it, go back through my entire life and find all the proof of what my mother had said in my dream. But for what? Nothing would change. I leaned my forehead against hers and breathed in deep.

"Know who I'm more worried about?"

"RJ," I whispered.

"Yeah," she answered. "I don't understand what he was doing in your dream like that. We have to talk to him."

"Agreed. Tomorrow we will go find him."

Bella nodded and rested her head on my shoulder again. I kissed the top of her head and ran my hand down her back. I called her my own personal miracle. But really, she was so much more than that. Where would I be without her? I had no idea.

I brought my hand back up, cradling the back of her head. Her arms around my shoulders tightened and I felt her lips press against my shoulder. I moved my other hand to the small of her back. Tomorrow we would go find RJ and get some answers. I thought back to the last night I remembered. RJ had kissed my girl, then claimed he was too drunk to fully realize what he was doing. And yet, he had walked away, steady as a rock. He had changed classes to be with Bella, spent time with her when I wasn't around. He helped her with her homework, taking time to read her entire papers.

I felt a tickle between my shoulder blades and tightened my arms around her. "Bella," I whispered against her ear.

"Yes?" she said sleepily.

"I want you to stay away from RJ."

"Done."

I bit my lip and forced myself to loosen my grip.

"Edward?" Her sleepy voice drifted up to me.

"Yes love?" I murmured against her hair.

"You should go back to sleep."

"So should you, sweetheart." I kissed her one more time and then she moved away from me. She stood up and held out her hand. I took it and stood up. I stretched out my back and looked up at the moon. We had come outside after my dream because I hadn't wanted Matt to overhear our conversation. I walked Bella upstairs and stopped at her door.

"Are you going to be okay?" she asked. She reached up to touch my face and I kissed her fingertips.

"Yeah, I'm fine. You get some sleep, I think right now you need it more than I do."

She nodded and turned to open the door. I watched her walk through and she turned to me before closing it again. "Good night," she whispered. "I'll see you in a few hours."

"Night Bella. Sweet dreams and I love you."

She smiled sleepily and closed the door. I turned towards the stairs and made my way up. I wondered how, after sleeping for practically three days I could possibly be tired. But as I entered the dark room my bed called to me. I lay down and pulled my sheets over me. I tried not to think of the dream, but I wondered what it all meant. Everyone had told me that things weren't as the appeared.

What did that mean?

Maybe James wasn't dead, after all. Maybe he had faked his death and it was all an elaborate plan for him to escape from jail. Maybe my mom was still alive. I shook my head. None of it made any sense. And what role did RJ play in the whole thing? I'd never met the guy, never seen him before in my life. Why had he shown up in my nightmare?

I rolled onto my back and lay looking at the ceiling. Up until a few days ago, I'd thought RJ was a pretty decent guy. Perhaps a little too close to my girlfriend, but not someone I thought to worry about. I had been more worried about Matt. I glanced over at Matt's side of the room. It was dark and I could barely make out his outline but I could hear his even breathing. Where did he come in? He hated RJ and I had never really thought to ask why, assuming it all stemmed from the fact that he resented RJ's presence in his family. But maybe there was more to it.

Or maybe Matt was a part of it and it was all an act.

I groaned and rolled over again, wishing I could just turn my brain off. I wasn't going to get any answers right now and thinking about it was only going to drive me crazy. I tried to think of something else.

Carlisle and Esme. How was I going to tell them, if they didn't already know? Would they see me as a failure because I couldn't handle college?

I sat up and reached up to run a hand over my face. They had given me a new life, given me every advantage an orphan from Chicago could possibly ask for. Bella kept telling me I had to give something up, but how could I do that when it meant letting someone down?

I threw my covers off my legs and stood up. My bed no longer offered a cozy nest. I felt antsy and couldn't stay still. I glanced at the clock and saw it was just after five in the morning. I stood up and went to my closet to grab some shorts, a t-shirt and my running shoes.

I went for a run in the early morning fog. The gray helped blur my mind until all I heard was the pounding of my feet on the ground and the sound of my own heart beating. It felt good to escape it all, even if it was only for a little while. I headed away from campus, no destination in mind. I made my way through the small downtown area, passing the closed businesses. A few restaurants were gearing up to open and I could see the employees bustling around, preparing for the morning crowds. Soon this street would be filled with college kids seeking out their morning coffee and muffin.

I turned away from the main street and continued my run. Now I could feel the sweat sliding down my neck, sliding between my shoulder blades. I took large breathes of the cold morning air and tried to focus on nothing else.

Running had always been my escape. In Forks, I had run for the enjoyment of it, the exhilaration of feeling my body work. But in Chicago, I had run for escape. Late at night, after James had passed out for the night I would sneak into the dark and run like this. Away, with no destination except as far away as I could get. I would sometimes imagine running until I could run no more, until I was so far away that he could never touch me again.

But my promise to my father always brought me back and I would always end up back in my tiny room, my muscles aching from the miles. But it was a good ache, one that reminded me I was still alive and took my mind away from the other pain within me.

It was during those early mornings, with sweat drying on my arms and legs, my breathing returning to normal, that my thoughts would turn towards my blurry future. I would try to focus on it, try to see something beyond my life of fear and pain. But I could never make anything appear.

I came back to the present and found myself standing on the side of a road. My hands were on my knees, my chest shuddering as I fought to breathe. I dropped down to my knees, closed my eyes and forced air into my stiff lungs. First one breath, then another, then another. As I drew air in, I opened my eyes. I had headed away from the city, heading towards the mountains that lined one side of the valley. I stood up on my shaky legs and pressed a hand to the ache in my side. How far had I run? I began walking in the direction I had just come and tried to figure out exactly where I was. I looked up at the trees and realized this was the same road I had taken Bella down on the night of our anniversary. Apparently my subconscious had been taking me somewhere I could be close to her. I smiled slightly at the thought, then nearly stumbled as I realized I was a little over ten miles from school.

I continued walking.

Eventually the pain in my side eased and I was able to walk faster. The sun burned through the fog, casting away the gray chill and lighting up the sky. I reached the city limits and continued to walk. The same street that had been deserted was now filled with people making their way through their day. I saw people sitting at the restaurants and was slightly surprised to see sandwiches and fries on their plates instead of pancakes and eggs.

I had been gone longer than I thought. I picked up my pace, jogging towards campus. As I rounded the corner at the dorm I saw her standing in front, pacing back and forth. I went faster. I knew the moment she saw me, watched her eyes widen and then she was racing to me.

I caught her just as she slammed into me, her arms wrapping tightly around my neck. "Edward," she gasped.

I could feel her hot tears on my neck and each one felt like a hot needle stabbing at me. "I'm sorry," I said softly, running my hands along her back. "I'm fine, I'm okay, I'm so sorry Bella," I repeated over and over again.

"I didn't know where you were!" she cried against me. "I didn't know."

"I know, I'm sorry," I said again. "I didn't mean to be gone so long. I just needed to run."

She backed away and looked up at me, glaring through the tears still in her eyes. "You went running?" Her eyes scanned over me, taking in my sweaty shirt and still quivering muscles. "You've been sick for three days." Although the words were whispered, I winced at the harshness of her voice. "Three. Days. Edward. Three days where you burned with fever and slept. Exhausted beyond your body's ability to handle it."

"Bella, I--,"

She held up her hand and I fell silent. "I woke up and went to your room, expecting to find you sleeping, or maybe just laying in bed. Doing something to give help in your recovery. When you weren't there, I asked Matt if he had seen you and he told me that your bed was empty when he woke up. We thought maybe you were showering so Matt went to check. Then I thought maybe you had woken up really hungry and went to go get something to eat, so I headed to the cafeteria."

I shifted on my feet, feeling terrible for what I had put her through.

"It's been hours Edward." Her eyes filled with tears again and I could take no more.

I reached for her and gathered her to me again. "I know sweetheart, I thought I'd be back before you even woke up. I just couldn't stay in bed anymore, or in the dorm. I needed to get out."

Bella's arms came around my waist and I felt her lean into me. I kissed the top of her head and held her close. "I kept thinking about that night, when James took you," she whispered after a long silence. "I kept seeing you in the gym, bleeding everywhere."

"Bella," I whispered. I put my hand under her chin and tilted her head up. Gently, I pressed my lips to hers. Her hands slid up my chest and wound around my neck as she moved her lips against mine. "I'm so sorry," I said yet again.

"I know. I'm just glad you're safe." She kissed me again. "Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"No offense or anything, but you are a bit stinky."

I bet I smelled pretty foul with all the sweat dried on my skin and clothes. I released her and smiled. "I'll go take a shower."

Bella grabbed my hand and pulled me back from one more kiss. Then her nose wrinkled. "Yes, shower my sweet Edward." I laughed, kissed her forehead and then headed into the dorm for a shower.

Later, I sat clean and dressed on Bella's bed. She sat between my legs, resting against my chest. I picked up her hand and played with her fingers. "So you just kept running?"

"Yeah, I started thinking about the past and how I used to run really late at night, after James was passed out. I guess I just got so caught up in my thoughts, I didn't pay attention to where I was going."

"What were you thinking?"

I hesitated, my hand stilled for a second and I felt Bella squeeze my fingers. "I was thinking about how I had no future until I came to live with the Cullens."

"You would have gone to college if you still lived in Chicago."

I shook my head. "The way I saw it, back then I had two options. Either I was going to kill James one day and spend my life in prison, or he was going to kill me."

Bella's grip on my hand turned into a death squeeze. "You wouldn't have killed him."

"I know."

Bella was quiet for a long time and I resumed tracing her hand. I watched the side of her face carefully, wishing I knew what she was thinking.

"Is it wrong," she whispered at last. "For me to be glad that he killed her. That you weren't home so he was forced to take his anger out on her, instead of you? Is it wrong that I'm happy he lost control and killed her?"

I ran my lips along her hair. "No. I don't know what would have happened that day if I had been home. I don't know if he would have killed us both or just beat me as usual. I'll never know. But I do know that it set me free."

"Yeah. And it saved your life." She picked up both my hands and wrapped my arms around her as if I was a blanket.

"That's why I have to make it count," I whispered, trying to make her understand. "My mother's death gave me the chance to have a future, to make my life count for something."

"Edward." I could hear the frustration in her voice and she turned so that she sat on her knees facing me. "Your life does count for something. It would no matter what you choose to do with your future. You put so much pressure on yourself. It's going to break you. You getting sick was just the beginning. Honey, you are enough. Just you. You don't have to be a famous piano playing all star baseball player doctor to make your life count. Just being you, the sweet, caring, intelligent man you are is all you ever have to be."

"But--,"

"You need to call Carlisle and Esme," Bella interrupted me. She reached over and took her phone off her desk and held it out to me. "Right now. You need to call them, tell them what happened. I was going to today anyway if you hadn't woken up. I didn't want to worry them needlessly, but they need to know."

"But--,"

She took her phone back and I watched her scroll through the numbers until she found Carlisle's number. She pressed the call button and handed the phone to me. I felt my heart jump into my throat as I listened to it ring.

"Bella?" I heard Carlisle's voice come through the line.

"No Dad," I said, my voice sounded hoarse to my own ears and I tried to clear my throat. "It's Edward."

"Edward! Hi son, it's so good to hear from you."

"I miss you too," I said. "Listen, I need to talk to you and Mom. Is she around?"

"Yeah, hang on." I could hear the muffled sounds on the other end as Carlisle went to find Esme. I looked at Bella, focusing on her eyes as my brain scrambled to find the right words.

"Hi Edward," I heard Esme's motherly voice come through the line. "Is everything okay?"

"I have you on speaker phone," Carlisle said.

"Okay," I said. I felt Bella take my hand and I continued to look at her face. "Everything is okay," I said answering Esme's question. "Now, at least. I've been a little sick the past few days."

"Edward," Bella whispered.

"Sick?" Esme asked. "Like a cold? Are you feeling better?"

"I'm feeling better, yes," I said. "But it wasn't quite a cold. I basically just slept and had a fever." Bella poked me in the stomach. "I slept a lot." She poked me again. "For three days."

"How high did your fever get?" Carlisle asked and I could hear the doctor in him putting together what was wrong with me.

I glanced at Bella, my eyes widening when she told me. "One hundred four." That explained the fire in my dream.

"Did you see a doctor?" Carlisle asked.

"Yes, Bella called the school doctor."

"And you feel better now?"

"Yes sir, I feel about perfect."

I heard Carlisle sigh. "Son, I thought you said the nightmares were under control."

"They are, I just wasn't getting very much sleep."

"Why not?" Esme asked now.

"I've been busy."

"I want you to answer me truthfully," Carlisle said, his voice grave. "How much sleep do you get each night?"

I closed my eyes. I wanted to lie so bad. Tell them I got at least five hours each night. Tell them I usually got more but the past week had been busier than normal. But lying to Esme and Carlisle was so much worse than the truth. "One or two hours," I whispered. "Sometimes none."

My eyes flickered to Bella when she gasped. Not even she had known that.

"Why?" Esme asked. "What have you been busy doing?"

"Everything," I said softly. I could feel Bella's stare on me and I took a deep breath, then launched into the truth. "I have four or five classes everyday. Baseball practice for two hours each day, plus we are required to go to the gym for conditioning at six every morning. Then music rehearsals for the ensemble I'm in. And all the homework that goes along with the classes." I looked away from Bella. "And having a social life."

Carlisle and Esme were silent and the silence rang in my ears. I felt Bella's hand touch my leg, but I didn't move.

"I just didn't manage my time very well," I finally said, trying to break the silence.

"Edward, somehow I doubt that," Carlisle said. "You are a very responsible, competent young man. Did you know that for most people just having one focus in college can be overwhelming? Take Emmett for example. He's playing baseball at Pepperdine and doing a superb job. However, I saw his transcripts and his grades suffered. When I was in school, getting into medical school was my sole focus. I had no social life and spent my weekends studying in my dorm. It wasn't until Esme found me that she rescued me from my books."

"I feel as if this is our fault," Esme said softly.

"It's not," I answered immediately.

"No my sweet boy," she said. "I believe it is. I want you to listen to me. Are you listening?"

I nodded, then remembered she couldn't see me. "Yes ma'am."

"You came into our lives like a miracle. I expected you to be damaged, broken almost beyond repair because of all you had suffered. At first you were so quiet, so afraid all the time that I worried you would never be whole. But then bits of who you are began to shine through the fear and pain. I would listen to you play the piano and see this extraordinary boy bursting to get out. And so I promised myself that I would feed it, nurture it so you could bloom. Then I saw your gift for sports and again caught a glimpse of that boy. And again I vowed to give you all you would need to find success. Every time I found a talent within you I wanted to rejoice and as you began to open up to us, I realized how truly gifted you are."

I sat silently, completely unsure where this was going.

"Esme is right, Edward," Carlisle cut in. "I did it too. When you expressed an interest in the medical field, I showered praise and information on you. You are just too talented for your own good." He laughed a bit.

"Unfortunately, now you feel as if you have to excel in it all to please us. Honey, I would be just as proud to listen to you play the piano in our living room as I would be in a huge concert hall. I'm just as proud seeing you play catch with Emmett as I am watching you on the field. Because either way, you are happy and that is all I've ever wanted for you."

"That's what it boils down to," Carlisle said quietly. "It doesn't matter to me what you choose, as long as it makes you happy. You could never let us down Edward. Never."

"I don't know what to do," I whispered.

"I can't answer that," Carlisle said. "You need to figure out what is important to you and only you. Don't let anyone else answer that question."

I looked back at Bella and saw her watching me intently. "I want to be a doctor," I said slowly. I closed my eyes again. "And I like the physical exercise and being a part of a team that baseball offers."

"Okay son, then I think you made your decision."

"I'm so sorry Mom," I said.

I almost heard her roll her eyes. "I don't ever want to hear of you collapsing from exhaustion again," she said and the mother in her was clear in her voice.

"Yes ma'am."

"We are very serious about that," Carlisle said. "If things get too much, because you still have a lot on your plate, then you talk to us before it gets out of control. You will get at least six hours of sleep, _at least_, every night. Do you understand?"

"I understand."

"Good. We will let you go now, let you enjoy some of that social life."

I smiled. "Okay. Only a few weeks until I come home for Thanksgiving."

"Yes, thank goodness," Esme said. "I need to give my baby boy a hug after all this."

"I look forward to it, Mom."

"Okay sweet boy. I miss you and I love you. Talk to you soon."

"Love you too Mom."

"Enjoy your day, son," Carlisle said.

"Thanks for everything Dad, love you."

I hung up and glanced at Bella. She still sat between my legs and now she brought her hands up to my cheeks. "That wasn't so difficult."

I shook my head. "They always amaze me."

"They love you. Things are simple when you deal with someone you love." She leaned forward and kissed me.

I wrapped my arms around her waist, trapping her against me and deepened the kiss. "You know you are the one thing I would never give up, right?" I asked quietly against her lips.

"Yes, I know." She kissed me again.

"When Carlisle asked me what is important to me, you were the first thing I thought of."

"Same goes sweetheart."

I ran my hands down her back as I kissed her. I found the hem of her shirt and gently lifted it away. Then my hands were on her bare skin and I could feel her moving against me. I dragged my lips down her neck as my fingers went to the clasp of her bra. Then the lacy fabric joined her shirt.

I felt her hands tugging at my shirt and I sat up, helping her remove the offending clothing. Then she was straddling my waist and I could feel her heat through our jeans.

Later we lay under her covers dozing despite the afternoon sun that filtered in through the blinds. I ran my hand down her bare skin, enjoying the satiny feel beneath my palm. I went down her arm, to her legs, then up again. Bella turned over, facing me as I propped my head up with my elbow.

"How do you feel?" she asked.

"Great." I smiled. "More than great actually."

"Me too." She traced my lips with one finger. "Although, I could definitely eat something."

"I second that." I reached out and pulled the covers off of us. Bella squeaked, jumped up and grabbed her clothes. I laughed quietly at her shyness as I got up to get my own clothes. When we were dressed, we headed over to the cafeteria.

We ate and talked about my conversation with Carlisle and Esme. I decided to go talk to my academic advisor the next day after classes. As we finished eating and stood, I glanced at Bella. There was one thing on my mind that needed to be addressed now. I had managed to shove it aside when I returned from my run, but now it was time. "Bella, I need to go find RJ," I said.

She nodded. "Okay, let's go. Classes are pretty much done for the day, so we should head over to his dorm."

"No," I shook my head. "Honey, I don't want you near him."

"I'm not letting you go alone."

"Bella," I sighed. "I don't know what to expect when I talk to him. I'm not taking you into a situation that is potentially dangerous."

"Which is exactly why I'm not letting you go alone." She crossed her arms and stared at me. "Do you really think, after everything that you've been through, that I'm going to let something else happen? If RJ is dangerous, if he does something to hurt you, I have to be there. Edward," she uncrossed her arms and placed a hand on my forearm. "He'd never hurt me, you saw his reaction at the party. He doesn't want to hurt me. If I go with you, it might help keep him calm."

I blew out a large breath of air. "Okay, but you have to listen to what I say. If I tell you to run, or duck or get out of the way, you have to listen, okay?"

She nodded and I led the way out of the cafeteria. I didn't like this, I didn't want Bella anywhere near RJ. My insides twisted at the thought of seeing him, I knew he was no good. Something about him had been slithering around inside me for weeks and today it was going to come to a head. I hated the fact that I was dragging Bella into the fray.

We reached his dorm and went up to his room. When I knocked on the door, there was no answer. Without saying a word, Bella and I headed downstairs to wait outside. We found a bench and sat down.

"What do you think he's going to say?" Bella asked quietly, breaking the silence.

I moved my shoulders. "I kept thinking about it last night. It's one of the things that led to my run. I've never met RJ before, never seen him before. What does he have to do with anything? And why does my brain seem so eager to link him with James? It doesn't make any sense. I--," I stopped and closed my lips, hoping Bella wouldn't notice that I had cut myself off.

"What?" She turned to look at me and I saw the concern in her brown eyes.

"I think, or wonder if maybe--," I stopped again, not really wanting to put my theory into words.

"Maybe what? Edward, it's okay." She put her hand on my forehead and gently brushed back my hair.

"I think James isn't dead. That he somehow faked the suicide to escape from jail. And maybe he somehow found RJ and is using him to get close to me."

Bella turned white and her hand fisted in my hair. "You think James is here?"

"I don't know, I really don't know what to think. Nothing makes sense."

She pulled me to her, her arms locked protectively around me. "He's not. He's dead sweetheart, he's never going to hurt you again."

I put my hand on my forearm, feeling the slight rise of my scar through my shirt. Bella saw and put her hand over mine. "He's dead," she whispered again.

"Things aren't always what they seem," I said quietly, repeating the words from my dream. I looked over her shoulder and saw RJ approaching. I stood and Bella stood with me. I watched as RJ came closer and saw the moment his eyes met Bella. The pale blue lit up and his step bounced a bit. Then he realized I was behind her and the pale blue seemed to darken and the brief look of hatred almost took my breath away.

"Bella," he said, focusing on my girlfriend. "I didn't think I'd see you here."

"I'm here with Edward because we need to ask you something."

I took a small step forward, effectively placing Bella slightly behind me. "I want to know who you are," I said without any preamble.

Confusion flickered through his eyes. "I don't know what you mean. You know who I am."

I narrowed my eyes as I looked at him. He looked tired, obviously he hadn't been sleeping well since Friday. He looked haggard and drawn. His pale blue eyes were bloodshot and his blond hair fell in dirty tangles around his face.

I inhaled sharply and took a step back, pulling Bella with me. "Who are you?" I asked again. Slowly and demanding.

"You know who I am," he said and he smiled. And I knew that smile.

"I want to hear you say it."

"Riley James, at your service," he said, bowing a little. "I believe you knew my father."

I pulled Bella until she was behind me. "He never mentioned having a son."

"No, he wouldn't." RJ crossed his arms. "He ran out on my mother when she was pregnant with me. Made my mom go crazy. He used to swing by every once and a while. Fill Mama's head with romantic notions and then he'd take off again. Always promised he'd be back after he hit the jackpot. Then she'd start drinking and I'd end up in foster care."

"Yeah," I said. "James was a real winner."

He ignored me. "When he was around, things were great. Mama would smile and laugh. They'd drink together, but never enough to make her go crazy. He used to throw the ball around with me, but he'd never acknowledge he was my father. I knew though, because Mama told me and we looked so much alike. Don't know why he didn't just say it was so."

"Because he's a jerk?" I suggested.

Again I was ignored. "He stopped coming around when I was nine, didn't know why until I found him when I was sixteen." RJ sneered at me. "I had just gotten my driver's license and was enjoying the freedom. I had decided to go on a road trip when I saw him working on the side of the road in Chicago. I wanted to talk to him right then, find out where in the world he'd been for the past seven years. I wanted to tell him that my Mama and I missed him and that Mama was drunker and crazier than she'd ever been and if he didn't come back soon I was going to end up back in the system. But I knew I couldn't just go tell him all that while he was working so I waited until the end of his shift. Figured I'd follow him home and tell him then. Well, he pulled up in front of this old house and I got out. He didn't see me so I went up to the house to look inside. Saw this old skinny bitch sitting on the couch and he walked in and kissed her. Then he started yelling for beer." RJ stopped and flexed his hands. "So you walk in with one and I knew I'd been replaced."

"You didn't miss out on anything, I promise you that," I said, still trying to take everything in. "He wouldn't have made a very good father for you."

"Well, I didn't even have a chance because you stole him from me," RJ shouted. "My mother is in jail right now because when I went home and told her she went insane! Wanted to fly to Chicago and get him back immediately. I told her it wasn't worth it, but she wouldn't listen to me! She stormed out, heading to the airport when she smashed into a car full of people. Since she was drunk, she went to prison!"

"What does this have to do with Edward?" Bella asked from behind me. She stepped up and stood next to me, linking her hand in mine.

"It has everything to do with him. He stole my father, made him not come home anymore. Which made my mom drink."

"I didn't steal your father, RJ," I said quietly. "Trust me, I didn't want him there."

"How can you say that?" RJ hissed. "I would have given anything for him to be there all the time. To treat me like a son, to love me."

"You don't understand what you're saying," I sighed and looked at RJ. Honestly, I felt bad for him. Obviously he felt cheated for growing up without a father. His mother, for reasons I don't think I'll ever understand, had painted James in such a way that RJ wanted James around.

"I know exactly what I'm saying."

"No." Bella said from next to me. "RJ, James wouldn't have been a good father to you."

"You don't know that," he said.

"He drank," she said and as she talked, she took a step towards RJ. I tried to pull her back, but she ignored me. "A lot. And when he was drunk, he was mean."

"He was never mean," RJ said, sounding like a sullen five year old. "And I saw him drink with Mama a lot."

"He beat Edward, all the time."

"Bella…"

"All the time RJ. Everyday. For everything. Does that sound like a good father to you? He had a closet full of weapons. Chains, belts whips. Every kind you can imagine. Who does that?" Bella stepped closer, her voice rising. "Who does that? Who not only beats on someone, but gets so much pleasure from it that they have a variety of weapons? Does that really sound like a good father to you!" she repeated. "Does it?"

"Bella," I said, looking around, thankful no one was around.

"He told you that," RJ said. "You don't know that for sure."

"Yes I do," Bella nodded. "I've seen the closet. I've seen the scars all over his chest and back."

"Bella." I repeated yet again. "Enough." I put my hands over her shoulders and pulled her back to me. "Enough."

"I don't believe you," RJ said.

Bella turned in my arms and began yanking at my shirt. "No," I gasped when I realized what she wanted to do. "No, honey stop." I put my hands on her shoulders again and shook her gently. She looked up at me and I saw the tears streaking down her cheeks. "It doesn't matter." I pulled her to me and she buried her face in my chest. I felt her shoulders heaving as the sobs shuddered through her.

"I'm sorry you feel like I stole your dad," I said quietly to RJ. "I didn't know you existed and I would have been more than happy to have let you have him. But it wasn't for me to control."

He nodded, his attention focused on Bella.

"Can you just leave us alone for right now? Please."

He nodded again and turned stiffly towards his building.

I looked down and gently pressed my lips to Bella's hair. She was still shaking and I could feel her hands fisted in my shirt against my back. "It's okay love," I whispered.

"How could he say those things?" she said, her voice muffled against my chest. "How could he possibly think James was a good father?"

"His mother loved him, she filled his head with thoughts of how things should be. It was false, but what she believed and told him."

"I wanted RJ to understand that James was a monster. I thought if he understood, he'd leave you alone."

"I know." I ran my hands along her back. "But I don't think RJ could understand now. Not even showing him my scars would make his understand."

"I don't want him to hurt you."

"He won't. Honey, you heard him just now. He's like a child whose favorite toy gotten taken away. He won't hurt me or you. I won't let him even if he tries."

"Me neither," Bella said. "Come on, let's go back to our own dorm."

I nodded and put my arm around her shoulders, holding her close to me even as we walked. But as we walked away, I glanced over my shoulder. A curtain on the second floor moved and fluttered shut.

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**A/N Hello my dear readers. I'm not sure what to say except I'm sorry. I don't have a really good reason for taking so long. I do want to say thank you to all of you who have reviewed the story and to those of you who have emailed me asking if I'm going to finish. I really really really appreciate the interest and the fact that you care so much to ask if I'm planning to continue. A special thank you to TWILIGHTMOMOFTWO for your beautiful review. That one and the emails I received really gave me movitation and inspiration to finish this chapter. I had thoughts of updating with an author's note saying that I will finish and have not abandoned the story. But I HATE that, because then you would have gotten all excited only to be let down. I kept telling myself I was just going to write and get it up and wouldn't need an author's note. But here is the latest chapter. I hope you enjoyed it, I'm actually quite pleased with how it turned out. **

**A little bit of a side note...did you guys see/read the Time Traveler's Wife? I'm completely in love with both the book, the movie and Eric Bana. Sigh. **

**Anyway, I do hope you enjoyed it. I'm not going to promise faster updates, because obviously I don't stick to my promises, but I will try...promise.... I have no intention of abandoning the story and I will finish it.**

**Thank you for your continued support.**

**Alison**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: For those of you that are reading the Other Side of Fearless, you already know that I'm back. For those of you who aren't...I know it's been forever. I can't really give you a good reason for it. I will say that this story has been on my mind. I can't tell you how much it has bothered me that it is out in the FF world unfinished. I have sat down in front of my computer many times, especially since posting that author's note, to write. I've watched that darn cursor flash at me and I just had no idea what needed to happen next. I woke up yesterday and finally FINALLY knew what needed to happen. And it seemed so obvious, I can't believe it's taken me this long to figure it out. I hope you enjoy it, and I want to thank you so much for sticking with me.**

**As always, Twilight and all recognizable characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.**

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Chapter Thirteen

"Bella!" I looked up and saw Samantha running towards us. "Bella, I need to talk to you. Now." She glanced at me. "Alone."

"Sammy," Bella said, her hand tightening on mine. "I don't know if now is such a good time."

"But I need your help. Please?" Samantha took Bella's hand and tried to drag her away.

I tried to untangle our fingers. "Sam, give me a second, k?" I looked at her and she nodded, stepping back to give us some space. Bella turned to face me and I could see the fight words already brewing on the tip of her tongue. I tilted her head up and kissed her before she could start. I felt her hands fist in my shoulders and it almost felt like she was pushing me away and pulling me closer all at the same time. I smiled against her lips. "Honey, it's okay for you to go with Samantha."

"But what about what we just found out!" she hissed at me. "We have to figure out what to do. We just found out that RJ is James' son for goodness sake."

I kissed her again. "He's not going anywhere. You go with Samantha and come up to my room when you are done. I think she really needs a good friend right now."

Bella sighed. "Why," she started. "Do you always have to be so darn rational."

I shrugged my shoulders and kissed her one last time. Then I turned her shoulders and sent her gently in Samantha's direction. "Thanks Edward!" Samantha said gratefully as she took Bella's hand again and started pulling my girl towards one of the benches that lined the courtyard. I watched for a second and then turned back towards the dorm. I quickly mounted the stairs, hoping Matt would still be in our room.

I really needed to talk to him.

And it would be better without Bella. I walked into our room and saw Matt sitting at the computer. "I need to talk to you," I said without any preamble.

Matt turned to look at me. "About?"

I sat down on my bed and crossed my arms. "RJ. I need you to tell me why you guys don't get along. And everything you know about him."

Matt's eyes narrowed. "Why?"

I barely resisted the urge to growl. "Because I found out something about him today, something that could be potentially dangerous for me and Bella."

"What did you find out?"

"Why are you being so difficult?" I asked a bit harsher then I intended. But geez, I just needed answers. I wanted to ask the questions, not answer them.

Matt shrugged. "Curiousity I guess. I don't like RJ. He has made my life..." his voice faded and he looked down at his hand as it tapped the back of his chair. "Challenging," he finally said. "I guess that word works. He's made my life challenging."

I waited a second, and then sighed. "And his father made my life challenging," I said softly.

Matt's brows lifted. "How do you know his father?"

With a mind of it's own, my right hand went to my left arm and I could feel the scar through my sweatshirt. I knew if Matt was going to tell me his truths, I needed to tell him mine. But besides the Cullens and Bella, I hadn't told anyone about my past. "His dad was my step father," I answered.

Matt's brows lifted even more. "For real?" I nodded. "Man, small world huh?"

"Yeah," I laughed slightly. "Really small."

Matt looked at me for a second, his hand continued tapping his chair. Then he nodded. "The first time RJ came to live with my family, we were both five. I don't really know all the details because I was only five and who talks to a five year old? They told me his mom was sick and until she got better, RJ was going to live with us." He snorted. "Of course, now I know that 'sick' is a synonym for drunk and get better means she has to get out of rehab. But anyway. At first I was excited. I mean, I'm an only child and it sounded like fun. Who wouldn't want a brother?"

I nodded. After being an only child, I loved having siblings.

"But RJ was...," Matt paused as he once again tried to find the right word. His eyes narrowed. "Different. He acted one way around my parents and another when it was just us. He liked to get me in trouble. Stupid shit really. Like Mom would ask me to put my toys away and I would. Then I'd hear her screaming at me because I didn't clean up. I'd go back to my room and all the toys would be dumped out. She didn't listen when I tried to tell her I had cleaned up. Or she'd bake cookies and tell us not to eat them until after dinner or whatever. RJ would sneak some and then leave the crumbs in my room. When my mom found them, she get angry and not let me have any." Matt moved his shoulders. "It sounds so stupid now. Not getting to eat cookies."

"No it doesn't," I said quietly.

"I was so happy when his mom got better and he finally went home. I had my mom and dad back and things went back to normal. But he came back. And he kept coming back. Sometimes for just a few weeks, sometimes for a few months. And every time he came back it got worse. My parents started thinking I was acting out to gain their attention. I tried so many times, especially in those early years to tell them that it wasn't me, it was RJ, but they felt sorry for him and he acted like such a perfect angel when they around that they just didn't believe me. Eventually, they started looking at me differently even when RJ wasn't there. If anything went wrong, they blamed me. I was constantly sent to my room or grounded for things I didn't do."

"I'm sorry," I said when he stopped talking. I could hear the frustration in his voice. I could only imagine how difficult it would be to have someone taking away your parents' trust in you.

"Yeah well." He shrugged again. "My parents are bleeding hearts. I don't blame them for wanting to help. I just wish they wouldn't have forgotten about me in the process." He cleared his throat. "Anyway. When we were nine, RJ's mom finally did enough to get sent to prison for three years. That was tough. Three years of RJ. I mean, you've seen him. You saw him when we first met how he played it all innocent, calling me his brother and all that shit."

I nodded. I remember thinking that RJ didn't seem so bad.

"Trust me. That's all his charade and such a lie. He's a great actor."

"Yeah," I agreed outloud this time. RJ definitely was not the person I thought he was.

"But my parents have never seen it. I guess with RJ, they just see what they want to see. And they totally give him the benefit of the doubt because of all that he's been through." Matt rolled his eyes. "I am sorry about what he did to Bella."

"Not your fault, but thanks," I said. I was looking at Matt in a whole new light now.

"So I told you how RJ made my life challenging. Your turn."

Where to begin? How to begin? I cleared throat and felt my hand squeeze my arm. "My mom married James, RJ's father when I was nine."

"I guess that explains why his mom went off the deep end at that point in time," Matt said with a snort of laughter.

"Yeah," I agreed quietly. I couldn't laugh. Not right now.

"Anyway, he started hitting my mom a few months after they got married."

"Oh man," Matt said, his tone more serious now. "I'm sorry about that."

I moved my shoulders. "I didn't like it. When I was ten, he started hitting me instead."

"Oh man," he repeated, quieter this time.

"When I was seventeen, he killed my mom. Put me in the hospital."

"Oh man," he whispered now. "Geez Edward, you weren't joking when you said he made your life challenging. He made it horror movie."

Somehow a small smile lifted my lips. "Yeah, a horror movie is a good way to describe."

"You said that doctor took you in though, adopted you right?"

I nodded. "Carlisle. Most amazing man you will ever meet. Took me in and his family accepted me right away." I looked him in the eye. "It wasn't like you and RJ. I would never, ever hurt the Cullens."

"I believe you," he said. "And I'm sorry. I didn't know."

"Yeah well. It's good to have facts before you judge. But I did the same thing about you. So I guess we are even."

Matt nodded. "So you said at the pizza place that James died in prison."

"Yes." My hand squeezed my arm tighter.

I watched Matt's eyes dropped to my arm. "The scar," he said. He looked up at me. "Did James push you threw the window?"

A lump grew at the base of my throat making it difficult to talk. "No," I said, my voice hoarse.

I looked up and saw Matt's perplexed look. My hand squeezed tighter and then I released my arm. My hand was shaking as I pushed up my sleeve, revealing the scar. I didn't stop until my sleeve was up past my elbow, the entire length of the scar glaring at me.

"Holy shit," Matt said slowly. "What the hell happened?"

I had to clear my throat again, then swallow hard to talk past the lump. "While awaiting trial, James was released on good behavior."

"No way."

"He came to Forks and found me. When you asked if I had tried to commit suicide, it wasn't that far off. Only, it wasn't my decision. James held Bella and the Cullen's safety over my head and I didn't have a choice. So I cut my own wrist."

"A horror movie man. A no good, low budget horror movie."

A small laugh escaped my lips and I shook my head as I looked up at Matt. "He went back to prison and that's when he overdosed on pills his attorney brought him."

Matt shook his head. "That's insane." He looked at me and tilted his head. "Bella knows, doesn't she."

"Of course."

He nodded.

"Why?"

"Because she's SO protective of you. At first I thought it was because she was the jealous type and I felt sorry for you. But it's not jealousy. That girl would do anything for you. Anything. And if anyone tried to hurt you. Watch out." I looked at him, surprised he had figured that out. Matt laughed. "Come on, it's so amazingly obvious."

Just then our door opened. "Well speak of the devil," Matt said as Bella walked in.

Her brow furrowed as she looked at us. While talking, Matt had moved his chair closer to mine. My sleeve was still pushed way up, the scar I kept hidden completely exposed.

"You okay?" she asked, the worry apparent in her voice. She came up to me and laid her hand on my arm.

Matt burst out laughing. "Told you man."

I smiled and put my arm around Bella as she sat next to me. "What's going on," she asked suspiciously.

"Matt was telling me about RJ. And I told him about James."

"Oh." Bella slid her arm around me waist.

I looked back at Matt. "So now you know the story. I need you to do something for me."

"Anything Edward. After all you went through," he shook his head. "And after the crappy way I acted when I found out you were adopted, I'll do whatever you need."

I was surprised at the change and a part of me wondered if it was too fast. But I needed his answer to one question. "Do you think RJ is dangerous. Should I be worried about him hurting me or Bella."

Bella's arm tightened on my waist. Matt took a breath and blew it out slowly. "I remember RJ talking about his dad. He adored his father. And I remember when he was sixteen. That was the last time he came to live with us. Apparently his mom went back to prison."

"For drunk driving," Bella put in quietly. "Right after RJ saw James in Chicago."

Matt nodded. "RJ told me that he had never been so angry because someone dared to steal his father."

At those words, Bella's protective shield flared. "Did he tell you it was Edward?" Bella burst out. "Did you know James was Edward's step father before Edward told you?"

"No," Matt shook his head emphatically. "RJ never talks to me. He didn't tell me, I promise."

I rubbed Bella's arm. Matt looked at me. "Keep going," I said.

"RJ was so angry at that point. Honestly Edward, Bella," he looked back and forth between the two of us. "I wouldn't trust him. Not at all."

"What are we going to do?" Bella asked.

I shook my head and looked over her shoulder, squinting in the sun light. Matt had left for classes and Bella and I had gone outside. "I don't know."

Bella reached and pushed her hair out of her face. "Do you think RJ will try something?"

"I don't know," I repeated. I looked at her. "But really, what can he do?"

She rolled her eyes. "Honey, his father was a monster. And it doesn't sound like RJ is much better. He could do anything."

"We just have to be careful, I guess. I mean we know he's no good and we know not to trust him. That has to be good for something."

"I suppose. Can we like, call the police or something?"

"And tell them what?"

"I don't know," Bella said, frustration ringing in her voice. "We could get a restraining order or something. Anything! I'm not going to sit here waiting for him to hurt you!"

I pulled Bella to me, holding her to my chest. I wished I could tell her he wouldn't hurt me and that everything was going to be okay. But given everything that had already happened in my lifetime, I just didn't know if I could make that promise. "I think we need a reason for a restraining order."

"He's a threat, isn't that reason?"

"Sweetheart, he hasn't actually tried to hurt either one of us. We don't know if he will. Plus, I really don't think a piece of paper would keep him away."

Bella grunted. "We at least need to talk to Carlisle."

I sighed. I knew we did. Really and truly I knew we needed to talk my father. "He's going to worry so much."

"Edward..."

"I know, I know. It's his job. But Bella, I've given the man so much to worry about, it's ridiculous."

"No, you are ridiculous."

"Hmmm," I said quietly against her hair. "Soon Carlisle is going to regret taking me in."

Bella pulled away from me, shock written all over her face. "Edward Masen I can not believe you just said that."

"I didn't mean it," I said softly. "I just... Sometimes..." I stopped. I had no idea where the words I was thinking were coming from.

"What?" Bella asked, she tilted her head as she looked at me, a line appearing in her forehead. "What are you trying to say?"

I looked over her shoulder and watched the breeze blow through the leaves of the trees in the courtyard. "Nothing," I whispered.

Bella put her hand on my cheek and forced my eyes back to her. For a second, she just looked at me, her thumb lightly rubbing my cheek. Her brown eyes roved my face and I could see her trying to figure out what was going on in my head.

"It's a lot of trouble, isn't it?" my words barely more than a breath. I saw the crease in her forehead deepen. "Taking on an abused kid, trying to love an abused kid. Especially when the past keeps coming back. Is it really worth it?"

I watched her lips moved as she went to speak, but no words came out. Her other hand came up to my face, resting on my other cheek. I saw her swallow hard. "You don't really believe that, do you honey?" she asked me softly. "I know speaking for others is wrong, but I think I can speak for the Cullens when I say that having you, having your love in our lives is pretty much priceless. Their family and my life would not be complete without you."

I reached up to hold her wrists. Her eyes closed and I saw the tears she had been fighting spill down her cheeks. "I just wish I was normal."

"Normal," she said hoarsely. Suddenly, her hands left my cheeks and I found myself in a tight embrace, her tears like hot knives stabbing at my neck. I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her closer to me. Her hands fisted in my hair. She took a ragged breath and pulled away, her hands still in my hair. "How can you think you are not worth it?" She shook my head slightly. "How?"

"Bella, I don't-," I stopped, as I tried to get myself together. "I don't know. I just hate that I have so much baggage and that you have to deal with and that once again I'm going to have to force you and the Cullen's to take on my past. I hate that loving me causes so much worry, so much stress, so much pain. Your lives would have been so much easier if I would have just stayed in Chicago."

Bella was shaking her head and when I stopped talking, she leaned forward, placing her forehead on my mine. When she spoke, her voice was filled with so much raw emotion it pierced all the way to the bottom of my heart. "Loving someone means you worry, sweetheart. It doesn't matter how 'normal' the person is. You are always going to worry. You are always going to feel pain when the person you love feels pains. It's what it means to love another person. Would my life be easier without you? Honey, I don't think so. At all." She backed up slightly, staring into my eyes. Her hands slid down to my shoulders and I tightened my grip on her waist. "I love you so much. What we have so special. I wouldn't trade it for anything. Nothing, no one in the entire world could mean as much to me as you."

"Bella," I murmured. I reached up and gently ran my thumb under her eye, wiping the tears the clung to her lashes. More tears gathered at my touched and I replaced my thumb with my lips, tenderly kissing away the tears. "Don't cry, my love, please." I kissed her cheeks, her eyes again. "I can't bear to see you cry. Please." My lips found her mouth and I kissed her deeply. "I love you so much," I said against her lips. "So much, you have no idea." I kissed again, trying to show her through my kiss, the depth of my emotion.

The kiss slowed, and Bella pressed kisses along my jawline, down my neck and on my shoulder. "Tell me you know you are worth it," she said quietly into my shoulder.

I squeezed my eyes shut. "I'm worth it," I whispered, trying not to stumble over the words. I opened my eyes and ran my fingers through her hair.

But my past was back. And God only knew who it would hurt this time. I could only hope, with everything I had, it wasn't the precious girl I held in my arms.

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**A/N THANK YOU so much for reading. I hope this chapter was okay. Let me know what you think :o)**


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and familiar characters.**

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Chapter Fourteen

The familiar sound of rain woke me up. I rolled over and stretched out my arms and legs. When neither limb encountered a wall, I smiled to myself and opened my eyes. I saw the gray dawn through the floor to ceiling windows and my smile grew. Throwing back the covers I jumped out of my bed and hurried to the bathroom to take a shower. Once clean, I dressed quickly and then nearly ran downstairs.

I paused in the doorway of the kitchen, just to take in the glorious scene.

Carlisle stood, his coffee raised to his lips, his eyes focused on the paper in front of him. I took a deep breath and entered the room. "Good morning," I said. To my surprise and embarrassment, my voice was thick with emotion.

Carlisle looked up from the paper. "Good morning, son," he said. And I saw the shine of that same emotion shimmering in Carlisle's eyes. I smiled and went to the cabinet for a box of cereal. As I poured the Cheerios in my bowl, Carlisle spoke again. "I've missed this. My mornings are definitely not the same without you here."

I nodded. "I have to go to the cafeteria now. And," I said with a smile as I got the milk out of the refrigerator. "They only have five kinds of cereal!"

"Oh my! That's terrible!" Carlisle said in a shocked voice.

I looked at him and we both started to laugh. I grabbed a spoon and went to sit on the barstools. "Feels so good to be home," I said. "Feels so good to sleep in a decent sized bed."

"Any nightmares?" Carlisle asked, his voice more serious.

I shook my head. "Honestly it was the best night's sleep I've had in a long time." I was finally back in my safe bubble.

He nodded and took another sip of his coffee. "We need to enjoy this quiet," he commented. "Your mother will be down soon to start the turkey and stuffing."

"The kitchen will be a busy place today."

"Now that's an understatement. Our house will be full today." But he was smiling and I knew he loved it. I took a few bites of my cereal and then heard the movements upstairs that told me my siblings would soon be intruding on this time with Carlisle.

"Edward," Carlisle said. I turned and looked at him, surprised by the seriousness of his tone. "Would you care to go for a ride with me? I would like to talk to you."

"Of course," I said.

"Okay. I'm going to go talk to Esme and let her know that we are leaving, but will be back before too long. Will you meet me by my car?"

"Sure." I picked up my bowl and went to wash it out and put in the dishwasher. Then I made my way to the garage and stood by the black Mercedes. I figured I knew what Carlisle wanted to talk to me about. RJ. He was downplaying the situation for Esme, Emmett and Alice's sake, but I knew he was worried. Much more worried than he let on.

So far, nothing had happened. I still had no idea what to do, but I had neither seen, nor heard from RJ since the day I confronted him with my knowledge.

The car beeped as Carlisle unlocked the doors and I climbed into the passenger side. A few seconds later, Carlisle entered the car and we were off. Carlisle was quiet as he drove and I didn't know what to say. Minutes later we pulled into the hospital parking lot.

"Dr. Cullen," the nurse on duty said as we entered his wing. "I didn't know you were working today."

"I'm not, Kristen," he said with a smile. "Just wanted to show Edward a few things while he's home for Thanksgiving break." Kristen smiled at me and I waved a little. Then I followed Carlisle down the hallway to his office. Even though I was trying not to, a small part of me was beginning to panic.

"Okay," Carlisle said. He finally looked at me over his desk. I shifted nervously in my seat across from him. "I brought you here because I need to talk to you and I didn't want Esme to over hear our conversation."

I nodded and the panic began to knot in my stomach. Something had happened. I didn't know what, but something was wrong.

Carlisle pulled out one of the drawers to his desk. He placed a large manila envelope on his desk. Then he looked at me and I could see in his eyes the internal struggle going on within him. I looked back at the envelope and the knot of panic doubled in size.

Was it possible to rescind adoption papers? My eyes flew back to Carlisle's and I felt the panic enter my chest. Had I become too much trouble?

Carlisle put his hand on the envelope and took a deep breath. "Edward, I know we have talked about RJ. I know you feel like he might not be much of a threat, but I think you are wrong."

"I'm sorry!" I burst out, unable to control the panic that had turned to utter terror. "I'm sorry it's come back." I looked at him and my chest hitched. Tears fell faster and faster down my cheeks as I looked at the expression on his face. "Please," I begged him. "Please don't send me away."

Carlisle was around his desk and kneeling in front me before I could even blink. His hands squeezed my biceps tightly. "What are you talking about?"

My eyes flew to the envelope and then back to Carlisle.

"Edward," Carlisle said stunned. "Son, no no no. What you are thinking, no. Never." He stood now, bending over me, his hand still on my upper arms. "Where is this coming from. You know, deep within your heart, you know that Esme and I would never, EVER...God Edward I can't even say the words."

He looked at me. I shook my head. "I know. I do know. I just saw the envelope and I panicked." I looked up at Carlisle, begging him to forgive me. "I don't know why I jumped to that conclusion. I just, I don't know.

Carlisle embraced me then, his strong arms offering protection and forgiveness. Then he backed away and reached behind him to pick up the envelope. He knelt in front of me again. "Edward, what's in this is difficult, really really difficult." His blue eyes looked at me intensely. "This came to our home about three days before Thanksgiving break. I didn't show your mother because she is already so incredibly worried about you."

I nodded. Esme called me everyday to make sure I was okay.

Carlisle lifted the flap and pulled out a pile of papers. When he turned them over, I saw they were pictures and what I saw made the panic return to my stomach. "What the hell," I whispered. The top picture was of me, sitting on a bench in the courtyard outside my dorm. The second was of Bella and I eating lunch in the cafeteria. The third of us holding hands as we walked outside. The fourth of me kissing Bella in front of her dorm room. The fifth of me walking down the hallway, my toiletry basket in hand. I flipped through the pictures faster, each one depicting my personal moments.

"There was no note," Carlisle said quietly, breaking through my haze. "I don't know who sent them. But I am afraid it was RJ."

"What am I going to do?" I asked the wisest person I knew.

"Edward, I do not know. I've talked with Charlie and he says that there is no proof it was RJ and we have nothing to take to the police. I'd like to say that you and Bella should stay in Forks, but how can I ask you to give up your education like that?"

"He won't hurt Bella," I said, trying desperately to keep calm. "He won't. I saw him after he kissed her and he looked truly sorry. I think...I think maybe he thinks he's in love with her. He won't hurt her."

"But he has no qualms about hurting you," Carlisle said quietly.

"That's okay," I nodded to myself. "I want him to come after me."

"Edward, listen to me. As much as you don't want Bella to get hurt, that's how much I don't want you to get hurt." His hand went to my left arm where the scar was hidden. "I can't do that again. I almost lost you once. I can't do it again."

"Dad, I don't know what to do." He sighed and then pulled me into his arms again. I rested my head on his strong shoulder. "I want to stay in Forks," I whispered. "It's safe, my own safe bubble. But I feel like that would be running away, putting my head in the sand."

"Yes," Carlisle quietly agreed.

I sat back in my chair. "I really think the only option is to go back to school and just be really, really careful. And the second RJ tries something, gives us any type of proof he's doing this, we have to nail him."

Carlisle nodded. "Although I really don't like the idea of you so unprotected in this situation."

"I'll be okay, Dad. I promise."

"I know. You know how to take care of yourself better than anyone I know." Carlisle took the pictures from me and slid them back in the envelope. Then he stood and returned it back to it's drawer. "We should head home, I'm sure your mom is wondering where we are."

"Yeah. Dad are you going to tell her?"

I saw Carlisle shift uneasily. "I don't know son. I know that seems like a lie by omission, but I just don't see any reason to. It would cause such panic, I know. And I can't do that to her."

"Okay. Dad, I do agree with you."

He nodded and opened the door to his office. I stepped out and then we made our way home.

Several hours later, I sat in our massive dining room, at our massive table, looking at the massive turkey. Everyone was there. My brother and sister, Rosalie and Jasper and their parents, Bella and Charlie. My family.

"Let's give our thanks," Carlisle said and me people held hands. I took Bella's hand in mine and squeezed. Alice took my other hand and I smiled at her. I bowed my head and listened to Carlisle's words. "Dear Father. Today we ask for you to bless our family. We thank you for all that you have given us and all that you will give us. I also ask you to keep us safe. To look after each member of our family and give your protection. In the name of the Father and the Son, Amen."

I lifted my head and looked at Carlisle. I found his intense eyes on me and I nodded.

"Let's eat!" Emmett shouted.

And with those words the feast began. Stuffing, turkey, cranberries, mashed potatoes, green beans, sweet potato pie, salad. More food than any of us could eat in a month made its way around the table. I piled food on my plate and dug in. I was determined to enjoy every bite, to savor every morsel of Esme's delicious cooking. I focused on ignoring the knot in my stomach and staying here. In the dining room with all the people I loved. The future didn't matter right now. All that mattered was right now. I scooped up some of the fluffly potatoes and smiled at Bella. She smiled back, her brown eyes sparkling with happiness. We were home and for right now, that was what mattered.

The weekend passed way too quickly. On Friday, Esme and Alice had dragged Bella with them to hit the day after Thanksgiving sales at the mall. I had spent the day with Emmett and Carlisle. It would have been a perfect day, if I could have wiped the worry out of Carlisle's eyes.

It killed me that he was so worried. And I knew he didn't know what to do. And for Carlisle that was such a rare occurance I could tell that it was tearing at him. I had to keep myself safe, if for no other reason than to ease his mind. If something happened to me now, Carlisle would blame himself, without a doubt.

On Saturday, Esme, with help from me, Emmett and Carlisle, had pulled out the stacks and stacks of Christmas decoration boxes. We had spent most of the day Christmas-fying the house.

And now it was Sunday and time to go back to California. Bella and I stood on the sidewalk outside the airport, watching our fathers unload our suitcases. Esme stood next to me silently. Emmett and Rosalie had caught an earlier flight. Alice and Jasper were talking to Jasper's parents. They were taking a different flight than me and Bella. They were flying into Oakland, while we were flying into San Jose.

"You keep yourself safe," Esme said quietly.

I nodded. "I will Mom," I hugged her briefly. "I wish you wouldn't worry so much."

"I'll keep him safe," Bella said quietly to her.

Esme smiled at my girl. "I know you will Bella. If anyone can it's you." She gave Bella a hug. "You stay safe as well."

"I will."

"Now," Esme turned back to me. She put her hands on my cheeks. "This was a great visit. So many more memories to add. I love you Edward."

"I love you too, Mom." I brought her close to me again. "I miss you so much."

She rubbed my back. "I miss you too." She pulled away and I saw her wiping at tears. Then Carlisle stood next to her.

I knew he didn't want to say anything in front of Esme, but I could read all of his worry, all of his encouragement in his eyes. I nodded, letting him know I understood. He hugged me then and I squeezed extra hard. "I will see you for Winter Break," he whispered next to my ear. "Call if you need anything. I will be there as fast as I can."

"I will. Thank you Dad." He squeezed me one more time and then let go.

I saw Bella turning away from Charlie. I put my arm around her and waved one more time to my parents. Then we entered the airport and took the first steps towards California.

"Only three weeks," I whispered against her hair as we stood in line. "Only three weeks and then we will be home from two whole weeks. It'll be here before you know."

I felt her nod against me. I kissed her hair and then straightened when it was our turn in line. We got our boarding passes, made it through security and then to our gate. I put my arm around her and she leaned her head on my shoulder. I ran my fingers through her hair. Quietly, we waited for our plane to arrive.

When we were called to board, I stood and took her hand as we walked down the tunnel to the plane. We found our seats easily, stowed our carry ons. Then we resumed our earlier position, only Bella found my free hand and held it tightly.

"Are you okay?" I asked softly.

"Yeah," she answered.

"Bella," I said a few minutes later after the plane had taken off. "I need you to do something for me." I kissed her hair and my hand continued to run through her hair. I forced myself to stay relaxed even as those pictures ran through my mind.

"Honey I would do anything for you."

I smiled against her hair. "I know. But this might be hard. I don't want you to go anywhere unless you are with someone else. Sam, Kevin or me would be best. I still don't know how much I trust Matt."

Bella lifted her head and looked at me. "Did something happen?"

"I just think that maybe RJ is waiting. I mean, I know he hasn't done anything yet, but maybe he's waiting for something. I just don't want him to have any opportunity to hurt you."

"I really don't think he would. It's you he thinks stole his father."

"I know. I don't want to take any risks though. I talked to Carlisle and he thinks I need to be on the look out. We have to catch RJ doing something, anything. If we can we would have enough proof to at least get him kicked out of the school or something."

Bella looked at me, her eyes moving over my face. I reached up and tucked a stray hair behind her ear. "Just promise, k?" I said.

She nodded slowly. "I promise."

She went back to leanig on my shoulder and my hand went back to her hair.

Life at school continued pretty much as normal. Classes were winding down before finals and as finals approached, the amount of homework and studying kicked up. Baseball practice intensified as the start of the season drew closer. It was enough to keep one person very busy. But I was also determined to keep Bella safe. When she wasn't with me, anxiety tore at me. I found myself hurrying across campus to meet her when I knew her classes let out.

She kept her promise. Whenever I found her, Samantha and Kevin seemed to always be there and that made me grateful.

My paranoia seemed to increase daily. I was constantly on edge, constantly looking over my shoulder.

"Edward." Bella's voice broke through my thoughts. I turned my gaze and focused on her. "Honey, you need to calm down." We were in her room and I was supposed to be doing my chemistry homework.

"I am calm," I answered. I was sitting on her bed, my book open in my lap. I looked down at my hand and saw my fingers clenching the pencil. With effort, I forced my hand to relax.

Bella removed my book and paper from my lap, eased the pencil from my grip. She put them on her desk and then came to straddle my lap. "Honey, we've been back at school for over a week and half. You are running yourself ragged again. Between classes and baseball and trying to keep me safe. I'm fine, baby, I promise. I haven't seen RJ since that last confrontation."

"I know." I took a deep breath. "I just feel like something is going to happen. I haven't felt this way in a long, long time. But I feel like if I shift one little thing, the world is going to explode. And I want to make sure, if it's going to explode, it explodes on me, not you."

She rubbed my tense arms. Then she leaned forward and kissed me tenderly. I wrapped my arms around her and deepened the kiss. I felt her arms wind around my neck and her legs squeezed my waist. I shifted until I was on my knees and then I lowered her down until she lay on the bed. The kiss neverending. I ran my hand up her leg, felt her jolt when my hand slipped under shirt. "Edward," she gasped as I moved my lips, kissing her neck as my hand moved higher.

Suddenly her door opened and we both jumped.

"Oops," Samantha said. "I'm sorry guys. We didn't know you were in here."

Kevin appeared behind her shoulder. I sat up and pulled Bella up. Her hands went to her hair, trying to tame what my hands had mussed. "No problem," she said. But I could see the blush burning her cheeks.

"Well, since you are here, we can tell you our news now," Samantha said and I saw the light in her eyes.

I looked at Bella and saw the suspicion in her eyes.

"I asked Samantha to be my girlfriend and she said yes," Kevin said, beaming. He brought her hand up and kissed her knuckles.

"Congratulations!" Bella said. She got off the bed and went to give Samantha a hug.

I followed and smiled at them. "Congrats, although I have to say I'm not too surprised."

Kevin laughed and nodded.

"So we want to celebrate," Samantha said. Her hand slid into Kevin's again. "There's a house party tonight. I really want you guys to come with us."

"I don't know," I said slowly.

Kevin looked at me. "I know the last party we went to wasn't so fun for you guys. But this one will be great. We don't have ass hole with us anymore, so what could the harm be?"

"Come on Edward! Bella, tell him it will be fun."

Bella turned to look at me and I saw the hesitation in her eyes. "It'll be fun," she said quietly.

"Well that was convincing," Samantha said sadly. "Come on, please? Pretty please with a cherry on top! It'll be fun."

"Maybe we could go out to dinner to celebrate," I said. "My treat?"

I watched Samantha's shoulders fall and some of the excitement diminish in her eyes. I felt terrible. "Okay," I said. Bella's hand found mine and she squeezed my fingers. "We'll go to the party."

"Yes!" Samantha cheered. She came up and gave me a hug. "You won't regret, I promise."

"Thanks man," Kevin said. He glanced at Samantha. "She really was hoping you guys would go. I know you aren't big partiers, but it will be fun."

I glanced at Bella and saw her looking at me, worry in her chocolate eyes. I smiled at her and squeezed her fingers. She smiled back. "Yeah," I agreed with Kevin, still looking at Bella. "It'll be fun."

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**A/N: I want to thank everyone for your reviews. I didn't reply because I was working on this chapter. I feel like the actually writing of the story is what you guys want, but I do REALLY REALLY appreciate the reviews. I forgot how incredibly addicting they are. I'm not sure how I feel about this chapter. Also, I don't think I'll get another chapter up until next week. My mom and dad are coming for a visit tomorrow and will be here until Sunday. I know I won't write while they are here. Don't think I've slacked off again. Once they leave I will have a new chapter up within a few days. I just wanted to give you warning. Thank you so much for your continued support. You guys all rock.**

**~Alison**


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.**

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Chapter Fifteen

I fiddled with the hem of my black sweater while I waited for the girls to appear. This was not a good idea. For one, I didn't like parties. I know was basing my opinion off one experience and that one experience had been pretty negative. But parties were loud and chaotic with too many people.

I smoothed down my sweater and ran my hand through my untamable hair.

"Hey man."

I looked up and saw Matt making his way towards me. He was dressed in shorts and a sweat soaked shirt. On his feet were running shoes. He popped the earbuds out. "Hey Matt," I answered.

"You look nice, you taking Bella out?" He stopped a short distance from me.

"I guess you could say that. Sam and Kevin made it official-,"

"Finally," Matt said with a laugh.

"Yeah," I smiled at him. "They want to go celebrate and you know how Samantha likes to party."

Matt's eyes narrowed. "You are going to a party."

I nodded, trying to stay composed. I didn't want Matt to know just how apprehensive I was about this. "It'll be nice to get out for a bit. Have some fun."

"Sure," Matt agreed. "Well, I'm sure I stink so I should head upstairs and shower. I'll see you later."

I nodded again and watched him run up the stairs. I still couldn't decide what to make of Matt. I couldn't figure out if he was a victim or if he had his own agenda.

"Hey Edward!" Bella's voice brought me out of my thoughts and two seconds later her arms were around my neck, her lips on mine.

"Hi honey," I said when we seperated. I held out her hands and looked at my girl. "You look beautiful." She wore a pair of dark jeans and a dark blue tank top that sparkled with rhinestones. Her hair fell in curls down her back.

"Thanks," she said then pressed her lips to mine again. "You ready?"

"Yeah," I smiled at her as I ran my hand down her arm and tangled my fingers with hers. I looked past Bella and saw Kevin and Samantha kissing next to the stairs. Kevin's hand lifted and he touched Samantha's cheek as he pulled away. He looked at her with such love in his eyes and I could almost see her melt.

"He looks at her almost like you look at me," Bella commented softly into my ear.

"I'm happy for them," I whispered back. I truly was, which was the only reason I was going to this party.

Bella and I walked over to the happy couple. "Ready?" I asked.

Kevin nodded and he took Samantha's hand. We left the warmth of the dorm and stepped into the cool night. I saw goosebumps immediately pop out on Bella's skin. "Where's your jacket?" I asked her quietly.

"Samantha said it doesn't match my outfit. It's just a short walk."

I rolled my eyes at that logic. Girls were such strange creatures. It was December after all. I took my own jacket off, my sweater enough to keep me warm and set it on her shoulders. She looked up at me gratefully as she stuck her arms through the holes.

I shook my head and smiled. As we turned the corner, I could hear the thump of the bass from the music at the party. We approached the house and I could see the party was already going at full force. It had spilled out to the front yard where I could see people sitting on the porch, plastic cups in their hand. Other swayed to the beat of the music. I felt Bella's hand tighten on mine as we walked up the steps. Inside, the volume of music and voices was almost deafening. Kevin took Samantha's hand and led her towards the kitchen. As with the last party, the kitchen held the alcohol. The counter was crowded with bottles and mixers. Kevin made a beeline for the green cooler that sat on the floor and he pulled out four beer bottles. I looked down at her Bella and saw her eyes on the bottles.

I leaned over and kissed the side of her face. "You don't have to drink it," I whispered. "Just pretend." I kissed her again and straightened. Kevin was passing out the bottles and I took the icy bottle in my hand. I looked at the familiar silver label. _Edward. Beer. Now._ I closed my eyes for a brief second. He prefered cans, not bottles.

I looked down in time to see Bella tip the bottle to her lips. I bit my bottom lip as I watched my sweet girl sip the bitter drink. She made a face, then took a larger pull from the bottle. Samantha smiled and clicked bottles with her.

"Time to dance!" Samantha announced and she dragged Kevin towards the crowded room. "Come on Bella! Edward!"

Bella looked up at me, smiling. Then she grabbed my hand, following Kevin's disappearing back. She took another gulp from her bottle. We came to a stop and Bella flung her arms around my neck, her body already moving to the pulsing music. I moved with her, trying to relax and just focus on the girl in my arms. I ran my free hand up and down her side and felt her shiver as she pressed against me even more. I felt her lips press against my neck and a smile touched my lips.

My hand moved to her back and I wished I could my beer down so I could hold her properly. I could feel her bottle against the back of my neck.

"I love you so much," I heard her murmur. I felt her warm breath slide across the skin of my neck. I closed my eyes and rested my cheek on the top of her head as I moved with her. My hand roved her body, gliding over the slick fabric of her shirt, the rougher feel her jeans, tangling in the silky curls. I lost myself in the music and the delicious feel of her. My Bella. This girl who had healed my heart, then stolen it so completely and now took such extrordinary care of it.

I don't know how much time passed. I don't know how many songs played as I moved with her, so lost in her that nothing else mattered. Eventually she pulled back and I saw a fire burning in her brown eyes. Her fingers came to my lips, tenderly tracing my smile. Her eyes locked on me as she took the final sip from her bottle. "I want to go outside," she said and her voice was hoarse.

I nodded and led her away from the chaotic movement of the dance floor. I had forgotten about the other gyrating bodies while we had danced. We walked into the slightly less crowded kitched and I tossed my full beer into the garbage can. Bella followed my lead and then we walked out the sliding door into the backyard. I continued walking until I found a quiet place.

I turned and looked down at Bella. I could see the flush alcohol had brought to her cheeks. I raised my hand and touched the curls near her face. "Are you okay?" I asked quietly.

She nodded, and her handed reached up to my lips, continuing her tender tracing. "I am more than okay," she said softly. "Do you know how many people wish for what I have?"

"What do you mean?" I kept my voice low.

"I have you," she answered, and as I watched tears were beginning to fill her eyes.

"Hey," I murmured. My fingers moved from the soft curl to wipe at her wet lashes.

She smiled and reached up to take my hand. She brought my fingers to her lips and kissed the wet tips. "I have you," she whispered again. "You love me so completely. You are just there. Always. You are there." She shook her head and the tears came again. "You are like my own precious angel." She brought both hands to my face now, her finger tips leaving my lips. Her thumbs slid across my cheeks. "I love you so much," her words were more of a breath than individual words now. "My life would be nothing without you."

"Bella," I started, but before I could try to put into words what I felt, her lips were on mine and I tried to put everything I felt into that kiss.

The kiss burned, her gentle lips moving with fierce passion and I matched it, my hand pressing into her hair, holding her tightly to me. I felt her hands fist in my hair as she tried to get closer. My hands, as if with a mind of their own, left her hair and skimmed down her body. I gripped her thighs and lifted until her legs were wrapped around my waist. She moved against me, holding on with her legs and I felt the fires shoot down me. I stepped back and felt the wood of the fence behind me. Through a deep, hot fog, I realized what we were doing, how incredibly close I was to lowering her to the ground and taking her right here with who knows how many people watching.

I tore my lips away from hers, panting as I tried to catch my breath. "Bella," I tried.

But her lips moved along my jaw, burning a fiery path down my neck. She tightened around me, her fists almost painful in my hair. I held her and tried to swallow as she devoured my neck. I leaned my head back against the fence and tried to find my sanity. "Bella," I tried again, my voice husky to my own ears.

Her mouth stopped moving then and she pressed one last kiss to my burning skin. Her hold on me did not relax as she raised her head. "I'd say I'm sorry," she said and her voice was almost inaudible. "But I'm really not."

I smiled at her and kissed her nose. "Me neither my love."

"You're just..." she tilted her head as she looked at me. "Everything."

Her hands finally loosened from my hair and she laid her head on my shoulder. I lowered myself down, sliding along the fence until I sat in the grass. I ran my fingers through her hair as I felt her heartbeat begin to calm. I kissed the top of her head.

"Do you think it ever goes away?" Her voice was muffled by my shoulder.

"Hmm?" I kept my lips pressed to her hair. I breathed in deep, taking her scent deep into my lungs.

"This intense feeling. Everytime I look at you I just want to jump on you." She lifted her head and looked at me, a slightly sheepish look on her face. "I guess the beer made me just do it instead of just thinking it."

I smiled and my hand went to her chin. "I hope not. I doubt it. Everytime I look at you, my heart fills to the point I think it's going to burst. I don't think that will change."

She smiled and leaned in to place a gentle kiss on my lips. "This party has been much better than the first."

"Definitely."

"I didn't know dancing with you would be so much fun. We should come to these more often."

"Maybe," I said quietly, but I smiled.

I looked up as Kevin and Samantha entered my peripherial vision.

"Hey guys," Kevin said as he sat down next to me.

I felt Bella move as if to leave my lap and I tightened my hands on her thighs, holding her in place. I wasn't read to lose feel of her yet.

I saw the smile tease Samantha's lips as she sat between Kevin's legs and leaned back against his chest. She lifted her beer to her lips and then sighed. "How are you guys doing? Better than last time?"

"For sure," Bella said and I saw the secret look in her eyes. It took a lot not to pull her to me again.

"That's good," Kevin smiled at us. "I was hoping, didn't want another disaster like last time."

I felt the blissful cloud I was floating on lower just a little at the mention of RJ. Something poked me in the ribs and I looked down to see Bella's fingers running over my chest. I looked up and saw her head shake slightly. I smiled and forced myself to relax.

"You guys are going back to Forks for Christmas, right?" Samantha asked.

Bella nodded. "What are you guys doing?"

"I'm going back to Chicago," Kevin said softly. I saw his hand run up and down Samantha's arm. "But I'm thinking of just staying for the first week, for Christmas and then coming back." He moved his shoulders. "My mom doesn't like that idea. We'll see."

"It'll be nice to get a break from school," I said. "Finals are a little overwhelming."

"Different from highschool, that's for sure," Kevin added. "Here they actually count!"

Samantha drank the last of her beer and turned to face Kevin. "I want to dance some more." She stood and pulled Kevin up. "You guys should come," she said looking at me and Bella.

Bella nodded enthusiastically and jumped to her feet. I got to mine slightly slower and followed her back into the crowded, stuffy house.

Hours later, we were still dancing, although Bella was leaning on me more than dancing. "Honey," I said, pulling her sweaty hair off her face. "I think we should head back."

"Hmm," she answered.

I laughed silently and led her out of the room. The crowd had dwindled, although many people still swayed to the music. I saw Kevin standing by the door. "We are going to take off," he said.

"Us too, it's really late."

Samantha joined him and four of us headed out into the night. The chilly air hit, feeling even colder after the hot house. I wrapped my jacket around Bella again, put my arm around her.

We reached the dorms quickly. Kevin and Samantha stayed downstairs, wanting a few extra minutes alone. I walked Bella up to her room. "I had fun tonight," I said.

"Oh me too." She hugged me tightly. I felt the heat of her lips through my sweater as she kissed my chest. "Maybe parties aren't so bad."

I tipped her chin up and kissed her tenderly. "Sleep well tonight, my sweet Bella."

"I will," she said against my lips. "You too sweetheart. I'll see you in the morning."

"Yeah." I ran my hands down her arms, brought her hand to my lips and laid a gentle kiss in her knuckles. "I love you."

"Love you too," she said. She opened the door and then leaned against the side of the door. "Good night."

She closed the door carefully and I turned to go up the stairs to my room. I turned slightly and looked back at her door. I moved my shoulders and turned back to the stairs. I found Matt dead to the world when I opened my door. I carefully gathered my toiletries and went to the bathroom to get ready for bed. I brushed my teeth quickly, changed in my sweats and headed back to my room. I slid under my covers, turning onto my side and hitting my elbow on the wall in the process. In my mind I pictured the way Bella had looked tonight. So beautiful with her eyes burning for me. I sighed and started to lose myself in the memories of tonight. I was floating just between sleep and consciousness when I felt a familiar tickle between my shoulder blades. Before I could react or wonder, I tipped into sleep.

_"Hello Edward."_

_I groaned with frustration. "Hello James."_

_"It's been awhile."_

_"Not long enough."_

_He laughed at me._

_"Why are you here?" I asked him. "Why don't you just leave me alone?"_

_"That's a good question," James answered. He stepped closer to me. I stood my ground. "We have a lot of history. I mean, you are my son."_

_My jaw clenched. "I am not your son," I nearly growled. "You have a son. Why didn't you give him your...attention."_

_"Another good question." He tapped his chin and tilted his head as he looked at me. "RJ is weak. He would never protect his mother the way you did."_

_"What does that mean?"_

_James sighed. "Edward," he shook his head. "Come on now. You were such a challenge to me. You made me work so hard and it was so satisfying when you would finally react. You remember. It took a LOT to make you cry."_

_I did remember. And because I did, my fists clenched at the remembered pain. "I still don't understand why you didn't stay with him. I mean, if you had you would never have found my mother or me." I swallowed. "Or the challenge."_

_"True. I loved his mom, honestly I did." His pale eyes looked past me. "When I was with her, I was...calmer."_

_I waited, still not understanding at all. Nothing he had said so far explained how he had ended up married to my mother._

_"It scared me. And then she got pregnant. And I got even more terrified. So I ran. I kept coming back, hoping each time that the terror I felt would go away. But every time I came back, I felt like I couldn't breathe and eventually I would run again. The last time I ran, I met Elizabeth. She was different. For some reason, I could marry her and not feel like I was suffocating."_

_"Because you didn't really love her," I put in._

_James nodded. "Most likely. I didn't feel trapped. I could come and go as I pleased. Then you became an added bonus."_

_"Well, maybe you could go haunt RJ's dreams and tell him that it's not my fault."_

_The roar of James laughter bounced through the space, the sheer volume making me cringe._

I opened my eyes, the laughter still echoed in my mind. I sat up and ran a shaky hand through my sweaty hair. I took a deep breath, trying to calm my heartbeat. I could see the light through the closed blinds. I glanced at the clock and saw it was after ten. Not even my roommate was still sleeping. I tried to shake off the dream as I went to get ready for the day. The hot shower helped. Stupid James, I thought to myself as the water streamed over me. I stayed in the shower for a while, letting the steamy water wash away the dream.

When I was done and dressed I headed down to Bella's room. I wondered if she was still sleeping. We had gotten in so late, it wouldn't surprise me to find her still in bed. I knocked on her door and waited patiently for her to answer.

The door opened and Samantha appeared. She frowned when she saw me and I felt a twitch between my shoulder blades. "Edward," she said, sounding a little surprised to see me.

I glanced over her shoulder, expecting to see Bella come bouncing the second she heard my name. The twitch grew. "Where's Bella?" My voice came out much harsher than I meant and as soon as I knew where Bella was I would apologize.

"She's not here," Samantha said, her frown growing. "I thought she was with you."

Panic was creating an all too familiar knot in my stomach. "Samantha," I said, trying very hard to control my voice. "Where is Bella?"

"I don't know, Edward," she said carefully. "She wasn't here when I got back."

The knot of panic tightened until I could barely breathe. "What time did you get back?" She and Kevin had been right behind us.

"Um, Kevin and I stayed downstairs for like a half an hour maybe, then he brought me back here. When Bella wasn't here, I figured you guys went to your room."

The hall spun around me and I felt the knot rise in my throat.

"Edward are you okay?"

I didn't answer as I shoved past her. I stopped halfway to Bella's bed, staring at the made up sheets, the untouched pillows.

"Edward." I heard Samantha's voice behind me. But I couldn't breath, let alone answer her.

I turned again, hurrying now out of the room. I raced down the stairs, out the doors, running flat out towards the dorms across campus. When I reached his dorm, I pounded up the stairs to the second floor. I stopped in front of his door. "RJ!" I yelled, pounding my fist on the wood.

The door opened and I caught myself before smashing my fist into the boy's nose. I stared at RJ's roommate. "He's not here," his roommate said. "Are you okay?"

"Where is he?"

The roommate shook his head. "I have no idea, it's not my job to keep track is it? He left last night and didn't come back. He does that sometimes."

I stepped forward, pushing past him.

"Hey," he said as I walked into his room.

Like Bella's, RJ's bed was made up neatly. A picture on his desk caught my eye and I saw him standing next to my girl, his arm draped casually over her shoulders. I clenched my fists as I fought the urge to throw the picture frame out the window. Then another picture caught my attention. "Who is that?" my voice was gravelly over the panic.

His roommate looked at the picture I was pointing to. "His mom," he snapped out, obviously still mad that I had pushed my way into his room.

I stared at the picture, at the woman standing next to RJ. Her bright red hair was a sharp contrast against her pale face. But it wasn't the red hair that caught my attention. The mother and son stood in front of the Stanford main quad and I could see the Christmas lights that had only recently been put up. "I thought his mom was in prison," I said to myself.

"She just got out. On parole," his roommate said.

I turned to look at him, I had forgotten he was there.

"The first place she came was here, wanted to see him."

I looked around the room again, looking desperately for anything that would give me a clue to where Bella was. Nothing. Not a damn thing. "If he comes back," I said quietly. "Will you call me?"

His roommate was looking at me with narrowed eyes. Then he nodded slowly. He went to his desk and pulled out a piece of paper and a pen. I quickly scrawled my cell phone number on it. I handed it to him and he nodded again. I turned and walked out of the room.

I walked back to my own dorm. I didn't notice the sun shining, or the cold air. I didn't notice the other students sitting in the quad, I didn't hear the noise they made as they talked, or the music that someone played.

A buzzing rang in my ears and as I climbed the stairs to my own room, my stomach rolled precariously. I picked up my pace, running now to the bathroom. I made it just before my stomach emptied itself. I straightened and walked out to the sink area. I turned on the water and watched it run over the white sink. Slowly, I cupped my hands under the water, then brought it up to my face. I shuddered once and then my knees gave out on me. I landed on my shins hard, but I didn't notice. My hands fisted in my hair and I fought to take a deep breath.

Bella.

The panic and terror that had been threatening to strangle me since Samantha opened the door finally bubbled out of me. An anguished sob escaped and I shoved my fist in my mouth to quiet the sobs. I bent over as I struggled to calm myself down. Losing control wasn't going to help Bella. I closed my eyes and focused, hard, on controlling the shaking, the sobs. I took my fist out of my mouth, my hands went to my thighs. I gripped my jeans as I focused on each inhale and exhale that I took.

I opened my eyes and stared at the tile floor. Falling apart was not an option. I had to find Bella. Had to. She was in the hands of monsters now. I felt my stomach roll again, but I clamped down on it hard. I stood up, through sheer force of will made my legs support me. I looked in the mirror. "You will find her," I whispered to myself. I nodded and pushed away from the sink.

Maintaining careful control of myself, I walked back to my room. Matt sat on his bed, studying. "Do you know where she is?" I asked as soon as I saw him.

Matt lifted his head. "Who?"

I watched his reaction carefully, almost hoping to see something that would give him away. "Bella."

He dropped his book and sat up, giving me his full attention. "Bella is missing?"

I nodded, panic again clawing at my throat. I cleared it roughtly. "I don't know where she is."

"RJ," he said quietly. "We should go see him." Nothing in his reaction gave me any reason to think he was involved.

"I did," I replied. I sank down on my bed. "He wasn't there. His roommate was there. Did you know his mom is out of prison?"

Matt shook his head. "I'm sorry man."

"Do you know where they would take her?" I looked at him, suddenly feeling hopefully. Maybe Matt knew where they lived.

But he shook his head. "I'm sorry," he repeated.

I felt so helpless. I didn't know what to do. Bella was out there and I had no idea where to even begin looking. I turned to look out the window and was shocked to see the sun had gone down. It felt like only minutes had passed since Samantha had opened the door. I lowered my eyes and pulled my phone out of my pocket. I knew I needed to call Carlisle and the police. Someone to help me. But that would make it real. I looked at the door and almost willed it to open. More than anything I wanted to see Bella walk in. I wanted her to come in and say this was just a cruel joke, but she was fine and had never been in danger.

Just then my phone rang and I jumped at the sound. I studied the unfamiliar number and held my breath, hoping against hope that it was RJ's roommate telling me that the bastard had returned. I hit accept call. "Hello?" I said gruffly. I cleared my throat.

"Is this Edward?" A high pitched, girly voice came through my line.

"Yes," I answered.

"I believe we have something that belongs to you."

"Bella," I got out. I jumped to my feet, ready to go...where? I didn't have a clue. "Let her go. Don't you dare hurt her."

A cruel laughter came through my phone and I felt my heart squeeze. "You want her? All you have to do is come get her. Do you think you are fast enough?"

I gritted my teeth. "Just tell me where."

"Baseball field. But you better hurry."

I didn't hear the rest of the words as I took off. I was down the stairs and out in the quad in a matter of seconds. What right did they have to do this? What right to take my life? I ran faster than I ever had as I tore through the campus. My lungs burned as I dragged in the cold night air. But I didn't slow. The thought of Bella scared or hurt pushed my legs faster. The lights from the field came into view and I pushed my protesting legs even harder. I reached the entrance and slid to a stop, sending gravel flying. I panted, trying to gain my breath, each puff illuminated by the cold air. "Bel-la," I panted. "Where?" I turned in a circle and saw nothing.

I took off again, racing towards the back of the staduim, my eyes trying desperately to see through the fog. I ran the full circle, coming to a stop at the entrance again. "Bella," I cried out. "Please, where are you?"

There was no answer to my plea. I felt tears pricking my eyes and I tried to fight them back. Tears would do no good. I took my phone out of my pocket and pulled up the last received number. I hit the call button and lifted the phone to my ear.

"I'm sorry, the number you have called has been disconnected."

"NO!" I screamed into the fog. "No! Please!" I turned in a circle again. "Bella," I cried softly. "I'm so sorry."

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**A/N Hey guys! I hope you enjoyed this latest chapter. I want to thank you all again for all the awesome reviews. There are some new people reading and I just want to thank you so much. And to all my readers, old and new...you all rock so much! I think chapter is going to take me over 700 reviews, which is ridiculous, but in a good way. Thank you again everyone, you have no idea how much it means to me. :o)**


	17. Chapter 17

A/N Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and recognizable characters.

**Speaking of SM and this has nothing to do with my story, but I just reread the entire Twilight Saga. It had been awhile and man, I forgot just how much I like it. LOL.**

**Enjoy!**

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Chapter Sixteen

I closed my eyes and concentrated on dragging the cold air into my lungs. Panic was trying to pull me under and like a drowning man I fought to keep my self afloat. No matter how badly I wanted to let the panic wash over me and take me down, I couldn't let it. I took one more deep breath and then opened my eyes. For a second I stared at the phone I held in my hand. My fingers moved over the keys, scrolling through the names on my contact list. My hands were shaking so badly it took several tries before I was able to click on the right number.

I could hear the ringing and I stiffly raised the phone to my ear.

"Hello Edward."

At the sound of my father's calm voice, my tenuous hold on control almost slipped. I took another deep breath. "Dad." My voice came out in an almost inaudible whisper.

"What's wrong?"

My grip on the phone tightened as I tried to shove the words out of my mouth. "Dad, I-I need you."

"Edward." I could hear the alarm growing in his voice. "Son, what's happened?"

The hysteria grew and tears welled in my eyes, blocking my vision. "Bella," I choked out. "She-she-she..." But I couldn't get the words out. I tried to take another breath, but I couldn't get my frozen lungs to expand.

"Edward," he repeated my name. I heard him through the ringing in my ears.

"Dad, please," I gasped out. "Help me." The world spun crazily around me and I lowered to my knees to keep from falling.

"Esme!" I heard Carlisle call out on the other side of the line. "We need to go now! Go get suitcases!" Then I could hear the sounds of drawers opening. "Edward," he repeated yet again, turning his attention back to me. "I need you to breathe bud. Focus only on that."

I tried. I closed my eyes and tried to imagine my lungs like balloons, expanding to welcome air, inhaling so they would inflate. Exhaling as they deflated. Inhale, exhale.

"Good," I heard Carlisle in my ear. "Listen to me. Your mother and I are coming. She's just about got everything we need-,"

"I've got it!" I heard Esme yell in the background. "I'll bring the luggage down to the car."

"No, wait. Here." Carlisle said to Esme. I could hear the commotion through the phone and I focused on it. They were coming. My parents were coming. I heard the slam of a car trunk, then the roar of the engine just a few seconds later. "Edward."

"I'm here, Dad," I said softly.

"Can you tell me what's happened?" he asked gently.

"Bella," I whispered, trying hard to fight off the crushing panic. I didn't want to lose control again.

"Where's Bella, bud? Is she hurt?" He kept his voice soothing, calm in my ear.

"I-I don't," the panic was choking me again. "I don't know," I finally shoved out. The hand not holding my phone went to my hair, fisting tightly.

"Okay," Carlisle said and I heard him take a deep breath of his own. "Okay," he said again. "When?" he asked, his voice the same soothing tone as it was before.

His calm helped me focus. "This morning," I whispered. "Almost afternoon. We went to a party last night." I had to stop as I remembered the party. _You are just there. Always. You are there_. I bit down on my lip hard, a small whimper of pain still managing to escape.

"Edward, stay with me."

I nodded, though he couldn't see me. With a huge effort I shoved the memory of the party and her words to a different part of my brain. "We got home really late," I continued, trying to keep my voice even. "So I woke up much later than normal. I took a really long shower. When I finally got down to her room, it was nearly noon." I closed my eyes. "She wasn't there."

"It's going to be okay. We will find her, I promise." Carlisle's comforting voice came through the line.

I nodded and held on to that promise with everthing I had.

"We are headed to Seattle," Carlisle continued in his calming way. "We will catch the first flight out of SeaTac and be to you as fast as we possibly can."

I nodded again. "Dad..." I whispered again, the tears sliding down my cheeks.

"I know. Edward, we'll be there. We will find her, she's going to be fine."

"I'm so scared."

"I know," he repeated. "Just hang in there, okay son?"

"I will." I shifted, bringing my knees up to my chest.

"I'm going to hang up now," I felt the panic come back. I didn't want to lose my father's voice in my ear. It was all that was keeping me from screaming now. He must have heard my terror. "Just for a minute. I'm going to call Charlie and then the airport. I will call you back as soon as I'm done. Okay?"

I couldn't answer. The mention of Charlie had brought a fresh wave of pain.

"Edward."

"Okay," I said through my teeth.

Carlisle hesitated. "Just a few minutes, bud. I'll be right back."

"Okay," I managed one more time.

"Hang in there," he repeated and I could hear his worry breaking through the calm.

I tried to pull myself together. "I'm okay, Dad." I tried to be convincing.

"A few minutes Edward. I love you."

"Love you too," I whispered. The phone went silent in my ear. I lowered it and stared at the screen. It was nearly seven thirty. My parents had a three hour drive to Seattle, then a two hour flight. If I was lucky, they'd be here in six hours. I wrapped my arms around my legs and tried to keep myself together. My eyes remained open as I stared at the entrance of the baseball field. More than anything, I just wanted to see Bella emerge from the fog.

Where was she? How had they gotten to her? How had they gotten into her room? There had only been a thirty minute window. Why had I left her?

Stupid! So stupid. I clutched my knees tighter. Hadn't I told her to never go anywhere alone? But I had left her. I should have stayed until Samantha had come back. If I had, this would not have happened.

Pain crashed over me in waves. My fault. I couldn't keep anyone safe. Not my father, not my mother. Not the girl I loved more than anything else. I clenched my teeth to keep the screams inside.

My phone rang, startling me.

"Dad?" My voice sounded strangled even to my own ears.

"No honey, it's Mom."

"Mom," I whispered.

"Your father wants to talk to you again, but I just want you to know that I love you. I can't wait to give you a hug."

"Me too," my voice still very soft.

"Okay sweet boy, Carlisle is signaling for the phone. I will see you in a little bit."

I heard the exchange of the phone as it was passed from one parent to the other. "Edward?"

"Dad." At the sound of his voice, the waves of pain ebbed slightly.

"Okay son. We are on the 10:45pm flight. We got lucky, it's the last flight out of Seattle that goes straight through the San Jose. Charlie is meeting us at the airport."

"Okay."

"He is also calling the police department down there, he will be working with them as soon as he gets down there."

"Okay. Thank you, Dad," I said quietly.

"Of course son. I wish we could get there faster. But we will be there soon."

"Okay," I said for the third time.

"Edward...," Carlisle's voice faded and he paused. "Bud, I know you are blaming yourself."

"It's my fault Dad," I said quietly, dully. Tears pricked at my eyes again. "I left her alone."

"In her dorm room. Edward, please son don't do this to yourself."

"What if they hurt her? I can't handle that. I can't. Dad, they _can't_ hurt her." I was becoming hysterical again. I could feel it in the shaking of my hands, hear it in the tremor in my voice.

"I know." I could hear hear the helplessness in Carlisle's voice. "Son we will get through this. We will find Bella, she will be okay. And she will be in the safety of your arms soon."

"I want that so bad," I whispered. So bad, I could almost feel her warm, soft body in my arms. I would take her away, never leaving her again. No one would ever hurt her again. If she was here...another whimper of agony broke through me.

For a few minutes the only sound I could hear was Carlisle breathing. I matched my breathes to his and closed my eyes. Tears trickled down my cheeks.

"Edward," he said, breaking the silence.

"Yeah?"

"We are in Seattle, son. I have to go so we can get on the plane."

"Oh." I didn't want to say goodbye. I knew that as soon as the connection was broken, the terror and panic would come back.

"We will be there soon," he said for what had to be the tenth time. "Keep yourself safe. I'll see you in a little bit."

Again, the phone went quiet in my ear, but this time there was no soft breathing. I lowered the phone and wondered what in the world I was supposed to do now. For reasons I couldn't really explain, I didn't want to leave the baseball field. This was where they had told me I would find her. If they came back, I had to be here.

A movement in the fog caught my attention. I strained my eyes, trying to focus in on the two figures that were approaching me. I scrambled to my feet, ready for anything. My heart thudded in my chest, hope flaring evilly within me.

Kevin and Samantha emerged from the fog. "Oh," I whispered. I sank to the ground again.

"Hey," Samantha said quietly. "We talked to Matt. He told us what happened."

They came to sit on either side of me. I stayed silent.

"We weren't sure where to find you, so we just started walking. Guess we got lucky," Kevin said.

Silence fell. Samantha put her hand on my back. Suddenly my phone beeped, scaring us all. I looked down and saw I had received a text message from a number I didn't recognize. Once again, my poor heart began to pound.

_"You were too slow. Maybe you'll have better luck next time."_

The second I finished reading the last word, I pressed the callback button. The phone rang once in my ear. "I'm sorry, the number you have called-,"

I squeezed the phone, barely resisting the urge to heave it across the parking lot. But I knew then I would lose my only connection to the insane monsters who had taken my girl.

Once again, silence fell. I tapped the phone against my leg. "I don't know what to do," I finally said.

"They said 'next time'," Kevin said in a serious voice. "That must mean that they are going to give you another way chance to find her."

I closed my eyes and saw myself running circles, trying desperately to find her. I could almost hear their laughter as I ran. But I didn't voice my thoughts. I knew Kevin was just trying to help. "You're right," I said instead.

"Edward, I feel responsible," Samantha said quietly.

I turned to look at her. "Why?"

"Because, I'm the first one who should have realized she was missing. I mean, she never goes up to your room at night. Especially since Matt was there. I don't know what I was thinking. I should have gone up to your room to check. I just, I guess I was tired and drunk and so darn happy because I had just spend the last half hour making out." She looked me in the eye. "But I'm so sorry."

I shook my head. "Sam, it's not your fault. You knew that I had been pretty protective of Bella lately, it made sense for you to think that I would have taken her to my room instead of leaving her alone. Even if Matt was there." That was what I should have done. But it was too late for should haves.

Samantha sighed. "I just feel awful. And so helpless. Do you really think RJ took her?"

I nodded. Kevin and Samantha knew only skeletal information. "RJ was really upset. He believes I stole his father from him. And today, I saw in his dorm room a very recent picture of him with his mother. I have a feeling his mother would blame me even more, thinking I stole her husband."

"I guess it makes sense then, kind of. I mean, if she thinks that you took the man she loved, then she would take the girl you love."

My head dropped to my knees at her words. I know she hadn't meant them cruelly, she was only trying to work out what happened in her head. But the words only reinforced what I already knew. It was my fault Bella had been taken. There was no way around that. No matter what anyone said, she would not be missing if it weren't for me. I bit down hard against the flood of anguish.

My phone rang again, but this time I recognized the number. I clicked the button and held the phone to my ear. "Hey Matt," I said, trying desperately to sound composed.

"Hey man," he said and I could hear the pity in his voice. "Listen, the police are here. They want to talk to you."

Charlie must have sent them. "I'm at the baseball field," I said, still trying to hold my voice together. It was not easy.

"Hang on." The line went silent and I imagined Matt talking to the police. I saw Kevin and Samantha looking at me. I shook my head. Just then, Matt came back. "They are going to meet you there, just stay where you are at."

"Okay." I hung up the phone. "Bella's dad is the sheriff in Forks," I explained the Samantha and Kevin, who were both looking at me. My voice broke over Bella's name. "He talked to the police here. They are headed over."

They both nodded. I felt a hand squeeze my shoulder, but I was didn't know if it was Samantha or Kevin.

Only minutes later, a police car pulled into the parking lot. I stood and the other two followed my lead. I walked towards the car, ignoring my shaky knees.

Two officers exited the car. "Are you Edward Masen?" the one who had been driving asked me.

"Yes sir." I saw him looking at my friends. "This is Samantha Carter and Kevin Adams," I said pointing.

The officer nodded. "I'm Trent McCall and this is my partner, Chris Roberts."

I nodded.

"Okay Edward, we need you to tell us everything you can."

I had known this was coming, so I took a huge breath and started talking. I started at the beginning. With James and his insanity. I told the officers how he had killed my mother and how I had been taken in by the Cullens. I told them how James had found me in Forks, and how he had made me cut my arm. I showed them the scar and winced when I heard the startled gasps from Samantha and Kevin. I lowered my sleeve and saw the officers exchange glances. They asked no questions, took dutiful notes, but I knew they were wondering what this had to do with a missing girl.

I took another deep breath to stabilize myself. This helped Bella, I kept repeating that to myself. Telling the police everything would help Bella. I was finally doing something useful. Focusing on that, I continued my story. I told them how we had met RJ. I told them how we discovered that RJ was really Riley James and how James, my stepfather, was his father. I told them about the photographs I had received and about the picture I had seen on RJ's desk.

I saw the officers exchange another glance and I wished I knew what they were thinking.

Then I told them about this morning. This was harder. It was so difficult to go back through this day. To remember the way it felt, like a punch to my gut to realize that Bella was not in her room. I took the officers through my day, including the rush to RJ's dorm room, the phone call and then my race to the baseball field. I showed them my phone with the two unknown, out-of-service numbers. I told them everything.

"Okay," Officer McCall said, closing the notebook containing his notes. "We are going to take a walk around here, see what we can find."

I had a sudden, strong desire for Charlie's presense. He would know what to do, he would understand why these officers seemed to be meandering instead of working with a purpose. Didn't they understand that Bella was missing? That she could be hurt if they took long? I felt my hands bunch into fists as I watched the two men wander.

Before too long, the officers came back over to where we stood. I wanted to ask if they had found anything, but I was holding on to my emotions too tightly to say anything.

"We need to see her dorm room," Officer McCall said.

"I'm her roommate," Samantha said softly. "I can show you our room."

"I want to stay here," I said through my teeth. I still didn't know why I held such an intense need to stay at the field. I just didn't want to leave. I wondered how much of that desire stemed from not wanting to see my own room which was filled with pictures of my beautiful girl.

Kevin looked at me and then at Samantha.

"Go with her," I said. "I'm sure she needs you now."

He nodded, but still hesitated. "Are you sure? Is it okay for you be out here all alone?"

"Yes, I'm fine. Go with Samantha."

Kevin hesitated for one more second, then turned and followed Samantha into the car.

"We will need to talk to you again," Officer McCall said.

"Kevin and Sam know my number."

"Okay, stay close kid."

I watched them all drive away then turned back to look at the field. It looked just as empty as it did before. I kicked at the gravel, frustrated. "Bella, where are you?" I asked again into the dark night. My phone beeped. I looked down and saw another text message, this time I definitely recognized the number. I clicked onto the message, not breathing as my heart picked up speed.

_"The police? Guess we should have warned you that was not a good idea. Sorry."_

Without hesitating or even bothering to think about the message, I called the number. "Please, please, please..." I gasped out. The phone rang four times and I felt my heart dropping. Then her beautiful voice filled my ear and I pressed the phone closer. "Hi, this is Bella. I can't answer my phone right now but if you leave your number I'll call you right back. Oh, and Edward if this is you, you know I love you baby!"

The pain finally exploded. I fell to my hands and knees, panting hard as the pain lanced me again and again. Her voice message, that always brought a smile to my face, now was the final knife, stabbing me over and over again in the heart. I tried to pull myself together, but I was so tired and the pain and fear was overwhelming. The message came back to me, adding to the terror. What did it mean? Had I blown my chances at seeing Bella again?

I rolled over, lying on my back on the sidewalk that surrounded the field. The agony washed over me. Wave after wave, convulsing my body, stealing my breath. I gave in to it, the exhaustion taking my will to fight.

I don't know how long it took for the pain to consume me. For it to eat me alive and then finally spit me out. I lay on the ground, on my side now with my cheek pressed to the cold cement. I felt raw, exposed as I lay staring at nothing.

My phone rang, yet again, jolting me out of my trance. I answered without looking at the number. "Hello?" My voice sounded as raw as I felt.

"Edward." I closed my eyes at the sound of my father's voice, clinging to it. "We are here son. Nearly to the campus, where are you? Are you at the dorms?"

"Baseball field," I got out.

"Okay, we'll head there. We should be there in a few minutes." He didn't even ask me why I was at the field at...it had to be close to one in the morning. "Keeping hanging in there bud, we are nearly there."

"Dad," I whispered. "I need you."

"I know. I'm almost there. Turning into the campus now. I'm going to hang up son, but I will be there in two minutes."

"K." I lowered my hand and pushed myself up to a sitting position. But I couldn't get to my feet. Instead I wrapped my arms around my knees and strained my ears, listening for the approaching car. When I heard it, the tears came again. They had come. They were here. The car raced into the parking lot, squealing to a stop. The doors opened and I lifted my head and watched my father running to me.

He came right to me, sliding on his knees when he was close. Within seconds his strong arms were around me, gathering me close. A sob broke through me as I burrowed into his strong shoulder. My hands fisted in his shirt against his back as I held on for all I was worth. I felt him rocking us, heard his voice in my ear.

"Shh, son. I know. Shh. I know."

I realized the sobbing had taken on words and that I was repeating the words "They took her" over and over again.

"Shhh," he whispered again. I somehow managed to stop the words, but I couldn't stop the sobs.

I felt smaller hands on my back and knew that Esme was behind me but I wasn't ready to let go of my father yet. I started sucking in air, trying to calm the frantic sobs. Eventually I regained my small hold on control. I unfisted my hands from his shirt, released the iron grip I had on him. I sat up and looked at his face. Just looking at the face of this man who had saved my life calmed me further. He was here. He would make everything okay. I had complete faith in that.

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**A/N Thank you all so much for reading and for all of the wonderful reviews. I'm definitely getting back into this story and each chapter is coming easier. This one was a bit of a challenge because so much of it happened over the phone, it was hard to put the right emotion into Carlisle when we couldn't see him. I hope it turned out okay. Anyway, thank you again for reading. Please don't forget to review, it really does mean the world to me!**

**Lots of love,**

**Alison (Mygoldeneyedangel)**


	18. Chapter 18

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and characters.**

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Chapter Seventeen

I stared into the courtyard, but the only thing that had changed in the last hour was the white Christmas lights now twinkled in the fading sunlight. I looked down at the picture I held in my hand again. I looked up, squinting as if that would help.

A hand landed on my shoulder and before I could control my reaction, I jumped. I turned toward Carlisle and saw sadness weave through the calm in his eyes.

"It's been a long time since you've jumped at my touch," he said so quietly, I wondered if he meant for me to hear. I reached up and put my hand over his, holding it securely to my shoulder.

"The police seem to think it means something," I said, my voice raspy from lack of sleep. I waved my hand, indicating the picture I held.

"It does seem very convenient," he said. I looked up at him and nodded. "It's odd that he would have a framed picture like that when his mother has only been out of prison for a few days."

I nodded again and again scanned the quad. "I just don't see anything."

I had felt helpless, powerless many times in my life. When my dad died, when my mom drowned in her grief. When James started hitting her. Then when he had started hitting me. When his beatings got more intense, when his demands became impossible to meet. But I had always had a plan of action. My plans didn't always work, but I felt more in control because I had something to try. Something to do.

Now, there was nothing. No clues, no plans. It was like Bella had disappeared into thin air.

The knot of panic that had settled in my chest expanded, stealing my breath. The cement seemed to fade away and I lowered myself to the steps. I put my head in my hands as the now familiar wave of pain tried to take me down. A scream tried to break through my clenched teeth. I felt Carlisle's hand rubbing along my spine, but if he spoke I couldn't hear the words.

Three days. For three days I had wandered helplessly around the campus. I had searched her room and my room and found nothing. My phone, that had gone off so frequently that first night, sat silent in my pocket.

"What do they want?" I asked when the knot had shrunk enough to allow me to breathe.

"I would imagine," Carlisle began quietly, his hand still moving along my spine. "That in their minds they believe they are getting back at you. You took someone they loved, so they took someone you love. Edward, look at me bud."

I turned to look at him and I saw his intense blue eyes searching my face. I wondered what he saw. I hadn't eaten, hadn't slept since before Bella had been taken. I am sure I resembled the lost, broken kid who had entered his life over two years ago.

"I don't think they want to hurt Bella," he continued after a second. "I really don't, I think their goal is to hurt you."

I dropped my eyes. "I didn't want James," I said quietly. "Didn't I pay enough already for having him in my life?"

"Yes," Carlisle whispered. He put his hand under my chin, lifting gently until I was looking at him again. "Which is why I believe with my entire heart that we will find Bella and she will be safe."

I leaned forward and dropped my forehead onto Carlisle's shoulder. His arms came around me and for a few seconds I took comfort in his strong embrace. Then I moved away and stared into the quad again. The Christmas lights continued to twinkle, almost mocking me. I stared, willing them to turn into a message telling me where Bella was and how to find her.

"We should go back to the hotel," Carlisle said after a while. It was completely dark now, the quad illuminated by the Christmas lights. It should have been beautiful. Unconsciously, my mind imagined Bella sitting against me, her face lit up by the twinkling lights. Tears welled up in my eyes.

"I don't want to." I realized I sounded like a sullen teenager, but the thought of going back to the hotel for another sleepless night made me cringe. "I'm sorry," I whispered.

"Don't apologize," Carlisle sighed. He stood up and then extended his hand to me.

I looked at it for a second, then closed my eyes. I placed my hand in his and let him haul me to my feet. For a second I swayed and I felt Carlisle's hands on my shoulders. "Careful there," he muttered. I opened my eyes and saw worry filling his. He squeezed my shoulders for another second and then let go, turning to lead me out of the quad and back to the car.

I followed silently, straining my tired eyes to see anything that might help. "What are we missing?" I muttered to myself. We arrived at the rental car and I opened the passenger door and slid into the front seat. I tucked my long legs in, then stared bleakly out the window.

"Edward," Carlisle said softly. I turned my head to look at him, blinking away tears so I could see him clearly. His hand hovered over the keys. He shook his head. "Nevermind," he said just as softly. He turned the keys and the car roared to life. I turned back to the window.

In my head, I went over everything that I knew. James had a son. That son happened to go to the same college I did. I met the son. Son is convinced I stole his father. Son's mom gets out of prison, they take a picture together in the quad. Son and mom steal my girlfriend to get back at me. What else? I searched my brain, trying to think of anything that might trigger another clue. I pulled my phone out and for the hundredth time reread each text, trying to find the hidden meaning. They had me run to the baseball field, it had taken me minutes to get there, but the field had been empty, not a soul in sight.

The car stopped and I blinked, realizing we had made it to the hotel. I glanced at Carlisle and saw him sitting still, the keys in his hand. He looked over at me and saw me watching him. "Come on, let's go." He undid his seatbelt and exited the car. I followed him. But when we got to the entrance of the hotel I stopped.

"Dad, can I stay out here for a little bit? I just need some air." I looked at him expectantly, hoping he wouldn't say anything about the fact that I had just spent the majority of the day outside. I didn't want to tell him how the four walls of the hotel room closed in on me.

But he nodded without questioning. "Try not to stay out here too long. It's getting cold."

I nodded and watched him turn to go inside. When he disappeared through the door, I went to a bench and sat down. I leaned forward, resting my forearms on my thighs and closed my eyes. The field had been empty. They had told me to be fast. I was fast, I had broken a four minute mile during my senior year in high school. The field was much less than a mile from the dorm, and adrenaline had pushed me to run faster than I ever had. It could only have been a couple of minutes from the time of the call to me arriving at the field.

They hadn't been there. Not at all. They didn't intend for me to find her that night, no matter how fast I had ran. But why would they want me at the field? My eyes flew open. The fog was coming in, creating a heavy curtain like it had three nights ago. Something was at the field. They hadn't intended for me to find Bella, but something else. Maybe.

I needed to go to the baseball field. Now. I turned in that direction and then glanced up at the hotel. If I took off, without warning, my parents would freak out. I couldn't do that to them. I turned back to the front of the hotel and hurried through the lobby. I passed up the elevator, not wanting to wait for it and took the stairs, two at a time. When I came to the right floor, I jogged down the hallway. When I came to our room, I could hear my father's raised voice. I couldn't make out the words. Very carefully I pushed on the door, opening it a crack.

"How much more can he take?" Carlisle shouted. It was one of the first times I had ever heard Carlisle raise his voice in anger.

"Carlisle," I heard Esme's voice, much quieter.

"He's not eating, he's not sleeping. It's like we just brought him home all over again. But this time it's so much worse! Because if we find Bella, if we don't find Bella, if she has been hurt, if she hasn't been hurt, it doesn't matter. I'm afraid that no matter what, this going to destroy him."

My hand tightened on the doorknob as I stood frozen by Carlisle's words.

"He's so scared. This is his worst nightmare coming true. God." I heard the squeak of the bed and assumed Carlisle had sat down. "Even if we do find Bella, I'm worried about the damage that's already been done."

For a second there was silence. I tried to move my frozen body, but Carlisle's voice came again.

"I told you about the pictures that were sent." A pause. "But I didn't tell you what Edward thought that day. I didn't really talk to Edward as we drove to the hospital, just told him that I needed to discuss something that I didn't want to talk about in front of you." Another pause. "Then we got to the office and I pulled out the manilla envelope. I can't describe to you the terror that came into that child's eyes. He saw that envelope and immediately thought I had undone the adoption. He begged me that day not to send him away."

"How could he think that after all this time?" I heard Esme, her voice louder now.

"Because his past is still there and what's happening is bringing it even closer to the surface."

Carlisle and Esme fell silent. I backed away, pulling the door closed without making a sound. For several seconds I stared at the door, still hearing the anguish in Carlisle's voice. I had known he was worried and afraid, but I hadn't realized how much of his fear was for me. I ran my hand through my hair.

The worst part was that he was right. I didn't know how I was going to survive this, no matter what the outcome was.

I took a huge breath and knocked on the door. It opened and Carlisle stood looking at me. "Hey son," he said as he pulled me close for a quick hug. I squeezed him back, then stepped away.

"I have to go to the baseball field," I said. I cleared my throat, trying to dislodge the lump.

"Now?"

I nodded. "I think something might be there, something I'm missing." I shook my head. "Maybe."

"Okay," Carlisle nodded. "Let me get my keys and I'll drive you over."

"Dad," I said hesitantly. He looked at me and he was unable to keep his fear out of his eyes. I nodded. "Okay."

A few minutes later we pulled up to the baseball field. Carlisle turned off the car and we sat in silence, staring out at the front of the stadium.

Carlisle broke the silence first. "What are you hoping to find?"

"I don't know," I sighed. "I just feel like I'm missing something. I was going back over everything earlier and it just seems like I was supposed to find something here. Maybe I was supposed to think fast, not run fast." I looked over at Carlisle and saw him nodding. "Dad..."

He turned to look at me. I wanted to say something that would put his mind at ease. I wanted to tell him that I was okay, that I was going to be okay. But I had never lied to him before, I couldn't do it now.

"Let's go," he said after a few more seconds of silence. I nodded and got out of the car. I met Carlisle in the front and he put his hand on my arm, forcing me slightly behind him as we walked up to the front gate. I realized he was protecting me. "Where should we look?" he asked as he scanned the entrance.

I thought, racking my brain for somewhere I hadn't looked. The answer hit me and was so incredibly obvious that if the situation wasn't so dire, I would have laughed at my own stupidity. "The locker room," I said. I stepped forward, ready to lead us in that direction. But Carlisle grabbed my arm again, once again pulling me a little behind him. He looked at me, his blue eyes daring me to say something. I didn't, but I did brace myself, ready to jump in front of him if any danger should appear.

We walked into the dark locker room. It was eeriely quiet inside. I ran my hand along the wall, looking for the light switch. My fingers hit the switch and the lights flickered on. "I want to check my locker," I whispered. Despite trying to keep my voice soft, the words echoed through the empty room.

We made our way slowly through the room. At each break in lockers, Carlisle paused and peered around the corner before we continued. Eventually we made it to my locker. I stared at it, noticing the grill like slots at the top of the door. I put my hand on the lock and turned it to each number of my combination. The lock clicked as it opened. Carefully I opened the door. Nothing jumped out at me and I opened the door all the way.

My uniform hung, clean and crisp from it's hanger, my cleats rested on the bottom shelf like always. My practice gear was folded neatly, placed on the second shelf. My mitt lay on the top shelf. And on top of my mitt an envelope rested, my name written in bold letters across the top. My heart pounded in my chest, knocking against my ribcage as if it wanted to escape. I reached with a shaky hand and lifted the envelope.

It was thin, most likely containing only one slip of paper. The back was not sealed and I lifted the flap and pulled out the single sheet. I could feel Carlisle standing next to me, feel his hand on my arm, offering support. But the only thing I could hear was the deafening pounding of my heart. My eyes went to the words and I had to steady my shaky hand so I could read them.

Dear Edward,  
I guess you were fast enough to figure out the first clue. Let's see if you can figure out the second. See if you can find the place where mother and son sat.  
Good luck.  
Victoria and RJ

I read the note twice. "Victoria must be his mom." I glanced at Carlisle who nodded his confirmation. "The place they sat. It's got to be in the quad. They took that picture, they were sitting on a bench. Let's go!"

I slammed my locker shut and turned to race out of the locker room, in a hurry now to get to the quad. This was it, the plan of action that I had been waiting for. But Carlisle's hand stopped me from moving. "Dad," I said impatiently, "We've got to go now!"

"Edward," he said calmly. "Think for a second son. You don't know where this wild goose chase is going to take you."

I stared at Carlisle for a full three seconds, the answer was so obvious to me. "It's going to take me to Bella," I answered. "Come on." I tried again, but he still didn't let go.

"We've said all along that RJ and his mother don't want to hurt Bella, that their ultimate goal is to hurt you. What if that's where this leads? What if it's a trap?"

"I don't care!" I cried. "If it is a trap, I'll walk into it happily if it means Bella is safe. That's all that matters, Dad. She has to be safe. I don't care what happens to me as long as she's safe."

"Edward," Carlisle said quietly. "Bud, I care, your mother cares. _Bella _cares. You can't run into this blindly."

I yanked my arm out of his hand. "I don't have time for this," I pleaded. "It doesn't matter if this is a trap. Bella didn't do anything to deserve this."

"Neither did you," Carlisle whispered.

"Dad, please," I begged him. "Please help me find her."

I saw his hands fist and he squeezed his eyes shut. "Okay," he finally pushed out. "Okay, let's go."

* * *

**AN: I know it's been a while, and I apologize. Just when my story seemed to be flowing with no problem, I hit a road block. I really struggled with finding the right tone for this chapter. I didn't want Edward to be too strong, or too weak in this chapter. Just when I got into the rhythym and had a decent chapter going, my computer decided to shut down and I lost everything that I had written. I was so frustrated at that point that I didn't get back to it for a little bit. I did put a post up at the message boards at , but I don't know if anyone reads that. But anyway, here is the next chapter. School starts on Wednesday, so I can't guarantee fast updates, but I'm going to try for an update every couple of weeks or so. :o) **

**Some really excited news! Someone, I don't know who, but I'd love to find out :o) nominated Fearless for a Hidden Star award. Fearless is up for best a**hole in the form of James. They are taking nominations through today and the first round of voting starts September 10th. Here is the website if you would like to vote for Fearless, or another story that you enjoyed. :o) .com/**

**Thank you all for reading and I look forward to reading your reviews!**

**Alison**


	19. Chapter 19

**AN: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.**

* * *

Chapter Eighteen

We hurried back to the car and I climbed in the front seat. I looked down at the note I held in my hand and read it again, trying to read between the lines. I couldn't afford to make a stupid mistake now. I read the note three times when I realized we weren't moving.

I looked up at Carlisle and saw him holding his phone. "What? Dad what are you doing?"

"When need to call the police, Edward. We have to tell them what we found."

The police. They had been around for the past three days, asking questions, poking around in my business. I knew they were there to help. Now that Charlie had arrived, they seemed to be working harder, hurrying instead of meandering. But the text message tickled my brain, making me wonder if having the police around was the best idea.

"Do we have to?" I winced as the words came out of my mouth. The sane, rational part of me knew that the police needed to know what was going on. But I didn't feel sane and rational right now. Right now I just wanted to get to the quad.

Carlisle nodded and pressed the keys on his phone. As it began ringing, he lifted the phone to his ear. I barely listened as Carlisle explained the situation to the police. I concentrated on the letter and what it could mean. In all likelihood, Carlisle was right and we were walking straight into a trap. It was critical that I keep Carlisle out of that trap. I snuck a glance at him and frowned. He seemed to be arguing. I tuned in again.

"That doesn't make any sense," Carlisle was saying. He waited a few seconds and I could hear the buzz of the other voice. "Does Chief Swan know of this decision?" Carlisle looked over at me and saw me listening intently. "Then I would suggest you call and tell him. I'm pretty sure he is not going to support that decision." More buzzing on the other end. "Yes, please do. You have my number."

Carlisle lowered his phone and looked at me anxiously.

"What Dad? What decision did they make without Charlie?"

Carlisle took a deep breath. "They don't want us to do anything. They want us to wait until tomorrow and then they will come, look in your locker and take it from there."

I felt like someone had kicked me in the stomach and I couldn't catch my breath. "We can't...Dad we can't wait til tomorrow." Waves of panic washed over me. "We don't know what they want. You saw the text, you read it. Victoria and RJ don't want the police involved. If we wait, they could be gone. I can't wait. Dad...please." I tried to take a deep breath. "Victoria and RJ aren't going to let the police get close."

"Edward." Carlisle reached out his hand and held my shoulder. "I didn't say that I agreed with the police. I agree that we can't wait until tomorrow. That's why I told them to talk to Charlie. There's no way he is going to go along with waiting. But I also agree with you. We told the police where we will be, now let's go to the quad."

I looked up at Carlisle. "Thank you. Dad, thank you."

He nodded and the car started. "But I want you listen to me. I am very sure that they are setting a trap for you. I am not going to let you walk into it. I am not letting you get hurt this time around."

I nodded, simply because it was easier to agree.

As soon as he stopped by the curb, I was out of the car, racing towards the bench. When I reached it, I slid to a stop and stared. Where was the clue?

"Damn it, Edward, what did I just tell you?" Carlisle panted as he reached the bench.

"I'm sorry," I said softly as I circled the bench. I poked my fingers between the slats of the bench, feeling for an envelope. My fingers hit paper and I bent to pull it out of it's hiding spot. Again the envelope had my name written in bold letters. I tore it open and pulled out the single piece of paper.

Dear Edward,  
Very good. I wonder how long it took you to find this spot. Now, please follow our directions very carefully, if you don't, this will not end well for Bella. You will meet us tomorrow (don't worry, we know when you found this envelope) at the baseball field. You will come alone. If we suspect anyone is with you, we will know and we will not come. And you will never see Bella again. Be prepared to trade.  
See you tomorrow at 11:00pm.  
Victoria and RJ

I felt Carlisle's hands on my arms as he lowered me down to the bench. I realized my heart was, once again, trying to escape my chest. My ears were ringing and the world was traveling in slow circles around me. I felt Carlisle push my head down until it was between my knees.

The note disappeared from my head and through the ringing I heard Carlisle's voice. "Be prepared to trade," he read. "They want you."

"Of course they do," I answered, my head still down.

I felt his hand fist in my shirt. "No." he said.

I lifted my head as the world slowed to a stop. My ears were still ringing, but it wasn't so bad. I looked at Carlisle. "I have to do what the note says."

He nodded, then shook his head. "We have to find another way. A way to do what the note says, but keep you safe."

"I'm not risking Bella's life," I started.

"I'm not risking yours," Carlisle interrupted me.

"Dad, Bella is innocent in all this-,"

"So are you!" Carlisle exploded, interrupting me again. He gripped my shoulders and his blue eyes flashed. "Edward, I know you blame yourself for what's happening. I know you truly believe that it's your fault Bella's missing. But you listen to me." He shook my shoulders and I saw tears building in his eyes. "Are you listening?"

"Yes sir," I whispered, shocked by the sheer emotion coming from this man.

"What's happening is not your fault. Do you understand me? It's. Not. Your. Fault. You are as innocent as Bella is in all this. I know you don't see it, but my God Edward. James came into your life, you never asked him to. You never gave him an ultimatum. You didn't even know RJ existed. For them to hold you responsible for their loss is ludicrous. It's absurd and I will not stand by and watch you pay for anymore of his mistakes."

"Dad, I get it, I swear I understand what you are saying. But, I have to protect her," I whispered. "James and his son are my menace. Not hers." I took a deep breath, knowing Carlisle was not going to like my next words. "And if it weren't for me, they wouldn't even know she existed."

Carlisle huffed. "Edward."

"I listened to you, now you have to listen to me." Carlisle closed his eyes and nodded. When he opened them again, I looked straight at him while I spoke. "I'm nineteen, I'm not a kid anymore. There are some facts I have to face." I had thought about this a lot, but had never spoken a word about it to a single person. It wasn't easy to push these words out, especially to this man who had given me a second life. But my gaze never wavered from his. "If I hadn't been late that day, the day James killed my mom, he would have killed me instead. I should have died that day. But I didn't. I never stayed after school, but that one day I did. Then James found me and he tried to kill me again, but again it didn't work. You told me how much blood I lost, you said yourself that I probably should have died that night, but again, I didn't. Now this is happening. I don't know what Victoria and RJ have planned for me, but maybe it's time I just accept it, instead of letting other people worry and get hurt. Maybe I was supposed to die that night two years ago and the universe is just trying to make things right again."

Carlisle didn't say a word the whole time I was talking. And as my voice trailed off, he still didn't say a word. For what felt like an eternity he just looked at me, his eyes searching my face. Then, without warning, he pulled me to him, cradling me like a small child against his chest. He rocked us back and forth and I could feel his hands where they fisted in my sweatshirt. His shirt felt damp against my cheek and I realized I was crying.

After a long time, Carlisle pulled me away. I saw his eyes were red rimmed. "Edward," he said hoarsely. "You have it all wrong. All wrong. Maybe you should have died on those two occasions, but son you didn't. You're right, it was a miracle that you stayed afterschool that day. It was a miracle that you lived through that night in the gym. You lost way too much blood that night. But you didn't die. Because you are meant to be alive. Because I need you. Because Alice, and Emmett and your mother need you. Our family needs you in it, we were not whole until you joined us. You are alive because Bella needs you. Edward, you live because you are one of the best people I have ever met. The world needs you in it."

"Dad," I whispered. The tears I hadn't noticed were streaming down my cheeks.

Carlisle pulled me against him again and this time I wrapped my arms around his waist, holding tight. "You say you aren't a kid anymore," he said softly. "But you're still only nineteen. You've been through so much, seen so much it's easy to forget just how young you are. You have so much life to live. We will save Bella, I promise you that. You know I love her like a daughter. But I'm not sacrificing you to do it."

I leaned back. "What are we going to do?"

"I think we should-,"

"Wait," I said. I glanced around. The words of the note came back to me. _Don't worry, we know when you found this envelope_. They were watching. Somewhere out there they could see us. "I think," I whispered leaning closer to Carlisle. "That we should go back to the hotel to talk."

Carlisle nodded and we stood up. He put his arm around my shoulders as we walked. "It's going to be okay bud. We will make a plan and it will be okay in the end."

I didn't say anything as we walked. I didn't share his conviction that everything would be okay. The only thing I knew for sure was that in the end, Bella had to be safe. Nothing else mattered to me.

"I think, somehow, they are watching us," I said when we were back in the car. "In the note they say that they'll know when I find the envelope."

"I noticed that too," Carlisle agreed. "You were smart to remember before we started making plans."

We waited until we were back in our hotel room to continue our plans. I sat on the bed next to Carlisle, Esme sat on one of the table chairs.

I took a deep breath. "I really think I need to go alone."

"Edward I'm not going to allow that. That isn't an option," Carlisle said.

"The note says I won't ever see Bella again if I don't follow their directions exactly. How can I not go alone?"

Carlisle was quiet for a few minutes, then he reached in his pocket and took out his phone. "I'm going to call Charlie and get him over here."

"Dad, we can't let them know we talked to the police! What if they are watching, what if they find out? What if that's enough to set them off and they hurt Bella?"

"That's why I'm calling Charlie and not the police. It makes sense for Bella's dad to come over to see us."

I watched as Carlisle dialed Charlie's number. I felt the panic knot in my chest expand again. We weren't going to follow the directions of the note. What did that mean? My hands fisted in the comforter and I tried to take a deep breath. But air would not fill my lungs. I began to choke as my lungs squeezed further.

Suddenly Carlisle was beside me. "It's okay," he said. "Just relax. Relax." I couldn't follow his directions, and I couldn't breathe. "Esme, I need a large paper bag now. He's hyperventilating. Come on Edward, just relax." His voice was soothing, his hand calm as he rubbed my back. "Don't fight it."

"Here Carlisle."

He took the bag from her and twisted the top to create a smaller opening. He held the bag up to my mouth. "Breathe in and out through your mouth," he said, keeping in voice calm. "We are going to breath out and in while counting to ten, okay Edward?"

I nodded, even though I still couldn't breathe. He held me against him, the bag securely against my mouth. "Breathe out," he said. "One, two, three, four, five. Breathe in, six, seven, eight, nine, ten."

I struggled to follow his instructions. "Good son. Close your eyes, relax and again. Breathe out." He ran his hand down my back as he counted again. On five, I breathed in. "Good. Again."

We repeated breathing in and out several times before I could breathe on my own into the bag.

"That's good, Edward." He pulled the bag away and watched my closely. I took another breath and felt my lungs fill. "What happened?" he asked quietly.

"We aren't following the directions," I rasped out. "I'm so scared, Dad. We aren't doing what they said."

"Listen to me. I called Charlie, because even though he is the chief in Forks, he is Bella's father. I'm having him come to he can help us make a plan. You know that Charlie isn't going to let us do anything that endangers his daughter."

I nodded. "At least not on purpose."

"Edward."

I shook my head. I knew I was being difficult, but I wasn't trying to be facetious. I just needed Bella to be safe.

A knock sounded on the door and Esme got up to answer it. Charlie appeared in the doorway. He looked older, run down. I could tell that Bella's disappearance had taken it's toll on him.

"Carlisle said I needed to come over," he said in a rough voice. I saw his gaze move to me. For a brief moment I saw something in his eyes I didn't quite expect.

He blamed me. Of course he did. I looked down at my hands and concentrated on keeping my lungs moving.

"Yes," Carlisle said. He gestured for Charlie to sit down. "Edward had a brainstorm earlier and we went to his locker at the baseball field. We found this note." He handed it to Charlie. "Which led us to this note." He handed over the other one.

I looked up and watched Charlie's eyes move over the notes. He frowned. "Did you tell the local police about these notes."

Carlisle nodded and I saw his eyes narrow. "I called them after we found the first note. I was informed to go home and that they would take care of it tomorrow. I told them to call you."

Charlie pursed his lips. "I have not gotten a call yet." He looked down at the notes again. "It looks like they want a trade."

"Yes," Carlisle agreed.

"Your son for my daughter."

Carlisle nodded again.

Charlie was quiet as he read over the notes again. I saw his eyes squint as he read each word. I looked over at Carlisle and found him watching me. He reached over and put his hand on my knee, squeezing gently.

"He needs to go," Charlie finally said, looking up from the notes.

"What?" Esme gasped.

"That's not the solution," Carlisle said. His voice stayed calm, but his hand squeezed my knee tighter.

"He's right," I said. But Carlisle interupted me before I could finish.

"Are you saying that you want me to hand over my son to a couple of lunatics?" Carlisle asked. His calm voice wavered slightly.

"No," Charlie said quietly. "But we need to follow the directions of this note carefully. I'm not going to risk Bella, my _daughter_, getting hurt. We will do everything we can to try and keep Edward safe."

"Try?" Carlisle responded. He stood up.

I looked down at my hands. Inside I was leaping for joy. Charlie wanted us to follow the directions. Bella would be safe.

"Try?" he repeated, his voice growing louder. "Charlie, you know what he's been through."

"And we don't know what Bella has been through," Charlie responded. "Carlisle, I understand that you don't want to see Edward hurt again, but I can't let Bella suffer. She's an innocent bystander."

I winced and Carlisle exploded. "So is he!"

"So are you saying that you want to let my daughter stay in the hands of these lunatics as you call them?"

"No." I watched Carlisle sink down to the bed and put his head in his hands. "Of course not Charlie. I want both our children safe. I don't want either of them hurt or in danger. You have to know that."

"Dad," I whispered, hating to see him this way. "I don't mind."

At my words, Carlisle's hands turned to fists and Charlie lowered himself to a chair. He looked at me again, the first time since he entered the room. He shook his head. "Edward," he said quietly. "Your father is right, I can't just send you into this."

"It's okay," I said quickly. "I mean, last time this happened, I knew James wouldn't hurt Bella because I followed everything that he said. When we were in the gym, I knew he was going to leave everyone else alone because I gave him what he wanted. RJ is his son, he must work the same way."

"Edward," my father's voice was completely exasperated. "We've been over this."

"I know," I said anxiously, desperate to make them understand. I tapped my fingers on my knees as I spoke. "But we have to make them at least think we are following what they said. If we don't, I really don't think they will come. They will be watching first to see if I'm alone. I have to go alone. But maybe you guys could watch. From somewhere that they can't see. And then once they've let Bella go, once she's safe, then you can close in on them."

"That's so risky. We don't know their plan." I heard Carlisle's words, but I saw Charlie nod so I zeroed in on him.

"They'll never let her go if I show up with the police at my side. I know that it's dangerous, but there's no way to make sure that Bella's safe without taking a risk."

Charlie nodded again.

I turned towards Carlisle. For the very first time, I saw very real fear in his eyes. For once, his innate calm was completely taken over. "Dad," I said quietly. I stood up and knelt down in front of him. I put my hands over his fists. "Dad, I'm not going into this alone, even though it will look like it. Once Bella is safe, then you and the police can take them down."

"And if their plan is to shoot you before they release Bella? If their plan is to force you into their car before Bella is safe? Then what?"

"I don't know," I whispered. "I don't know what else to do."

Suddenly I was off my knees and pressed against his chest. "I don't like this," I heard him say above me. "Not at all."

"It's the only way," I said, my voice muffled by his chest.

He put his hands on my shoulders and pulled me away. He looked straight into my eyes and I saw fierce determination. "I will keep you safe," he said and the fierceness in his voice matched his eyes. "When you walk out to greet them, remember that. Know that. Believe that. No matter what happens, you will walk away from this unharmed.

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**AN: I know that I am taking liberties with how the police would actually work in a situation like this. I am dealing with Edward's struggles and it's hard to put in how the police would actually respond. To be very honest, I don't want to police involved, which I know isn't how things would be in real life. I also know that we did not hear from Esme very much, even though she was in the room. For some reason she chose to be silent during this discussion. Perhaps because she is in shock and just doesn't know how to respond.**

**Anyway, despite those things, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I know I have absolutely no right to say this, since my updating schedule has been so sporatic, but the drop in reviews has been pretty extreme. I'm not sure what that means. **

**On a much happier note, voting for the hidden star awards has begun. I posted the link completely wrong last time, so I'm going to post it again for you, so you can go vote! Remember, Fearless is nominated under the "Asshole" category. http (colon) back slash back slash thehiddenstarawards (dot) blogspot (dot) com/ I hope it works this time.**

**Also, I wanted to thank LilMsAbigail for the beautiful review that she submitted at the twilight awards. If you would like to read it go to three w's dot the twilight awards dot com. Scroll down and you will find it. **

**Thank you all for reading! Til next time,**

**Alison**


	20. Chapter 20

**AN: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.**

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Chapter Nineteen

I stood on the sidewalk outside the baseball field. I took a deep breath and exhaled, watching my air plume out in front of me. I tucked my hands into the pockets of my sweatshirt. I shivered slightly, although I don't know if that was from the chill in the air or the fear and panic that rioted through me.

I shifted my weight and took another deep breath. I glanced at the watch I had put on my wrist and saw it was 10:55pm. According to the note, they should be here in five minutes. I glanced around, knowing that somewhere out in the thick fog my father watched. Charlie was there as well, along with members of the local police. From where I stood, I couldn't see any of them. But according to Charlie, they would all be able to see me as long as I stood in the light of the street lamp.

Carlisle had spent most of the previous night and all of the day going over the plan with Charlie. I had sat with them, silently agreeing with Charlie. But it was hard to see Carlisle struggle over this. I knoow he's scared and worried. And despite his constant claims that it's his job to worry about me, this went over and beyond what any parent should go through. Especially when the kid isn't even truly yours.

My fists clenched as I squinted, trying to see into the fog. I felt very exposed, standing in the flood of light. They could come from anywhere. Somewhere in the back of my mind I wondered what they had in store for me. Unconsciously, my hand went to the scar on my arm. Although I didn't care what happened to me as long as Bella was safe, a part of me hoped it wouldn't be too painful. I lifted my sleeve and looked down at the twelve inch scar.

That had hurt.

A movement in the fog caught my eye and I lowered my sleeve. I tried to remember to breathe as I watched the headlights pull into the parking lot of the baseball field. The only sound was the soft purr of the engine and the beating of my own heart. The fog seemed to grow thicker as I tried even harder to see through it. The lights from the car pointed right at me and I felt overexposed. My eyes flitted around and for a brief second I wished Carlisle stood next to me.

The engine of the car shut off and I heard the sound of a car door open. Then another. There were quiet sounds of gravel crunching underfoot, then the doors slammed shut.

My heart hammered in my ears as I waited. I wanted to see Bella. I wanted to see her safe, standing straight and tall. Unhurt. Please, please. My lips moved as I said the words softly.

I could hear the steps as they got closer. And then suddenly she was there.

"Bella," I breathed. Tears immediately pricked my eyes and my knees turned to water. It took all I had to keep standing.

She looked paler than normal, her hair not as shiny. She looked tired, purple smudges marked her eyes. But those smudges were the only marks on her face and she stood without help.

She looked beautiful.

Bella took another step forward and a glint caught my eye. I noticed then the cuffs around her wrists. A growl came from deep within my chest.

My eyes traveled back to her face and I saw that tears had begun to slowly slide down her cheeks as she looked at me. "Edward," her lips moved, but no sound came out. Her eyes closed and I saw her chest jerk. Her lips moved again. "Run. Please. Run." I read the words from her lips and shook my head.

I took a step forward.

"Freeze."

I recognized the high pitched, girly voice from one of the phone calls. My line of vision expanded and I took in the two people that flanked Bella. I recognized RJ and I moved my gaze to the woman on the other side of Bella. This was RJ's mother. Victoria. The woman who had loved James. The first thing I noticed was she had an abundance of red hair. The second thing I noticed was the gun she had pointed at Bella's temple.

My entire body froze.

I stared into RJ's mother's eyes. They were so blue, they were almost purple. If it hadn't been from the sheen of madness, they would probably be beautiful. "I'm here. Tell me what you want from me." My voice sounded odd to my ears.

She smiled and I felt my skin cringe. Her free hand moved and I saw she held another pair of handcuffs. "I'm going to toss these over to you," she said. "I want you to put them on."

The handcuffs flew threw the air and landed near my feet. I kept my eyes on Victoria as I bent to pick them up.

"Edward," Bella cried. "Please don't do what they say!"

"Shut up," RJ said and I saw him squeeze her arm tighter. Bella let out a small whimper.

I took a step forward, wanting to bash RJ's face in for touching her, let alone hurting her. The click of the gun's safety releasing froze me again. My eyes flew to Victoria and I saw the gun pressed against Bella's temple.

"Okay," I said. "Okay, I'm sorry."

My hands were shaking as I wrapped the steel cuff around one wrist. It clicked into the place and I started to wrap the other cuff around my other wrist.

"Behind you," came Victoria's voice.

I nodded and put my hands behind my back, fumbling as I tried to get the other cuff in place. I could hear Bella crying now and it tore at my heart. Over Bella's tears I heard an impatient sigh. "You have three seconds," Victoria said. "One."

I concentrated, willing my hands to stop shaking.

"Two."

The steel band finally went around my wrist and I clicked it shut. Without taking my eyes off Bella, I turned so Victoria could see the handcuffs in place, my hands secured behind my back.

"Good," she said. "Now slowly walk towards me."

I did as she asked, walking slowly and making no sudden movements. My heart pounded and with each step closer I hoped the gun would turn and point at me. I looked at Bella and saw the tears streaking down her cheeks. I wanted to tell her it was okay, that I was going to do everything it took to get her to the safety of her father's arms.

But I was scared to say anything with the gun still pressed to her head.

I came to a stop a foot away from Victoria. I was close enough that, had my hands been free, I could have gathered Bella in my arms. "I love you," I whispered, barely making a sound.

I saw her jaw clench and her eyes close. When she opened them again, tears pooled in the brown depths, sparkling in the light. "I love you, too," she whispered.

"Aw, so sweet!" Victoria said with a laugh. Then, without warning I felt the cold muzzle of the gun pressed to my forehead. I breathed a sigh of relief, knowing the weapon was no longer threatening Bella.

"No," Bella cried. "Please don't."

"Let her go," I said. My voice was stronger now, but I knew this wasn't over. Bella was still too close. I wanted her away from this, she wasn't safe yet.

Victoria smiled her crazy smile at me. "You took away the man I love."

"He took himself away from you," I said. I glanced at Bella and then back to Victoria. I needed Bella out of here before this show down.

The gun pressed harder into my forehead.

"Let her go," I said again. I looked straight into Victoria's crazy eyes. "You said if I came alone, you would let her go. I came. Now you stick to your word. Let her go."

I could see the madness in the violet eyes and my heart thumped harder. She was even more crazy then James. RJ didn't stand a chance. "Let her go," I said softly. I tried to make my voice soothing, convincing. "James liked to hurt me." I saw her eyes go soft at his name. "He hated me. He's probably looking down on you right now, cheering because you have a chance to finish what he started." I took another breath. "But he wouldn't want you to hurt Bella, he could have, but he didn't because she didn't mean anything to him. Hurting her won't matter. But think how much he'll celebrate if you finish what he wanted to do."

"I want him to be happy," Victoria said, pushing on the gun even harder. I braced against the pressure, not allowing myself to take a step backward.

"He'll be very happy," I agreed softly.

I could hear Bella crying, her breaths coming in short gasps, but I couldn't look away from Victoria's eyes.

"Let her go," I whispered. "Then you can make James very, very happy. He will love you so much."

"RJ," Victoria breathed. "Let her go." She didn't look at her son, her entire focus was on me.

"Edward," I heard Bella cry as RJ pushed her forward.

"Go stand by the light pole," RJ said, pushing her again.

"No, please!" she screamed now. "Please don't hurt him! He didn't do anything!"

I didn't look away from Victoria, even though I wanted to so badly. I couldn't break this spell. Not yet. Bella was still way too close.

Without warning, Victoria grabbed my arm, spinning me until I was pressed against her chest, my legs bent at awkward angles. Her hand dug in to my throat, the gun pressed against my head.

I saw Charlie holding Bella, saw the other policemen standing alert, their guns pointed at Victoria.

"I told you to come alone," Victoria growled. She slammed the gun into my head and for a second I saw stars. "Damn it, I told you to come alone!" she shouted the words this time.

Her hand tightened around my neck and I could barely breathe.

"You come any closer and I will kill him!" Victoria screamed. "Put your guns down, now!"

My feet scrambled in the gravel as I tried to stand up straight and relieve some of the pressure from around my neck. But I couldn't.

"You have ten seconds," Victoria continued to scream. "One! Two!"

The pressure increased around my neck and I could feel the gun pushing as if she wanted to dig a hole in my head.

"Do it!" I heard Bella scream. I saw Charlie her holding tight as she tried to escape. "Please," she cried. "She's serious, she wants to kill him! Please do what she says!" She tried again to shove against Charlie, but his hold held. "Dad, make them put their guns down!"

"Seven!" Victoria continued to count. "Eight!"

"Dad!" Bella screamed.

"Victoria." My father stepped out of the fog, placing himself between this crazy woman and the police.

"Dad," I choked out.

Carlisle stepped closer, his empty hands held out in front of him. "Victoria," he said again in his calm, soft voice. "You don't want to do this."

"Yes, I do," she hissed.

"Your son is standing behind you," my father said softly. "You don't want him to see this. He's a part of the man you love."

"My man is dead."

"I know," Carlisle agreed gently. He took another small step closer. "But RJ is not. You should treasure him because he holds within him a part of James. Think about it Victoria," he took another very small step.

I watched him and felt tears in my eyes. He was risking his life right now. So easily the gun could turn and rip a hole through him. "Dad," I tried to say again, trying to get his attention. But he ignored me, his entire being focused on Victoria.

It felt like the world had stopped. The air was so still, the fog blocking out everything but the scene that was playing out in front of my eyes.

"If you hurt Edward, you will not be able to be with your son. You will loose that part of your son. If you hurt my son, you loose that part of James."

Her hand tightened around my neck, blocking all air. "He is not your son."

Carlisle nodded quickly, noticing his mistake. "You are right," he agreed. I saw him looking at the hand squeezing my neck and he must have realized I wasn't getting any air. "You're right," he said again, quickly. "He's not. But hurting him still will not bring back James. The only way to bring back James is to love your son. To be the best mother you can to your son."

Her grip relaxed a little and I could once again breathe. I saw Carlisle release a small breath when he saw me breathing again.

"You can't be the best mother to him, if you are in prison."

"Being a good mother won't bring James back." Victoria took a step backwards, dragging me with her. "Killing him will at least bring me peace."

"Victoria," my father said and I could hear the first hint of desperation in his voice.

"I want to kill him, don't you see?" she said, taking another step backwards. "My James died trying to kill him. He should be dead."

"Victoria, please," My father tried again. But the madness within her was taking over. I could sense it. I could feel her shaking with need, I could hear it in her voice, which grew higher as she laughed.

I felt the gun pressing even harder into my temple and her hand once again cut off the small amount of air I was getting.

"Say good bye," she said.

I heard Bella scream.

I heard Charlie yell, "Now!"

I heard the sound of guns firing.

And I felt something hard crash into me and the pain as I hit the ground. And for a second, everything went black.

"Edward," I could hear Bella crying my name. "Get those things off of him!"

I felt someone holding my wrists and then the handcuffs fell away. I moved to gather Bella against me, but pain ripped through my right arm and my arm hung limply by my side.

I used my left arm instead. "Bella," I cried hoarsely. "Oh God."

Her arms wrapped around my neck and she rained kissed over my face. Tears were streaming down her face. She put her hands on my cheeks and kissed me deep. "I love you," she whispered against my lips. "Oh baby, I was so scared." She kissed me again.

I raised my hand up to her face and gently touched her cheek. "Did they hurt you sweetheart?" I asked softly.

She shook her head. "No. RJ wouldn't let her."

"Good," I breathed and then I pulled her to me again, and although it hurt I buried my face in her hair, holding her tight with my left arm. "I'm so sorry, Bella," I said into her hair. "I can't tell you how sorry I am that this happened."

She shook her head and pulled away from me. "Honey, you don't need to be sorry. They didn't hurt me, but they hurt you." Her fingers danced lightly over my forehead, then my temple. I winced as her fingers hit tender spots.

I heard a throat clear and I glanced up to see Carlisle standing beside Bella. At that moment I realized that Bella and I were not alone in the world.

I looked around, amazed at the scene around me and how obvilious I had been to it only two seconds before.

Red and blue lights lit up the fog, creating an eerie circle. I saw RJ being pushed into a police car, his hands cuffed behind him. He was crying. I saw a black body back being zipped up and glanced back at Bella. She nodded. "The police shot her right after Carlisle tackled you."

I turned my gaze back to my father who knelt down next to Bella. I saw then the blood staining his shirt. Panic came back. "Dad, you are hurt."

"It's just a scratch," he said quietly. "My shoulder was blocking your head at that point." Tenderly he touched my right arm. I cringed as pain shot down my arm and back. "Unfortunately I seem to have damaged your arm," he continued quietly. "Can you move your arm at all son?"

I tried to lift my arm up, but it didn't want to listen. I shook my head. "Dad," I said, troubled by the look in his eyes. "It's okay. You saved my life."

Carlisle nodded, but the clouds did not clear from his eyes. "I wanted you to walk away unhurt. Instead I am the one that hurt you the most. I forgot about the handcuffs holding your arms behind you." His fingers gently probed my arm, running up along the bone.

I hissed as his fingers found my elbow. Then again, louder, as he touched my shoulder.

"We hit the ground hard and I couldn't change position to take the brunt of the fall. Instead we both landed on your shoulder. And since your hands were locked behind you, it appears your elbow is broken as well."

"Dad." I hated the guilt I saw in his eyes. "Dad you didn't do this. You didn't break my arm. You saved my life," I repeated. "You said it yourself. If the bullet hadn't hit your shoulder, it would have gone through my head. Compared to that, a broken arm is nothing."

I felt Bella's gentle fingers running through my hair and she pressed a kiss to my unbroken left shoulder.

"I know." Carlisle looked down at his hands, then took a deep, calming breath. Then his gentle hands were on my cheeks. "I have never been that scared in my entire life," he said, his voice shaking. "A mad woman held a gun to my son's head. She was going to shoot you, I could see it in her eyes. And nothing I said was going to change her mind. But I had to try. For a split second I thought I was getting through to her. And then she was squeezing your neck and pressing the gun harder into your head. I know a broken shoulder is infinitely better than the alternative. But I broke my promise and for that I'm sorry."

I sighed and then smiled at my father. "Dad, it's okay. Honestly. The way I had it worked out in my mind, there was no way I was going to walk away from this alive. So this," I waved my hand over my shoulder. "Is okay."

He nodded, but didn't remove his hands from his face. "I love you son," he said softly. "What I said to that woman about you not truly being my son was a complete lie."

"I love you too, Dad," I said just as quietly.

"We need to get you to the hospital. That arm needs to be x-rayed and set."

With his and Bella's help I got to my feet. When I was standing I kept Bella pressed to my side with my injured arm. I was never letting her go again. I took a few steps and the pain in my shoulder and arm seemed to grow more intense. I am very good at blocking out pain, but this was becoming excruciating.

"Are you okay, honey?" Bella asked from beside me. I realized I was gripping her arm pretty tightly.

"Yeah," I managed through my clenched jaw.

Carlisle turned back and frowned. "Edward, I want you to sit back down," he said. Again they both helped, this time to lower me to the ground. He knelt next to me. "I want to get this sweatshirt off so I can see the damage. I worried it is more severe then I thought." He glanced up at Bella. "Will you go to find the EMTs and see if they have anything sharp I can use to cut away the material? I also need them to bring the stretcher over."

He looked back down at my arm. Bella didn't move from where she knelt at my side, her arm still wrapped around my waist.

"I can't leave him Carlisle, I'm sorry."

His eyes flew back up to Bella's face. "It's only for a second."

"I know. I just can't."

Carlisle hesitated and then he stood up to go find the EMTs himself.

"I can't leave you, sweetheart," she whispered as she pressed her face into my left shoulder.

I heard the anguish in her voice and despite the sharp agony the movement caused, I leaned in to kiss her hair. "What's wrong?" I whispered against her hair. Her hands fisted against my shirt and I felt her shoulders jerk. "Hey, hey." I wanted to wrap both my arms around her and hold on to her as tightly as she held me, but pain still radiated down my arm and it still wouldn't listen to my commands.

"Bella what's wrong?" I asked again. I could feel her shaking against me. "I'm okay," I said against her hair. "You are okay. Victoria is gone and can't hurt us anymore. My arm hurts but it'll get better. I know you were scared, but it's okay now. You are safe. I'm safe," I rambled on, trying to think of anything that would have her so upset.

"You don't understand," she said softly. She laid her head on my shoulder and I could feel her warm breath against my neck. "For four days..." I felt her shudder as the words trailed off.

"What happened?" I asked, the stirrings of panic knotting my stomach. "Honey, you said they didn't hurt you."

I tried to pull her away so I could look at her more closely, but she clung to me.

"They didn't."

But she clung to me tighter, started shaking harder. "Bella, please. Tell me what's wrong."

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**AN: Hello all my wonderful readers! Thank you so much for all the reviews for the last chapter! You all are so awesome. **

**Fearless didn't win the Hidden Star award, but it was still so amazing to be nominated. Thank you for that.**

**I hope you all enjoyed this latest chapter. Please don't forget to review!**

**Love,**

**Alison**


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight**

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Chapter 20

"Bella, please tell me what's wrong."

My mind went crazy trying to figure out what it was that had her so upset. Had someone else hurt her? Was someone still out there, threatening her? I leaned over and kissed her hair. "It's okay," I whispered.

I felt her take a deep, shuddering breath.

But before she could speak, Carlisle appeared in front of me. He held a scalpel and some bandages. "Hey bud," he said. "I'm going to cut away this sleeve, okay?"

I nodded and watched his normally capable hands work. I clamped my jaw as he moved over my shoulder. I knew he was being as gentle as he possibly could, but the slightest movement sent waves of pain through me. I felt Bella's hand moving over my back and I turned to see her watching my face. Her brown eyes were troubled.

I heard Carlisle hiss as he pulled away the fabric. I started to turn back but his voice interrupted me. "I want you to keep looking the other way, please."

I nodded and looked down at Bella's face.

"I didn't feel this," Carlisle murmured. "I suppose it happened after I had you stand up. What was I thinking?"

Since I was watching Bella's face, I saw her reaction immediately. Her pale face turned even paler when her eyes landed on my shoulder. Her hand that had been running gently over my back fisted in my shirt, pulling on the fabric still on my shoulder. "Bella," I gasped. "Honey release."

But her reaction caused me to look and what I saw made me immediately feel dizzy. I stared at the bone poking out of my shoulder. "Dad," I whispered. That really couldn't be good.

"It'll be okay, son," he said in a shaky voice. He sounded nothing like himself. His hands continued to clear away the ruined sleeve of my sweatshirt. "I just should have done this before I moved you. I should have secured your shoulder before I had you stand up." He shook his head.

"Dad, look at me for a second." My voice shook a little, but that was from pain. I waited until Carlisle was looking at me. "Dad, for a few minutes you weren't thinking like a doctor, you were thinking like a father. A father who just faced a woman holding a gun to his son's head. Please don't feel guilty. Please don't do that to your self."

For several seconds Carlisle just looked at me. I watched his blue eyes and slowly the clouds of guilt cleared away and my father, the calm rock that I depended on, looked back at me. I breathed a sigh of relief. He nodded and looked back down at my arm.

His hands moved gently now, confidently. "We will need x-rays to be sure, but from what I see and feel, your shoulder is going to need surgery. Obviously the bone is broken, but I'm worried about the shattered pieces."

Two EMTs appeared with a stretcher and Carlisle thanked them. He wrapped a bandage around my arm, securing my shoulder. It hurt like hell.

"I know that hurts," Carlisle said reading my face. "But it will keep it from moving further."

Then he and Bella helped me onto the stretcher. "I want you to sit," Carlisle said. "Lying down will hurt worse." I nodded and Bella sat down next to me. I put my good arm around her.

We made our way to the ambulance. On the way, I saw a familiar face talking to one of the policemen. "What is Matt doing here?" I asked.

Bella's head whipped around. "I don't know."

We watched Matt until we reached the ambulance. Once I was inside, Carlisle began poking around the back of the ambulance. He brought out a rather large needle and some clear fluid. "I want to numb your arm," he explained. I nodded and looked away as he started to stick the needle into my shoulder.

The relief was almost immediate. The sharp pangs reduced to throbbing ache. "Thanks."

The ride to the hospital was uneventful. Bella sat silently beside me, holding on to my waist, her head resting on my unhurt shoulder. I ran my hand up and down her arm.

What happened to her? Again my mind went crazy trying to think of what could have been done to her. Had Matt hurt her? Was that why she had said "They" hadn't hurt her? She didn't seem hurt, she seemed to be moving okay. But there were all kinds of ways to hurt someone.

I felt a chill come over me. I looked down at my sweet girl, remembering the way RJ had kissed her. He had believed she wanted it, even when she was trying to push him away. I leaned over and ran my lips across her forehead. "Bella," I whispered.

She shifted and brought her lips to mine, kissing me sweetly. I backed away and looked into her eyes. "Sweetheart you said they didn't hurt you. But did they touch you?" I kept my voice down, hoping Carlisle was busy and wouldn't listen.

Bella's eyes widened and she shook her head. "No, Edward I promise they didn't hurt me or touch me in anyway."

I closed my eyes and leaned my forehead against hers. "Good," I whispered.

The rest of the ride was silent. I couldn't push her, not now when we sat in an ambulance and my bone poked out of me.

When we got to the hospital I was wheeled into the emergency room. Carlisle led the way, refusing to let anyone tell him he didn't belong. He moved with such authority that no one really questioned his presence.

They didn't ignore Bella's presence so easily. "You need to wait in the waiting room," one of the nurses told her.

"No," Bella said. "I need to stay with him."

"I'm sorry, Miss," the nurse said. "We can't allow you in here. We are going to take him back to surgery after we prep, you can't be here."

"Bella," Carlisle said. "I promise that we will take good care of him. Nothing's going to happen and you can see him as soon as we are done." He touched her arm and tried to get her to come with him.

I looked at her silently. What was wrong? It was driving me crazy.

"Edward," she looked at me imploringly, as if I had the power in this room.

"Honey," I said quietly, touching her cheek. "You know you can't be here when they operate. I'm okay, I promise you that. Like Carlisle said, nothing bad is going to happen. They are just going to put my shoulder back together. I love you. So very much."

Her eyes filled. "I love you too," she choked out. She lifted my hand and gently kissed my knuckles. Then she slid off the stretcher. The tears spilled over her lashes. "I love you," she repeated. Then she allowed the nurse to lead her out of the room.

"Dad," I said not taking my eyes off her retreating back. "I'm really worried about her. Something happened and I don't know what it is."

I finally turned my gaze toward him. I saw he held a mask in his hand, I could see the worry in his eye, but I knew he was more worried about me at this point in time. "We are going to have to put you under," he told me. "So we can perform the surgery."

I nodded but looked at the mask warily. I watched as he placed the mask over my mouth and nose and then felt his hand running over my hair.

"It's okay son," he said soothingly. "Just breathe like normal." He sat down and put his arm around me. I leaned against him and closed my eyes.

When I opened my eyes, I lay in a hospital room. I looked down at my arm and saw that it was encased in plaster. A sling held my arm tightly against my chest and I saw a thick, padded bandage covering my shoulder.

"Hey," I heard the soft voice and looked to see Bella sitting next to me.

"Hi honey," I said quietly. I pulled on her until I could kiss her lips. "How are you doing?"

"Aren't I supposed to ask you that?"

I just looked at her.

"I'm okay." She bit her lip and her gaze fell to her fingers. Gently, she traced my hand. "I found out why Matt was there." She didn't look up. "Apparently he was out for a run and he heard the commotion at the field. He ran over and saw Victoria standing there, holding a gun to your head. Then everything went crazy, but he went after RJ, because after Victoria was down, RJ tried to go for her gun and finish what his mother had started. Matt tackled him and held him down until the police could get to him."

"Wow," I whispered. "And I was worried that Matt had something to do with it all."

Bella shook her head. "He really didn't."

"Bella." I reached over and lifted her chin until she was looking at me. "Honey you need to tell me what happened. I'm going crazy here."

She nodded and took my hand, gently kissing my knuckles again. I saw tears well in her eyes. She held my hand against her cheek. "I'm going to start at the very beginning." I nodded and ran my thumb along her cheek bone.

Bella took a deep breath and then started talking. "RJ was waiting in my room when we got back. I don't know how he knew that I would come back alone. Maybe he just got lucky. Anyway, as soon as I noticed he was in the room, he grabbed me and put his hand over my mouth. Then he called his mom and said he had me. He told me that Victoria was watching you and if I didn't do exactly what he told me, she would kill you.

He told me to go sit on my bed, and I did. He opened the door and looked out, obviously making sure that you were gone. Then he told me to get up and come with him. I did. I was so scared because I didn't want them to hurt you. When we got outside, a car was waiting. It wasn't until I got in the car that I noticed Victoria in the driver seat. Since she was in the car, I realized there wasn't anyway that she could be following you. I tried to fight RJ at that point because it hit me that I was trapped and if they drove away, that would be bad. But he put handcuffs on my wrists, and a blindfold over my eyes and pushed my head down against the seat.

I wasn't really scared at that point. I guess I just knew that RJ wouldn't hurt me. I was worried. But I wasn't scared. We drove for a while. I don't know where they took me because it wasn't until I was in the room that they took off the blindfold. I stayed in that room the whole time. When we left again earlier tonight, they blindfolded me again. The window was completely blacked out so I couldn't see out.

They weren't mean to me. The room had a bed and a comfortable chair. There were even some books I could have read. There was a bathroom attached to the room, as well. They brought me food for every meal." She stopped and took a deep breath. Her hand holding mine to her cheek tightened a little.

"There was also a TV. It only played one channel." She stopped again and the tears that had threatened began to fall silently down her cheeks.

"Bella," I whispered because I had a feeling I knew what was played on the TV.

"They had a cameras set up," she whispered. "One was at the baseball field. After they called you, they turned the TV on and we watched. They laughed at you when you ran in circles. They thought it was hilarious when you started screaming for me. Then they sent you that text. It was the hardest thing I have ever watched because I knew. I knew this was your nightmare come true. And you were in so much pain and there was nothing I could do about it. I could only watch. Then they used my phone to send the last text."

She closed her eyes and I pulled her against my chest. I held her with my one arm. I remembered that night so clearly. The fear had consumed me. If I had known she was watching, I would never have let myself lose control like that. "I'm so sorry," I whispered.

"So typical," she said softly. "Baby, it's not your fault." She lifted herself off my chest and kissed me gently. She brushed my hair off my forehead and then picked my hand back up. She began fiddling with my fingers. "It was then that I lost it. You were in such excruciating pain and they kept making snide remarks. Saying how this was exactly what you deserved. That you were finally feeling what they had felt all those years. That you stole from them exactly what they had stolen from you."

She blew out a breath. "I lost it. I began screaming at them. I told them that you had nothing to do with any of it. That you were just a child and that James was a grown man and he made the choice to leave them. I told them that if it was up to you, you would have sent James back to them in a heartbeat. Then I told them how he beat you all the time. How he enjoyed it and found any excuse to hurt you." Her voice dropped even more. "I told them about his closet of weapons. And then I told them how he came after you after he had killed your mother. How he made you cut your own wrist."

She stopped talking and closed her eyes. She lifted my fingers and kissed the tips.

"They started asking me questions. Like about what weapons he had. How he found you in Forks. What he made you do. I answered every question because I thought I was getting through to them. I thought they understood that James wasn't a prize and that it was best he was dead. I thought for sure that they would release me and that we could go on with our lives.

They finally left. I was a little surprised they weren't taking me back to the dorm. But the door was locked. I sat on the bed and watched Carlisle come to you. I was so glad he was there because I knew that you needed him." She stopped talking.

I waited for her to continue talking but she didn't. "Honey, you didn't do anything wrong," I finally said.

She shook her head quickly. "They came back the next day. They told me they had their plan ready and that I had been so much help." Her voice dropped so low I had to strain my ears to hear.

"They were going to recreate everything that James had done to you as a child. And then when they got tired of it, they were going to finish what he had started. I would watch you, because they had another camera in the quad and I prayed that you would never find the clues. I didn't care if I had to spend the rest of my life in that room. Over the next three days, they started transforming the room, getting it ready for when you finally found the clues.

RJ came in one day and screwed large hooks into the ceiling. Then he attached handcuffs to the hooks. He told me that is where you would hang while they beat you. Victoria brought in every weapon I had told them was in James' closet. She put them in their closet. Every time she left I closed the door to the closet, but she always opened it again.

It killed me, knowing what they were planning and knowing it was all because of what I had told them. They didn't hurt me. Not physically. But it made me sick, many times, to look at those hooks and know what was in store for you. Yesterday, when you found the clues, I threw up over and over again. I knew you would do whatever they said. I knew because you love me so much. I knew you would risk everything.

When they came into my room that last time, RJ held the blindfold and handcuffs. Victoria held the knife. She waved it in front of me, then made me hold it. She asked me how it felt to hold the knife that would dig into your wrists and kill you."

I stared at her, finally understanding why she didn't want to let go of me. She said they hadn't hurt her, but they had. They had torn at her, ripping at her heart, beating her with their words. "Come here sweetheart," I whispered, pulling her to me again.

"I saw you standing there," she said into my chest. "In the street lamp. You looked so alone, so brave. So beautiful. I knew that you would never save yourself, not when I was in danger. They had told me if I tried to warn you that they would beat you for every word I said. They didn't really have to tell me that. I knew you would never walk away, no matter what I said."

"You're right," I murmured. "Honey, I wish there were some magical words I could say that would heal the damage that they did. I can tell you that I'm okay. But you can see that with your own eyes. All I can say is that I love you. And I'm here. Always. Anytime you need me, you have me."

"I just need to hold you," she said softly. "As long as I hold you, I know you are safe. When I was waiting while you were in surgery, it was way too easy to imagine you in that room."

I ran my lips over her hair. If she was still alive, I would want to kill Victoria all over again for what she had done. I knew, without doubt that Bella would have nightmares. That those images that had been put into her brain would haunt her. I just hoped it didn't last too long.

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**AN: Hello dear readers! You all wanted me to update fast, I hope this was fast enough :o) I'm sorry about the last cliffhanger. I told myself I wouldn't do that anymore lol. But how do I keep you reading if I don't keep you hanging?**

**Anyway, now you know what's going on with Bella.**

**I was looking at the reviews and it hit me that this story could potentially reach 1,000 reviews. That is SO incredibly exciting. Thank you SO SO SO much for reading and reviewing. It really does mean the world to me.**

**Love,**

**Alison**


	22. Chapter 22

**AN: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and characters**

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Chapter 21**

I gently twirled the tips of Bella's hair around my fingers. She slept, her head resting on my good shoulder. Her arm, even in sleep, gripped my waist and her hand fisted in my shirt, holding me securely to her.

She had been asleep for three hours and I was content to watch her. I felt her stiffen against me and I pressed my lips to her forehead. My fingers left her hair and I held her tight. "It's okay," I whispered. I moved my lips against her soft skin. "I'm okay, sweetheart."

"Edward," she mumbled, her voice thick with sleep.

"Yeah honey, it's me. I'm right here."

She sighed and snuggled deeper into my shoulder. I felt her relax once again, her breathing even.

For several minutes I watched her, not releasing my tight grip. This was the fourth time in those three hours that nightmares had threatened. It made me wonder how many nights Bella had spent just like this, guarding me as I slept.

Now my nightmare had become hers.

I pressed my lips to her hair again and slowly loosened my hold. My fingers went back to her hair. "I'm so sorry," I breathed against her hair.

I heard the door open and I looked over to see Carlisle quietly enter the room. His eyes were on Bella sleeping against me. "How's she doing?" he whispered.

"Okay. She's been sleeping for a little over three hours."

Carlisle came over to the bed and sat next to me. "That's good," he nodded. "A physician did an exam while you were in surgery. The only thing wrong with her is exhaustion."

I felt tears prick my eyes. "That's not all, Dad," I whispered.

Carlisle frowned. "What do you mean?"

I took a deep breath. Keeping my voice as quiet as I possibly could I told him what Bella had told me. I saw his eyes darken as I explained what Victoria and RJ's plan had been.

"Well," Carlisle said, letting out a deep breath. "I can definitely understand why Bella won't leave your side." He ran his hand over his face. "I have to admit I'm fighting the need to gather you in my arms and never let go my self. In fact, if it weren't for your shoulder, I would probably do just that." He reached out and put his hand on my cheek. I could see the worry written all over his face.

I looked away from all that worry and came face to face with the bandage wrapped around Carlisle's bicep. "How bad?" I whispered.

"What?" Carlisle said, his mind still obviously on what I had told him.

"Your arm, where you were shot. How bad is it?"

He shook his head. "I told you Edward, it was just a scratch. The bullet just grazed my shoulder. It was enough to knock it off track, thankfully. But it's fine. I needed five stitches, but that is it. I'm fine, I promise."

"Okay."

"How are you doing?" I looked back at Carlisle. "How's does your arm feel?"

"It's okay, a little uncomfortable, but it's fine."

Carlisle nodded and glanced at Bella. "Having the extra weight pushing down on it probably isn't helping. Technically speaking."

"It doesn't matter. She needs me."

My father nodded again. "How are you doing?" he asked again.

"Bella is safe," I answered. "Now she has nightmares, but she is safe."

"Yes. She is back in your arms. But how are you doing?"

I looked away, staring at the monitors that sat next to the bed. It was as if Carlisle could read my mind and knew what raced through my head when I was alone in the quiet.

"Edward." He gently put his hand back on my cheek and turned my head until I was looking at him. "Tell me what's wrong."

I felt tears prick my eyes. I wanted to look away from this man that saw too much. As he looked in my eyes I felt like he could see deep within me. But how could I possibly tell him what I was thinking? Especially after all that he had been through?

"No, please," Bella mumbled next to me.

"Honey," I said softly, turning my attention to her. I tried to wrap my good arm around her, but she thrashed out.

"No," she cried again, louder this time. I saw the tears on her cheeks and knew I had not protected her this time. "Bella, wake up," I said. I tried to hold on to her. Her arm swung out and I hissed as she hit my arm.

Carlisle reached out then, holding her. "Bella," he said.

"NO!" she screamed now. "EDWARD!"

"I'm right here. Honey, I'm right here, please wake up." I cursed the sling that held my arm tightly against me. "Wake up and you'll see it's okay."

"Bella, wake up," Carlisle said. He held her arms to keep her from swinging out again. "Edward's right here, and he's safe."

Her eyes flew open. "Ed-ward," she panted. "Ed-ward." She looked up and saw me. She twisted out of Carlisle's grip and wrapped her arms around my neck. I felt her hands fist in my shirt and hair as she held me as tightly as she could. I could feel her tears, hot against my neck as she buried her face in my shoulder. "Edward," she cried again.

"I'm okay," I said, trying to keep my voice gentle and soothing. "It was just a nightmare, it's okay." I held her tight, despite the pain that was shooting from my shoulder.

"Bella," I heard Carlisle and saw him reaching to get her off of me. I shook my head.

"It's fine," I whispered to him.

He frowned but backed away.

Bella shuddered against me. I rested my cheek on her hair and closed my eyes. Her tears were hot stabs in my heart.

"I should never ever have told them what James did," Bella cried softly. "If I hadn't, they wouldn't have planned what they did."

"Honey, you were just trying to help. I know that. And they weren't able to follow through with their plan, so in the end it doesn't matter." I opened my eyes and saw Carlisle looking at the wall, but I could see tears sparkling in his eyes. "Bella please don't do this to your self. I know how guilt can eat at a person, please don't let it. What happened wasn't your fault at all." It was mine. I didn't say the last words out loud, but they still seemed to echo through the quiet room.

Bella shifted against me and I clenched my teeth against the new shot of pain.

"I love you so much," Bella whispered against me. She choose that moment to back away and she looked at my face. I saw the moment she realized that she was causing me pain as her eyes widened.

"It's okay," I whispered as she opened her mouth to speak. "I promise honey, please it's fine."

She rolled off of me and I could see tears welling in her eyes again.

I shook my head. "It's okay," I repeated, anxious to make her understand that. My pain meant nothing.

Carlisle stood up and walked out of the room.

Bella's hand came up and she stroked my jaw. "I'm sorry," she said softly, but firmly. "I forgot about your arm in my panic."

I smiled at her. "I know. I didn't really notice because I was more worried about you."

Bella sighed as she continued to run her hand along my face. "I know you are safe. I can see with my own eyes that are you. But the images they planted in my brain, I can't get them to go away."

"They will fade," I said softly. My fingers ran through her hair. "Maybe not overnight, but it will fade and you will be able to move on. I promise."

"You've never broken a promise."

"And I don't intend to start now."

She shifted next to me.

"What's wrong?"

Bella smiled sheepishly. "I have to go to the bathroom."

I laughed softly. "Then you should go. Don't worry, I'll be here when you get back."

She jumped up and hurried to the door. Before she left, she turned and blew a kiss at me. As soon as she walked away, Carlisle entered. I realized he must have been standing outside the door.

"How is your arm?" he asked, concern ringing in his voice.

"It's okay."

"Do not lie to me," he said. "Sit up for me."

I followed his directions, wincing as the movement put strain on my shoulder. I felt Carlisle gently poke around.

"Okay, lie back," he said after several seconds. "It looks okay. Now I want you to listen to me. I understand that Bella is the most important thing to you, but you have to take care of yourself as well. I wasn't the operating surgeon. Since I'm not a doctor at this hospital and because I'm your father, they wouldn't allow it. But I did observe and I do know how serious your injury is. You have to take care of it or you will not regain full motion in your arm."

I looked down, away from the intensity of Carlisle's eyes. "It does not matter," I whispered.

"Why do you keep saying that, son?"

"Because it doesn't." The words exploded out of me before I could control them. "Because you got shot and Bella got kidnapped and then tormented. Because you had to watch a crazy woman hold a gun to your son's head. Because Bella has nightmares and I don't know if they will ever go away. What happens to me does not matter because I caused it all! If it weren't for me, none of it would have happened!"

Carlisle sat in stunned silence. Not once, in all the time he had known me had I erupted like this. But the words couldn't be taken back.

"I have brought so much worry into your life," I said, much softer this time. "Twice, people have come back to wreak havoc on my life. But it's not just me that's getting hurt now and I can't handle that. What if there is something else? What James has a brother or a sister who feels I somehow wronged them? What if Victoria's mom blames me for her death and decides that it is her duty to end me for the pain that I caused? It's never ending Dad."

"What are you saying Edward?" he asked me gently.

I shook my head and tears blurred my vision.

"Son, just say what you are thinking. I can't help you unless you tell me all that you are thinking."

"Bella needs me now. But then, after she is better, I think it would be best for everyone if I disappeared," the words were barely a whisper. "I think it would best if I go away for good."

I heard a gasp come from the door and knew Bella had come back and heard my words. I felt Carlisle squeezing my hand so tight it almost hurt.

"I think that would be best." I whispered again. My eyes slid closed. I couldn't face what I had just done.

Bella was at my side in an instant. "You can't," she said and I could hear the tears in her voice. "Honey you are my entire life. Nothing means anything if you aren't there."

Slowly I opened my eyes to look at her. This was not how I planned to have this conversation. I had wanted to wait until life had gone back to normal. But I felt raw and exposed and the words would not stay inside me.

Carlisle still held my hand clenched within his.

I looked at Bella and tried to smile. "I know. I would never leave you right now."

"That's not good enough," she whispered. "Honey, you need to say that you would never leave. Period. You need to promise."

She trapped me with her words. I wanted to comfort her, but I couldn't make a promise that I could not keep.

"Edward," Carlisle cut in, rescuing me temporarily. I turned to look at him. "I can understand why you think this. Honestly son, I do. I know what you've been through and I know it seems like it keeps coming at you. But if you left, there would be a huge hole in our lives. It's not what we want and I know it's not what you want."

I looked at Carlisle and took a private deep breath. I tried to swallow around the lump that had formed in my throat. "I know," I said. "I don't know why I said that."

"I do," Carlisle said. "I can't even pretend to understand what this must be like for you. But you have to trust me when I say that having you in my life is worth every second of worry."

"Mine too," Bella put in. "I wouldn't trade you for anything, no matter what happens."

I nodded. "I know," I said thickly. I sighed. "I'm sorry I brought it up. I shouldn't have said anything."

"No, it's how you feel, bud. If you didn't say anything it would just build up inside you."

Bella nodded. "You can tell me anything." She lay down next to me, putting her head on my uninjured shoulder, her arm wrapping around my waist. "I love you, never forget that."

"I love you too," I said against her hair. I kissed her softly, keeping my lips against her hair. I smiled at Carlisle.

"I'll let you guys get some sleep. I love you too, bud." He stood up and then leaned over to kiss my forehead. "Get some sleep, Bella isn't the only one who needs it."

I nodded. "Thanks Dad. Love you too."

I watched quietly as he went out of the room. Then I look down at Bella and saw her eyes closed, her breathing already even. I closed my eyes and let out a deep breath. I had never promised. I wondered how long it would take Bella to realize that.

I loved her so much. I loved Carlisle and the rest of my family more than I ever thought I could. But I couldn't continue to bring such pain and worry into their lives. The future was such a mysterious place and who knew what was waiting around the corner. Who knew what relative was waiting to take me down. All I knew was that when they came, no one I loved would be hurt again.

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**AN: Hello my dear readers! I hope you are having a wonderful Fall. I love this time of year. I am so close to 1,000 reviews, I would absolutely love to hit 1,000 with this chapter. Maybe we can make it happen.**

**So last weekend I had a three day weekend because of a furlough day on Friday. I decided to make the most of it and went on a roadtrip up to Forks (I live in Portland). What a magical place. I had such a blast. If you've been there, let me know what your favorite part was! If you haven't been and you have the opportunity, I would definitely recommend it. It's like Disneyland for Twilight fans!**

**Love you all! **

**Alison**


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